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The sun’s beams hit Parrot in the face as he left the shop, letting the wooden door softly creak shut behind him. He raised his hand to shield his eyes, narrowed from the harsh rays as he adjusted. The weather seemed to be nice today – compared to the last few days, at least. It’s been raining non-stop, which was a nuisance, especially when he wanted to go out and buy food for him and Theo. Being hit with a downpour that bad made him end up with a cold not long after he got home. And while Theo insisted he stayed home, he refused to listen. He was fine, it was nothing more than a slight cough, and maybe his throat was a little sore – but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. He’s gone through worse, after all. The ache spread through all of the muscles in his body that made it uncomfortable to move, let alone stand, was nothing more than a minor detail. It was fine.
Once he no longer had to squint to see properly, he lowered his hand, glancing around. The streets were filled with people, most of them most likely overjoyed with the change of weather. He rolled his sleeves up, ignoring the discomfort that came with the motion. They were starting to run low on resources, he remembered. He’d have to go out soon, maybe explore the woodland outside of the city walls. He wondered how many diamonds they had – perhaps he’d just stock up at one of the stores. As his eyes scanned the buildings surrounding them, he heard the door creak behind him, at which he turned his head.
Theo stepped out of the store, eyes glancing around as if searching for someone, only to stop on his face. His lips curled in dissatisfaction, shoulders dropping. “Just because it’s warm outside doesn’t mean you should be going out.” He complained, leaning against the now shut door.
“I’ll be fine.” Parrot insisted, emphasizing the statement with a sharp nod. “Don’t you think we should go out? We’re running low on food, right?” He turned to face the other, subtly shifting his body weight from one leg to the other.
A sigh slips past Theo’s lips, unable to hide his annoyance. Parrot’s tendency to brush off his own issues was a huge flaw of his, one which he refused to acknowledge. Theo never brought it up, as it didn’t take a genius to figure out how that would go. He was a selfless man. Too selfless for his own good. His eyes raked over the other’s body, taking in his stance, only to snap to his wings – the extra limbs slightly twisted, an uncomfortable position which hurt to look at; although he rarely saw the other’s wings sitting comfortably against his back. Quickly glancing back at the other’s face, he nodded. “I’ll get it. I have some other things to get, anyway.” He watched as Parrot blinked, brows furrowing.
After a short pause, he nodded, movement slower than Theo’s. “I’ll go with you, then. Come on.”
Before Theo could do as little as speak or protest, the other turned on his heels and started walking off towards the center of the city. The former clicked his tongue and jogged over to Parrot, annoyed. “You’re sick, dude. I can go alone, you know?”
Parrot dug through his bag as he walked, searching for diamonds. It’d be quite embarrassing if he left without them. “I’m fine.” He insists, tone becoming snappy as he grew more and more agitated with the other’s prying, a cough crawling up his throat.. He hated how stubborn the blonde was, how he sometimes pried and pried until Parrot’s patience wore thin. How he noticed every miniscule change in the latter, making it impossible to hide anything from him.
Theo was becoming too close for his comfort. He was beginning to notice things nobody else did – unintentionally creating further walls between them. Parrot just couldn’t figure out why he was still here, despite his countless complaints and observations. Despite knowing that everyone close to him died. That he simply couldn’t afford to be close to anyone ever again.
While rummaging through his bag, his movements must’ve become more aggressive as the strap caught on his wing – a sharp, blinding pain shooting through the injured limb. The pain seemed to worsen tenfold with an ongoing infection and weakened body, as he instantly jumped, biting the inside of his cheek to avoid wincing – letting out only a sharp exhale.
He shook his head clear of the ringing in his ears, pulling his hands out of the bag and crossing his arms instantly – nails digging into his arm as he tried to redirect the pain. Whatever hints of anger Theo was feeling seemed to diminish almost instantly, eyes scanning the other’s body as if trying to find the source of whatever just happened. “Crap, are you okay? What–”
“Stop. Just – stop, okay? I’m not sick, I’m okay, I’m fine.” Parrot stopped in his step, ignoring the ache in his limbs as his heels rested flat against the ground. Theo’s brows furrowed as he stared at him, hands hovering as if unsure of what to do, where to rest. As if hesitant to touch the other. Good. His irritation grew as he watched the other shake his head in disbelief, opening his mouth to argue back; only for the former to begin speaking once more. “Let’s just go.”
