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Mike didn't realise the old party would all come together again so soon.
Sure, people visited, met up for events here and there, mostly away from the hellhole they lived the most horrendous things in. They met and travelled away from that place, away from Mike's permanent refuge nowadays.
Mike rarely participated. The need he was feeling was to be quiet. Alone. Alone in his head with his thoughts and his writing. That gave him the comfort he needed to get by each day, that and the drinking. Lucas and Dustin appeared to be worried of his state each time they visited him in Hawkins. His basement hadn't changed much apart from it being more like his room now.
Mike had a lot of thinking time in his hands, which is precisely why he chose to be busy writing. Writing about everything and anything and nothing at all. Anything to get him to forget about her for a little bit. To forget about him...
Steve's wedding was happening just a little over three years after the fateful day. He had finally found the one, he had said, elated to have put his past behind and move on to this new chapter in his life. Everyone was invited. Everyone was coming, of course.
Will was coming. Mike hadn't seen Will in over two years. Hadn't spoken to him for almost the same time. The party had promised not to break up. Mike was trying to keep that promise, but the days went by without him catching up with time fully.
He learnt about Will mostly from Lucas. Will has a boyfriend now. They've been together for quite some time. Will was beyond happy, Lucas had told him with an easy smile, genuinely happy for their friend.
Mike wanted to call. He did, he missed his friend. He wanted to call many times, but he always withdrew that thought from his head. The guilt of doing the same to Will as he had when he had moved to Lenora was eating him alive. But Will was happy now, and Mike wasn't. Will didn't deserve to have absolutely anything negative disrupting this happiness.
Will had been the one to initiate the last call they had. He still sounded worried about Mike and Mike reassured him that it was nice he had the few years off from the world. Will reluctantly accepted his decision without prying further. Will knew him like that.
Mike discovered many things about Will while living in his own bubble in his basement. Or, to put it better, about himself. A bubble surrounding by Will's paintings and his friends' presence he could still feel lingering around. Mike discovered that he missed Will the most. He missed his smile, his voice, he missed the way his eyes would land on Mike's in the fondest of ways. It was so normal for them to look at each other like that, until Mike realised it wasn't .
It had taken him some time to come to terms with Will's confession and Will's feelings for him. But less time than Mike would like to admit. All pieces of the puzzle suddenly fell together like magnets drawn to each other. Will was respectful of his space, and Mike didn't make it weird. He accepted his friend as he was. He always accepted Will.
What took more time for Mike to realise, beyond Will's confession, was his own feelings. In the middle of grieving for Eleven, grieving for his life, grieving for all that came to pass and drinking himself to sleep, Mike realised he loved his best friend in ways that hurt to admit.
It shocked him to his core it took so much hurt, confusion and sacrifice to appreciate the relationship he always had with that boy. Will was his safe space, and he was Will's. He was close with Dustin and Lucas of course, but it was always different with Will. It's like his and Will's souls interwined in ways that soothed him any day, that felt like everything will be ok with one look from that boy, from a touch on his shoulder.
Mike was coming to terms with a lot of burried feelings and frankly it was too much. He was ashamed to even call his best friend. Ashamed for how selfish and naive he was. For how hurtful he must have been to Will with certain actions of his. Will, who stood by him throughout his relationship with El, through every argument, through every battle, pushing him on to make it better for them, for him, at the cost of his own feelings. Will was pure like that. It's one of the things Mike loves most about that boy.
But Mike could never be as good for him. He didn't feel pure, Mike was spiteful. Spiteful of himself, of what he had become holed up in his childhood home's basement, of the disappointment that he is now when he used to he a leader to an unnatural war.
Mike was spiteful of Will's boyfriend. He was spiteful of him getting together with the person Mike was closest to, spiteful he gets to enjoy him freely without lingering trauma between them, spiteful Will will never see him as damaged or as the failure like Mike Wheeler is right now. Spiteful that this man came and swooped Will right off his feet the way Mike never could. Spiteful of this new bond someone else is sharing with Will that was never shared between them, despite how close and kinda twisted theirs was.
The wedding was four days away. He would see Will in four days. And he was bringing him with. His new special person. Mike felt sick to his stomach with all the feelings coming up from where alcohol would push them down. He didn't know what to do with himself, the coward he was.
Will surely must hate him, that's why he never called him again. He must have forgotten all about him, too. Why would Will waste any more feelings on Mike, he figured he wasted more than enough. Mike was almost dismissive in their last talk. Mike had drained him, he knew. It was good Will was away from him and well. Mike had convinced himself of that as he drank one drink after the other, until his mum came in the basement, sighing and pinching her nose, trying not to cry and trying to convince him to go shopping for a new suit so he would look presentable at the wedding.
