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Superman: Alright everybody, it's once again time for the Justice League try-outs.
Batman: Wait, haven't we already got everyone we needed? I mean, we've got you with all your strength and powers, Flash for his super speed, Green Lantern for his abilities of creation, Wonder Woman for, er, female inclusivity, Aquaman for all his... and me with all my incredible detective skills, endurance, martial art techniques, and keen intellect-
Superman: Okay, we get it, you don't need to hype yourself up so much.
Batman: Yeah, but the point is that I think we've already covered all our bases.
Superman: Well you say that, but I think it might be time for us to start branching out a bit, you know. Incorporate some more talents from around the world, and show that we accept all people from all walks of-
Green Lantern: It's because people on Twitter kept shouting at us for being exclusive white people, isn't it?
Superman: No, that's not-
Green Lantern: And it's not X, it's Twitter. It's Twitter- I'm not calling it fucking X.
Superman: L-Look, the point is to keep your eyes open and on the look out for any potential new candidates to be introduced to the Justice League. So with that out the way, why don't you introduce yourself to us?
Izuku: Well, my hero name is Deku, and I have the power of One for All, the sacred legacy of All Might and all those who have held the torch before me. With this new power, I'm aiming to become the Number One Hero and-
Batman: Wait, aren't you the kid that breaks his bones all the time?
Izuku: Oh my god, is that really the only thing that everyone remembers about me?!
Batman: Well, I'm just saying-
Izuku: Like, I haven't broken any bones in a long time! I haven't! I've been getting control over my power and I've been making so much progress with gaining a mastery over One for All, but that's- that's the only thing that anyone ever remembers me for! It's the only thing that anyone ever talks to me about! Not my heroic deeds or all the incredible feats that I've accomplished, I'm just Bone Breaking Guy!
Flash: Well, they've got a point, if you're just going to be breaking your bones every other fight, then that's a massive liability.
Batman: I don't think you're one to talk, Mister Slip'n'slide.
Flash: Oh fuck you, Bruce.
Izuku: No, I haven't broken anything in a long time! I've made such good progress over the last year, you've got to believe me-!
Superman: Okay look, we- we'll take your word for it, alright? We'll believe you. It's just- it needs calling out.
Izuku: Thank you.
Green Lantern: Hang on, I think I remember you from somewhere as well.
Izuku: Er- that's right, I'm-
Green Lantern: Aren't you the guy that cries all the time?
Izuku: I CRY A MODERATE AMOUNT!
Superman: Hang on, you're the green crying guy I've seen on X?
Green Lantern: Jesus fucking Christ.
Izuku: Oh my god I swear, if it's not the bone breaking it's- I cry a moderate amount, alright!? I cry the normal amount that a teenager is supposed to cry, it's normal for a teenager to cry! Especially when they're breaking bones and getting their feelings hurt by their former best friend!
Batman: I don't know, I've done some tests. I've seen you crying on the TV at the Sports Festival. A lot. There are- there are rivers of water pouring out of your eyes. With enough force to leave a dent in the floor.
Izuku: …
Batman: You sure you don't have an actual quirk?
Izuku: I GOT FUCKING TESTED, OKAY!?
Superman: Look, that's another conversation for another day, alright? Let's just- let's just move the fuck on and get this interview over with without any more arguing, alright?
Batman: Yeah, okay then.
Green Lantern: I'm not letting the whole X thing go, but whatever.
Superman: Cool, cool. Now then, what other- I mean, what other spectacular traits are you known for?
Izuku: Well, I've got my heroic spirit and determination to never give up, to always save as many people as I could, to always go further, to go beyond plus ultra-
Superman: Every hero has that. That's kind of- that's on par with the course, really. You'd be a really shitty hero if you just gave up at the first opportunity, or didn't save as many people as you could, so that- that doesn't really make you stand out.
Izuku: A-and, I've got my cunning intellect and analysis.
Batman: Oh, so you're like me, you're a textbook analysist on the fly.
Izuku: Yeah, exactly! I've got my notebooks and everything!
Batman: Well, it'll be nice to get another intellectual on the team. It's hard enough as it is trying to hold a conversation with Wonder Woman of all people.
Wonder Woman: [scowls in lack of voice actress]
Batman: Tell me, what's your greatest accomplishment that you used your intellect for?
Izuku: Well, during our first training match, I knew how to exploit Kacchan's biggest weakness and use that to help win the match.
Batman: Oh, so you won that fight?
Izuku: N-no, I-I lost. But we still won the match.
Batman: …Uh huh.
Izuku: A-And, there was that one time that I fought against Stain and realised that his quirk was all about injesting blood-
Flash: Ew.
Izuku: -So I worked with Todoroki and Iida to bring him down... and punch him really hard.
Batman: Okay...
Izuku: And then I thought Muscular... and punched him really hard. Then Overhaul... and punched him a lot. Then- then Gentle Criminal... then Shigaraki... then-
Superman: Okay, so your entire contribution to the Justice League would be that you can punch people really hard. But now, see, a lot of people can do that. And by a lot of people I mean everybody here, so that doesn't really give us a reason to... you know... bring you onto the team.
Batman: Yeah, it feels like the only things that anyone would really remember you for is breaking your bones and crying like a pressure washer. Like, you really had me excited for the analysis thing, but then you just... went downhill from there. Is there like, anything, that can make you stand out from all the other heroes here?
Izuku: …I'm really shippable and I'm perfect for self-inserting in fanfics.
Justice League: [sounds of discontent]
Green Lantern: Yeah, I'm sorry, we can't- we can't bring you onto the team. You have nothing going for you that anyone else here doesn't already have but better. I mean-
Izuku: B-But I've got all the quirks of One for All-
Flash: That just makes you a less interesting Spider-Man with a smoking habit.
Superman: Yeah, I'm really trying to be nice to you here, kid, but I've got- I've got nothing, I've got nothing to work with here. You kind of just seem like an average guy surrounded by people who are more interesting then you. I mean, I've looked up your profile, but it just seems like the guys who write your fanfics have more interest in the fanon version of yourself than the canon one, there's not a lot to go on from that department.
Izuku: Wait wait wait, I've got a really good explanation for that!
Superman: Oh yeah, what's that?
Izuku: Horikoshi has less interest in my backstory than his readers.
Justice League: [sounds of agreement]