Chapter Text
Border of Breakfast Kingdom and Coffee Kingdom
16 years prior to canon
King Robusta
"Charge!" The King of coffee yelled, leading the charge of his coffee bean citizens/soldiers. The King himself sat atop a horse made out of conjoined coffee beans that worked as a hive mind to act as one, in contrast to the single minded coffee bean soldiers he commanded. He wielded a steel coffee straw, which he held out for his declaration of 'charge'.
The King himself was made out of a coffee plant, his head a large coffee bean with facial features.
Across the distant land opposite of the coffee kingdom forces, the Kingdom of Breakfast was led by its own monarch. King Waffle. The waffle shaped king expressed a steadfast look as well as he wielded a syrup covered stick. "Charge!" He yelled, his facial features were visible on his flat face of a waffle body.
The Waffle King's own soldiers were made out of various breakfast citizens, ranging from bacon and sausages; his horse itself was made out of Turkey Bacon, something he took offense that anyone dare call his bacon horse was worse than a normal bacon horse.
The battle today would dictate who got more land over that other. The Coffee King needed more land to expand his kingdom and coffee percolating factories. The Waffle King of the Breakfast Kingdom needed more land for his kingdom, to grow more trees for syrup.
Soon enough, the small armies made out of each other's themed kingdoms collided with weapons flying, soldiers getting sent to the ground, and the kings rushing at each other with their respective weapons clashing against each other.
The momentum of their charge sent them falling off their horses, before both Kings quickly got up and charged at each other.
Both kings glared at each other as they stuck each other's weapons, before the Waffle King managed to get a swing in and cut the coffee King's arm off. "Hah!" He smirked and followed up with piercing his syrup-covered stick into the Coffee King's body, only for it to easily go through him without harm.
"Huh?" The Waffle King was confused for a few seconds, while the coffee king lightly glared at the waffle king, and used his remaining arm to pick up his metal coffee straw stirrer.
"Two can play it at that game!" Coffee King shouted, before he stabbed his metal straw in Waffle King's side, and ripped a part of the king's body out along with his arm.
"AAAH!" Waffle King stumbled back with pain, and hissed. "Ouch!" He whined.
Coffee King glared at the other King, while Waffle King glared back, both wagering if they should continue any longer.
"Stop!" Both Kings yelled for their troops, making every soldier cease their actions.
Waffle King spoke first with a troubled look, "I am expecting three daughters soon, I shall withdraw for now, and concede ten percent of my land to you." He offered. "I wish to be there for them before I pass." He added.
Coffee King, feeling envious, lightly glared at the Waffle King. "Hmmgmgm." He grumbled, "Very well, I accept these terms!" He nodded his coffee bean head.
He also needed to solve the problem of getting himself a princess daughter, no use falling today in battle; he also had the problem of having no Queen, he'd have to figure something out once he got back home.
The two kings looked at each weary, before nodding with stoic looks, and shook on the agreement. It would be known as a very short battle between kingdoms, but it was nothing new in the land of Ooo.
Coffee Kingdom
Coffee Castle
Built with cemented coffee grounds, the castle and its large city that surrounded it was built within a wall of stone coffee beans. It was night time, with the moon high over the kingdom; out on a balcony, the Coffee King walked out, finally finished with delegating his royal subjects on new orders.
He leaned against the rails of his balcony, to stare up at the moon. His mind drifted to the matters of either getting himself a monarch to get himself a princess, that was the current thing happening these days after all. Every Kingdom had their princesses, or were getting one, he needed one himself.
It would also cement his Kingdom's reign over these lands, he saw no illusion that he would last for long.
He should just skip the route of getting himself a queen, and expedite the process by making one or getting one by a special method. He heard of a legend of a being that can grant wishes, that was his first thought.
"Glob, if you can hear me, I wish for a daughter! One with impeccable knowledge on warfare, great with resources, and knows how to work with those lower than her station."
Mars
"Hm?" Glob looked from his side of his head to the expanse of space, "Why does everyone keep saying my name over on Earth?" He asked himself.
Gob peered to his side from his side of his face, "It's not called earth anymore, brother, it's called Ooo these days."
Glob glanced over in his brother's direction, "My statement remains the same, Gob."
Grob, the opposite side face of Glob, spoke up, "Well, what was it this time? What did the thing on Ooo say?" He asked.
Glob responded with a careless tone, "Oh nothing much, just some coffee king wishing for a princess of his own." He answered.
"Hmm." Grod finally chimed in, "You know, we have not visited Prismo in a while, we can direct the wish to him and visit him at the same time." He reasoned with his brothers.
Glob smiled. "Good idea!"
Japan
The Salary Man felt the harsh push of hands against his back, before feeling his sense of time slow down to a halt as he fell in front of an incoming train; all the while, he managed to see who pushed him in the way of the train.
That foolish worker he fired had gotten it into his head to take his anger out on him, such irrational thinking! It was not his fault that the man deserved his firing, the man was warned multiple times to show up on time and many other problems.
He was merely the middle man that worked for the company, if anything, the man should be angry at the company, not him. If he did not fire that man, he would be the next one in trouble.
