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“This plant is emitting a strange gas, Commander,” Ensign Thomas said. “It registers as a fast-acting neurotoxin, but we all breathed it before we realized the plant was emitting anything at all.”
“So what is strange about it?” Spock asked.
“It hasn’t had any kind of noticeable effect on any of us,” Thomas said. “With a fast-acting neurotoxin, we should have seen some change in at least a few of us.”
“Fascinating. Let me see this plant,” Spock ordered.
“Yes, sir,” the Ensign said, hurrying to show Spock where the plant was being kept.
Spock held a mask over his face, just in case, although it didn’t seem to be having a negative effect on the rest of his science team.
“Fascinating,” he murmured as he examined the delicate purple leaves.
“Sally, watch out!”
Ensign Thomas’s exclamation was too late. It was also all the warning Spock got before the clumsiest member of the science crew—Lieutenant Salekinetzi “Sally” Mlekerstofn—collided with his back, her purple limbs flailing.
He lost his hold on his mask, just as the plant released some of the questionable gas.
§§§
“Captain?”
Jim turned toward the Lieutenant standing by his table. A petite young woman, he knew her name, he did… one of Spock’s science monkeys…
“Lieutenant Mlekerstofn,” he said, “How can I help you? Do try and make it quick. Spock is meeting me for dinner.”
Jim could have sworn the blood rushed from her face.
“Um, Captain, about that. Commander Spock. I mean—”
Jim sighed. “He’s working on an experiment and sent you to tell me?”
“No. I mean—I broke Commander Spock Captain Kirk I’m so sorry!”
Jim stared at her. “Lieutenant, what do you mean, you broke my husband?”
“He was looking at this plant from Sirius VI and I bumped into him and then he smiled at me. He told me to be more careful but that there was no harm done.”
Jim didn’t understand the problem. “So in what way did you break him?”
“He was smiling, Captain,” the poor girl wailed. “And when we mentioned it, he laughed. So we suggested he go to med bay and he rolled his eyes. We eventually got him to go to Dr. McCoy but… I broke your husband, Captain Kirk, I’m so sorry!”
Jim burst out laughing. That was the issue. Jim had gotten so good at reading Spock’s and Sarek’s muscle twitches that he often forgot the rest of the universe thought Vulcans didn’t have emotions. Not to mention, in the five years since the triplets were born, Spock had almost entirely stopped the emotionless act when they were in their quarters—meaning a smiling Spock wasn’t an uncommon occurrence in Jim’s world.
“Bones wants to see me, then?” Jim asked.
“Yes,” she squeaked.
“It’ll be fine, Lieutenant,” Jim assured her. “A smile is not the end of the world, not even when the smile comes from a Vulcan.”
With that, Jim stood, tossed his food into the recycler, and headed for med bay.
When he got there, he couldn’t do more than stare. Because Lieutenant Mlekerstofn was right: she had broken Jim’s husband.
When she had said ‘smile,’ Jim thought she meant the slight smile Spock sometimes got after saying something particularly snarky to Bones; when she had said ‘laughed,’ Jim thought she meant a little chuckle.
He hadn’t realized she meant the grin that spread across his entire face and the belly laugh even Jim had only heard a handful of times.
But he was laughing like that; laughing and teasing Bones.
“Spock,” Jim said.
The Vulcan’s eyes brightened when he saw Jim. “Jim!” he exclaimed, “Come here!”
Jim approached cautiously, taking Spock’s outstretched hand. Spock pulled Jim into his lap and kissed him. Then he said, “It is difficult to love you, Jim, because at times, my love for you is so strong it hurts. I would do anything for you, you know that, right?”
“Yes,” Jim replied. Spock had made similar statements before, but never, never, never where anyone might hear the confession. Jim was fairly certain that—aside from ashalik—Astraea, Asha, Chrys, and Lennie had only heard Spock say ‘I love you’ to Jim a handful of times. Spock would never say it in front of non-family members.
That Spock was making such an intimate declaration in front of Bones, Chapel, and two of the science geeks meant something was more wrong than Jim had realized.
Jim looked at Bones. “What’s wrong with him?”
“Far as I can tell, nothin’,” Bones replied.
“Not helpful,” Jim growled.
“Physically, he’s fine,” Bones said. “Somethin’ in that head of his got messed around. But I’m a general physician, not a neurologist.”
Jim wrapped his arm around Spock’s neck and asked the three scientists in the room, “Okay, what happened?”
Ensign… Thomas said, “The Commander accidentally inhaled a neurotoxin, sir. We weren’t worried at first, since most of us had inhaled it earlier.”
A large group inhaling potentially-fatal neurotoxins and thinking nothing of it. Great. Once Spock was better, they were going to have a talk about lab protocol.
“So then what happened?”
“He started acting like he has emotions,” Thomas said.
“I am not a sociopath, Mr. Thomas,” Spock said, his irritation clear. “Nor have I undergone the process of Kohlinahr. Do you truly think I could be bonded to a Human and have four children with him and not have emotions? I love my mate and our children, and anyone who thinks otherwise should come talk to me, so I can set them straight.”