Mike dreaded the day. He wasn't ready to face every face that reminded him of the past life they were all trying to leave behind. Almost everyone involved would be there. He knew it was gonna be bittersweet, and he also knew he should be at his best self for Steve and all of his friends he was actually excited to see together again. Mike would try to stay sober for the day so he wouldn't end up embarassing himself and his friends.
~
The wedding ceremony was close to perfect. Steve looked accomplished and the bride was giddy and enchanted by her groom for the entirety of it. Mike was happy for them. He was happy for Max and Lucas, for looking so freely happy and in love. Mike was NOT happy about having to be in such close proximity with Will and his boyfriend, Carlton. The two of them arrived almost late and rushed, giggling, making Mike huff, cause what was more important than the wedding? Will was never late.
It hit Mike like a ton of bricks, to finally see Will after so long. But he wasn't alone. This wasn't like before. They were different people now. Will had a newfound ease about him, he seemed very happy laughing and hugging everyone tight, introducing his... This Carlton.
When Will spotted Mike he hesitated for a second, before he went to greet him like the old friends they were, giving him a smile and a quick casual hug. Too casual. Mike got some sense of deja vu in this meeting. Carlton had smiled and extended his hand at him, introducing himself, and Mike had quickly told him it was nice to meet him before he decided to vanish from sight because his heart was in his throat. He was not gonna survive this entire day sober.
~
The wedding reception was held in an open space bar just outside of Hawkins. Mike was from the first people to arrive, just barely driving there after thinking of turning the opposite direction of the road and leaving far away. He needed some alcohol in his system before further socializing. Will and Carlton arrived with Dustin, Lucas and Max, laughing their heads off about something when they spotted Mike and started towards him. Mike braced himself for the mental impact.
He kept the drinks coming steadily throughout the evening and into the night, enjoying his friends company more and more as the alcohol blurred around his senses enough to make him forget about looking at Will for a little. He had genuinely missed this, his people, talking about stupid shit and cracking stupid jokes.
Mike was almost laughing with them when Max suddenly got up and dragged Lucas with her to the dancefloor, her other hand grabbing Will as she went. Will stumbled along after finishing his fourth drink of the night (Mike kept count, cause Will wasn't a heavy drinker), laughing and beckoning Carton to follow him with his finger. Carlton ran after him like a lovesick puppy that's unable to stay far from his owner for too long. Yeah, Mike thought, Will had that pull about him. Mike continued to drown in the drink in his hand when he heard Carton shout to him over the music.
"Hey, won't you join us?"
"No, thanks." Mike almost groaned and glared at him. The audacity of this guy. The obliviousness. All the NICE things about him. His kind face. Mike hated him. Hated the way Will's cold stare went right through him at that moment, almost feeling it scolding him. Hated the way it seemed as they were coming even closer to Mike in their frenzied dance, limbs too close to each other, touching their bodies against one another with seemingly no care in the world. Mike ordered another drink.
"Hey." He feels Dustin's hand on his shoulder, catching a break from his own crazy dance moves. Everyone was having such a great time, right? "Are you okay dude? Maybe you should put that down for a bit." Dustin looked at the tight grip on the glass in his hand. Mike gave him a look that clearly said he is choosing to ignore him.
"Come on, man. Have some fun. Is this about..." Dustin trails off. Mike can't be bothered to think of whether Dustin knows the shit in Mike's head right now or not. Mike's friends know him. Mostly. This, they don't know about. "Is this about Will? You two kind of drifted apart, right?" Mike looks at the bottom of his glass. Drink's almost empty. "Is everything alright?"
"Leave me alone." Mike mumbles before gulping down the rest of the alcohol as a lifeline. He stumbles to his feet and makes for the exit. It's suffocating in there.
Mike finds the outside bar and makes a beeline for his next drink. He scoffs impatiently at the bartender who looks at him up and down before handing him his drink. He goes to the far end of the venue and off the steps, out in the field to get some much needed fresh air.
The music sounds muffled and the lights are kinda blurring his vision, but everything is safer and quieter out there. He doesn't have to engage in small talk, he doesn't have to pretend he's not sinking in his seat as Will is chatting to him like they are old acquaintances. Because now they are. Because Mike did that. Mike stopped reaching out. He did that again. He was self absorbed once again. As if Will didn't lose his sister. As if Will didn't lose his innocence, his childhood. As if Will wasn't silently suffering next to Mike for all those years.
