Chapter Text
Gumball takes a scoop of mashed potatoes out of the buffet. He holds the ladle upside down expecting a gross plop, but it sticks. He shakes the ladle wildly, getting more aggravated. Finally, it drops, but it’s hard as a rock and breaks right through the lunch tray, leaving a crater in the floor. Pissed, Gumball drops the lunch tray and walks away sulking. He sits down at a table with Darwin.
“What was that about?” Darwin asks.
“OH, WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?” Gumball says in his mocking high-pitched voice. “You know what that was about!”
Darwin thinks for quite a long time. “Nah, I got nothin’.”
“Look at Leslie over there.” Gumball points to Leslie, who is sitting at a table, grinning madly as he stares at his lunch.
“Okay…”
“Look at Penny!!” Penny is eating like a normal person.
“Okay…”
“Look at BOBERT.” Bobert is sitting and doing nothing.
“Okay…”
Gumball groans. “They’re all eating actual food!”
“Okay… Wait, Bobert isn’t-”
“They’re all eating the good stuff while I’m stuck with rock potatoes!” He starts bawling. “What did I ever do to this world?”
“Maybe you just got a bad potato,” says Darwin.
“I know who’s behind this,” Gumball snarls. “Who’s the person in charge of making sure we get to eat every day?”
“Mrs. Mom?”
Gumball groans. “ROCKY! He gets to manipulate the food to his will and make sure only SOME people get the GOOD stuff!”
“But he’s just sitting there.” Rocky is half unconscious, with drooping eyelids and an extremely unsettling blank stare. He is slowly rocking back and forth and making a creepy moaning sound.
“That’s what he wants you to think,” Gumball snarks. “Darwin, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“That you should go back to bed?”
“What, no. We’re gonna break into the back rooms to find where he keeps the good stuff.”
“Dude, this is a family friendly show, and that sounds super weird!”
“Never stopped anyone before,” Gumball whispers.
After class is over, Gumball and Darwin remain in school. Gumball stuffs himself and Darwin into a locker and they wait for everyone to leave. When the lights turn off, Gumball pokes his eye through the locker slot to make sure it’s all clear, then slithers out.
“Okay, it’s all clear! Let’s go!” He looks around. “Darwin?”
Darwin is standing on the window sill with a backpack. “I’m sorry!” he shouts with a tear in his eye. “I can’t do this!!”
“Darwin?...”
A gust of wind opens Darwin’s parachute and sends him flying.
“DARWIN!!” Gumball reaches out for him, then sighs. He’ll have to do it on his own. He lurches through the silent halls, creeping closer to the teacher’s lounge. He hears a thud and the sound of footsteps. He climbs up the ceiling and clutches onto the smoke alarm. A large, weary shadow lumbers underneath. Once he knows the intruder is far away, he slowly reaches for the door of the teacher’s lounge. It’s locked. There has to be another way inside. He cuts out a circle of the door’s window with a claw. The glass falls down and shatters with a deafening crash.
Rocky takes off his headphones and looks over there, but ignores it and continues sweeping the floor.
Using his agile maneuvers, Gumball awkwardly squeezes himself through the window and loudly faceplants on the floor. He creeps around on all fours, hiding behind things for no reason. He finds a mug on a desk that’s still full of coffee. He sticks his paw in the coffee and licks it off his hand. He knows he’s getting close. His eyes sparkle as he finds real food for the first time - the vending machine! Gumball gets down on his knees and bows.
“Oh, great mighty machine!” he vows. “I have been searching for you for so long, and I am here to save you from your cruel master!”
Gumball tries to lift the vending machine. It’s too heavy. Even with bulging, veiny arms, he can’t get it to budge. Fed up, he kicks it, and it immediately falls on him. Rocky has now definitely noticed he’s here.
The next day…
“If I can’t have the good stuff… I… I’ll have to take it,” Gumball coughs.
“DUDE! WHAT IS ‘THE GOOD STUFF’?!?” Darwin shrieks.
“...before everyone else eats it all! Banana Joe!” Gumball shouts. “There’s an elephant in the room!”
Joe screams and runs away.
“Leslie! Someone’s out there plucking weeds!”
“Not on my watch!” He grabs a sign and a knife and rushes outside.
“Bobert! Divide by zero!”
The robot explodes.
“Gumball, why are you trying to get rid of everyone?” Penny asks.
“I’m not trying to get rid of everyone! Alan! I saw Carmen over with Masami!”
“WHAT?!” Alan shrieks.
“This is taking too long.,” Gumball realizes. He has an idea. “I HAVE AN IDEA!!” he shouts. Everyone immediately runs out of the cafeteria, including Rocky and Darwin.
Gumball runs to the buffet, digging through the grime. He smells it and gags.
“What the what even IS this??” he whines. He opens the cheap, barely functional fridge to find only more mystery slop. He’s completely trashing the cafeteria, looking under tables and in any nook and cranny to find something vaguely edible. Principal Brown runs in..
“What is going on?” he growls.
“IT WAS YOU!!” Gumball hisses, looking deranged. “You’re giving real food to everyone but me as some kind of sick punishment for being annoying!”
“Not this again.”
“Spill it, Brown. What IS the ‘food’ in the cafeteria?”
“I have no reason to tell you that!”
Gumball brings out Brown’s stolen phone and is about to text Ms. Simian.
“OKAY! I’LL TALK!” Brown panics. “The food was never meant to be eaten! It’s all waste from the garbage!”
“AHA!” Gumball points. His face falls a bit. “I always knew you thought I was garbage.”
“No, Gumball! Everyone is fed the same! The world does not revolve around you!”
Gumball collapses in the middle of the cafeteria.
“WHY??? WHYYYYYY?!” he sobs. The other students slowly return.
“Gumball, what is your problem?” Penny asks.
“Everyone gets the good stuff for lunch and I just get garbage…”
“We all started bringing our own lunches after Rocky stopped serving food.”
“Oh neat,” Gumball stands up immediately. He loiters back over to school with Joyful Burger takeout.
“No takeout in the school!” Ms. Simian grabs Gumball’s bag and throws it across the room.