Theo’s gaze trailed over to Parrot’s wings, taking in every loose or bent feather, every piece of debris or scrap stuck between the barbules, the dirt staining the green and lime colors. He can’t remember the last time he saw the latter pay even a slither of attention to the limbs, always focused on anyone but himself. The sight and the situation itself caused anger to boil up inside of him, hands clenching into tight fists; nails digging into his palms. “Can’t you listen to your own body just this once? Is that so hard for you to do?” He barked back, voice raising the slightest bit, bringing a few glances their way. A sharp huff left Parrot’s mouth as he continued walking, eyes refusing to meet the other’s. He didn’t have the strength to argue back, and it’s not like they’d come to an understanding. It always ended like this; it was only a matter of minutes, hours at most, before they were back to their usual selves. It’d be fine. Theo rarely pushed past the yell-about-how-he-doesn’t-take-care-of-himself stage. His knees felt like rusty cogs trying to turn and bring the mechanism – his body – to life, but he walked nonetheless, even if every step set his nerves on fire and furthered the haze slowly growing in his mind.
–
And he was right, Theo didn’t push. He began trailing behind Parrot once more, except this time he was further behind him – as if guarding, in case anything were to happen. They didn’t speak for the entire trip, the uncomfortable silence between them being masked by the noise in the streets, which did little to cancel out the thoughts in their heads.
It had started raining outside while they were inside the store, which wasn’t ideal. Parrot knew for a fact that Theo wanted to make a snark comment about being right, as per usual. Oddly enough, he stayed silent, clearly uncomfortable. Once they pushed past the old, wooden doors of their store, it took every inch of willpower in Parrot’s body not to drop to the floor. It felt like he had run a marathon, exhausted to the point where he didn’t even notice Theo’s concerned glance as he dropped his bag onto the floor and instantly headed upstairs, to where his bed was. He just needed to lay down for a little, is all.
Theo didn’t say anything as he watched Parrot head up the ladders, gripping the handles with as much strength as he could possibly muster up, as if he didn’t trust himself to make it up without passing out. He simply walked over to the counter, slipping behind it and sitting on the comfortable seat, letting his forehead press against the cold wood as he leaned forward, eyes slipping shut.
No matter what he said, what he did – it didn’t seem to affect Parrot in the slightest. His countless protests, their arguments about whether they should go and risk their lives for something that wasn’t worth it in the slightest – about how quick Parrot was to almost get himself killed for someone who, in any other situation, would let him die with zero hesitance. He just couldn’t understand it, and Parrot was making sure he wouldn’t have the opportunity to, either; keeping him at arm’s length at all times.
Even at times like this, Parrot was stubborn. Refusing to let his body heal from the infection, to let it rest – all for, what? A few pieces of steak, golden apples and bread? He couldn’t help but wonder, did Theo contribute to this in any way? Sure, the other had been stubborn for as long as he could remember; and he probably had been long before they met, but he couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt every single time he saw him deliberately put his own life at risk. Maybe he could’ve done more to help. They both know that Parrot isn’t built for fights; so naturally, Theo established the role of his protector. Maybe the only reason Parrot has faced death, brushed shoulders with it more times than he could ever imagine, was because Theo hasn’t been doing a good enough job at protecting him. Perhaps it’s his own recklessness that led to all of this.
He wondered when their simple partnership, formed simply out of convenience, turned into something deeper, closer. Became stuck to each other by the hip, truly inseparable – unless forced apart. Became best friends – something he hasn’t called anyone in ages. He knew the same applied for the other, judging by the shock on Parrot’s face when he first described them as such.
