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“Hey Dotachin” Izaya called out as she looked up at the sky. Kadota turned around, looking up at Izaya. They were on the school rooftop; the usual hangout spot for lunch…well the usual except for Izaya. Izaya likes to keep the rooftop to herself, so she’s usually up there skipping class, or just passing time. He knows that she’ll leave in a minute or two, it is just about the time for Shinra and Shizuo to arrive with their lunches. Izaya is never one to stick around; she can stay on the top of the exit, but Shizuo will be able to sniff her out.
So he observed her – it’s the only thing he can do. Most of the time Izaya’s mouth is running off about something trivial, something ridiculous. But there are times, rare moments where she’s silent. Kadota learned to appreciate these times not because Izaya has stopped talking – her silence is something that usually unsettles him. But this kind of silence, the one where she’s intently looking at something, allowing it to grab her full undivided mental and cognitive attention, is something that Kadota loves about Izaya.
He frowned at his own thoughts. He shouldn’t use the word ‘love’ with Izaya. He shouldn’t even think of the word.
It’s not that he despises her. It’s not that he dislikes her. It’s more in the sense that he can’t apply the idea of ‘love’ and ‘loving’ Izaya.
From the moment he met her, he knew that he would be challenged. Both directly and indirectly. His reaction wasn’t of pure disdain akin to Shizuo’s. It was more on the alert side; Be careful. Was the first phrase that entered his mind when Shinra introduced them. He could remember that day. Izaya was looking out of the window, her head cradled by her right hand. Before Shinra could even utter a word, she turned to them, giving them a smirk. He didn’t know what to make of the smile – so he waited patiently for Shinra to introduce them. It’s a pleasure to meet you. He remembered her saying. The tone was dripping with false cheeriness, as well as contempt. He saw her shot a glare at Shinra, who only smiled and waved off the comment. So you’re a friend of Shinra? Interesting was the last thing she told him that day.
The challenge didn’t come directly, not like how it was with Shizuo. At times Kadota would admit jealousy, often muttering his wishes under his breath when Izaya is more than an earshot away. His challenges weren’t as ‘black and white’ as they were with Shizuo [though he can argue that her bouts with him were more confusing than the ones she present him]. Instead they came in the form of testing his morality. Kadota followed his own beliefs, his own rules – his own morals. But Izaya would challenge that. And he didn’t know if she did it on purpose, or if she was truly curious enough to be oblivious to her own questions and their effects on him.
They both tensed when they heard rattling from the door. Kadota was drawn away from his thoughts, seeing that Izaya’s smile has been replaced by a scowl. She reached for the back of her head, scratching it before letting out a loud, annoyed sigh.
“Honestly, that brute doesn’t give me a break”
“Well you don’t exactly give him grace” Kadota responded. He saw Izaya smile for a second, only to pout right after. “Of course you would agree with the brute-“
“That’s not what I’m doing” Kadota responded. Izaya again smiled and shook her head. He walked towards her, but stepped back when he saw her preparing to jump. A part of him wanted to catch her; better yet to climb the wall – which was not that much taller than him – and sit next to her. She motioned for his hand, which he extended to her. She grabbed it, and soon jumped down, still opting to hold his hand. “DAMMIT SHINRA” they heard Shizuo from the other side of the wall. They both tense, but Kadota sensed it; Izaya trembled a bit. It wasn’t the kind for fear, it was somewhere closer to flinching from pain; like when you touch something hot, or when you get a paper cut. They stayed still, Izaya’s hand in Kadota’s; Izaya’s ear listening for the door, while Kadota focused on Izaya.
“Shinra would forget his phone” Izaya mumbled as she let out a sigh and straightened her posture. She shook her hand away from Kadota’s hold, placing it behind her until it met the wall. She let a sigh before smiling and looking at Kadota.
“I guess that’s my cue to go” she cheered as she skip in place. Kadota frowned and shook his head.
“You don’t have to go” he urged. “I’m sure that you and Shizuo can just work things out for today and get along” He was met with silence, and that godforsaken smile was replaced by a melancholic one, which was worst in Kadota’s opinion.
“Dotachin it’s pointless with him” she whispered. “He…it’s not like I don’t feel any better when I’m here” she confessed.
