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“The lighthouse is on the other side of the harbour. My men will be waiting.”
Just as Jubei turned to ride away, Atsu called out to him. “What happened to Kiku’s mother? There's no trace of her anywhere.”
Jubei stopped in his tracks and slowly turned around to face Atsu, his mind swirling with old memories of you. “She… succumbed to illness shortly after giving birth to Kiku. The strain of childbirth was too much for her to bear and left her weak.”
He could see the hesitation on Atsu’s face, as if she wanted to reach out and comfort him but didn't know how. Before she could speak, he quickly turned away and readied his horse. “Let’s get a move on, be ready for anything.”
As he hurried away, the frequent cannon shots weren't enough to stop his thoughts drifting to when he first met you…
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“Did you hear, an ashigaru prevented an attempt on Lord Matsumae’s life! He got promoted to Lord and is gonna live in that house right by the castle gate! Do you think he’ll be cute?”
You laugh while reorganizing the bandages in the dusty old infirmary. “You better quiet down. Wouldn't want the head nurse to hear and assign you bathroom duty again.”
Yuki gagged. “Ugh, I swear samurai are more pig than men! How hard can it be to use a chamber pot correctly?! Then again, men are basically pigs anyways…”
Smiling fondly at your friend's theatrics, you turn back toward the shelf right as the door slams open.
A desperate looking samurai scans the room before locking eyes with you. “You. Come with me. Your aid is urgently needed.”
Throwing a sidelong glance at Yuki, who looks equally as baffled, you quickly gather your medical kit and hurry after the samurai. He takes you to the usually uninhabited house by the castle gate, stopping right outside the front entrance. “Lord Kitamori is inside and he needs urgent medical attention.”
Lord Kitamori… must be that ashigaru Yuki was gushing over, you thought. You rush inside and the sight that greets you makes your face pale. A young man around your age was leaning against the wall, his arm clutching a growing red spot on his stomach. You rush over to inspect him and he weakly pushes you away.
He glares at you while still clutching himself. “Who are you and what are you doing here?!”
Feeling a little miffed, you tell him your name. “My Lord, I was sent to provide care for you, but I can head back if you insist.” As you picked up your things and turned to walk away, he calls out to you.
“Wait, come back…please. I apologize, I’m just a little on edge.”
You ease him down so you can inspect his wound. “Well I can’t imagine why. Not like you're bleeding out or anything.” He chuckles as you take off his armour and open his shitagi, trying not to flinch at what greets you. “Looks like this wound was healing before it was reopened. I’ll need to cauterize it so it doesn't get infected.”
He looks at you warily as you pull out some black powder. “And why does a nurse like you have black powder? Making bombs behind Matsumae castle?”
“Very funny, My Lord. I’ll have you know it cauterizes wounds in a pinch, considering I don't have access to any cautery irons. Unless you’d rather me heat up your katana instead?”
He gestures for you to continue working, a slight smile on his face. After wrapping his wound, you pack your medical bag and get ready to leave. “You should be fine now, as long as you don't open it up again. For the time being, avoid strenuous activities.”
Just as you're about to turn around, he grabs your arm quickly, letting it go just as fast, his face heating up in embarrassment. “Thank you… I appreciate it,” an awkward smile on his face.
“Just doing my job,” you say, smiling as you leave his house. As you walk away and head back to the infirmary, a gentle breeze swirls the cherry blossoms around you, tickling your face with their beauty. You can't help but think that Yuki would be excited to know that, yes, Lord Kitamori is indeed very cute.
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Lord Kitamori very quickly became a constant in your life.
Every time he got hurt, he wasted no time and immediately went to you. You normally wouldn't have minded—your job is to heal after all—but sometimes, he seemed a little excessive.
He called out your name from the door of the infirmary. “I’m in dire need of medical attention.”
You raised an eyebrow and gestured for him to sit on one of the infirmary futons.
“Alright, show me the injury.” He raises up his pinky finger, a small smirk on his face. “... My lord, this is a papercut. It's not even bleeding!”
“I need medical attention all the same. What if it got infected? As a samurai, I need to be in perfect shape.”
Fine, if he wants to be childish, I can be childish too.
After cleaning his minuscule cut with mugwort, you start to wrap his pinky with gauze. He doesn’t say anything for the first two layers, but after the fifth, he pulls away from your grasp.
“I think that’s enough,” he says, slightly astonished at the mound of bandages on his hand.
