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1
The first time Sanada Ryu thinks that maybe there’s a reason why his chest twists sharply when Chizu walks by is a day two weeks into his sixth year of elementary school, sitting against the trunk of a tree next to their school’s track. It’s only early April but the sun is already hot against his skin. At least the tree offers some shade, even if it’s minimal-the branches have just started budding and blossoming after the unnaturally cold winter they’ve had.
It’d been so cold that Chizu had only made her way over to their house a handful of times, despite how much she wanted to see Toru. Ryu thinks her crush is silly, it’s not like someone nearly ten years older than Chizu would ever think of looking at her(although, he can’t help feeling a little hurt when he opens the door only for a bundle of puffy wool to shoot past him into the waiting arms of his brother, a shout of “Chi!” echoing through his ringing ears). Hah. Stupid Chizu and her stupid puffy jackets and her stupid wooly gloves and wooly socks that always find their way onto his arms and legs with signature shouts of violent glee. Speaking of Chizu, he hasn’t seen her all this morning-
He startles as a cold is imprinted onto his forehead, and looks up to see a grinning Chizuru, holding a glossy can of melon soda out to him-oh, so that’s the cold that’s now dripping water down his scalp-and opening her mouth, probably to gloat.
“Hah! You’re like a sitting duck right now, Ryu. Come on, let’s fight!”
He takes the drink from her hands, pops open the tab and downs the whole thing in one gulp. It tastes like over-saturated sugar and creamy melon melting on his tongue. He places the empty can beside him, grins. Chizu glares down at him, hands on her hips as she complains, “I’m not getting you another one, y’know!”
It’s early April and while the trees are still mostly bare, some have started flowering, glossy pink petals growing out of the dark branches with green stems. Some flowers are even falling, even if they’re just the memory of petals fluttering to the ground like sugar candy hearts. There’s a petal balanced on the top of Chizu’s head, another falling down to land on her shoulder. The taste of melon soda is still melting light on his tongue.
“I know. That’s alright.”
He stands, dusts off his pants and smirks as Chizu falls dumb and gaping to stand by his side(really not a thought in that head, huh?) as the cherry blossoms flutter like snow to the ground.
The world is beginning to blossom(and so is he).
2
Ryu doesn’t really ever get flustered. He’s actually proud of his poker face, learned from the months in elementary when he’d stand in front of the mirror and school his expression into neutrality as he thought about Chizuru, cherry blossoms, melon soda-god, he’d even get red when he thought about fighting.
It was stupid at the time but it’s made it a lot easier for him to be with Chizu-at school, during clubs, even in his own bedroom playing stupid video games until Chizu’s interest ran out-which, it inevitably did, although it often left her at their house much later into the night than originally planned(there was an extra toothbrush, set of pajamas and mattress stored neatly in Ryu’s room for this exact reason). In junior high Chizu was no longer Ryu’s entire world, though sometimes it felt like it, sitting next to her at his family’s restaurant, slurping up noodles, just the two of them as the shop lights dimmed.
But in junior high he met Kazehaya, Jo, so many more people than had once been in his little carefully crafted universe. But Chizuru was still the one that made his skin prickle hot as he thought about her. She’d started wearing skirts in junior high. Her hair was longer. Once he’d accidentally touched it-it had felt like the silken petals of a cherry blossom tree.
Chizu was never really one for groups, and definitely not for girls. When she walked into a room he’d see how all the girls would stiffen, sweat, but always with some semblance of respect in their eyes. She didn’t exactly welcome their friendship, but she had earned their respect, whether from her daring feats of idiocy or the frequent fights she’d have with boys who coincidentally had just broken up with so and so or cheated. Even despite fighting for their honor, though, she didn’t really approach them further.
No, instead, Chizu quickly made friends with nearly all of the boys at their school, much to Ryu’s secret chagrin, and for their part, they quickly learned to respect her, right after Jo found a well aimed elbow into his stomach bruising.