Ensign Thomas looked properly chastised.
“Ensign, please have Lieutenant-Commander Scott babysit our children, and have Ambassador Sarek meet me and Spock in our quarters. Lieutenant, please find me Lieutenant-Commander Uhura and have her come to our quarters. Once those things have been done, return to your posts. You are both confined to your quarters while off-duty until such time as I determine exactly what happened in the science labs.”
“Yes, sir,” they both said, before scurrying off on their errands.
“Chapel, you’re in charge here. Bones, come with me. Spock, let’s go.”
“Jim,” Spock said, “There is nothing wrong with me.”
Jim sighed. “Let’s have this conversation in our cabin, okay?”
“I am not ill, Jim,” Spock said loudly, anger creeping into his voice. “I fail to understand why you are all hovering about as though I am dying. I saw the tricorder. I am in perfect health.”
Jim ignored his angry objection and led their small group to his family’s quarters.
Sarek and Uhura arrived a short time later.
“Why did a terrified Ensign summon me here?” Sarek asked.
“And why did a crying Lieutenant send me here?” Uhura demanded. “And what did she mean by ‘I broke Commander Spock’?”
“Get your damn tricorder away from me!” Spock snapped at Bones. “You’ve already established that there’s nothing wrong with me!”
“Physically,” Bones muttered. “Mentally, I’ve got a long list.”
Spock stood, clenching his fists. “Say that again, McCoy. Try me. If you think I won’t hit you, say it again.”
“That,” Jim said to Uhura and Sarek.
“Oh,” Uhura said. “He’s just angry?”
“No, he’s been laughing in front of people other than me and the girls. There were some rather intimate professions of love, ones he would never let anyone but me hear.”
“So he’s what… showing emotions?” Uhura asked. “It’s not giving him emotions he doesn’t have, just forcing him to show them?”
“Yes,” Jim confirmed. “Although the anger I’m picking up right now would usually be mild irritation, if that, so it may be making his emotions more intense as well.”
“Fascinating,” Sarek said, staring at his son, who was still fuming. “It’s almost as though his mind has reverted to a pre-Surakian state.”
“You mean Spock has lost his logic?” Uhura asked.
As far as Jim was concerned, Spock had never been as logical as everyone else believed. After all, twelve years ago, he had willingly married Jim. That was a level of crazy Jim couldn’t explain. It was one thing for Jim to marry his gorgeous, loyal, hyper-intelligent First Officer; it was another for Spock to marry Jim’s irrational, impulsive ass. He wasn’t about to point any of that out to Spock, though.
“We’ll go with that,” he told Uhura.
“There is another time Vulcans lose their logic,” Sarek said carefully. “You know how to deal with that, James. Perhaps that solution will work in this scenario as well.”
“Maybe.” Jim could only hope it wouldn’t take three days of sex. “Thanks for your guys’ help. I’ll let you know how it goes. Sarek, you’ll keep the girls until this is sorted out, right?”
“Of course,” Sarek said as he left the room. Talk about a Vulcan losing his logic, though; Sarek had no logic when his granddaughters were involved.
“Wait, what did we just agree on?” Uhura asked.
“Treatment plan,” Jim replied. “Bones, why don’t you two leave? I think Spock just needs some rest.”
“Who’s the doctor here?”
“Bones,” Jim said, “Just trust me on this.”
“Fine. But if you catch whatever it is he has, I’m not going to feel sorry for you.”
“Whatever.”
“I’m not ill, Jim,” Spock said yet again. “I do not need to rest.”
“I know,” Jim agreed. “I just figured I’d get them to leave so we can make the most of the rest of the evening.” He considered making a comment about Bones’ ass, to spark Spock’s jealousy, but with how intense all his emotions had been in the last half hour, he decided that might not be the safest idea.
Those few words were enough. Spock’s eyes flared with lust to a degree Jim had only seen during Pon farr.
§§§
When Spock woke, his head ached. “What happened?”
“You inhaled a neurotoxin that destroyed your logic,” Jim answered, kissing his collarbone.
Memories filtered back, as hazy as the night with the chocolate. “I was drunk.”
“No, when you’re drunk, you’re still logical,” Jim contradicted. “It’s a confusing, convoluted logic, but it is logic. Yesterday you were entirely driven by your emotions. You nearly hit Bones for insinuating you had some sort of mental defect.”
Spock winced internally. “Why would I be insulted by that? He insults me in such a way approximately four point three times each week.”
Jim sighed. “Your father and I determined that you had reverted to a pre-Surakian mental state.”
Spock closed his eyes. Pre-Surakian Vulcans were even more emotional than Humans. “Who knows?”
“Me, your father, Bones, Uhura, Chapel, Ensign Thomas, and Lieutenant Mlekerstofn. Oh. I should probably let them know they’re no longer restricted to their quarters. I almost forgot. You’re their direct superior. You can deal with their punishment, if you want to give them one.”
Spock sighed. Jim being the illogical one in their relationship was much preferable to the alternative.