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One of the difficult things about realizing one did indeed have a heart was that once you acknowledged it, you started feeling the ache. Determined to ignore the faint throb in his chest, Severus Snape crossed his arms and looked down at the bedraggled man before him. It had been months of quick chats, vague letters, and only one slightly alarming Patronus, yet after all that confusion, here he was. Remus Lupin was sitting on the settee, unconsciously curling into the green and silver blanket. As the blanket was tugged over his lean shoulders, a shimmery emerald embroidered snake glinted between faintly trembling fingers.
"Where have you been?" No, he wasn't worried about this man; he was...concerned. When no answer was forthcoming, Snape had to bite back his frustration. "You haven't been to an Order meeting in months, and no one has heard from you. The Tonks woman keeps glaring at me like she suspects I have your corpse buried in my back garden". Deciding to ignore the befuddled wrinkle in Lupin's brow at the mention of Tonks' name, Snape rocked back on his heels slightly. "Adrian's been worried".
"That's a low blow, and you know it", Remus rasped. His previously cloudy eyes sharpened slightly at the mention of his adopted [if only in his head] stepson. Snape tried to tell himself he wasn't relieved at the show of life.
"Well?"
"I wanted to tell you, Severus. I tried to drop hints, but...I swore."
"To whom did you swear? Or is the contractor's name part of the problem?" Remus opened his mouth, lips contorting as if trying to eat words he had yet to speak. "I suppose that answers that." Snape sighed and perched himself on the arm of the chair across from the settee.
"Severus..."
"Given that you've been gone several months, without your potion, I might add-" Remus flinched so violently that Severus leaned forward slightly, prepared to catch him if he fell from his seat. "And the appearance of at least 3 new visible scars, as well as your cagey messages, a scenario or two has crossed my mind".
"I did want to tell you." Whispered Remus, brown eyes uncomfortably bright. "But...", his limp fingers grasped Severus' wrist loosely.
"You made a Vow, didn't you?" Settling fully into the armchair and placing a cool hand on Remus' knuckles, Severus sighed again. "I know what that means, perhaps better than most. And however mad I am that you made it, please know that I am not angry with you." At these words, the tears that had been glistening in Remus' eyes fell like rain. "I know of only two people that you would do this for, even with such stringent requirements. And as much as I loathe to admit it, Black would not let you leave without at least an emergency stash of potion". Resignation flashed across Remus' face so quickly that anyone who hadn't made a lifetime goal to catalog his every expression would have missed it.
"As always, your ability to see to the heart of things amazes me, Severus."
"You appear to have been through a significant ordeal. Try to relax a bit," casting a glance at abandoned mugs of cocoa, long gone cold, Snape continued. "I will go make us some more cocoa".
Snape gave the fingers clutching his a quick but firm squeeze and rose slowly so as not to startle his guest.
"I'm fine with a reheating charm".
"Perhaps". Snape stopped in the doorway to his small kitchen. "But you prefer it made and heated the Muggle way". He turned and sent Remus a look that could be construed as the beginning of a smile. "Rest. I'll wake you when it's ready".
"Severus!" The urgency in Remus' exclamation startled even himself. Snape turned back again. "Just...three people". At Snape's puzzled look, Lupin brushed a finger over the embroidered snake. "That I would do this for". With a nod and a slight upward tick to his lips, the potions professor entered his kitchen and went about arranging his cocoa ingredients, unaware of the fond smile inching across Remus' face, even as his eyes fell closed.
Once in the kitchen and the kettle set to a boil, Snape cast a quick "Mufliato" before gently placing his wand on the counter. Only one person would be able to send Remus off into certain danger without access to wolfsbane. While he would loathe Sirius Black until the day he ambled off into the next world, Black would never send his former flame anywhere without wolfsbane. So that left one person. Unheard by Remus due to the silencing spell, the contents of the kitchen cabinets rattled menacingly. Flexing his fingers, Snape noticed idly that they were shaking. Whether with relief at Remus' reappearance, or in rage at the circumstances, he wasn't quite sure. A flick of his wand, a shining wisp of light.
"You owe me an explanation. Vague warnings will not suffice." Message completed, the wisp spun off, and as he watched its silver trail fade, Snape could almost see it racing across the glassy surface of the Black Lake towards the school he would soon be returning to. Rotating his wrists to rid himself of some tension, he removed the silencing spells and poured the now finished cocoa into two mugs. Though both mugs were a tad worn in places, the slightly messy paint job, as well as the off-center handles, indicated they'd been made with affectionate hands, if not particularly talented ones.
Severus swept back into the living room to be greeted by the sight of a faintly snoring Remus, curled into the settee. Placing a stasis charm on the cocoa to keep it warm, he put both mugs softly on the wooden table. He then proceeded to wave his wand, muttering as silently as possible so as not to wake the sleeping werewolf. While his talents lay more in potions and dark arts than in healing, Snape still knew enough to run some rudimentary diagnostics. While a physical examination would have to wait until Remus was awake (something Snape was trying not to think about too hard), the superficial cuts and bruises were something he could handle. Gently, so as not to wake Remus from his much-needed doze, Snape picked up one of his rough, scarred hands and got to work.
"Vulnera Sanentur, Ferula, Reparifors..."
