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“And this is just a theory, right?” Max says with teary eyes. “How do we know it’s true?” Will says with a similar expression on his face. I then reply, despite my wishful hoping for it to be true, that El really is in some far away place, alive and safe. Happy. “We don’t, not for sure.” I continue, “But I choose to believe that it is. I believe.” The whole party agree with me on believing, when mom comes in and yells, “Guys! what’s going on? The lasagna’s getting cold!”
“Yeah, we just finished. We’ll be right up.” I tell my mom as she sighs and closes the door. Max, Lucas and Will go up before me, and I follow after them. I don’t really want to eat at this point since something has soiled my mood, for some reason.
When everyone starts eating, I get lost in my thoughts and start to feel nauseous to the point where I can’t even eat and then I notice Will looking at me, looking so concerned. He’s the last person I want to notice that something was wrong and knowing he probably has makes things worse. I try my best to keep my expression normal, and force myself to eat before I really, really can’t anymore. “I’m gonna go to my room” I say as I quickly get up and go upstairs before anyone can even say anything, slamming my door shut.
I feel terrible, so terrible and guilty as hell and the emotions I felt were slowly consuming me. Not only had I made up a stupid dream for El to believe in, but I still couldn’t get over Will. How could I possibly like Will when El had sacrificed her life to save us? I couldn’t tell El I loved her even in her last moments, I couldn’t even lie. Besides, I have to get over Will one way or another. He has a boyfriend. A boyfriend he likes.
“Mike! Mike, what’s wrong?” I look up to see Will sitting on my bed, right next to me. I hadn’t noticed him come in, hadn’t noticed him close the door, hadn’t even noticed him sit in front of me because of how absorbed I was with my thoughts. I feel like I’m going insane, even the stories I write anre all about Will, saving the world, being a sorcerer, and cool as fuck. Obviously, no one knows about those stories, they’re all hidden. Shoved somewhere in my room where no one will ever find them.
“Uh, yeah, sorry.” I look up at Will, looking into his eyes for the first time in a while, “I’m just feeling a bit off, it’s nothing, really.” He doesn’t say anything at first, just looking at me before he finally speaks, “Is this about El? You can always talk to me, Mike. I know it’s been a while, but no one expects you to get over her that fast, you loved her so much and it’s understandable, really.”
“I just don’t like seeing you so miserable all the time.” He’s rambling, but I don’t really know what he says after that I completely check out. All I can focus on is how much I regret never telling him, how much of a coward I was. Still am. How good he looks right now, and how much I love him.
Before I can stop myself, I lean in and desperately crash my lips onto his, my hand grasping his soft hair, why was his hair even softer than it looked? I push my tongue past his teeth, fuck his stupid boyfriend, only to be met with his eager tongue. I soften my grip on his hair. It’s maybe a bit too tight since I got a bit too excited but he doesn’t seem to care either way. After a few seconds, my newfound sense of courage quickly dissipates as I really process what I’m doing. A sense of disgust flows through me.
I let go of his hair and pull away, quickly standing up, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that, you have a boyfriend.” I rush out of the room, too scared to even look at what form of disgusted expression he must have on his face, and go into the bathroom making sure to lock the door this time.
Why the hell did I do that? Why the hell did I kiss him, not only does he not like me, he has a boyfriend. My stupid decision and lack of thinking ruin everything and now I’ll never be able to face him again. How could I face him after doing something so stupid?
I just stand against the locked bathroom door, trying to figure out what I’m going to do now that I’ve ruined everything and fucked up, before I hear a few knocks against the door. “Mike, are you okay?” Will speaks with that terribly concerned voice from the other side of the door. It kills me. It kills me inside every time I hear him speak that way, it goes right through my chest and shatters my heart. My stupid heart that can’t be normal for once.
He calls out my name a few times but I can’t get myself to answer. I’m sure he’s weirded out by what I’d just done and only concerned over me running out of the room like an idiot. I fucked up our friendship now, just like I fucked up all the chances I had to tell him how much I liked him.
“I, uh, you don’t have to come out right now if you don’t want to, I’ll just go back downstairs.” He still speaks with that same tone in his voice even though I’m not answering him, and I open the door when I hear his footsteps. He’s walking away. “Will, wait.” I whisper, looking at the ground, but he keeps walking.
“Will, wait!” I yell out, maybe a bit too loud because he instantly turns around and when I look up all I see is a hopeful, shocked expression on his face. Why doesn’t he look disgusted? Why doesn’t he look angry? Is he that much of a sweetheart that he doesn’t even care that I kissed him?
He walks up to me and in a few strides he’s in front of me, and then he…hugs me? He hugs me so tight, the same way we used to hug when we were kids. We haven’t hugged in so long, I don’t even know what to do and for a few seconds I just stand there awkwardly. But I then realize just how stupid I’m being again and wrap my arms around him. Probably even tighter than the grip he has on me.
“I love you, Will.” The words slip from my mouth before I even realize it, I guess I can’t contain my feelings after all. To my surprise, he doesn’t pull away, he doesn’t let go of me. The silence is really worrying and I start to contemplate whether I should pull away or not but before I come to a decision, he says something. Something I’m not even sure I hear properly, that I almost stop breathing when I hear. “I love you.”
I think I must’ve started hearing things because of how insane I’ve been going for the past few months, but he pulls away from my hold and puts his hand on my nape, bringing my face closer to his, “I love you.” He looks at me with his pretty eyes, with that hopeful and caring expression he always has for some reason.
“You love me?” I say, because how could he love me? He has a boyfriend, and I’m his best friend. I’d told him a million times that we were best friends. I’d ruined even the tiniest chance of him ever liking me. “Why do you look so confused? I thought you knew I liked you.” He asks as if that’s the most obvious thing ever and I’m messing with him.
“Will, you have a boyfriend.” I say, in case he like, forgot or something. “I’ve liked you way before I even met him, I have liked you for a terribly long time, Mike, I’ve always loved you.” I just stare at him. Since when did he like me? He speaks again, pulling me out of my thoughts filled with countless questions, “I broke up with Chance, I just didn’t want to keep lying to him. But forget about that, when did you start liking me?”
“Lying to him, what do you mean?” Will wouldn’t lie about anything, he never lies. “And, I think I liked you since we were kids, since before you disappeared, I just never knew what it was and when I did realize, I felt scared. I liked El, but not in the way I like you. I tried to hide it, I thought I’d get over it and that it’d go away but it never did. I realized it wasn’t just some stupid crush, I’ve always loved you, Will.”
“I couldn’t keep lying to him because I never got over you. I’ve liked you for a really long time too, and I don’t think I could ever like someone the way I like you.” After he says that, my heart feels weird again, he likes me. He loves me. I put my hand on his hair and run my fingers through his hair, bringing him closer and leaning in to kiss him again.