Chapter Text
The surgery finished well, a simple craniotomy, Amelia was in and out of the OR. She stops at the nurses station to tell the interns to keep on Mrs Wilson. Just as she was about to turn away Addison Montgomery, her best friend, more sister figure than anyone else, came behind her.
“Hi”
“Hi” Amelia responded, “surgery went well, no complications, Mrs Wilson will be in recovery but should make a full recovery”.
“Well thats great, but how are you feeling”, Addison noticed the slight twitch in Amelia's eye, the shake in her hands, the expression that something may be wrong in her face, Addison always noticed, no-body else knew Amelia that well to notice the mask that she so proudly wore.
“Just tired, long day, cant wait to just go home”, Amelia laughed off Addie's concern, acting like she was fine, truthfully the long day had been a long night, she was struggling again but she made so much progress, and is too ashamed to admit she wants to use again, and even more afraid to admit that possibly, just possibly, that she may not be who everyone thinks she is, too afraid to admit to herself who she is.
Amelia drove home on her own that evening, Addison reminding her to ring when she was at home, knowing something is up but not wanting to push Amelia. When she got home she threw her bag onto the floor , turned the shower on and looked at her phone before putting it on mute, she deserved a break after the day she had. Amelia slipped into the shower, the hot water hitting her skin, slowly her breath evened out sighing one arm braced against the wall. She stood like that for as long as she could before she remembered the water bill that she would have to pay. She lathered her hair with shampoo and rinsed , washed her body off as well before stepping out if the shower. She was calmer now, not fully ok but calmer.
She checked her phone, of course Adisson had messaged, Meredith as well, checking up on her, although she would never admit it Amelia secretly loved how they cared so much about her, she responded a quick “im ok ‘ to Meredith just to put her mind at ease but she couldn't lie to Addison, well not lie but just hiding the truth. She turned her phone over again, leaving it on her bedside table before slipping into her pjs for the evening.
She left her phone there as she went downstairs in her house. The fire place was left on, warming the downstairs nicely, it was cozy, inviting, as if the calm of the house would somehow reflect onto her. She opened the fridge, there was leftovers from the other day, a pizza slice, some cans of pop, but noticeably vodka. It wasn't a large bottle, not really but Amelia knows she cant drink, knows what happens when she drinks, the thought of a relapse spiralling in her head. Normally she would call Addison but this time she would have to admit why she was spiralling, and for Amelia right now that reason in terrifying.
As if right on cue, she heard the door open and a familiar voice filled the space.
“ Amelia, you never called I though I would stop by-” Addison's voice cut off at the sight of the vodka in Amelia's hands.
“ What do you think your doing” Addison rushed over snatching the bottle of Amelia, her expression a mix of anger and concern. She immediately reached the sink and poured the entire quantity of the liquid down the drain, her own mind rushing with words to say, what why when why but no coherent thought could push through the whirlwind of emotions.
“ im- im sorry “ Amelia sputtered out, panicking at the sight, disappointed in herself. “ I had a bad day, i wasnt going to drink it, i dont even know why i bought it i swear” Amelia pleaded with addison, shame rising in the back of her neck, she could feel it burning in her throat.
Addison just looked at her, seeing not only the woman stood in front of her, but the person that has suffered tremendously.
“ you weren't going to drink it, thats what you tell me”
“ I wasn't i promise”
“ Amelia don't lie to me” Thats what got Amelia to stop. “ You've been off for days, upset, snappy, what is wrong, you can tell me anything you know that.”
Amelia just nodded, looking back at addison
“Come sit with me on the couch “ Addison suggesting although she was already guiding Amelia's body towards the couch. Amelia's head rested on Addison's shoulder, finally breaking down slightly allowing tears to fall from her eyes.
Addison just held her tightly, allowing her to stay in her arms as long as needed.
Amelia lifted her hands to her face and wiped her eyes, sniffling slightly before laughing quietly.
“So what's going on?” Addison asked. Looking at Amelia gently
Amelia sighed and took a deep breath in
“ I don't want you to be disappointed, or see me any way differently”
“Amelia you know that would never happen, you know that right”
“ Are you sure” Amelia rambled
Addison just looked at her confused, worried about that Amelia is about to say something crazy.
“What ever it is i promise ok but you need to be honest with me”
“ I think im Bi ” blurted amelia,” i mean i dated owen and he was ok, but have you seen Arizona." “Men are hot but also women are hot and i don't know i can see myself with a woman just as much as i could see myself with a man.”
she held her breath and shut her eyes, almost expecting a reprimanding.
Addison didn't speak for a second, just processing.
“Ok”
“Ok”
“ its ok, what did you think i would say” addison responded, casually
“ I didn't want you to look at me differently “ Amelia looked down, a weight lifed of her chest but still unsure.
“ I would never look at you differently” any way i moved to california im very aware of lesbains , remember callie She was my best fiend and shes bisexual,
Amelia laughed feeling more comforted appreciating addison
“ Nothing makes me look at you differently , especially not who you are” Addison cuddled amelia tighter
Amelia sighed a breath of relief, and let herself be held, proud of finally admitting it