But Will seems to have gone through the other side stronger than Mike. Easier. With peace. Because Will had accepted himself. Something Mike never did. Something Mike never even thought he had to do, cause with Will he didn't feel like he needed any sort of acceptance. Will accepted him always. Mike was stupid to not see why that was, and how their relationship hadn't exactly been normal for many years. Mike unknowingly already had Will. And he lost him. Lost him to himself and to fucking Carlton. Pain paired with rage shot through him, not entirely sure who he hated more at that moment.
And Will hadn't reached back. Why would he? Will realised there are braver men out there than Mike. Will hadn't reached back and he left a hole in Mike's chest he didn't even realise was so comfortably filled for so long.
"Mike!" Mike closed his eyes shut and heard his heart starting pounding. Sweat was starting to form on his forehead and suddenly he was feeling disoriented enough to not move a muscle. The world was spinning a bit. Or a lot. It was Will. Alone. "Are you okay? What are you doing out here?"
Will had grown into his features a bit more, his hair no longer in his signature bowlcut but slightly longer and tousled. His shoulders broader. His eyes as angelic as always. Mike couldn't bear to look into them.
"I'm getting some air. I don't like how many people are in there."
"Well..." Will was moving closer. Mike was looking away. "I thought maybe we can catch up, you know. I won't be in town for long."
Will sounded... Mature. He was saying the real things. That's what Mike should be thinking about his friend, too. Except he didn't think of Will as his friend anymore, did he? He wanted to laugh at the irony. How the turntables. Is this how pathetic Will felt back then, in front of Mike?
"It's ok, Will. You don't have to force yourself to do this. Just go back inside to your boyfriend, I'm sure he's looking for you."
"Force myself? What are you talking about, Mike?" Will's expression suddenly hardened. "What's gotten into your head? Give me that," he says as he eyes the drink on Mike's hand and reaches to grab it. Mike jerks his hand back before Will gets a hold of it and takes a few steps away from him. Will freezes and looks at him in disbelief.
"Are you serious right now? Why are you being like this? Was it that inconvenient I'm visiting? After so long of not as much as a 'hello, Will', "how are you, Will?'? Is this how much you don't want to even see me?" Will was starting to raise his voice and his eyes begun to become glassy. It was a familiar look. Mike's stomach twitched.
"Yeah! Yeah, I guess it was really inconvenient, Will!" he shouted back, throwing the glass he was holding away, it hitting on a surface Mike didn't bother looking at, glass scattering in a million pieces before falling on the grass quietly. Will took a shaky breath and looked at him for a moment with unreadable eyes. When did it come to this, Mike not recognizing his expression?
"You're drunk. I'm not gonna do this with you right now. I'm telling Nancy to take you home." Will turned around and started walking inside.
"Yeah, you just wanna go and have fun with your boyfriend, this is what it's all about! Well go, don't let me ruin the party!" Mike spit out, raising his hands in the air. He couldn't care about what he was saying anymore. Mike was bitter. Bitter it came to this, bitter it was all his fault, bitter Will moved on so effortlessly and he was here, still living in the past.
Will stopped in his tracks and turned around to look at him, his mouth gaping open and his glimmering eyes squinting directly at him. His cheeks were flushed. He took rushed steps towards him, the one end of his shirt left messily tucked inside of his pants.
"What exactly is your problem with me, dude?" Will pushed him on the chest. "You have been mopping and acting out the whole time we've been here, trying to enjoy the night. If you hate me so much, just stay away from me, but don't go ruining this day!" He could hear Will shouting at his face but he was too absorbed in his self pity to care. This time Will turned around and didn't look back as he headed inside toward the loud music.
Mike growled out some kind of noise, his eyes burning. He wasn't drunk enough. The bartender was nowhere to be found. He had to eventually go inside to get that much needed drink. Going in felt like nothing changed at all, despite Mike's stomach having twisted in knots. Everyone was still dancing and having a blast to the loud music and Will was nowhere to be seen this time, nor was his boyfriend. Maybe something took pity on Mike and sent Will away.
"Hey, dude! What happened to you, where did you go?" Dustin looks at him with a hint of worry and Mike needs to get away from prying eyes, he can't do this right now.
"Just looking for the restroom."
"There," Dustin shows him towards the direction of the bathroom with a pat on his back. Mike almost runs to it. He splashes cold water on his face and looks in the mirror. His eyes are red and his curls are messy. He is fucking this up. He grips the sink and tries to compose himself. With Will and him gone, he can breathe easier. Maybe he can be here for his friends.
