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On that particular day Soos had taken the day off to help Abuelita with something and Mabel was playing mini golf with her “best rival” Pacifica, so it was just Dipper and his Grunkle Stan working in the Mystery Shack when the government cars drove up. Grunkle Stan kicked everyone out and closed the gift shop, then nervously answered the door and did his best to get rid of the agents. But the two men came in anyway, saying they were conducting an investigation. And that’s when Dipper had the Best Idea Ever.
“Wait, wait, did you guys say you’re investigating the mysteries of this town?” he asked.
“That information is classified,” the one agent said. Then he knelt down to look Dipper in the eye. “But yes. Look, between you and me, I believe there’s a conspiracy of paranormal origin all connected to this town. We’re just one small lead away from blowing the lid off this entire mystery.”
“I know all kinds of stuff about the mysteries in this town!” Dipper exclaimed. “And if you guys helped I bet we could even –”
“I’m sorry agents,” Grunkle Stan said, stepping in between Dipper and the two agents. “My son here has an overactive imagination.”
Dipper froze. Grunkle Stan never called Dipper and Mabel his son and daughter. He called them his kids, and he let Mabel say he was like their dad and he hadn’t said anything that one time Dipper had been feeling really upset and accidentally called him ‘Dad,’ but Grunkle Stan was pretty big on the whole ‘not replacing family’ thing, so he never actually called Dipper his son. Except when he was pulling a con.
Not counting having the help out around the Shack, Grunkle Stan didn’t bring Dipper or Mabel or Soos into his cons very much. (“I’m just a grumpy old man and high school drop-out, but you kids are better than that.”) But when he did the first, and really only, rule was to play along and follow his lead. And right now he was trusting Dipper to help him get rid of these government agents without them knowing anything about the weird stuff in Gravity Falls, so Dipper could do that.
“But Daaaad,” Dipper said, doing his best whiny stupid little kid voice, “you said all this stuff was real.”
“Of course it’s real; anything you can imagine is real. Now why don’t you go play while I talk to these nice men?”
“Fiiiinnne,” Dipper said, walking off dragging his feet, then ducking behind one of the shelves in the gift shop so he could keep listening.
“Heh, heh, kids, am I right?” Grunkle Stan said. “Paranormal town stuff is just part of gift shop lore; sells more tickets, you know?”
“I see,” said the lead agent. “Well if you do see anything please give us a call. For now we have other spots to investigate. We’ll be on our way.”
Dipper listened to them leaving, and once the door closed he ran over to peer outside the window to make sure they were really gone. Grunkle Stan came to stand beside him and gave Dipper a quick pat on the head. “Good job. I think the bratty kid thing really sold it.”
“But why’d we have to get rid of them; they could have helped,” Dipper said.
“Trust me, the cops hanging around is the last thing we need. Look, I know you like investigating all the weird stuff in this town, but-“
“No,” Dipper interrupted, “They could’ve helped us get Grunkle Sixer back.”
Grunkle Stan looked shocked, and Dipper stared up at him defiantly, daring him to try and lie about it. All the coincidences and little things that Grunkle Stan had said over the years, this was the only explanation that made sense. Even Mabel thought so, and she always told Dipper when his ideas were getting too crazy. (Though that wasn’t as often as Dipper had to tell Mabel that her ideas were too crazy.)
Grunkle Stan gave a nervous laugh and shook his head. “You’re too smart for my own good, you know that kid? But what I said still stands; we don’t want any cops around poking their noses into our family business. You think those government suits are going to care about getting Sixer back? No, best case scenario they take the portal apart trying to figure out how it works. Worst case, they also try to arrest me for building it, and then I’d have to grab you kids and flee to Canada.”
Dipper made a face. “I don’t want to live in Canada.”
“Neither do I,” Grunkle Stan agreed. “And I do have a plan to get Sixer back, kiddo, I just need a little more time.”
“Another week or two?” Dipper asked, remembering what Grunkle Stan had told him when Dipper had asked about him having a twin the other night.
“Just another week or two,” Grunkle Stan agreed. “You can wait that long, can’t you?”
Dipper nodded. “I was only trying to help.”
“You were trying to… Dipper, who found Journal #3?”
“Soos and me did,” Dipper said.
“And that little twerp Gideon never would have brought over Journal #2 if it weren’t for your sister. And I know you’re smart enough that you’ve figured out that those journals are Sixer’s research notes, including how to make the portal work. I couldn’t have done any of this without your help,” Grunkle Stan said.
“You might’ve found the journals on your own anyway,” said Dipper, but he was already feeling a lot better. Yeah, maybe Grunkle Stan could’ve found the journals on his own eventually, but Dipper was able to get it for him faster, and that was helping, right?
“Kid, I was living in Gravity Falls for over twenty years before you and your sister showed up; if I was going to find those journals on my own, I would have by then. Truth is,” Grunkle Stan said, getting down on one knee and placing a hand on Dipper’s shoulder, “you kids are the best thing that ever happened to me. And not just because you found the journals either.”
“Even better than Grunkle Sixer?” Dipper asked, and then immediately regretted it. Grunkle Sixer was Grunkle Stan’s twin, and Dipper was just Dipper. How could he, even combined with Mabel and Soos, compete with that?
“I’m gonna tell you a secret kid,” Grunkle Stan said, lowering his voice to a whisper. “Sixer is actually fifteen minutes older than me. So if anything, I happened to him.”
“Does that mean I happened to Mabel?” asked Dipper.
“Sure does. The best thing that ever happened to her. And just wait, when I get Sixer back, you kids will be the best thing that ever happened to him too.”
“Except for you,” Dipper corrected, and that time it wasn’t hard to say. If he could be the best thing that happened to Mabel and Grunkle Stan, two of his favorite people in the whole world, then he was okay with being second best for Grunkle Sixer.
“Yeah, something like that,” Grunkle Stan said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Hey, your sister should be about done playing mini golf shouldn’t she? Let’s go pick her up.”
“But wasn’t Pacifica’s driver supposed to… nevermind. I can’t wait to tell Mabel everything!” In fact, Dipper was so excited that he completely forgot how nervous Grunkle Stan looked just a second ago. It was probably nothing anyway.