It must’ve been at least an hour before a muffled, raspy cough sounded upstairs, followed by a much quieter sneeze and sniff. He knew that if he were to go up to the other right now, he’d be given the cold shoulder, and he’d only be hurt by the sight in front of him. But some part of him wanted to go up and offer help nonetheless, despite the constant rejection he had faced from the other. All he wanted was for Parrot to feel like he had a shoulder to lean on, just once.
Theo’s back cracked as he sat up straight and stretched, his muscles beginning to ache from the constant running back and forth as of late. He hesitated for a minute, considering his options, before pulling his weight off the chair and slowly heading up the ladders, trying to be as quiet as possible. Once his feet touched the cold floor, his eyes scanned the room, searching for the familiar figure – blinking when he spotted the other sitting on his bed, back turned to the blonde. One of his wings – the one with clipped feathers, incapable of taking flight – was pulled in by Parrot. From that angle, he wasn’t sure what the other was doing, the ruined feathers obstructing the view.
Inching closer, the other didn’t react at all. Odd. With a sliver of hesitance, he cleared his throat, trying to catch Parrot’s attention, which gained him no reaction as well. “...You – uh, alright, Parrot?” He started to circle the bed, trying to see the other’s face; which was a little hard, since his bed was pressed up against a wall.
Parrot wiped his nose on his sleeve, sniffling like a sick toddler as he held the injured wing close, fingers wrapped around one of the only untrimmed large feathers like a lifeline as he stared at the wall. He wasn’t sure whether the brunette was ignoring him on purpose or not, every move of his hesitant as to not provoke a negative reaction.
Slowly, but cautiously, he sat on the bed, the added weight and shift of the mattress enough to make Parrot turn his head to look at him. For a second, he looked startled, eyes widening – as though he hadn’t heard Theo coming. He looked a lot worse than before, the bags under his eyes darkening, eyes barely open by now. “You should take care of those, y’know?” The latter glanced down at the injured limb, even if the sight was upsetting to look at. His voice was soft, the complete opposite of the tone he was using a mere hour ago.
Blinking, Parrot’s gaze averted, head turning to face the wall once more. “Okay.” That single word was muttered so quietly, the other had to take a second to process it – and even then, he wasn’t sure if he heard him right.
“Seriously. I can… Help, if you want.” He offered slowly, frowning. Parrot shook his head, body tensing as he coughed, curling in on himself even more. Theo opens his mouth to speak, but what is there to say? He’d only be repeating himself, and it seemed that no amount of offering the same help over and over would do the trick. He couldn’t leave Parrot to his own devices, either. Last time he left him alone through his sickness, he found him in an even worse state than before, worse by at least tenfold. He wouldn’t repeat the same mistakes.
Even if it was something as minor as a sickness – he knew how bad those could get. How dangerous, under the wrong circumstances. So many things could go wrong, especially with their luck and tendency to end up in life threatening situations – except this time, if they were to end up in one, Parrot for sure would be done for. And god knows he wasn’t about to let that happen. “Please, Parrot. Just let me help you, dude.” Something about those words, set in that particular order, said with that tone – they reminded him of someone. Of the same person that has haunted every single day of his since his death, the same man who has ruined him, his best friend. The man he had put all his trust into, the man he had done so much for. Perhaps that’s exactly how things would end with Theo, too. Trapped in an endless cycle of lack of autonomy once more, his every move being dictated not by himself, but by the other.
But would he be capable of that? Theo has never gone out of his way to hurt him. Was Parrot the bad one here? His arms curled around his chest, wrapping tightly as if to provide comfort and warmth; a delicacy he hadn’t allowed anyone to provide to him in a long time. “Just leave me alone.” He mumbled, slowly letting his head rest against the wall, eyes slipping shut. He didn’t like having his back turned on the other, but he didn’t want to face him. Didn’t want to see the anger in his eyes as Parrot pushed him away.
He knew it was terrible of him, but he was afraid. He was so, so afraid of what could happen to either of them. He knew for a fact that the second he let the other in, something would happen to him or Parrot; and he couldn’t risk that. Even if it meant upsetting the other. In the grand scheme of things, it was worth it.
