Chapter Text
“Im pregnant.” were the words Z announced to Regect as the bastard gambled all their “savings” away on online casinos.
“Dude what?”
“I'm pregnant and it’s yours, Chud.” He then proceeded to throw a pregnancy test at the entity with full force.
“OWW” Regect yelps out in pain as he looks down at the pregnancy test on his lap. Two lines. Its positive. He then picks it up and holds it up to the light as if he were a cashier checking a $100 bill in case it was counterfeited.
“Are you sure man?” He examined more thoroughly. “Maybe it’s a false pos? You know my pull out game is-“ To this, Z threw ANOTHER positive pregnancy test right at Regect.
“Wish it was.” By now, Z was fuming at the fact Regect wasn’t able to do one simple thing right. “You better find a way to fix this asshole!”
“How the hell do you expect me to fix THIS. Is it even mine?? Are you SURE it's mine?”
Z whips out a gun and points it at Regect. “OF COURSE ITS YOURS DICKHEAD! WHOSE ELSE WOULD BE?!”
“Well I don’t know?? Maybe you’ve been sleeping around??”
“Stop trying to deny it. I told you we should have used a condom.”
“Whatever man! Cant you just- get an abortion?”
“Oh yeah! Let me just get an abortion!” Z began to walk to the front door. “Let me go to the abortion clinic and-” He then opens the door and pauses. “WA-OH! There's no abortion Clinic because this is fucking Minecraft dumbass!” Z voice wasn’t to enthusiastic. In fact, he began to sound manic.
“Well I don’t know what you want! If you want I could get a coat hanger and I’ll do it?” Regect shrugged, he couldn’t fathom to think how this even happened. He made sure he pulled out, maybe he forgot to? No, no, that couldn’t be it. Or was it…?
“Hell no! I'm not letting you get near my body ever again! If you cant even pull out in time how the hell can i expect you to even operate an abortion right! Look dude. Don’t you have like- a command to make this all- disappear?”
Regect just stared at him blankly.
“Why the hell would I have a command for that.”
“You’re an entity! You can fly! You can teleport! You can build huge structures in seconds! You gotta have something! Hell, build an abortion clinic!”
“That's not how that works! We’ll need medical professionals for it.”
“Oh fuck you! I know you have something for this!”
“Dude! I don’t!”
Their bickering turned into a screaming match, and their screaming match turned into a fighting match, which was started after Regect slapped Z’s gun out of his hand. Z was now clawing at Regect as he tried to push him away. After a few minutes, the sound of a certain lovable clown came in disrupting the two.
“Honk Honk Honk?” She seemed to be holding an empty pregnancy test box.
“Oh hey- Moe…” Regect then notices the empty box in Moes hand. “Wacha got there?”
“Honk Honk Honk…” She then looks down at the floor to see two pregnancy tests on the floor. “Honk… HONK HONK HONK HONK?!?”
“Look! It’s not what it looks like!” Regect tried to reason. Only to get his head pushed down by Z who loudly exclaimed, “IT IS. It is what it looks like thanks to this IDIOT.”
“HONK?”
To this, the two just sat there for a moment. Regect then slowly turned to Z. “I am.. both tests are mine..”
Moe looks between Z and Regect. She then points at Regect and asks, “Honk Honk Honk?”
“Yeah.. its me.. Or so Ze claims-“ Regect sheepishly tried to respond before Z slammed his fist on top of Regects head. “Of course it’s yours!”
“Honk Honk Honk Honk Honk!” Moe reprimands the two like a disappointed parent.
“Godammit Moe it was only one time! How was I supposed to know his pull out game is ass?!”
“Hey! My game is the peak!”
“Clearly not.”
“HONK!” . . .
Moe sighs before looking at both of them. “Honk Honk Honk Honk? Honk Honk Honk Honk Honk Honk! Honk Honk, Honk, Honk, Honk. Honk Honk Honk Honk?” (Translation: Very disappointed speech about how irresponsible they are and how difficult it is to bring a child into this world.)
Z looked at Regect dumbfounded. “There is no way we’re getting an entire speech about this..”
“Moe we’re not teenagers! We understand what we did.”
“Honk Honk? Honk Honk Honk Honk?”
“Yeah dude, how come the tests are both positive?”
“Oh shut up man. At least I'm not the one who's pregnant!” Regect began to wave his hands up in down. “Hey asshole! This is your fault!”
At the site of these two fighting again, Moe just facepalms. How the hell are these two supposed to be functional parents? She rubbed her eyes and by the time she was done, Z had pulled out a Tommy Gun and began blasting at Regect.
At this rate, they’d have more success if they pushed Z down the stairs.