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The season was ending.
The season had ended.
But Jumper couldn’t move anywhere.
Everything they did- everything- had just been for nothing?
The Players had won anyways.
They’d only chunkbanned themselves.
She knew it wasn’t supposed to be serious, she knew that even though she failed it was technically ok but-
It didn’t feel ok.
She didn’t feel ok.
Jumper had failed.
Jumper had failed, and who knew what would happen next season? Would she just fail again? And again? And again and again and again and again?
“Hey Jumper.” Oh.
Minute was here.
“Hey Minute.”
“Rough season, huh.”
“You could say that.”
“It’s not your fault I died.”
“I know.”
“Do you?” She laughed in response, but not because she was particularly happy.
“Well, I should know.”
“Ok bro, do I need to like. Beat up your brain or something?”
“Are you like, my knight in shining armour? Come to beat up the big bad dragon-brain?”
“I mean, I’m more like your knight who’s cosplaying a bat, but sure. I can do that.” Jumper laughed genuinely this time.
Minute somehow always managed to do that.
“... it’s just- I feel like even though we did so much, even though we put so much effort into this, they still beat us. Everything was for nothing. Nothing Minute. You died. Peentar died. Planet died. 4c died. So many people died, just to give us a chance, and we failed. We failed them. I failed them. I failed you. I’m not good at- at fighting or at doing anything but talking. Even with Squiddo and Ash being quite literally immortal, we still couldn’t kill them.” She’d failed.
That was the root of the problem.
Jumper had failed.
“Technically, this isn’t my first Lifesteal season.” Jumper tilted her head, confused. “Yeah, I actually was technically a part of the season 4 finale! I was supposed to be one of the attackers, but I actually decided to join Parrot and the 3 heart trios side.” Oh right, she’d heard about that. “And we failed. Planet died. Technically it was a bit different, yeah. Technically, Wormhole had op weapons and loot. But in the end, the outcome was the same. We'd had three seconds left. And still we’d failed. I'd failed. I hadn’t done enough. And then Zam came up to me.”
“Zam? Was it to gloat?” Minute laughed.
“Yeah Zam bro! Zam! And not to gloat. You know what she told me?” his voice softened a bit. “Lifesteal isn’t just murder and psychological warfare” she snorted “Yeah that was her exact wording bro. Anyways, continuing, What people don’t realize coming in, is that it’s putting all your effort, seeing everything you’ve worked for collapse, and knowing you could have stopped it if you’d just tried a bit harder, even though you’d already given everything you possibly could and then some more. But in the end, it doesn’t matter, since the next season will happen and the cycle will continue. Either you quit, leave, take a break if you have to… or try harder. Learn. Make different mistakes, instead of the same ones over and over again.” Huh. “Because when everyone is hunting you down, you have to remember to try, even if you die. That’s all you can really do in Lifesteal. Come back the next season, and try as fucking hard as you can to do something, anything to change what’s inevitably coming for you.”
“Zam is. Interesting at motivational talks.” she couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her.
“I know bro, she definitely is. Something. But also like, in a roundabout way, it somewhat helped you know? So that’s what I’m remembering. Even when- even when Clown and Leo betrayed me, even when everything was like against us… we have to keep trying y’know? Whatever we’re doing bro, we have to keep trying.” He exhaled. “Even when everything feels like it’s collapsing.”
Jumper… nodded.
“I guess. It’s- hard to think but. Yeah.”
“Besides, you’ve done so much cool stuff! You are quite literally the entire reason we beat The Abyss, you were one of the only ones to survive until the end, you have been one of the most important players this season Jumper. I’d say that that’s pretty cool.” Jumper sighed.
“Yeah. Yeah you’re right.” She stood up. She’d been here for long enough, she wouldn’t do anything by wallowing in self-pity. “C’mon, hub?” Minute laughed.
“A’ight bro. Hub it is. Want to see the others?” She hesitated, then shook her head.
“Dallright, I’ll tell them that.” She nodded gratefully, gave him a hug, and then opened her comm to summon the portal to the world hub as he opened his to message the others. She waited until he put his away while the portal loaded, then;
“You coming?"
"Yeah bro yeah, course I am. Race you to the house?" She cracked a grin.
"Oh you're on." and then she remembered Minute could teleport.
Shit-
-?-
Zam- wasn’t sure what to feel.
The season was over.
They had won.
And yet-
It felt empty.
Hollow.
Not because Zam had died.
(she knew she deserved it- she knew she deserved everything.)
Everything just felt weird.
She was glad that they’d won.
Ro survived, Clown survived, Branzy survived. They’d won. The others had chunkbanned themselves, and Zam was supposed to be happy.
She was supposed to be fine.
“Overthinking again?” Mapicc sat down beside her, on this little cliff overlooking the sea, both their legs dangling down over what could be the abyss if they tried hard enough.
“I don’t know.” She said simply, leaning her head on Mapicc’s shoulder.
“Yeaah that sounds like you overthinking.” She laughed slightly, the smile fading as soon as it had come.
Mapicc’s hand came up to card through her hair, claws scratching slightly at her scalp.
It felt nice.
Relaxing.
After a while, she spoke.
“Everything just feels- weird. I spent so long fighting for peace, and now I’ve proved that Lifesteal can’t have it. I feel- I don’t know how I feel. I just- I don’t know Mape. I haven’t known for a long time.” She hadn’t meant to say that much.
Mapicc didn’t say anything for a while, just continued running his hands through Zam’s hair.
“I mean- next season you can try to fight for peace again? I don’t know either bro. Lifesteal is honestly- a mess." They both laughed at that. Lifesteal had always been a mess. More than a mess. ‘Mess’ was an understatement. “I guess- you just have to continue? Even when you feel like dying and shit, just continue on bro. That’s all I can really say.”
“Yeah… I guess. Not like dying’s gonna help anyone.” Mapicc paused.
“Hey bro. You do know that you don’t always have to do everything for others? You can do things for- yourself too?”
“... yeah?” Mapicc sighed, gently lifting Zam’s head off of his shoulder and standing up.
Her life was centred around others, what she wanted barely mattered when the server needed her to try (even if she was constantly failing).
“C’mon bro, we should join the others at the hub.” Zam let herself be pulled up, being careful not to lose her footing. Even if she fell she wouldn’t perma-die, but it would hurt.
(she knew from experience. Back when-)
“Yeah I guess.” She put a smile on her face, adjusting her crown.
“... you don’t need to fake a smile. They’ll understand.” Zam just nodded.
They might understand, but Zam wasn’t sure that she could.
Maybe one day.
Maybe, one day when she didn’t feel quite so broken.
Until then, she’d continue with her facade of a smile.
She followed Mapicc through the portal to the hub.
They’d won, but did Zam ever win?
No.
She still didn’t know what to feel.
Zam never knew what to feel.
And that was ok.
She’d figure it out eventually, probably after destroying her life again.
Then they’d restart.
Lifesteal was a cycle after all, and Zam had always been trapped, doomed to make the same mistakes over and over again.
Maybe someday she'd find some way out.