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Sometimes arguments just had to happen, no matter how understanding both parties were, no matter how much either party didn't want to argue, no matter how much they cared for each other, arguments happened. Sometimes arguments happened because two people care about each other so much, and when one of the parties had self destructive tendencies eventually patience would wear thin, cups would overflow and heads would clash and there would be no way about but through.
Sometimes the stars would align to create the perfect conditions for arguments to happen, like a busy and difficult exam period that caused her interactions with her girlfriend to be limited. Like, a busy period for the student council representative that would triple the workload of her already over worked grilfriend. Then different but equally bad days for them to finish off the ingredients thrown in the argument soup pot.
Mary's final exam had gone terribly. A combination of obscenely difficult questions and her mind blanking in the middle of it meant she was already irritated as she sauntered towards Riri's dorm. All she wanted was to lay in her girlfriend's arms and forget all about her sorrows but apparently she couldn't even do that because Riri's dorm was empty when she got there. She had texted Riri before her paper and Riri had told her she would be at her dorm at that time, if the plan had changed Riri would tell her. She immediately called Riri and became more distressed when she heard the phone ringing in the room. Riri never went anywhere without her phone, for a variety of reasons she was always with her device, the situation was starting to get distressing. It became even more so that when she tracked the ringing and found it under the dresser in Riri's room. Something was definitely wrong. She didn't panic though, she remained calm-ish and called Kira. The phone rang a couple of times before she picked up.
"My dorm" Kira answered before she could even voice the question and ended the call. That only further solidified her belief that something was wrong, her relationship with Kira hsd improved, so much so that her calling Kira just to chat wasn't weird anymore so the fact that Kira immediately knew why she was calling meant something had happened to Riri. She tried not to imagine the worst as she made her way to Kira's dorm, which for the first time ever she was annoyed was further away —Riri had relocated further down the hall when she and Mary had gotten together so they could have some privacy— after what felt like forever but was probably less than 30 seconds, she arrived at Kira's dorm, knocked, and entered.
The scene she met was worrying but not as much as the images she'd imagined in her head. Riri was asleep on Kira's bed with an adhesive strip on her forehead just above her eye brow, which meant Riri had a cut on her head, which partnered with previous information meant that Riri fell and Riri doesn't fall, none of the Timurovs did really. They were fleet of foot, always had perfect balance, they don't fall, she's not even sure she'd seen them stumble. She immediately turned to Kira who was at her desk, close to the door.
"She's fine" Kira answered before Mary could ask — that was getting old— "Or she will be." Mary shot her look that indicated she was going to need more than that.
"I don't know what happened, I saw her on the floor in her room, passed out, I brought her here. She looked frail, more frail than usual, so I gave her a snack and some Tylenol after treating the cut and put her to bed" Kira explained, "My guess, she's sick or she over worked herself again and forgot to eat or both"
"……"
"Watch over her, I have something to handle, I'll be back"
"You didn't have to say it, I was going to do it"
"Yeah, yeah, you love my sister. Whatever" Kira spat — although there was no venom behind it— as she left the room.
She really didn't want to be mad at Riri, but if Kira was right, it meant Riri had pushed her herself and her body past it's limits again and she had gotten hurt because of it again. Of course she understood where the behavior came from, she understood that Riri was used to having to do this because Arkadi was the worst person ever and couldn't care less about his children's well being. She understood that it takes time to unlearn and undo a decade and then some worth of harmful practices and actions, and maybe if she hadn't already had a bad day, if she hadn't been subject to a myriad of emotions today she wouldn't be getting annoyed. Also, if her knowing nothing about wasn't in keeping with Riri's behavior lately, maybe it wouldn't have hurt as much. At the start of their relationship, Riri told her everything, every issue, every problem, even a slight discomfort she would be informed. There was an openness and transparency that Mary hadn't had in any other relationship before and she loved it.
That all changed when Arkadi died. The news had come as somewhat of a surprise to them, Riri had been trying to device away to gather information on Arkadi to put him away forever. It was risky plan especially because Riri had done dirty work for him but Mary and her had decided he didn't get to put more blood on her hands even if it was his. They were actually discussing their latest plan when Kira walked into their room with the news. Kira and Riri's relationship was still tense at that point, so her sudden appearance in the room was a little surprising, the news she came with even more so.
She informed that Arkadi had been killed, although she didn't say how or by who but the sly grin on her face indicated that she probably knew — she probably did it herself. That was the catalyst to repair the sister's relationship, they had a long conversation after Kira delivered the news and after that returned to a version of normal and their relationship only improved from then on, Riri however, did change. She became a little withdrawn, she talked a lot less than usual —which already wasn't all that much— whenever Mary asked she would be hit by Riri's new favorite phrase "I'm fine".
"How are you doing Riri?", "I'm fine"
"You've seemed a little down lately baby, is everything alright?", "I'm fine"
She chalked it up to the girl being in mourning. She could understand that, Arkadi might have the absolute scum of the earth but he was still her dad and it would make sense that she'd mourn him. She decided not to push anymore, deciding to be a comforting girlfriend in anyway Riri needed and if that meant just leaving it be then she'd do that. Riri would eventually open up when she was ready.
She was upset but Riri was asleep, she figured she'd have time to calm down before Riri would wake up and then she would have a level headed conversation with her. She was wrong because as soon as she sat at the desk just vacated by Kira, she turned around to see a fully conscious Riri staring at her. She took a couple of breaths to steady herself, and remind herself that Riri's well being was the most important thing right now.
She walked at sat on the bed by Riri's feet, and asked how she was feeling.
"I'm fine" so there were still doing this, okay.