So now here he was, feeling like he was spending eternity in frozen time. Nothing moved, while steadily a few eyes honed in on him from the people frozen in their place. He'd open his mouth to speak, but he couldn't move in this sort of situation.
'What's going on!? Is this a near death experience I am having!?'
As if to answer his question, the Salary man would have widened his eyes if he was able to, as in front of the train, something opened up the space between him and the train itself. The air itself was opened up like a door, greeting the Salary Man to a room of yellow and a pink flat man inside the room.
"What!?" He questioned.
However, a different voice spoke up from the various people, "You, what are you doing here!" They all demanded of the pink flat man in some sort of other dimension that just so happened to open up between him and the train.
The Pink man smiled a bit as he slid his hand out of his dimension, "Oh hey! Been some time, I didn't expect you to run into you so soon!" He responded to the many chorus of voices.
The people glared back at the pink man, "Cease! Do not interfere with this world!" They all shouted.
The Pink man however ignored the many voices, as the unknown being lifted his flat arm up and grabbed into his body, while looking at him. "So hey, since you're about to die, and I have a wish that needs granting, mind helping me with the wish?"
The Salary man was unsure how to comprehend what was going on, none of this made sense. Everything was going too fast! "I don't even know you, and I'm about to die, I'm not exactly in the best position to start asking a hundred questions before I die!" He reasoned. "Nor am I able to just say yes to helping you."
The voices however spoke up again, "Unhand his soul! He will be mine!" They all demanded, making the Salary man all the more irked that these voices claimed his soul.
"I never signed anything to be owned by you!" He mentally shouted back, earning the ire of the unknown being behind the voices.
The Pink Being on the other hand spoke some more, "He's actually supposed to be the god of this world and another world I think, not sure what he wants with you though, but I do need a soul for a wish I'm granting." He reasoned with the Salary man.
The voice chimed back with furious tones, "You will remove your hand from that man's soul, his purpose will be with me! Not your universe!"
The pink man simply smiled back, "Well, why don't we ask what he wants instead?" He offered.
So now his soul was being fought over, and finalized over his decision? The voices were already rubbing him in the wrong way, while the pink man seemed more than amiable.
He was about to die, so his choices were pretty much who he wanted his soul to belong to, he supposed. "What will my life be in your hands, Pink Being?"
The pink man smiled at him, "Oh, well some coffee king wished for a princess daughter with specific details, and I found you across the multiverse, and you were about to die!..though…-" He glanced in pondering, "-I could have gotten your other soul when you're in that Being's other world, but…" He shrugged his flat shoulders, and looked back at him. "But I wanted to choose this timeline of your soul's life."
There was a whole lot to unpack from all that.
The unknown being spoke again from the people, "You've been spying on my work?" They accused Being Pink.
The pink man chuckled at the voices, "Sorta? I mean, I haven't been paying too much attention, I just needed a soul that fit the wish to make a coffee princess."
Coffee princess? Now he was really getting lost in this conversation.
He was also getting the distinct awful feeling from the voices, while the pink being simply needed a soul to make a coffee princess. He didn't think those isekai scenarios would ever happen to him, he was logical enough to not believe any of that would happen to him.
But here he was, experiencing an out-of-this world scenario.
But the problem was, he was going to be the opposite gender, not quite the best outcome, but right now his afterlife fate was in the hands of two different beings.
Quite frankly, the appeal of being princess might benefit him, or not. It depended on what world this pink being was taking his soul to.
The voices spoke again, "His soul belongs to me! For his faith must be instilled into him!"
…yeah, no thanks.
Land of Ooo
Coffee Kingdom
Coffee 'Robusta' King
It's been over a week since he made that silly wish to the moon, and just last night, he dreamed of a flat pink man telling him to go wait at the well of Coffee in his castle's courtyard; there, he will be granted a coffee princess.
He didn't think it was real, but it didn't hurt to relax in his courtyard of coffee flowers and bushes, while he sat on a bench of chocolate gifted to him from the Bubblegum Princess.
Robusta smiled as he enjoyed this relaxing day, the sun felt good on his coffee bean plant body. A sudden sloshing sound of liquid emerged from the well itself, quickly catching the king out of his little relaxation period.
Before his very eyes, an amorphous hand made from gel-like black coffee emerged from the well, it was small like a toddler's! "Help!" A small voice squeaked out.
Quickly getting off his bench, the coffee king ran over to the well to help the thing, was his wish answered!?
As the coffee king reached the well, he leaned over to grab on the semi-slime-like amorphous arm of the little black coffee toddler, "Here! Grab hold of my hand little girl!" He fretted.
She was small enough by the looks of it that his remaining coffee plant armed could handle her weight.
Inside the well itself, where the black coffee was not that far down, to the point that he could easily reach in and submerge his hand in the coffee, a toddler girl with an amorphous black coffee body hung from the edge of the coffee well. "Rgh!" The little girl grunted as she pulled onto his arm, allowing him to yank her out, and fall beside him while he landed on his back.
After a period of silence, the little coffee girl groaned a tad bit as she picked herself up and stood beside him, "Are you the one that wished for a coffee princess?" The little black gooey coffee girl asked with a piercing look of little coffee bean eyes.
The Coffee king peered up at his new daughter as he laid on his back, He nodded. His wish was granted by Glob!