Work Text:
She never cared about what the cheesecake she was gifted contained, or the butter the pancakes were fried on. She only cared about finishing eating faster than stupid Akito so she could get to enjoy more. Nowadays, however, she felt nauseating dread clawing at her throat as she watched the glowing numbers on the ground of the bathroom.
As she walked back to her room and stared at the ground, she couldn't help but smile a precious shiny smile with all her teeth. She could even twirl– if such a thing didn't make her head spin.
She looked at the mirror in the corner of her room, then sighed. “Hmm, I still look so…ugly though. Maybe I just need to go on?”
‘Maybe’ was a funny word for the loop of obsession she got tangled up with. It’s only for the better, though. This was the only way to be pretty. She would be ugly otherwise.
She knew what she was working for, of course. The beautiful purple haired girl with her big mesmerizing eyes– Mafuyu was beautiful in every perspective, on the inside and the outside, Ena had to ask her out- but not like this, not while she was so embarrassingly large.
She threw away the food her mom cooked with warm care the previous day and left a dirty plate in the sink. Her mom was just trying to sabotage her, no way Ena was falling for that.
She took a glass of water and walked back to her room, opening her phone. A message from Mizuki, she saw.
“Enanannnn!!!!!!” “Enananananan!” “Ena Ena Ena Ena Ena”
“I see your message shut up! I can't reply in light speed you know”
“I bumped into Kanade and Mafuyu and we went to our usual diner, you wanna come too?”
“I have way too many tests coming up for that”
“There's a cheesecake special, you sure??”
Ena closed Nightcord after that, ignoring the buzzing from the next row of messages. She was on an ongoing fast, she couldn't break it. When she looks good, she would be able to.
It was late at night, yet not 1AM yet. She slowly ate the pack of yogurt, scraping bits off the sides of the container. She wasn't eating the zero fat yogurt because it had less calories, no. She just liked this more. Like how she likes zero sugar drinks more. Like how she prefered water over desserts.
It became an issue however. After this pack, she took another. Then another. Then she took a row from a chocolate bar, she was only gonna take one row- which soon became two, then became an empty pack. Somehow that became leftovers from dinner and the cake her mom brought from the store, and somehow that became a bunch of dish soap after repeatedly gagging above the toilet seat to no result but a disgusting feeling in her stomach. The dish soap couldn't make her empty her stomach either and she continued to scrape the back of her throat. Yet in the end, she only sat on her knees looking down at a toilet with only bits of saliva.
Absolute devastation and a scarily strong sense of regret dug themselves in her brain.
No wonder she couldn't ask Mafuyu out yet, her lack of self control was humiliating, she needed to get better.
And finally, she was beautiful. She admired each shade on her shaky body, the bruises she got from simple bumps, the goosebumps from the freezing cold and the emptiness between her thighs. Now she was beautiful.
Mafuyu accepted her proposal. Everything was great now– ‘Ana’ wasn't far from Ena, she supposed. She was meant to become pretty with this life saving method, wasn't she?
She got her daily 25,000 steps in time before she had to start getting ready to go to Mafuyu’s house. She still had time so she sat down on her chair and opened her desk drawer. Three packs of sweet popcorn, two bars of chocolate with popping candy, a waffle and vanilla cream covered in chocolate, lollipops, cashews covered in salted caramel and a bag of chips.
She picked up one of the many snacks and held it close to her face, her mouth watering. And after a bit- she put it down. Finally, she could say she was disciplined with pride.
“Ena, are you okay?” Mafuyu asked. Her voice was as empty as ever, soft like Ena liked it, comforting.
“Yes? I haven't even stepped in yet, what are you worried about?”
“You seem exhausted lately.”
“Oh. Uhm, probably just from school pressure. Exam week is over though so I should be fine now”
“Okay. Let's eat dinner first, since it’s the evening already.”
Ena nodded and after putting her bag down in Mafuyu's room, she sat down next to Mafuyu with Mafuyu's parents across the two of them. When she looked down at the plate of food, however, something was odd…
Almost like a reflex, she apologized to Mafuyu. “Uhm, sorry… I ate at home so I’m not hungry.”
What was Ena doing? She reached her goal already.
When she got back home, in her bathroom, she took everything with weight that wasn't her body off and stepped on the glass square, gulping at the glowing numbers.
She just needed a little less weight, that's all.