"Clearly, you are not fine Riri, Kira found you on the floor past out in your room, does that seem like fine to you?" More anger filtered into her voice than she intended but it needed to be said.
"I just got a little light headed, I'm fi-"
"Fine. You're fine." She interrupted, "YOU.ARE.FINE. That's why you look so frail, that's why you're passing out in your room, that's why you've been withdrawn these last few weeks because you're fine." She meant to sound angry that time.
"You have a cut on your head, I can tell from your skin and eyes that you haven't slept properly in at least 48 hours, probably more. You probably haven't eaten today as well but sure you're fine."
"I'm handling it" Riri retorted
"Not well, clearly. Look, it's okay if you don't trust me to talk about what's going on but at least talk to Kira or Wendy."
"That's not- I trust you Mary" Riri reassured, or tried to anyway.
"Do you? You've not been acting like it" Mary shot back, "Something is very obviously wrong yet whenever I ask you just say 'im fine' so clearly you don't trust me enough to talk about it"
"That's not fair"
"No. what's not fair is my girlfriend going through something distressing enough that she reverts back to unhealthy coping mechanisms that cause her harm and not trusting me to talk about it"
"Stop saying that, I trust you"
"Then act like it!" She yelled, she didn't mean to yell, or maybe she did, she didn't want to yell. She never wanted to raise her voice at Riri, and seeing the way Riri recoiled as she did made her sad but she was still upset, she needed to breathe, she needed air, she needed space to calm down, she needed to leave so she did.
"I just- I ju- I just can't right now" she murmured as she left the room, bumping into Kira who was returning at that moment and if she heard Riri calling for her to come back well she didn't and she just kept walking.
She didn't know how long she has been on the roof but it was probably a while. The sun was setting when she got up here and now it was dark. She'd calmed down a while ago, although still not ready for the conversation that awaits her when she inevitably goes back down. She heard the footsteps but didn't turn around, whoever was there would speak when they wanted to be acknowledged.
"Are you going to stand out here all night" Kira called from behind her.
"Maybe, I like the autumn breeze" She shot back, "If you're here to lecture me, I don't wanna hear it right now" she half commanded, half pleaded.
"I'm not here to do that. I'm here….to tell you….that I get it" Mary turned around at that. She watched as Kira walked over to a bench that was there and sat down, she contemplated it for a moment before going to join her.
"She does this with Arkadi related things, she did it with me. That's one of the reasons the whole shit show at the retreat happened." Kira sighed, "I didn't know he was manipulating her, I didn't know she was doing it to protect her mom, to protect me so I when he announced her as the next student council representative, I was hurt"
"I get that but we'd gotten past this"
"Mary, you know it's not that simple. And clearly Arkadi's death changed things, but she obviously still cares about you, she's been talking non stop about how she can't wait for your exams to end so you two can spend time together again"
"What's the point of spending time together if she's not going to talk to me?"
"Because you're her happy Pills, okay?" Kira responded, her voice bordering on exasperation.
"Her what?"
"Her happy pills, the thing that keeps her going, the thing that keeps the bad thoughts and feelings away, the thing that makes everything okay. You're her happy pills" Kira explained, "I don't know why she isn't talking to you about what's wrong and I'm not saying you're not allowed to be upset by that, I'm saying just because she doesn't trust you in the way that you want, it doesn't mean she doesn't trust you at all. She might not be telling you what's wrong but it doesn't mean she doesn't trust you to make it better"
She was about to respond when she heard footsteps coming up behind them, she didn't have to turn around to know she would find Riri standing there.
"Okay, I'll leave you two lovebirds to talk. That's enough emotional vulnerability for me anyway" Kira quipped as she left them be. As Kira disappeared back down stairs, Riri took her place beside Mary on the bench. They sat there in silence for a bit, Mary had decided she wasn't going to speak first but she could also tell that Riri wanted to say something so she was happy to wait.
"I didn't want him in our life" Riri finally spoke up, "He's gone and I'm glad he's gone and everyone is glad he's gone but I'm also sad. And I know that's silly but I am sad' she wanted to stop and tell her that wasn't true but she didn't want to interrupt the first honest conversation they've had in a while so she held her tongue and listened.
"And everyone just moved on, even Kira and I understand because we're finally free so I thought it would be wrong to bring it up, that I was sad, that his death made me sad so I started throwing myself into work and tasks and then exams started and we barely got to see each other and then I got even more sad so I threw myself into more work and then my duties as student council representative got added in and I got to throw myself into more work so I didn't have to think about him or the sadness and then I wasn't sleeping because sleeping meant stopping and stopping meang not doing work and not doing work meant thinking and I really didn't want to think anymore. And today it got out of hand and before I could handle it, all that happened" She was on the verge of tears now and that broke Mary's heart.
"I didn't mean to make it seem like I don't trust you моя любовь, I trust you with my life. I just didn't want him to have an effect on another part of my life" she was crying now, Mary immediately wrapped her in a hug and stroked her back as she sobbed into her shoulder. They stayed like that, Mary quietly comforting Riri, for a while until Riri's breaths became less shaky and her words became more coherent. After a couple more minutes, she pulled her face out of Mary's shoulder and face her girlfriend.
"I'm sorry" Riri apologized, voice still not fully stable.
"All I wanted was for you to talk to me and I'm glad you've finally gotten all of that off your chest" she reassured her, "next time can it not take all of this for you to talk to me or anyone, okay?"
"Okay" Riri nodded.
"Okay" Mary pulled her closer, Riri accepted the invite and rested her head on Mary shoulder.
"I love you" Riri sniffled
Mary placed a kiss on her forehead, "I love you too baby."