You quickly grab his hand and bring it back to your lap, his eyes widening ever so slightly. “No My Lord, like you said, it would be absolutely disastrous if your finger were to get infected. Please allow me to continue treating you.” Before he could respond, you were already wrapping his finger in even more layers, a small, self-satisfied smile on your face.
Watching you, Jubei couldn't stop himself from smiling too, and you felt your face warm.
You only let him go after wrapping the entire roll of gauze around his finger.
Watching him leave, astounded by the sheer size of his finger, you were slowly hit with a wave of sadness. You’ve grown fond of him, but deep down you knew it’d never work out. A lord like him would never be interested in a peasant nurse like yourself, right? You lacked the refinement and elegant beauty of (usually noble) samurai wives, so there was no way you were getting your hopes up.
Even as you steeled yourself, your heart still felt heavy.
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Since that day, you’ve pulled away from Lord Kitamori.
Every second spent in his presence painfully reminds you that he’d never be yours, so you try to avoid him when you can. You no longer wave and smile cheerfully when you see him across the courtyard, now speeding past him, eyes locked ahead of you, refusing to look in his direction.
(He’s confused of course; to his knowledge, he hadn't done anything offensive, and he has no idea why you're acting this way.)
You think it’s better this way.
With enough distance you’ll eventually move on, and he undoubtedly will find someone far more interesting than you to charm.
Which is what you want, of course.
────
Life had become peaceful.
You haven’t seen Lord Kitamori in a couple of weeks. He eventually stopped seeking you out, and you try to convince yourself that you wanted this. It’s better this way.
Your days now consist of restocking supplies in the infirmary, treating the rare injury (the samurai have been rather healthy recently), and gossiping with Yuki.
On one such normal day, you find yourself zoning out while sweeping the floor. Yuki was out sick, so you had no one to talk to, making the day even more boring than usual. You probably shouldn't have thought that, because right that second, the door slammed open and a samurai came running, holding Lord Kitamori’s bloody body in his arms.
You freeze at first, the broom clattering as it falls to the ground. You stare at his bloody, unmoving body, trying to make sense of everything. Lord Kitamori, one of the strongest of the Matsumae, was currently laying motionless on an infirmary futon, his blood staining the pristine white sheets. Only at the barking of the other samurai did you snap out of your stupor. Putting a hand to his heart, you felt his pulse; it was so slow that you thought he was dead at first, the first thump almost bringing tears to your eyes.
You worked through the night trying to keep Lord Kitamori alive. Cleaning his (many) wounds, wrapping them, and nursing him back to health took a toll on you, and come morning, you were nearly about to pass out.
Just as you turned away to grab some more bandages, you felt him stir behind you. Whipping around, you witnessed his eyes open, darting around until they stilled on you.
“You… you’re here.”
“Well, who else was supposed to heal you?”
He laughs slightly, quickly wincing as his wounds stretch. You help him sit up, and right as you pull away, he reaches out toward you, placing his hand over yours.
“Listen, I know you’ve been avoiding me. I don't know what I did, but being away from you for so long only made me more certain in my feelings.” He pulls your hand closer, placing it on his bare chest, right on his heart. You can feel it rapidly thumping underneath his skin. “I love you.”
Your breath hitches as you stare at him wide eyed. “You don't know that.”
“But I do. Every battle, I found myself being more careful, because I couldn't bear to not see you again. What is that, if not love?”
“But you're a lord, how—”
“I was but a humble ashigaru before I was Lord Kitamori, why would I care that you're a peasant?”
He leans forward, passion evident in his voice.
“I love your sarcasm and I love how sly you are when you think you’re being funny. I love the way you wrap my bandages when I get injured. I love the way blue looks on you and I love the way you pout when you’re upset. I love you.”
You can’t bring yourself to meet his eyes, and your mouth is too dry to speak. You slowly take his other hand and place it on top of your chest.
He feels your heartbeat, beating erratically, just like his.
As your heartbeats sync, you slowly lift your eyes to meet his, smiling shyly.
He smiles back.
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On their way to ambush the Dragon, Jubei is uncharacteristically silent, which makes Atsu fidget.
If only he knew how good he had it then.
Now, he's a single father who barely has time for his child and can hardly protect her from being killed by Saito’s thugs.
He stares out into the ocean, the breeze swirling the cherry blossoms around him, making his nose itch.
You had looked good in that shade of blue.