Work Text:
The wind outside ruffled the autumn leaves with each blow ripping away leaf after leaf from the trees that's grown orange in the change of season. Inside James sat at the edge of the bed, sight set out the window into a different universe in his own mind. Of all the outcomes that could have been his fate, James had never thought his best friend's death would be the outcome of it all, the equal exchange to save thousands was as simple as to losing the ones that mattered most in someone else's life
When he had gotten on that battlefield he had wished to save as many lives as possible, yet now sitting on the edge of the bed of the guest room, he wished to have just saved the one most important to him. A selfish choice the military would have never allowed, but that battlefield was not one of military service, he wished he could've done more, spent more time with him. Now all there is left is a bitter taste on his tongue
He had been so focused on military duties he hadn't even noticed how they had started to grow apart, how Tony had a mask of joy with underlying surprise in his eyes. He hadn't spent enough time he felt like, perhaps it was in his head, but in those last moments it felt like he lost someone he had lost long before that point had come.
Now as he stared beyond the window his thoughts wander, thinking up possibilities where he had spent more time with Tony, where Tony had lived, a universe where he wasn't a coward. James shook the thought away, wiping away the tears that filled his eyes before they fell, he took a deep breath before letting go of it. He had promised himself to help Pepper sort through Tony's stuff, it was the least he could do for her.
As he stood up his hands motioned, brushing away the wrinkles on his outfit along with the none existent dust covering it, he took slow steps before he quickened his pace, his hand twisting the handle as he stepped out the room, he hears the sounds of shuffling followed by a soft thud bellow. Rhodey peaks over the railing and spots Pepper at the dining table with a box, it looked worn down with years of opening and closing, Rhodey took careful steps down the stairs meeting Pepper at the table
“What's in the box? “ Pepper hummed looking up at him, eyes filled with something akin to pity, which was strange because she was the one that lost Tony more than he did. Pepper placed her hand atop the box and pushed it towards him then taking a seat across from him “I think, you should see yourself Jim” Rhodey paused, eyes fixed on the woman in front of him “What did you just call me? “ Pepper shook her head “Open the box Jim”
Rhodey stared down at the box dread washes over him in waves, his hand under the cover of the box as he slowly flipped the box open. Inside stacked with letters and odd trinkets —that he assumes are Tony's— the stacks of letters varied, some yellowed and worn, some new and slightly wrinkled, Rhodey stares at the woman in front of him, her eyes down her arms crossed on the table
“Pepper, what is this? “ the air filled with tension as his question was met with silence “Pepper. What are these? “ She took in a shaky breath as Rhodey could only gesture at the box, “Pepper—” . “He was in love” Rhodey bit his tongue at those words, he felt that same nauseating sense of dread as he did at Tony and Pepper's wedding, so he sat down pushing the box aside. “Rhodey, he was in love” He goes to response before Pepper's sharp remark stopped him
“No, you don't know. You don't understand Rhodey. “ He held her gaze now, her eyes shining with unushered tears, “Rhodey, he never loved me, and I never loved him, this—” She gestured to everything that surrounded them “–was for both our sake, not the sake of love, a sake of convenience. Rhodey, he was in love with you.” Rhodey held her gaze, his intake of breath sharp and shallow as she handed him this new knowledge
“No- no he wasn't. I-I would've noticed. Pepper, tell me you're lying. “ Pepper gave him a look of pity, while the pit in his stomach dug further into a sense of horror “Pepper, what's in the box. “ Pepper sighed, she stood up tears running down her cheeks “I think you know, I need a breather” Before he could even process her words she was out the door leaving his unattended with the box that now taste of yearning and regret
He wiped at his tear filled eyes, the box in front of him sits untouched, the sight of letters and trinkets replays in his mind. He sucked in a breath with a hand running through his hair as his shoulders slumped, he blinked away the tears in his eyes as his vision cleared just enough to see in front of himself, the box taunted him with its contents and his own curiosity, he knows the possibility that the contents of the box would only hurt him more but he was already reaching out to it before he even processed movement
His hands slid under the flaps of the box opening it up again, the contents of the box stared back at him begging to be read, so he picked one out of the pile. The envelope was slightly worn, not enough to yellow but not white enough to be recent, the date written on the back of envelope says it all ‘April 17th 2021’ read the date, he flipped the envelope on his right side as he ripped open the envelope, dropping it as soon as he pulled out the letter tucked inside
Unfolding the paper he saw the same precision handwriting that solely belonged to Tony. The letter read:
‘Dear Rhodey. I'm not quite sure why you would be reading this, but for a chance that you are, I had a dream of us recently, a dream where we were married, in a timeline where we were happy. People tend to say dreams are different outcomes of our different choices that lead to such different times and universes, whichever one it possibly is. I do hope that out there, a version of us is happy together, instead of staying separated by the unspoken ravine between us. I can only wish that one day, we could have the same fate. ‘
Rhodey stared at the paper in his hands, the way it wrinkled, the rough texture it had against his palms, he blinked away the tears threatening to fall, wiping at them furiously. His hand tremors at the contents of the letter, Tony had never been a man of poetry, yet every other letters he once wrote felt as though they were poems made to grace him and those that read them, a short story that's filled with metaphors and science talk, a sacred text with the only saved letters Rhodey had left of such beautiful wording and handwriting
The same handwriting that was now stabbing into his heart, throbbing as it wondered if he could've done anything to convince the one man he truly loved that the feeling was reciprocated, yet now it could do nothing but throb and wonder as the once were is now a past that sits 6’ft below.