Coming out of the bathroom, he feels his eyes drawn to the far left in the darkest corner of the room. He would recognise him anywhere. He was with him, laughing close and touching arms, legs interwined and faces too close to each other. Mike felt sick and turned away before he could see more of the very intimate display, shoving people out of his way so he would get the hell out of there.
"What happened to you?" Max eyes him with a frown and his friends all turn to look at him.
"I have to go." Mike is fumbling with getting his suit jacket from where it was lodged in his chair.
"And where do you think you're going like that?" Will appears with fuckass Carlton. "You can't drive like that."
"I can, and I will." Mike rushes to get to the exit, blocking out Will's voice telling Lucas to go back with Carlton because he had to have WORDS. Mike barely made it to his car before Will grabbed him and was trying to release his keys from his tight fingers.
"Get in the car, Mike. I'm driving."
"What the hell, Will? You think you are fit to drive?"
"I surely am in better shape than you are! Jesus, Mike?!" Will shoved him in the passenger seat impatiently and slammed his door closed.
Mike started laughing as they hit the road.
"What's so fucking funny? What's wrong with you? Are you a drunk now? Is this what you've become? Yeah, Lucas told me, Mike. This isn't who I left back when I left this place!"
"Yeah, well, then why the fuck do you suddenly care, huh? What is this to you? Why won't you let me be?" Mike saw Will's eyes widen and then a deep frown set on his face. His breathing was shaky when he let out a laugh.
"You can't be serious right now. I suddenly care? I suddenly-. You want me to let you be? Then why the fuck are you acting like a fucking child in front of everyone, Mike?! In front of me?"
Mike fell silent because he could not handle his feelings at the moment. Not with Will so close to him, talking to him as if it's not been two years since they spoke with each other. He closed his eyes as he recognized they were close to his house. This would be over soon.
The car came to an abrupt stop and Will jumped out of his seat, coming up to Mike's side and pulling on his arm impatiently. "Come on. Up." He is dragging Mike until they are inside of the basement and Will kicks the door shut as he pushes Mike in.
"Leave me alone, just quit it, Will! Just go back to your boyfriend and leave me alone!"
Will was pinching the bridge of his nose and trying to take deep breaths. "You know, Mike... I thought you were gonna get better. I thought, since you completely cut me off, you would feel normal again. That you wouldn't have the burden of this," Will gestures between them with glassy eyes, "on top of everything else, to think about and pretend that everything is normal between us." Will started pacing.
"What are you even talking about? Just stop talking, Will. Just quit it and go. I am not doing this with you right now."
"Oh, but you are! You are! You think I'm leaving like this? You are being a total asshole, Mike! You were insufferable all evening! Snarky! Mean! What do you want? Is that how much you hate me, that you can't even talk to me now? What did I ever do to you to treat me like this? Fuck, I was there for you, Mike, or I tried my hardest to be! And you just... Disappeared! Not a care in the world from Michael Wheeler!" Will wasn't even trying to be quiet. The house was empty anyway, everyone was probably still at the party. Mike thinks that if he looks at Will's face he will see tears streaming down. So he doesn't.
He drops his coat to the floor and he turns his back on Will. He can practically hear his shoulders go up and down with his breathing without even looking at him.
"Oh... But I cared... So, so much." He digs the heels of his hands into his eyes. His world is spinning. "I cared so damn much I was too terrified to see it!"
"What does that even mean? Hey, look at me!" Will grabs him arm and jerks him around to face him. Mike doesn't. He is looking somewhere behind Will's hands. "Look at me!" Will is shaking him by the shoulders. Mike finally lands his eyes on his and he can definitely see the linger of his own intoxication there. It is dangerous, what they're doing. "Talk to me, damn it! Why won't you talk to me? Why did you stop? Why did you go and do that to me all over again?!" Will let out a single sob, still clutching Mike's shoulders and pleading for answers. Mike didn't have them. He didn't have anything that would satisfy this boy's, this man's eagerness to figuring it out.
"I... Just go, Will. Carlton will be worried."
"Shut up. Shut up about Carlton! What's your fucking problem with him? At least he was there! He was fucking there, and you weren't!" Will screamed, pushing his hands hard on Mike's shoulders, making him almost fall over. He steadied himself and closed his eyes again, trying to regain his composure. "Is this what it's about? Do you feel angry? Angry that I moved on? Angry that I'm not like a puppy for you anymore? Is that it? What, so I'm useless to you now?"