All of the anger that has been boiling up inside Theo suddenly burst out, as if unable to contain it any longer. “Why? Why won’t you just– I don’t get it! I just don’t get you, Parrot. All you do is push me away!” Theo ran his hands through his hair, pushing the strands back as he shot off the bed. “I care about you, dude. I don’t want to see you like this.” His pains were met with silence, which was an answer in itself. He sighed in defeat, running his hands down his face before shaking his head and turning around. “Whatever. Literally, whatever.”
Parrot brought his knees up to his chest, letting his chin rest in the gap between them. The pain spread throughout his body was dull, now, which provided him with enough comfort to be able to fall asleep easily in the same position he was sat in in the matter of minutes. He didn’t hear Theo leave, but it didn’t matter.
–
Theo began counting the stars sprinkled across the night sky by day three. Three entire days of Parrot isolating himself, becoming completely impossible to talk to. He had started eating less, as well, and eventually stopped leaving his bed as much. He wasn’t sure how much of that was sickness, and what was simply his declining mental state. Any sparks of conversation he’d started were, once again, met with dead silence. He stopped initiating anything by the end of day two. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure what to do. He felt pathetic, being unable to help his friend.
Well, at least the weather had gotten better. The wind was a soft, gentle breeze, not enough to make him put on more layers, but also not enough to make him strip to the thinnest and shortest of clothes in the hopes of cooling down. By night, there was no wind at all, the streets filled with nothing but the chirps of crickets and birds here and there. He knew that Parrot hated the cold, so perhaps that would bring back some life into him.
He really hoped it would, because God knows he was powerless.
He looked up at the night sky once more, arms resting on his knees as he sat on the porch of the shop. Theo wasn’t bothered by the cold. It was a pleasant change, his body used to the warmer temperatures; which meant that colder weathers felt like taking a refreshing shower after being out in the sun all day. One thing he did love, though, was the snow. The softness of the white feathery ice, forming layers upon layers on top of delicate grass. The feeling of it as he carded his fingers through the powder, fingertips becoming numb in mere minutes.
Soft bursts of wind carded through his hair, the loose strands brushing against his face; the patches of grass meticulously dug out in patterns swaying, creating nothing more than a background noise. Static, at most. And just as quick as the wind came, it disappeared, leaving the world silent once again.
Theo wasn’t sure how long he had been outside before he heard muffled, uncoordinated footsteps behind him. He didn’t budge, figuring Parrot was using the opportunity to perhaps grab something from downstairs, given Theo wasn’t around. Maybe his presence was becoming an issue.
Before he could ponder any longer, the hinges of the doors to the store squeaked as they opened – he had to get them replaced, he had no idea how they wore out so quickly – and the footsteps were back, this time out no longer obstructed. He lifted his head and turned towards the source, watching as the other stepped towards him awkwardly, hesitance obvious as it seeped out through every crevice in his body.
Parrot’s body was enveloped in one of his blankets, one he had been gifted in the past. The lantern hanging off the porch roof illuminated his face, emphasizing the dark circles under his sad eyes. He’s always had that sad look to him, Theo noticed. From the moment they met, there was something in them that just pulled Theo forward, made him curious. It wasn’t an emptiness by any means – it was something else. He wasn’t sure how to describe it.
He was just a sad, sad person in general, really. Melancholic, more than anything else. Though on most days he put on a subtle front, which no one should technically notice, Theo always did. He always did, because he had learned to pay such close attention to even the slightest changes in the other, to watch out for those subtle cues; hints on what to say or do next. Even if Parrot hated it. Even if it made him feel exposed, like he was being dissected by his gaze alone. The brunette hesitated for a moment, as if unsure of whether he could sit beside Theo or not. When provided with a soft shrug, he lowered his body onto the steps, blanket spilling out around him as he hugged his body tight. Out of the corner of his eye, Theo could see him looking out at the sky, admiring the view.
Silence stretched between them, words and apologies and excuses rushing through their heads yet nothing making it past their lips. Every single time Parrot’s body shifted, like it always did when he was about to speak up, he deflated, averting his gaze again and again. Theo was starting to get cold, and his back hurt from being hunched over like that, but he was willing to push through it if it meant Parrot were to speak. Open up, he hoped.