At some point he placed the letter down and out a different a different one unfolding it with a gentleness with a hint desperation underneath, his eyes and fingers moved in sync not letting his brain catch up to the words written down, the only thing he's registered from each letter are the start, each written with a ‘Dear Rhodey’ repeating like a mantra that could just be possible if he's written it enough times. A wish, a prayer, a hope that someone would hear it
And now these letters were the only evidence of a prayer, the spark of hope now in turn swallowed up the water of rain, Rhodey sets the letter down, his vision a blur of the color that surrounded him. The letters stacked now served evidence of his own ignorance, he should've done something, anything. Perhaps that would've been enough, enough for him to stay enough for him to understand, yet all there is left are letters that are supposed to fill a hole the man he loved should have filled.
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“Hey Tones” Tony hummed his head buried in a motherboard as he fixed a wire into place, “do you think different universes exist? “ Tony paused pushing his goggles off his melding iron abandoned on his workbench “mmm, scientifically speaking it would be possible for them to be real” Rhodey sigh chair spinning “yeah, but what do you believe? “ His tone dripping with curiosity as he leaned forward in his chair, Tony stares at him and shrugs “well, I think they're real”
“Well, what do you think a universe where I never met you is like? “ Tony snickers, earning him a glare “what? “ Tones shakes his head “nothing just, it would probably the most mundane and boring universe out there is all” Rhodey tsk-ed “no it wouldn't” Tony laughed from across the room his voice carried by the echo of the university lab “well if you say so platypus.”
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Rhodey startles out his skin as a cup of water was deliberately—slammed—places in front of him “Drink up” Pepper sat down beside him her arms crossed over her chest looking at him with that same pitying look, Rhodey nods taking the cup into his hand and downing half the cup before placing it back on the table “Why?” Pepper only stared at him for a long time, silence suffocating the air before she spoke
“because I think I knew that he'll never truly move on, even after death” his shoulders shook while one of Pepper's hands rested on his back “why, why now. Why wait till it's too late Pep? “ Pepper paused her hands retracting from his back into her lap, when Rhodey glanced at her she looked solemn, defeated almost a flash of emotion he'd never expect from the infamous ms.Potts “Because he gave up, I told him so many times to just.. To reach out, to ask, to- well, to just tell you. It was never my place to tell you, I didn't even know he wrote letters till a few days ago Rhodey. “
“This was a cruel thing to do” Pepper flinched hearing the venom lacing his voice, laughter bubbled up as his hand rubbed his eyes “what the hell was he thinking, what the hell was he so afraid of.. ?! “ Pepper stayed in silence while Rhodey shook with too many emotions for him to handle “I don't understand him Pepper. Why the hell did he give up? What the hell was he so scared of? What the hell—”
“shut up.”
Rhodey paused, his eyes glancing at the woman beside him, her eyes filled with tears while nursing an expression closer to rage “you don't get to ask that, you don't get to speak ill of a dead man–” the reminder pricking pins into his heart “you don't get to say that when he was so afraid to lose you he forced himself to let you go, you don't get to ask ‘what he was so afraid of’ when he was afraid of losing you only to lose you anyways because you got too busy. You don't get to speak ill of something you only once knew, Tony changed and apparently so did you, you guys aren't in MIT anymore Rhodey. “ Rhodey reached out his hand, Pepper moved away from him leaving him at the table as she walked away
The last words she said ringing in his ears “he still loved you up till he's death” his heart hammerer in his chest, the ringing in his ears making itself known, maybe he really did need those glasses that Tony had said he needed, because he truly was blind.