Mike has to lift his eyes and look at him, because he is confused.
"Say it, Mike! You never cared about me! You showed me that much, again!" Will was full on crying now. "You never even... Cared about me!" Mike will never forget the bitterness in his face just then.
"That's not... You have to- Please stop, Will. Please. I really can not do this shit right now. I'm happy you moved on. I... really am. It's what you deserved. He's what you deserve." Mike speaks low, defeated. There really are no words for what they have been reduced into right now. Two panting messes with tears on their faces, having not spoken in so long and getting it all wrong, just now. Mike can not speak of his truth like Will wants him to. He has hurt him enough. He feels another hard push on his chest. He didn't remember Will having this much strength.
"Shut up! Fucking shut up about him! Tell me about you! What is this to you?! Why am I wasting my time on you right now? Are you even worth saving, Mike? Is there even a single version of my old friend still in there? Talk to me!"
Mike is feeling reeled up enough now to want to make Will to finally shut his mouth. He closes the distance between them and grabs Will by the front of his shirt, crashing his back hard against the wall, him crashing on top of him as they moved like one. Will gasps, wide eyes looking up at Mike, and dare Mike say, he looked a little scared right then and there. His mouth slightly parted as he frantically searched Mike's face with those damn eyes of his.
"I just want you..." Mike brings his face closer to his. "...to stop." His hand was still clutching tightly on the front of his shirt, trapped between their bodies as he leaned in impossibly close. Will sucked in a shaky breath and that seems to finally shut him up. Mike just needs to get it out and be over with it once and for all. "I... I loved you. I loved you however way I could. I watched over you however way I could, so you wouldn't get hurt. I- I failed you. I hurt you. I pushed you away. I was being a self pitying idiot. I took you for granted. I took you for granted and you slipped away... from me." Mike raises a hand to cup his hot flushed cheek. He feels the slightest lean on it as Will closes his eyes and more tears stream down on Mike's hand. He brushes them away. Will was having trouble breathing against him. He let go of his shirt and his palm travelled up to his chest, as if to soothe his raging heart, up to his collarbone, just to come back down slowly and curl around his waist. God, Will was intoxicating like that and Mike couldn't pull away, even if Will wasn't making a sound now other than his ragged breathing. "I love you. I always have. I could never face it. Not like you... I- I was a coward! And I let you go-"
"You're drunk! Shut up! Stop lying!" Will was suddenly squirming in his arms, trying to get away, anger pooling on his face.
"And so are you! I told you to stop talking! Just, let me-"
"No!" Will screamed at him, pushing against his chest to free himself.
"Will! Just-" Mike did the only thing he could right then, just to shut this stupid boy up for a second, and crashed his mouth on his, hard, throwing his body flat against his on the wall, trapping his hands, holding his body against his tightly. Mike might have heard Will's head hit the wall.
Will gasped and flew his eyes open, trying to mumble something against Mike's mouth. Mike bit down on Will's lower lip so hard it felt like he tasted blood. This boy was going to be the end of him. And yet he still couldn't shut up, even with his mouth busy. Mike sucked on all the blood he could draw from his lip, before pulling away with a loud pop as Will's lip was released from his.
Will was panting heavily, hazy eyes looking up at Mike, finally not making a single move in Mike's arms.
"You're drunk... You're crazy..." Will was whispering as he was searching Mike's face. The tears had stopped rolling on his skin and he looked like a hot mess.
"Yeah, and maybe I am. Maybe I am crazy... But I was crazy for... I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was not man enough for you." Mike resigns and touches his forehead to Will's. His head is throbbing. He closes his eyes and when Will makes for his escape, he lets him.
Will doesn't go far, just giving them some space and he collapses on the floor with his back against the wall. He rubs his palms deep into his eyes, shaking his head and curling his knees up to his chest. They don't talk for a while. Will is back to crying now, almost sobs escaping from where he has burried his face on the inside of his arm.
"No... I don't deserve this, Mike... I let you be for all this time... I thought it's what you wanted and you took that so well it seemed. Never bothered to get back in touch... I fucking missed you so much it almost ripped me apart! And for what? For you to mock me in my face?!" Will got up and stared at him shakily. "Get your shit together. Get some sleep. You aren't even making sense to yourself. I'm out. Goodbye, Michael."
Mike ran to the door like he was jolted awake by electricity. He threw all of his body weight on it, as if to forever forbid Will its exit. His mind was blank, except from the excruciating feeling of not being able to lose Will again.