After what felt like forever, Parrot’s quiet, raspy voice cut through the dead of the night. “Will you…” He faltered, trailing off just as quickly as he mustered up the courage to speak. Theo watched him expectantly, staring as the brown irises snapped from the sky to his face, blinking a few times before shrugging the blanket off just enough to free his wings.
Theo’s eyes instantly followed, concern shooting through the roof as they landed on the feathered limbs. Somehow, they were in a way worse shape than before, some feathers bending unnaturally – most likely from being squished between the blanket and Parrot’s body for so long. His wings were already messy before getting sick, but now? Even the soft illumination of the lantern was enough for him to see just how awful they looked.
He repressed a wince before glancing back at the brunette, who was no longer willing to make eye contact with him. He stuttered, unsure whether he was getting the right signals or not. “You want me to, uh –” He pointed at the feathered limbs, hesitating. “...Take care of that?”
The nod that came shortly after was barely visible, but noticed nonetheless. Theo was taken aback, genuinely concerned about the other’s state of awareness. It wasn’t that he wouldn’t be willing to fulfill his request, just the fact that he requested that alone. Parrot wasn’t a touchy person by any means, and he had only let Theo around his wings – or let him take care of him – only once or twice. And even then, it was only because the latter insisted, and it was a more dire situation than this.
Realizing he had been stuck in his own thoughts for too long, and noticing Parrot’s increasing reluctance, he whipped his head around to see if there was anyone around. The streets were empty. Right, who’d be going out at this hour? “Are you– here? Don’t you want to go inside?”
Parrot shook his head with a sniff, turning in his seat so that his back was facing the other. “No.” He leaned forward, hair falling over his face like a curtain. His body was definitely weaker, frail from the sickness, even more than before; causing his limbs to shake gently, even in the warmth surrounding them. Even with the blanket splayed across his lap, which more so served as an anchor keeping him on the ground, rather than a source of warmth.
Carefully, he shuffled across the freezing cold wood, over to the other. His movements were more delicate, cautious, as if approaching a wild animal which was one wrong move away from running. He’d really prefer to go inside, not even for the sake of warmth – just for the sake of being able to see the other’s wings clearly, but he wasn’t going to ask again. He knew better than to pick and choose when given an opportunity like this.
Theo’s fingers, rough from years of calculated combat and fights, brushed against the soft yet matted surface of his feathers, feeling the soft barbules bend under the tips of his digits. Small amounts of mud were sticking many of the feathers together, but he had no way of washing it out, so he instead focused on the misaligned growths, along with the ones trapped in the unshed keratin.
His hands ran down both of his wings to feel for any further damage, pausing when his left hand phased through where feathers should be. He blinked, mentally cursing himself for forgetting about the trimmed feathers. He didn’t miss the way the other shivered as his hand brushed against them, the area clearly still sensitive. “Sorry. Forgot about that.” He blurted out, watching the other lift his head for a second and nod, before letting it drop back down into his arms.
A few seconds of awkward silence pass before Theo musters up the courage to painstakingly start pulling out the stray feathers, which seemed to be an incredibly easy task as they were already loose from Parrot’s constant twisting in bed. As he worked on the delicate wing, a thought sparked in the back of his mind. He’d known Parrot for a while now, a year at the very least. Though he didn’t shed his old feathers extremely fast, they still shed. So why was his wing always trimmed? He doubted the brunette did it to himself – he knew how painful it must’ve been. But that just leaves more and more questions, one of the many being; why does he actively keep them short? Do they not grow right anymore, or has he gotten so used to his inability to fly with his own wings that he can’t accept that sort of independence? The ability to fly on his own, without the support of an elytra?
He decided he wouldn’t ask. Some things were better left unanswered.
–
Parrot’s eyes bore into the dark grass, the lantern behind him casting shadow on the closest blades. He wanted to lay in the grass, shut his eyes and rest. Listen to the earth. To the wind, to the crickets – feel the cold touch of the blades against his skin. His hand balled up into a fist as a sensitive feather was plucked out of his wing, a sliver of pain shooting through his back.