Especially with Kazehaya, she got on well, and sometimes Ryu would walk into class and see the two of them whispering beside the coat racks, Chizu motioning wildly as Kazehaya laughed or groaned according to mood. It hurt a little, left a bitter taste in his mouth even though Ryu knew that going home was worse. Whenever he mentioned Toru and Chizu’s face would light up and turn scarlet red as she asked eagerly, “Toru? Toru? Is Toru visiting?”
The more time Chizu spent with Kazehaya, the less she did with Ryu. He knew the favors she’d ask him for, and while simultaneously glad that Kazehaya was rejecting everyone left and right and that Chizu didn’t seem to ever blush near him, Ryu still couldn’t help wondering if maybe someday she’d ask Kazehaya and the answer to her question would be yes.
It was all because of that weird Kurumizawa Ume. She’d ask Chizu nearly every day to “refer” one of her friends to Kazehaya, and Chizu, being way too chivalrous for her own good, would simply grin that blank little grin of hers and say “Alright! Leave it to me, Kurumi!”
At some point the questions stopped, probably because Kazehaya had gotten tired of rejecting girls, and Chizu became somewhat his again. He was glad(and, another selfish part of him was glad Toru had moved away. Sometimes he fantasized about locking the door when his brother came over and never letting him see Chizu, never letting the two of them connect so he wouldn’t have to see that horribly hopeful look light up her face again, that traitorous, beautiful blush flush her cheeks). Chizu and Ryu spent summer vacation together. They ate the red bean cakes they’d eaten in past years. Ryu would always rip them apart, blow on the hot paste before handing a half to Chizu. He hated the way her face would brighten and flush as she stared at the halved piece of bread.
Yet despite that summer vacation passed in a breeze of Chizu and her escapades.
And then high school began.
3
Chizu meets Ayane Yano, and later, Sawako Kuronuma. Ryu finds himself sitting with all of them in the back of class 1-D, sharing laughter and the heart-shaped cookies Sawako could probably bribe governments with.
He understands the looks that Kuronuma and Shouta exchange, the way his friend covers his face when he sees her smile. He’s glad. Not only for Kazehaya, but for himself, too. Even though Kazehaya knows about the way he feels for Chizu, a part of him can’t help but expect Chizu to be torn away from him every moment, never truly his.
Chizu has started wearing miniskirts. One day she comes to school and he can see a gloss of cherry pink across her lips. He guesses everyone must grow up, but he can see the way Chizu hangs on Ayane’s every word as she laughs about her overbearing boyfriend(I could be like that for you, if you’d let me). She’s still shrugging off the layers of her girlhood-though honestly, can it be called girlhood, when she’d pushed through it like a child running through thistles, growing up hard and loud with bruises instead of candy hearts and hair curled by her opponent’s fingers, forgoing the age of curling irons?
But Ryu can’t pretend he doesn’t get a secret thrill from this new Chizu, wondering at night with a red face(so, he hasn’t truly perfected his indifference) what it would be like to curl that blossom-soft hair between his hands, how those cherry-pink lips would taste-
The first 8 months of high school pass without a hitch. Chizu is virtually his, from the hands he brushes as he passes her a bowl of noodles, the body that dresses itself in his pajamas, the oversized shirt that slides off her shoulder and makes his heart stutter violently in his throat, the eyes that roll as they meet his across a classroom, the hair he itches to touch. It’s enough.
He sees more of Kurumizawa Ume but really he doesn’t care. As long as it doesn’t affect Chizu it’s alright. The rumors he doesn’t mind either. He knows how Chizuru is. She won’t let something like that change her. Chizu has always been immovable, in everything she does.
(He wishes he could be more like her.)
4
And then he receives word that Toru is coming home. And that he’s not alone, at that. His peaceful little world has cracked into a million shards. His brother often has that effect, something he’s learned in a thousand never forgotten blushes burning ashen in the back of his throat.
So now-now it’s time to tell her, right?
(Except he can’t help but dread the day the words leave his lips).