"Step aside." Will was standing in front of him, slowly losing the rest of his temper. "Step aside, Mike."
"No." Mike pushed his back against the door even more, his brain not yet catching up with his body and what he was doing. He was making it all worse is what he was doing. Making Will despise him even more.
"Mike. Let go!" Will was trying to pry his arm off from the door handle, close enough to him now Mike could feel his body heat radiating off of him. He shut his eyes at the thought of how close Will was to disappearing away from him again. "Mike." Will's breath felt warm against his face, still laced with traces of alcohol. Will must have come closer now and Mike's eyes forced themselves open. Will was looking directly at his face, his shoulders going up and down with his erratic breaths. No, he was looking at his mouth. Mike didn't have time to realise Will was closing the distance before he felt his lips brushing against his. His heart was suddenly beating in his throat and it seemed that his hands had a mind of their own, grabbing Will and pulling him against him before he could change his mind. Will searched his eyes for a split second before he dove in and absolutely burned Mike's mouth with his own. Tongues and teeth crashing, their hands frantically grabbing at what they could reach of the other.
Mike felt himself release a whining sound in Will's mouth when he realised Will had gotten a hold of the door handle and he was moving away as fast as Mike had grabbed him. He had been tricked. Fresh air made its way between them and half of Will's face got illuminated by the moonlight as he turned to look at Mike from outside his door.
"Goodbye, Mike."
Mike felt everything inside his body turn cold and collapse.
~
It's been three months. Three months since Mike had seen Will and since he confessed his feelings. Or did he? Mike had been drunk. He didn't remember the night clearly. What he remembered was a hole had been punched through him and it was still gaping open. He remembered how right it was to have Will in his arms for those brief seconds. How right it was to be in their little bubble again and to touch in all those new ways...
Did Mike imagine things? Did he imagine everything, along with Will's bitterness for him? Mike didn't know what was worse. For it to be reality, or for him to make up scenarios in his head. Will had seemed scared of him, like he had wanted to run as far away from Mike, as soon as he could too. Mike tried not to think about it.
Of all the things Mike didn't know, aching to see Will again was not one of them. He was left with a yearning like no other, a push to make it happen even if it was the last thing he did. After a couple of drinks, he had picked up the phone and made the call. Will had sounded guarded. And quiet. Mike couldn't put his finger on it. And he couldn't justify his need to him when Will had asked.
Mike felt like his foggy brain would clear out once he had Will in front of him, like he would give him all the answers right then and there. If it all failed, Mike just truly wanted to plead for forgiveness. Anything to give him some peace of mind in this torment. Mike was being selfish like that again.
Will had agreed to meet him sober. Mike drove for a few hours, which felt like ages, before he arrived at Will's house. Will's house. Mike had missed so much of Will's life. Every time he thought about it, the thorn in his insides twisted. He pushed away the thought for later. He needed his head to be clear for this. He at least owed Will that.
Will opened the door casually. Mike would have not been prepared no matter how much he went over this in his head. He tried to rely on their old bond and told himself it would be ok. This is Mike and Will. The fact that Will even agreed to do this, in his own house as well of all places, gave Mike the little bit of courage he needed. He just hoped fucking Carlton wasn't around.
"Hey." Mike knew he was staring. He didn't know what to take in first. Will's comfortable figure, how his soft clothes hugged his skin, the fact that he was barefoot, how his hair was casually messed around, how his face seemed, thank God, relaxed. "Um, here." Mike reached out to give him what he hoped was still his favorite candy.
"Reese's Pieces... Thanks." Will's expression was unreadable, but polite. He opened the door all the way for Mike. Mike walked in slowly, taking in his surroundings and trying to listen for any signs of somebody else in the house.
"We are alone." Will reassured him, reading him like the back of his hand. Of course. This was Will. Mike had to almost hide the small smile that formed on his face.
"Do you want something to drink? I got, uh, juice and soda..." Mike followed Will's voice to the kitchen, naturally, looking around his space. It was emptier than he expected. There were no paintings, not much color. Mike's heart dropped a little. This was a version of Will that didn't fit him. He shoved the guilt as far down as he could, for not being there, for Will, after...
"Juice is fine."
They sat next to each other at the round kitchen table as Will set Mike's glass down in front of him. Mike mostly accepted it out of politeness. The lump in his chest wouldn't let anything go down.
"So... How are you doing?" Will strayed his eyes away from Mike's soon after that. Mike couldn't tell if it was nervousness. He hated that.
"Um, good. It's- I'm okay. I guess. You?"