He was starting to regret asking Theo for help. Not that it was his fault, because it truly wasn’t – he knew the latter was only trying his best to help. Because he cared. But that was also precisely the issue. As he carded his fingers through the sensitive feathers, Parrot became more and more stressed, more paranoid. This kind of vulnerability wasn’t something anyone had the privilege to see, to be given, since him. And he hadn’t used it well, and even used it against Parrot, so who was to say that Theo wouldn’t do the same? For all the stress, the countless wounds he had to mend using magic even he himself was incapable of explaining or rationalizing, fruit made of gold-like material healing lacerations and internal wounds in mere seconds, opposing human biology – who was to say that Theo wouldn’t use this opportunity as payback? It wouldn’t take much, after all. They both knew that he was starting to push past his limits, both physically and mentally.
The gentle, caring touch that brushed against his damaged limbs felt disgusting, which in turn made him feel terrible. He knew he wasn’t being rational, but there was a part of him that just simply couldn’t stomach being treated this way. Like he deserved touch that wasn’t initiated with the intention of harming him. Like he deserved to be cared for, as if he couldn’t care for himself. Because he was responsible. All he has ever done was care and fend for himself – and care for others who couldn’t do the same for themselves.
Before Theo, there was Wifies. The same Wifies that held him when his body could no longer keep up with his mind, or the other way around – the same one that picked the debris out of his wings when he no longer had the power to do so himself. The same Wifies that held his wing out tight with artificial care, with promises of it all being for his own good, before taking away his freedom, his whole self – with the same sword that he had once used to protect Parrot. He still remembers the hollow look in the taller’s eyes, the complete lack of emotion behind them as a soft smile covered his face, tucking the sword away into the sheath strapped to his waist – the light bouncing off the smooth, netherite surface. He remembers looking down at the clean-cut feathers, then at his wing; realizing how terrifyingly close the cut was to the end of the wing, right where bone, meat and muscle began. Just inches away from making him bleed.
Eyes stinging, he blinked rapidly, squeezing them shut over and over until the world no longer blurred around him. It was only then that he realized he was no longer outside. He was inside the store, seated on the crappy sofa they’d brought in together a while after the store just opened. They had argued over it so many times over where to place it, but eventually decided on leaving it downstairs – because how the hell would they get it up when all they had was a ladder?
Parrot jumped when something cold hit his back, seeping through the fabric of his thin t-shirt. That seemed to snap him out of the haze he was in fully, and he whipped his head around, looking for the source. Theo was sitting behind him, a rag soaked in water and wrung out sitting in his hand, hands hovering over the other’s back. He must’ve pulled away when Parrot suddenly moved. Opening his mouth to speak, he didn’t get a chance to get a word in as the blonde interrupted.
“It’s fine.” The words were spoken so softly, with such understanding that Parrot just turned back around, silent. “I didn’t want you to get any sicker.” Theo continued, and that was the moment the other realized how much his head hurt, along with his stuffy nose. His whole body felt uncomfortable. The headache was new, though.
He didn’t remember moving into the store. “...Okay.” He muttered, rubbing his thumb on his fingers in repeated motions to ground himself. These… Whatever that was, it had happened before. Although it was embarrassing to admit, this had happened so many times that Theo must’ve gotten used to it, no longer bringing it up or asking about it once Parrot wasn’t as out of it.
Digging his thumb into his palm, he focused on the dull pain, pulling himself out of the next spiral he almost fell into. His eyes scanned the room, taking note of every object. Every chest fixed onto the wall, every sign and letter etched into it, the tears on the cheap couch of theirs. Anything to calm his mind. To silence it, even if it’s just the slightest bit.
And if he felt Theo’s concerned gaze on his back, or his hesitation as he handled his injured wing, he didn’t say anything, letting the silence stretch between them; save for the occasional splash of water as he soaked the rug. Even if every gentle touch to the damaged feathers made his vision blur, made him swallow a lump in his throat that only got larger and larger, he still didn’t say anything.
Maybe, despite how wrong it felt, he could allow himself this warmth, just this once.