When Remus eventually awoke, it was to clean, significantly less scarred hands, warm cocoa next to his elbow, and his...friend? Partner? (Merlin knows what the proper term is for someone you essentially abandoned, to keep an unbreakable promise of espionage during a time of war) sleeping on the chair across from him. At Remus' shifting, Severus' eyes snapped open with alarm, before coming to rest on the bedraggled werewolf before him. Clearing his throat slightly, Remus gave a somewhat weak smile.
"Good morning Severus. Or is it nighttime? I apologize, I may have slept quite a bit longer than either of us intended". Snape stared at him, expressionless for a moment. Silence hung awkwardly between the two, and just when Remus could feel himself about to start babbling if only to break the tension, did Snape speak.
"4 broken ribs, a sprained ankle, a black eye, a dislocated shoulder, and at least 16 new scars". Deciding that feigning ignorance of his own injuries would not sit well with Severus, Remus' weak smile dropped.
"Ah. I'd been hoping the eye wouldn't swell." Remus reached a finger up to trace the contour of his right eye, blessedly numb. His apparent nonchalance toward his injuries did not appear to alleviate any of the anger or concern battling for dominance across Severus' face.
"You need a proper looking over. I'm equipped for quite a variety of medical issues, thanks to Adrian's occasional explosions, but in-depth healing spells have never been something I excelled at. I can handle your ribs, but I'm not incredibly confident about mending your shoulder. I wanted to wait for you to wake up so you could decide what you wanted to do. I can take you to St. Mungo's, or I can try to get Poppy to make a house call, assuming she's aware of your...situation."
"I'll be fine Severus. I've gotten quite good at relocating bones. As for the rest, well. I've certainly had worse." Snape's eyes narrowed, his nostrils flaring dangerously.
"Remarkably, that does not make me feel better."
"Really, Severus. I'll be fine." Remus softened his voice ever so slightly, hoping his assurance would ease Severus' mind. The potion master's lips tightened, frustration clear.
"Fine. We can try to reduce the shoulder. But I will have Dreamless Sleep and Poppy on standby."
"That's really not neces-" Stopping at the anger reemerging on Snape's face, Remus acquiesced, albeit reluctantly. "Fine. Thank you, Severus."
"You're welcome". The brief silence felt significantly less tense than the previous one. This, as well as the worry apparent on Severus' face, encouraged Remus somewhat.
"Severus. I know you said that you do not blame me - " Remus held up a hand, in an effort to stop the retort he could see about to leave Severus' now open mouth, "Just because you understand the why, does not take away the hurt the actions caused. I am sorry Severus, for leaving you without answers. I imagine if I were in your position, I would be quite terrified for you". Remus gave another wry smile. "And probably quite angry as well. You're entitled to it". A cool, pale hand grasped his. He raised his eyes from his lap - frustrated at the difficulty - to meet warm ebony ones. Severus was crouched next to the settee, a soft, sad look in his eyes.
"Terrified doesn't quite cover it". Severus raised a hand slowly, as if worried Remus would spook, to place it gently against Remus' cheek. "I was...rather frantic". The faint pink tinge to Severus's ears was the only indication he was aware of how close they were. "You did try to warn me before leaving. I was able to tell that. I knew it was Order-related, and I could tell you weren't happy about it. I just..." Remus felt the fingers in his tighten slightly. "I wanted to be able to support you. I could tell you were scared. Knowing you were scared during all those check-ins, but not being able to talk about it-it worried me". Remus momentarily remembered stolen snatches of phone conversations, chattering about nothing at all, and acting as if he couldn't hear the tightly leashed anxiety in his partner's voice, and the absence of questions.
"I had hoped I wasn't as obvious in my fear as I was in my reluctance to leave," Remus sighed. "But, you've always been able to see all of me, regardless of whether it's particularly pleasant". White fingers ghosted over the dark shadows beneath Remus' eyes. The cool touch felt surprisingly soothing against the warm numbness coming from his black eye.
"You were scared. And alone. And that is something that I had promised myself you would never be again". Severus gave a bitter chuckle. "A mornic thing to promise, never mind expect to keep during wartime". Remus closed his eyes at the pang of sorrow that crept up his throat, chased quickly by a well of affection.
"I wasn't alone Severus. Not entirely. I know you were worried, and I know it doesn't ease things. But hearing your voice, whether out loud or through letters, helped more than I can say". Remus tilted forward slightly to lean his forehead against Severus', and tried to ignore how watery his voice had become. "I know it's really trite to say in this context, but I missed you terribly". A small quirk at the corner of Severus' lips.
"I missed you, too."
Soon, the men would have to move. Remus' shoulder required seeing to, and both men were in desperate need of a bath and sleep. Later, Remus would submit his final report to Dumbledore on his mission and check in with Mad-Eye. Later, Severus would send an owl to Sirius (coded, of course) and inform him and Adrian that Remus was safe. Later still, Remus would reappear at the scratched wooden table in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place, to the gentle hug of his remaining school friend, tearful relief from Tonks, and the uproarious delight of the entire Weasely clan. There would be nightmares, and jitters, and long nights of both talking and silence. But for now, after months of fear, cold, and separation, they were together. The world could wait a little longer.