Work Text:
***
the ache,
it never really gets out of his bones
he’s 26 and it’s already in his marrow
the need to do something
do something
DO SOMETHING
if he looks too hard he’ll feel it hollow out his chest.
***
Radical
he has stared,
unable to help,
as a man died at his feet
and that, more than anything
has radicalized him.
***
The first life he saves
--really saves--
is gasp and a sigh. He’s high on it
all afternoon, even calls his aunt
long-distance to tell her.
“That’s nice, dear,” she tells him, and he knows
you have to be a certain kind of crazy
to love this the way he does.
***
No, ma’am,
We’re not doctors. It’s not charades
we’re playing and we sure as hell ain’t
gods. We’re just eyes and hands
and a whole lot more risk tolerance
than most.
***
Instinct
His instincts tell him
RUN
But they’ve gotten lazy,
or complacent, depending on who you ask
And as the walls fall in around him,
Searing his body white
hot
hot
hot
he wonders why he never considered an office job.
***
He’s not scared.
hasn’t been in a long time.
He does wonder, though if maybe
this time he’s really done for. The pain agrees,
definitely something broken,
and there’s blood in there, too,
but he’s not scared.
Just curious, and a little dizzy.
***
Roy
If it weren’t for him Johnny would be dead
A hundred times over.
A fool’s errand, keeping him alive,
But Roy doesn’t seem to mind.
***
if he cranes his neck just right and collapses
one eye he can watch the minutes
limp by.
he’s lucky there’s no civilians
trapped down here with him--
the pounding in his head
would make it impossible
to teach them to be calm.
***
Roy, pt. 2
The only thing that matters,
other than the hurt,
Is the smile on his partner's face
When he pulls apart the rubble.
The smile seems to say,
“What you got yourself into
this time, partner?”
It’s also a smile inside of a sigh.
***
Sometimes he’s jealous
Dr. Early’s hands are so clean,
so sterile. They don’t peel
children off the road, only put them
back together. These hands that move
mountains, they’re
so
so
so gentle.
He’s got a lot to learn from these hands.
***
Dixie McCall,
Now there’s a woman he can respect,
and not just cuz she’d kick his ass
if he didn’t.
He’d bet, under a turnout coat
and a helmet,
she’d stand right up with the rest of them.
***
Dr. Brackett and the Captain
whisper in the hall. They should
close the door if they
don’t want him to listen.
He hears them say:
“A month, maybe more.”
He wants to ask them:
“Who’s going to pay the rent?”
***
One of the nurses
has a sad smile. He talks her up,
talks big,
shows her he’s not used to
consequences.
But that night, he’s dopey
with the pain meds
and she’s dead on her feet
and that night isn’t quite as lonely
as the rest.
***
Roy, pt. 3
His partner in streetclothes feels
like an intimacy he didn’t ask for. Like the time
he sat smoking in Roy’s passenger seat,
reciting the way home.
***
tick
tick
tick
The view from this room’s a faceless
brick wall. There are two-hundred-and-twelve of them
between the windows.
tick
tick
tick
Daytime TV grates on him with the sheer
performance of it all--
not to mention they get everything wrong--
He’d love to give them a piece of his mind.
tick
tick
tick
Johnny stares at the ceiling, making a list of
all the ways he’s going to get back at Chet.
***
The Captain comes to visit
on Tuesday. And while it’s still weird to be chatting
up his boss bare-assed and unshaven,
he can’t help but think of all the times
he’s seen so much worse.
***
Discharge,
And it’s bittersweet because he is so ready
To be free of the poking and the prodding--
Every time he lands himself at Rampart
He understands the bastards that refuse
To be helped.
But there’s nobody at home,
And even though Roy promised to stop by,
The hours yawn and drag,
His blood prickling with the inaction of it all.