Chapter Text
There’s rain on the windowsill, puddling on the hardwood floor beneath it and Eliza stares.
Tries to remember if she had the window open that morning as she steps out of her rainboots. Pushes off her jeans at the door, unwilling to spend another moment in their uncomfortable embrace. Next comes her jacket, dropped into the pile of clothes she keeps shedding.
Angelica would cringe. Their mother definitely taught them better, but the rain has sapped her strength and she has more important things to worry about.
Like closing the window. Socked feet pad along the floor as she heads toward it, and she sighs as she steps around the mess to push it all the way closed. Revels in the silence now that the raging wind is blocked out.
A sound somewhere in the house draws her attention and Eliza freezes. There’d been no car in the driveway when she drove up, she should be alone. Writes it off as a trick of the mind as she goes to get a towel to dry up the mess.
Is just reaching for one in the hall closet when she hears it again and suddenly, she’s not so comfortable walking around with so little on. There should be a pair of pajama shorts in the bathroom, and she goes to find them.
Finds her instead.
Hair plastered to her face, clothes clinging to her body, either she’s run the shower or was caught in the rain. Either way, she looks uncomfortable, curled up in the tub, face hidden in her knees. “Maria, baby?”
They’ve been dating for seven months, living together for five. Too soon, Angelica had told her. Did she really want to risk leasing a place before she knew if it would last? Two months in and they’d still been in their honeymoon phase.
Most days, it feels like they haven’t left it yet. Sure Maria struggles at times, but they’ve managed to make it work so far. Sometimes spooks at the littlest things. Withdraws for days at a time. But she always comes back, and when she does, it’s wonderful. Maria is so caring and vibrant. A beautiful dancer and an excellent lover. Dating her is the best decision that Eliza has made in a while.
“Maria?” Eliza takes a step closer, kneeling down next to the tub. “Did something happen at work?”
Still no response, Eliza reaches out to touch her girlfriend’s shoulder, to try and check that she’s okay. Stumbles back a bit when Maria startles, flinching away from her. Now, so close and with Maria looking at her, she can see the claw marks along her neck.
Swallows the lump in her throat as she tries to figure out the right thing to say. Holds up her hands to show she means no harm. “I’m not going to touch you. What happened? Who hurt you?”
There’s no glimmer of recognition on Maria’s face. Eliza tries again. “Maria, your neck? Did someone attack you?”
Finally, Maria shakes her head, extends her own hands and Eliza isn’t sure what she’s supposed to do anymore. Not if those marks are self-inflicted. Not when she doesn’t know what this is happening. “Can I go get you some dry clothes to put on?”
It takes her a minute to respond, but Maria finally hesitantly responds. Eliza takes the time to pull on a pair of shorts when she’s in the bedroom before heading back. Puts the small stack of clothes she brought back on the counter so that she can help Maria stand up.
Bites back a bit of hurt when Maria doesn’t take her hand, when her girlfriend stares at her, still apparently terrified.
It isn’t personal. Eliza knows this even if she’s still not sure what sparked this. Knowing doesn’t make it sting any less. “Here, I’ll hand you your clothes and the towel, and you can close the curtain to change. Okay? I’ll be right out here.”
Far too many minutes later, Maria emerges, still shaking, still wary-eyed. Eliza wets her lips, prays a moment later that it isn’t miss understood. “Do you want to go into the living room?”
Maria nods. Follows after her slowly, eyes flickering around the room as if it is haunted by something only she can see.
Once they’re in the living room, Eliza finds her one blanket and then another. Doesn’t stop until there're no more blankets in the house and Maria’s cocooned so well that her head is barely visible. If she’s still shaking, then Eliza can’t see it.
The television flickers on and then off, the sound too brazen, and Eliza can’t bear the way Maria flinches. Better to sit in the silence and hope that her presence is somehow comforting.
After they sat there in the dark for who knows how long, Maria speaks up, voice hoarse. “It’s his birthday today.”
Eliza doesn’t ask who he is. “You don’t have to-”
Maria doesn’t seem the slightest bit aware of her interruption, just keeps talking, “He used to- I- He said it was his present to himself.”
She can only imagine what that means. Isn’t sure she wants to know. But it would be messed up to tell Maria to stop talking because she can’t handle it, after all, Maria had to live through it. After all, to her knowledge, Maria hasn’t talked about it at all since she left him.
“I used to think-” Maria laughs, a bitter sound- “I used to think if I was good enough, that maybe he wouldn’t.”
“He was going to do what he wanted, no matter what.” It wasn’t Maria’s fault. His choices weren’t her fault, even if he claimed they were. If she’d done what he’d asked, he would have just found another excuse.
“I thought-” Another start. Another stop. Maria’s arms snake out of the cocoon to rub at her eyes- “I thought I was doing well. I’ve been doing well, haven’t I? I’ve been so good.”
As far as Eliza can tell, she’s asking about her mental health, but the phrase and the context still sends chills down her spine. “The nightmares haven’t been as bad lately. But it hasn’t even been a year, no one is expecting you to be better yet.”
“Been so good,” Maria repeats. “Please don’t leave me alone.”
This time, when Eliza goes to touch her, Maria allows it. Lets her hold her hand. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”