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In all the fuss and the noise of a busy LA, Clarke woke up in her large loft with the sun peaking through the tall windows that adorned the space. First instinct is to pick up her phone and realize the date, it has been 3 months and she’s still missing him, missing waking up in his strong arms, missing his touch, missing the security he offered her, missing his love, missing the adoration for her in his eyes. All the nights they spent in that bed, with long deep talks about life, with joking around, with making love and with just being genuinely truly happy.
The scene kept replaying over and over again in her head,
“Please don’t do this” – Clarke pleaded with tears running down her face.
“What do you want me to say Clarke? That I was happy with you? Yes. If I can keep doing this? No. It’s too much.” – Bellamy shouted at her instead, frustrated that they were even having this talk.
Clarke shut her eyes in pain and took a long breath before responding to the man standing in front of her, with how in such a short amount of time she could tell the number of freckles hidden in his body and how fiercely he protected others. “This is my life; I can’t just abandon it or simply be done with it. This has been always my dream. Why can’t you just accept it? I thought you loved me.”
He closed with hand in frustration and anger, ready to be done with this stupid argument, stepping really close into her personal face and facing her with disappointment in his eyes “Don’t you dare doubting my love for you. This has nothing to do with this. You live in this huge and glamorous life, going to events where you have to fake a laugh and conversation and I don’t fit in this. Sorry Clarke, I just need… I need to go.”
It still hurt how he turned his back on her and just left. How it ended just like that. She tried to find him later but she met an empty cozy apartment, showing no sign of the Blake siblings. They had taken off to Wisconsin and left a hysterically crying Clarke behind, sliding off to the ground through the door frame. The pictures of them in her phone still reminded her of the best days she had had in her life, how a simple person had changed everything, he was a hurricane that turned everything upside down, showing her that it was possible to be happy.
On the other side of the country, a hard working Bellamy was making his way through his shift at the local bar in their small but lovely Appleton. He started working there as a teenager to help put her sister through college and when the owner died, he passed it to Bellamy. He had a simple life but he loved it, it was peaceful. You knew every end to every beginning there, it was safe, and it made him happy. However the memories could never stop, the days he spent in LA with Clarke. The trip that his sister Octavia had planned for her college graduation, dragging him down with her along with Miller, his best friend and a local cop. Through Clarke, Miller got to meet Monty, her best friend, and quickly fell in love. To the contrary of his own story, they got lucky because Monty dropped everything off from LA and came with them. His mom had passed away and just like that Miller became his family, coming to Wisconsin to start a new life with him.
He could never forget the day they spent at the beach. He drove them there with Clarke in the passenger seat, laughing and giggling nonstop, with her hair tangling with the win and her large sunglasses framing her delicate face. They encountered an empty beach where they laid on the sand enjoying the sunset, with their hands intertwined, just admiring the beauty of that moment. She knew him better than anyone and along the way she became part of his soul. Leaving her was the hardest thing he had ever done but it had to be done. She lived in this huge sparkling fake world and she couldn’t give it up just for him. He understood her dreams but it was just too much for him. Every day he would wake up and go to sleep thinking about her. He even started writing texts to her but ended up deleting them. He missed her more than anything. It hurt him in his bones and he wished he had never met her sometime so the pain would stop. He needed her. She failed him. He failed her as well. They were a firing match after all. Broken and fixed by each other, it was something truly beautiful that time had fucked it all up.
He could say he was happy with Gina. They met through Murphy one night they were all hanging out together. Conversation was easy with her and he felt at bay with her. He cared about her and she was simple. She wasn’t a surprise or an explosion whenever he wasn’t expecting it, but she was good to him, for him. He always kept his routine, working through the day or night, and coming home to Gina waiting for him and dinners with the guys or his sister on weekends. But the pictures of her still haunted him or every time she showed up on his television. Always with a new guy that was thought to be her boyfriend and he caught himself up thinking if she was happy. And he truly wished she was.
In the evening Clarke would go out for drinks with Raven, Wells and Harper. She tried every time to have fun and smile and enjoy the moment with her friends. Looking at the relationship Raven and Wells had hurt her in some ways. She was so happy for them because Wells was everything that Raven needed, he was caring and gentle with her, and he supported and admired her strength. It was pure love. Something Clarke once had and had let it go. She wished she could have him all back to herself, to love him how he deserved to be loved. Sometimes she thought what would happen if she just showed up at his door in Wisconsin and beg him to take her back, to take them to the place where they were both happy.
She wondered if he had ever found someone else for him and just thinking of that hurt, like blades sticking into her back. If he had found someone who hold on to him tight like she used to do. One night where she was out with her friends, Wells got her alone after leaving a drunk giggling raven on the dance floor and confronted her about the whole situation and she remembered him saying to her
“Are you happy? You should really ask yourself that and if you want some help with the answer I say I think you’re really not and you should do something about it.”
But she was too much of a coward to act up on it. She let him go and maybe she thought he was better without her, without her crazy world. Her dream had always been being an actress, until Bellamy came along to make her doubt everything. She became so scared because he made her do crazy things, go out of her comfort zone, and face everyone and everything as long as she had him by her side. He made her indestructible and so fragile at the same time.
They don’t talk anymore but she wished they did so she would know if he was happy. All the memories were overwhelming and she couldn’t handle all the smiles in all of their pictures together. How he made her feel everything in a simple moment and how she would go far away and beyond for him. But the time wasn’t right and they had everything and nothing to lose. They made choices and they had to live with them now and go on with their lives. Maybe someday things could change. The love was still there, where every night Bellamy would fall asleep next to Gina while looking at pictures of Clarke with her golden wavy hair while doing silly things for him to capture and Clarke would end up crying in a corner of a crowded and noisy club looking at pictures of them together. They wished they could go back in time and just stop it and be happy but life was unpredictable and things didn’t always turned out like they wanted to.
It was such a shame that they don’t talk anymore. All the texts that were never sent, all the regrets and all the words that have been left unsaid. Sometimes love was simply not enough.