"I broke up."
"Oh! Oh- I mean, what happened?"
"It wasn't working out..."
"Um, I'm sorry? Are you- are you okay?" Mike was genuinely invested in his friend's well being. He was gonna be here for him this time.
"Yeah, I- I think I needed the space." Will looks at him with big and honest eyes. Those eyes. How much had Mike missed them. "So, what brings you here?" Will was playing with his hands in front of him on the table. This wasn't as awkward as Mike had imagined, after all.
"I guess I- I wanted to talk. Properly this time. Catch up. Not about..." Mike sighed. He didn't know how to approach the mess they made on Steve's wedding day. "Look, I'm sorry about last time..." He trailer off as Will looked down at his hands.
"It's okay, Mike. I'm not mad. Not anymore, anyway." He gave him an eye roll. "I was furious for a while, though. But you were drunk, so..." His voice trailed off.
"Look, I really am sorry. I don't think I even remember much, just that things happened that shouldn't have happened... I'm sorry if I hurt you. A-again."
"Your words, Mike... Your words hurt me more than anything. Or, the lack of. It was the same as those years ago, just... Worse. I felt..." Will got up and walked around the kitchen table, looking for the right way to convey his feelings, Mike thought. Of course Will would have felt like hell. Mike reassured him they were still best friends, only to disappear after everything. Of course Will would think Mike hated him. Mike looked down at his hands in deep sadness. "And then we finally meet and you are being a royal asshole for the entire evening, and then you don't even wanna talk to me, I tried-" Will took a deep breath and Mike could see his eyes glaze over. " I tried to understand you, to help you, but it was like you were just making fun of it all!"
"I'm sorry, Will... I'll never not be sorry for how I treated you when you needed me the most. It wasn't because- It wasn't because of how you... How you felt about me. It was never because of that."
Will meets his eyes with a sad half smile. Mike wants to die. He did not deserve Will. "It was because... Because I felt unworthy. Like I would swallow you down in the pit of self misery with me. You didn't deserve that. I didn't wanna hold you back. I didn't know what I was supposed to do with myself after... After..." Mike felt his own tears coming up. He braced himself and took a deep breath to continue. He looked down at his knees. "After El."
Will let out a sniffling sound and almost ran to Mike right then, gathering him in his arms right where he was sitting and pressing Mike's face to his stomach so tight, it almost knocked all of Mike's breath out of him. Mike let himself be held and wrapped his arms around Will's waist, holding on for dear life as they both quietly cried. He felt Will's sobs quiet down after some time and his hand was stroking Mike's hair back from his face. Mike pointed his face upwards to look at him and was greeted with painfully bright and sad eyes, but Will was also giving him a small understanding smile before he let him go.
Mike refused to let him stray too far and he pulled on his hands to make him sit back down next to him. He didn't let go of the tight grip he had on his hands.
"I was not making fun of you."
"What?"
"I... Was not. I was not making fun of anything, Will. I swear. What I said..." Mike had to briefly avert his eyes. He was too sober for this. "What I told you. It was the truth. I-" Mike groaned at himself. Why was this always so hard for him?
"It's okay, Mike, really." Will gave him a small laugh and a squeeze of his hands. He was still teary eyed.
"No, it's not! It's not! I- I love you! You have to know this, Will, don't ever, ever think that I don't!"
Will looked deeply into his eyes with a more somber expression. "Well, you certainly have a shitty way of showing it."
It took Mike a moment to realise that it was meant to be light hearted, before he let out a big breath and smiled back at Will. He brought his face closer to his and lowered his voice, unsure of the next part. He looked at the tight grip their hands had clasped together. As if someone would come in any minute and force them apart.
"I... I always did, I think. More- More than a friend..." Mike almost whispered that part. He was fighting for his life to keep his gaze steady on Will's eyes, that were burning into his. No more being a coward. "I could never realise it, because it felt so natural, you know? It was natural with you. I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time. I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. I'm sorry for all this mess I could have spared us from!" Mike felt his own anger bubble up in his chest until he shot up to start pacing. "Look, Will, I just wanted to be honest with you, after everything. And I am not messing with you. And to say I'm sorry, okay?" He stopped to look at Will, defeated. "My timing sucked at this. But maybe we can still be friends?" His smile turned a bit mischievous. "Best friends?" Oh, he knew that struck a fucking cord in him. In both of them. Suits Mike right.
Will was very silent where he was sitting. Mike was nervous. Will might as well kick him out now that he got his explanation. He looked at Mike blankly. "Cool." And he got up, making his way towards the living room. "Wanna watch a movie?"
