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Honami was fine.
Her first year of middle school only started a few months ago, and one of her closest friends didn't talk to her anymore, but she was doing fine. One of her friends collapsed at the beginning of the year and now needs special treatment from a faraway hospital, but she was fine. She was fine, because she still had Ichika, she still had one friend left.
But that was the crux of the issue - she only had one friend left. Honami needed to make new friends, someone she could hold onto because what if she loses Ichika too? This should be easy, she's made friends before. She had three friends before middle school! That's some pretty good friend-making experience if you ask her. All she had to do was talk to her classmates. She just needed to say the right words, the magic words that made Ichika and Saki and Shiho all want to be friends with her.
Just say the right thing, she thought to herself while one classmate talked about the new cafe that opened up nearby.
Just say the right thing, she asked herself kindly when another asked if they could study together.
Just say the right thing, she begged her mind to comply when the first classmate talked about how the second classmate had been rude to her at lunch.
“Oh, I'm sorry that happened,” was what finally spilled from her mouth. A sympathetic look painted itself on her face while she looked at her classmate, who was wearing up to continue her rant about their fellow classmate.
When it happened again, and Honami was being told what happened, a simple “that's awful” was all she could figure out in her mind enough that she could speak.
After the third time, Honami started to worry.
Have I settled on a friend? She thought. But by only having her, I've automatically left out someone else who could also be my friend. Maybe I should speak to her.
The lunch after having this thought, Honami decided to ignore the first classmate she spoke to so she could talk to the one being targeted by her almost-friends.
The classmate talked about how Honami's almost-friends were rude to her friend group, and how it was them that would always initiate fights between the groups. Honami knew her cue, when she was meant to talk. All she had to say was the right thing.
“Wow, that's unfair,” was the response she decided on. It seemed like the right answer again, when the classmate nodded and smiled at her. Two invisible fingers pulled her cheeks up to resemble the smile being shown to her. Surely now she could have so many more friends. This way there's no chance she will be alone, even if Ichika leaves.
Ichika.
A week after talking to the first classmates, Honami ran into Ichika on their way to the cafeteria.
“Honami, do you want to eat together? I could show you what Saki and I did together yesterday!” Ichika's smile was sweet, radiant, and somehow unmarred by the loss of Shiho. She was clearly doing fine. Honami was also doing fine, but she needed to do better. In order to do that, she had to get closer to her new friends.
“Sorry Ichika,” she replied, looking down at the floor so she wouldn't face the current disappointment. Honami knew it would make her crumble, and she couldn't afford that if she wanted to make more friends. “I said I would eat lunch with my classmates.”
The first time this happened was the only time Ichika ever sounded okay about it.
The second time, her voice had wilted a little, but accepted Honami's answer. The third time, with the other friends in her class this time, it wilted even more. By the sixth time, Ichika didn't even try to sound hopeful, and then there was never a twelfth time.
With Ichika finally backing off, Honami could now thrive in her friend groups, and even made friends with another group in her class (even if they didn't like either of Honami's other friend groups). To Honami, it felt like she was scoring the highest in a quiz, getting every answer right all the time. She knew what the right thing to say was every time, it was never even a question anymore.
A week before her birthday was the first whispering.
At least, Honami thought it was. It was the first time she had heard the word floating around.
Two-faced.
She had taken a detour after lunch to go to the toilets, and right before entering her class she'd heard the word. Her first friend group was talking quietly about a girl who was nothing but a suck-up, a two-faced liar who cared about no one and nothing but her own self gain. Before she could hear her classmates say a name, Honami was nudged into the room by another girl, which caught the attention of her friends. They all smiled at her the same way they always did, beckoning her over so they could chat about the new grill restaurant that opened in the shopping centre's food court.
Almost as if a pin in a grenade was pulled out, the first whisperings grew more and more, not just from her first friend group, but the second and third too. Every time she got closer to finding out the name, something alerted a friend of her presence and all talk would stop. As the talk spread further around the classroom, Honami started to also notice her friends talk less and less with her, she was being forgotten in invites and lunch seats and group projects.
The grenade landed on her birthday.
She had arrived at school late because her parents wanted to surprise her with a pet dog. The little shiba inu made her so happy she couldn't help playing with him in the morning, completely forgetting to make sure she was ready for school. She was thinking about what to name her dog when she heard her first friends through the classroom door.
“... such a people pleaser, I hate people like her. Did you see her talking to Nagisa after lunch yesterday? You know, the same lunch I told her Nagisa fucking stole my maths textbook? Honami thinks she can be so happy-go-lucky to us while her two-faced ass turns around and tells Mona I'm in the wrong? She's so…”
Honami had frozen up when she heard her own name come out of her mouth. When it finally clicked that the whole time, her classmates were talking about her, vomit shot up her throat. She turned and ran to the nearest toilet and threw up her breakfast into the toilet bowl. She gasped uncontrollably, tears streaming down her face so much that she couldn't tell what tracks were newly she'd or from before she vomited. It took her a few minutes to calm her breathing down to deep breaths. Shaky, sob-filled, but still deep breaths.
When she finally stopped crying, her watch said she was 15 minutes late to class. Despite her newly found fear of facing any of her classmates, knowing all that will look back are fake smiles and disgusted glares, the fear of not doing well in school and disappointing her parents loomed over her just enough to splash her face with water and wash her mouth of any lingering acid taste.
She entered class, looking only at her teacher, who reprimanded Honami for her tardiness. She apologised and sat at her desk, pulling out the class materials. As she opened her desk, however, she saw a tiny ceramic ornament, shaped like an apple pie. Underneath it, a birthday card. Honami moved the ceramic aside so she could open the card and read its contents.
Dear Honami
Happy birthday! I hope your day is applesome!
Love from Ichika ♡
Ichika.
A true miracle that Ichika even wanted to associate with her. A testament to her unwavering, kind nature. Ichika Hoshino would never abandon her friends. Ichika Hoshino knew how to make and keep friends. Ichika Hoshino would never be called two-faced or a people pleaser. Ichika Hoshino would never be friends with a two-faced, selfish, unlikable person like Honami. Ichika Hoshino would know what to say when a friend tells her about a new cafe, or someone being mean to her.
Honami knew there wasn't a universe where anything she could say to get Ichika to like her again would be the right thing to say.