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Zahhak.
In all these years, he's carried on in solitude. The advisor, his first and foremost rank and title, someone enslaved to the Emperor and the legacy he would leave behind.
There was something in him longing for more. There always had been. Even humans and shadow elves could tell with just one look into his eyes.
Every other façade he could hide well without pause, except that unrelenting hunger for… For what exactly?
He was sold off at a young age with nothing to his name but the dull blade he found in that arena. If it was recognition he craved, he'd already received it in bounty.
Love was an unknown concept to him. It was warm and yet equally as uncomfortable to his icy hands, which had only grown accustomed to the expert handling of a weapon. Sometimes, he found himself holding a feather like he'd hold Pure White Trust as he wrote a letter.
Forgiveness. He laughed.
Realism was edged into the foundation of his soul, reflected into every glance into the mirror, coursing through his veins with every subservient nod to an order.
There was only one action he could take, to convince anyone it was forgiveness he sought after. Let alone; deserve it.
The urge to let himself fall again was never absent. No single waking day allowed him to breathe and live and walk and go on about his days and plans and vengeance and frustrations and orders in peace.
Freedom was something he's only ever truly felt once in his life.
It wasn't when he grabbed his one friend's hand and dragged him across the rice fields into the forest.
It wasn't when he was bickering with that friend over who would get the girl first, knowing full well his heart wanted nothing more than for his friend to get all he's ever wanted.
It for sure wasn't when his hand was forced to sacrifice that girl. To sacrifice what he had with that friend. To betray them both by having grown into the person that would be capable enough to realise what was at stake and put forth that ritual in the first place.
No, all that was like chains on his heart.
Freedom was when the sword of winter shadow cut loose those chains in a fit of anger and disgust. When he stumbled backwards near the edge, much like where he was standing now and looking down from.
When the world expected him to die and stay dead and no longer feel burdened to remember him or be wary of what his despicable mind would plan next.
Someone who came and went, he who you would have fond memories of only by fooling yourself into ignoring the majority of pain he's caused everyone simply by being born in the first place.
He longed for that sense of freedom.
Every day.
“It's a cold night to wander off alone.”
Zahhak almost stumbled, as if those words were a sign to do so and let it all be free. Although he knew, those words were not ones which permitted him to do so.
Zio did not speak. He only joined him next to the edge. He gazed down below, just as he had, and composed himself with his staff in hand.
“Only through death do we find solace.” He recited. “It's from a book I read, not all too long ago.” He side eyed him, analysing the irregularities in his breathing. “Only through life do we understand our heaviest burden.”
“...” Zahhak finally met his gaze.
“To think that… A mere few years ago, I would never have been able to read such fine philosophy on my own.” Zio admitted, his jewelry glistening in the night sky as he turned from his advisor's moon ear pieces to the moon itself. “Effort is never truly in vain; you once said, when I first opened a book.”
“Is there an end goal to this topic, your majesty…” Zahhak asked, pain clear as day in his voice even on a night like this.
“Is there an end goal to anything, advisor?” Zio replied, leaning forward and taking in the sight of Theranhad. “There's always a next step of a plan, always a new pawn to control and always a new sacrifice to make.”
“..!” Zahhak's breathing was heavy. Like he was on the verge of breaking down from guilt and anxiety.
“Does it ever truly end?” Zio tapped his staff on the ground and balanced it to stay perfectly still. “You should know better than anyone what I mean. As someone plagued by immortality more than anyone.”
“Lord Zio. Please cease this conversation.” Zahhak urged, his hands trembling as Zio got closer to the edge and dangled one leg off of it. “There is nothing to be gained for you in torturing me like this.”
“It is a sad existence to judge all actions by whether they reward you with an end result or not.” He dangled another leg, having finally sat down and resting his head in his hands. “Have you ever done anything just because you desired it?”
“I TOOK HIS HAND!” Zahhak snapped.
“Hmm?” Zio’s eyebrows jumped up in slight surprise, twisted with a sense of amusement.
“I sealed my fate the moment I took his hand.” Zahhak clutched the talisman, gritting his teeth all while Zio didn't even seem to care. “The cost of wanting him to live was to relinquish everything else.”
The Sword of Winter Shadow with all its frost. It chose Ran.
That innocent smile that belongs to their mutual friend. She chose Ran.
Even Suthan, Aria, Beehoo and countless other people he's likely never even met and never will have instantly attached themselves to a page of the walking history novel in the making that was Ran.
It seemed everything, everywhere, everyone; All would inevitably choose Ran over him.
“Even now. As I stand here, pitiful before you.” His voice croaked, something was leaking, something that should not ever be allowed to. “Some part of me wants to choose him and his ways over mine.”
“And yet, you can't.” Zio answered in earnest. “By choosing his best interest in an endless repetitive cycle, you've found yourself going against what he wants yet deep down is exactly what he needs.”
Zio laid on his back and gazed up into those fresh pairs of blue eyes.
He twirled his finger, signifying an order that he were not to hide his expression.
“...”
“He wants your death all the same.” Zio mused. “But what would that bring him? How would he then reunite with the woman who gave birth to the butterfly that caused the whirlwind that separated the two of you?”
“...He would find a-” Zahhak swallowed the thought. Knowing better than to go against the truth he knew deep within.
“Allow me to spell it out for you, Advisor; My most treasured servant.” Zio smiled, inviting Zahhak to kneel down before him so he could soothe what remained of him after all his years. “I may not possess the skillset to look into the future as well as you and my Shaman but here's what would happen if I wake up one day and learn my immortal Advisor abandoned me the only way he could.”
“..!” Zahhak stumbled downward as Zio pulled him close, so he could not escape the anger in his eyes. A rage that… Wasn't directed at him. It seemed.
“That ritual to unseal his girlfriend without harm? Null. The Peace Treaty you put in place to keep my soldiers out of the Dark Forest? Void.” Zio explained in a calm tone. There was no sarcasm or a hint of jest to be found. “Our agreement to give you full authority over what happens to that friend of yours..? Hmm?”
Zahhak's eyes widened.
“Good. You're up to snuff.” Zio composed himself, caressing Zahhak's face and using his shoulders to pull himself back up and grab onto his staff with a quick motion. “If tonight has taught you anything, let it be this.”
“...” Zahhak waited, closely listening in on the steps Zio took until he was gone from view from the corner of his eyes. “..?”
“I too, took someone's hand. Long ago.” He whispered, his fingers clenching into the metal bar in his hands. It was nothing more than cheap mineral to him now. “That decision is not one I will find myself regretting. Not now, not ever. That being said, I can sympathize with the lingering pain that tucks at your heart when you say or do the things that go against what your most treasured subject wants.”
“Your Majesty…” Zahhak turned around only to find himself left by himself.
He had already teleported away, yet his voice still rang in his head.
“I will always sacrifice your wants at the first given chance if I can end up allowing you to finally have what you need most.”
His voice echoed, indicating a warning and a promise.