Mike felt like he got whiplash. Cool? A movie? He stood in the kitchen floor like an idiot, trying to understand what just happened. He grabbed his damn juice Will had poured him and swallowed it down in one go. No way he opened up like that and all Will said to him was 'cool'. He shook his head. Maybe that's what he deserved. I mean, what exactly are you expecting, Michael? Toughen up! He was lucky Will hadn't kicked him out yet.
A win is a win, that's what Mike thought, and he made his way to the living room.
~
Mike couldn't put his finger on how casual Will Byers was being right now. Will was never... Casual with him. They watched the movie in relative silence, Will throwing comments on the tv here and there. Mike was watching his own fucking breathing, in case he did that wrong too, and Will decided enough was enough with him and sent him home. They were sitting close to each other on the sofa, their arms touching sometimes. It's like nothing and everything had changed at the same time.
When the credits started to roll, Will paused the movie and with a long sigh he turned to stare at Mike. Intensely. Shit. What now? He turned on his side to face him fully, one leg curled on the sofa, the other dangling down, and he stared. Mike was in deep shit. Walking on eggshells and still managed to do something wrong.
"Will. What..." Mike was feeling self conscious with the eyes he felt on him. He looked between the tv and Will, not being able to keep the eye contact. "What's wrong?"
"I'm thinking."
"Thinking... About? Anything in particular?" Mike swallowed with a bit of difficulty, almost frozen in place.
"I'm thinking..." Before Mike had time to realise what just happened, he had a lapful of Will. Will straddled him and grabbed his wrists, pinning them down on the top of the sofa with his hands. He scooted closer to Mike in his lap and Mike was not hyperventilating. He wasn't. He wasn't nervous at all. The boy on him gave him a devilish grin. "I'm thinking of all the ways I should make you pay, Michael Wheeler." Oh shit. Mike should remember to close his mouth, cause it was gaping open as he was looking at Will's face above his. He furrowed his brows, desperate to ask what in the hell was going on when Will lowered himself just enough to whisper in his ear, "shhh".
Mike shut his eyes tight and tried to focus on his breathing that was getting out of control. There were many things he was feeling at that moment, all of which threw out the window when he felt Will's hot breath hit the side of his neck. Mike thought his head would explode. Lips. Lips were now touching his neck, pressing fully on his skin and moving slowly, exploring, until he felt a tongue lay flat on his pulse, pressing wetly there before retrieving.
"This one's for you being so fucking oblivious." Will looked him dead in the eye, close enough for Mike's eyes to cross. The grip on his wrists tightened. Will was moving to the other side of his neck, his hips shifting unbelievably close and Mike was ready to pass out. He felt his lips on his skin again, more persistent this time, before teeth came out to sink into his skin with just enough pressure that he let out a groan and threw his head back. That was sure to leave a mark, as Will did more than bite on it. Mike was panting frantically, squirming under him to be let free, but Will only tightened his grip on his hands and thighs around him. How did Mike miss this boy get so bossy? "This one's for you forgetting all about me. Again." Will's eyes were dark as he looked down at Mike's half lidded ones. Mike was in hell. Or heaven. He couldn't decide yet.
Will hovered over his face, lips wet and cheeks flushed hot pink. His eyes were soft, but his face was anything but. Will wanted to take. Mike would let him take just about anything he wanted, right then and there. Will lowered his mouth to his, his lips grazing his own as he's looking at him through his eyelashes, and Mike almost missed one of his hands being released, cause now his jaw is in a firm grip and a mouth is pushing down onto his, hot and insistent. Mike opens his mouth in a gasp, as his now free hand flies on Will's back, not sure if to push him away or pull him closer. He feels his tongue swirling in his mouth and his body pressing even closer to him, if possible, all firm and hot. Teeth capture his bottom lip before giving way to the softer suction of lips. Mike's heart is plotting its escape as he slowly opens his eyes in time to see Will pulling away, his grip on his jaw moving to the side of his face, a lot more forgiving now. He cups his face with both hands, finally releasing Mike's. "This one's for making me wait for so fucking long."
Will is looking into his eyes with sincerity, maybe a little hurt still. Mike is gonna make it his mission to eliminate that feeling entirely from his boy's body and soul. His hands come up and down Will's back, on his waist, his thighs. He traces him hands to Will's on his face and holds them there, breathing him in, looking at him with the feeling of his newfound purpose.
"So... Is this all I deserve?"
~
The end.