Chapter Text
Only the strong(best players)stay on the court
BECAUSE I WASN'T THAT STRONG TO KNEW
Chapter one
I/we never asked for this
Pov:Tobio Kageyama
April 2011
TOBIO KAGEYAMA had hoped not to remember this shitty day.
It seemed his mind wouldn't let him forget it. Like a punishment for being alive. He hadn't asked to be Oikawa-san's soulmate! So why had Oikawa told him it was all his damn fault? It was a bad joke. It had to be. He needed it to be a joke. He could never imagine being the soulmate of his former senpai who looked at him with disgust.
He felt disgusted with himself too. Who wouldn't?
Luck. That's what Tobio lacked. Luck seemed to hate him with all its heart, if it even had one, because after being revealed as that conceited jerk's soulmate, it was obvious luck had no heart for him. He tried to calm his breathing to make the knot in his chest disappear, but all he managed was for an avalanche of excruciating pain to slam into him.
He stumbled forward, leaning against the wall, tears streaming down his cheeks from the damn pain. His hand instinctively pressed against the left side of his chest where he felt his heart might burst out at any moment. A sob escaped his throat; he could barely contain it. His vision blurred with tears, and he forced himself to take a few more steps but stopped when he felt his heart breaking.
A wave of nausea rose in his throat, making him tremble even more. The dizziness made getting home even more complicated. He clung to the hope of reaching his house, of being able to collapse behind closed doors. It was the only thing keeping him upright right now. His body moved on sheer effort, each step making him feel weaker.
All because of that bastard, Tooru Oikawa. Those damn words he'd said still hurt.
The gym was with only balls sounds in the hands of his compains, this day was the day Tobio was going to say that he and Oikawa were soukmates. ¡Wasn't that good!?
He was a fool with the painted face.
Oikawa hated him.
Everyone hated him.
He were gonna never have a soulmate.
He wanted to cry.
"I wiill never be your soulmate, Tobio-chan."* Tooru's voice grew louder and louder in his head. There, in that moment, he felt how everyone looked at him with pity or just stared to see what was happening. He remembered lifting his head and the only thing he could see was Oikawa's face looking down at him from above. Then he looked at his own hands, trembling with helplessness. *"Don't even think about repeating what happened today. I don't plan on being your soulmate!"* He jerked his head up instantly. He noticed Iwaizumi-san had been left speechless before his face turned angry towards Oikawa. Tobio got up abruptly and ran off, not caring that Iwaizumi called after him.
This can't happen to me ,Thought Tobio running trought the school. He can't be reject, he hoped that Oikawa was going to be happy for them. He was a fuckin fool, his mom was right. Everyone was right about him. About himself.
He hated it.
He had been rejected.
He slammed open his door, his knees buckling from exhaustion. He barely managed to close the door properly. He fell to his knees on the wooden floor, a dull thud echoing through the house. Tears fell ceaselessly from his eyes onto the floor. His vision swam; he clutched his chest tightly. He felt as if he were being torn apart with every breath he took. He felt like a damn flower that had wilted in the most painful way possible.
He wanted the pain to stop, to cease flowing through his veins, through his body. He wanted peace. He wanted to stop trembling, to stop feeling so much while simultaneously feeling nothing. He knew what he was doing was wrong, that it was hurting him, but it was the only way to make the pain stop, at least for weeks.
The feeling lasted a minimum of four or five minutes, until he felt a void in his entire being. As if the other half had literally been ripped away. And maybe it had, because that idiot Oikawa had rejected him. He didn't blame him, but he hated him intensely.
It took him a while to recover from the symptoms. The pain remained a sharp ache in his body, but it was bearable. His body struggled to stand up again. His steps were slow, careful after his recent fall. His grandfather had taught him before he died that if he were ever rejected, the symptoms would be ferocious for 30 minutes; that he had to get home as fast as possible and lie down in bed, rest until all the pain disappeared so he wouldn't feel like he was being torn apart. That was the only thing he remembered about a rejected bond.
His grandfather's voice echoed in his memory, a serene and firm whisper amidst the chaos tearing him apart inside. *"The first thirty minutes are crucial, Tobio. The body wants to break, it thinks it's dying. You have to reach your sanctuary. Your bed. And let yourself be. The pain passes. It always passes."*
But that didn't make it normal.
Tobio limped to his futon, let himself fall onto the mattress, and buried his face in the pillow. His body was trembling violently, his fists gripping the pillow tightly as if it was the only thing they could hold onto to keep from falling into the abyss he felt. It seemed his body was no longer 100% his; he felt as if half his happiness, his health, everything he once thought was his, had been ripped away.
He curled up in his bed, the only thing warming him now. He really needed someone to hold him, to calm him down. He was dying emotionally. And the tears still hadn't stopped. He clung to the pillow with all his remaining strength, trying to imagine his grandfather was there, but it only added salt to the wound. The tears began to fall harder; he couldn't hold back, he couldn't control his own body.
He felt the most powerless he had ever been in his life.
He had trusted.
Believed.
And hoped.
All he ever wanted was his senpai's approval... All that happened that day was that he was rejected in front of everyone. Tobio had wanted to scream the moment he was rejected, to lunge at Oikawa and make him suffer the same pain he was going through. It wasn't fair. Hadn't he given enough of himself for Oikawa? Or was he simply not enough...
Oikawa had ruined his life; the other half had been torn from him. And no one could help him. No one was home; Miwa was in another country. His parents didn't care, and the one he thought might be his salvation turned out to be his damn damnation. Tobio clenched his fists tightly; he felt empty everywhere. He had given everything he could, tried to be the best at everything. To be perfect at volleyball so Oikawa would accept him. More tears fell from his eyes. He threw his pillow at the closet and breathed aggressively.
"I will never be your soulmate, Tobio-chan."
Why had Tobio hoped Oikawa would love him? He didn't know either.
His hands found his hair and pulled at it while part of his bed grew damp with tears of frustration. It hurt like hell. He felt like he was dying too strongly. He tried to calm down. His body didn't listen; it wanted to expel all the stress he had right now or he would collapse. All because he thought that guy was *good*.
Now he knew he wasn't good.
Just a handsome idiot.
He wasn't going to let anyone else get that dangerously close to him ever again. He wouldn't confide, reveal, or even just talk to anyone. The person he trusted the most had driven a poisoned sword into him. A poison that made the pain grow more and more.
He never asked for this. They didn't ask for this.
And he never asked to be rejected this harshly. His eyes closed against his will, exhaustion killing him. He hoped never to remember this day again. And he didn't want to hear the nicknames 'King' or 'Great King'. He wanted to forget everything that happened on one damn Friday. And he didn't want anyone else to suffer what he had suffered.
But he wanted that to stay like that because he didn't know than was going to happent to him after if they make pace. Though the cannot stop thinking about what if.