There are moments when Kadota is proud of his knowledge. This is one of them. So when he knows something about Izaya that Shinra doesn’t, he regards it as a secret; only meant to be discussed between him and Izaya. He took what little pride he can from knowing more than Shinra. He did after all, proclaim that Izaya is his friend and Izaya would respond by saying that he’s her only friend. To Kadota it was like Izaya was convincing herself. It’s not that Shinra’s a terrible friend; he’s good, he cares. But he’s not exactly the kind that is good for someone like Izaya.
Kadota had encountered it before, the kind of people that needs a little more than a title to feel that ‘friendship’ connection. So for Izaya to admit that Shinra is her friend meant that at some point, in the span of knowing each other, Izaya decided to take her friendship with Shinra seriously. He wanted to point things out, to let Izaya know that it’s fine for her to not be friends with Shinra, that there are other people out there who would better appreciate her. But this idea seemed to be impossible to Izaya. I love humans even when they don’t love me back. He remembered her say. Don’t or can’t? was the response that came from Shizuo. Kadota only frowned at the memory and looked at Izaya. This time was sitting down by the wall, resting underneath the shade. He took a deep breath, and formed his hands into a fist.
“Izaya-“
“It’s not that simple” Izaya immediately said, making eye contact with Kadota. “You know that”
“There are a lot more people out there”
“……”
“Izaya, please, do this for yourself”
“Kadota doing things for myself is what got me in trouble in the first place” “Then just be honest” “I did that before and look where I am now” Kadota bit the side of his cheek upon hearing the comment. He look away from Izaya, following her stare. It landed on two birds that perched on the fence of the school rooftop. One grooming the other, while the other chirped and moved about.
“If you stay…atleast you’ll be around some company” he clarified.
“And be more miserable?” Izaya asked. “Kadota its fine, I want to go to the library anyways, it’s more fun for me that way” she clarified. They heard the door swing open, making them face the direction of the sound. Kadota immediately helped Izaya up. When she tugged on her hands to break free from Kadota, he hesitated, gripping them harder. Kadota flinched, surprised by his own actions; he watched as a flash of betrayal appeared in Izaya’s expression, which soon overcame with fear and anger.
“Izaya-“
“You’re not going to break your promise, are you?” she asked, looking up at Kadota. “right?” she pressured. Kadota took a step back, still surprised by his own actions.
“What did you do to him?” Shizuo asked, taking a step closer to the two of them. “Don’t mind them Shizuo-kun, maybe Orihara-chan just wanted some space” Shinra quipped from behind as he settled on his usual spot.
“I won’t” Kadota mumbled, looking at Izaya. “You can trust me” he finished as he straightened his posture. He let out a sigh before putting on a mask of indifference, waving at Izaya. “Isn’t there a book that’s waiting for you?” he asked as he turned his back to Izaya, waving at her as he walked towards Shinra.
“Thanks for reminding me!” Izaya chirped as she walked past Shizuo, deliberately bumping into him. “Have a nice lunch! Remember Shizu-chan, be nice!”
“You little—“ Izaya broke into a sprint along with her laugh. She slammed the door behind her; Kadota listened for her footsteps and laughter.
“So…what was that about?” Shinra asked, looking at Kadota.
“How am I supposed to know? Izaya is Izaya” he responded as he unpacked his own bento. So the three carried their conversation, but Kadota couldn’t help but remember a distant memory.
*******
“Open up?” Izaya asked. “Dotachin what does that even mean?” Izaya teased. She let out a gasp, bringing her hands up to cover her mouth. “Do you mean to take me?” she teased. Kadota frowned, annoyed that Izaya deliberately misinterpreted his words.
“You know this counts as sexual harassment” she taunted.
“Stop” he finally snapped as he looked at Izaya. “Go ahead and pretend that everything is allright. But if you expect me to just sit back and watch you burn then you’re wrong” he declared. He took a step closer to her, surprised that Izaya reciprocated the move. “Whether you like it or not, I’m your friend now too, and I just can’t sit back and watch you ruin yourself”
“What if I don’t consider you my friend?” Izaya asked.
“Doesn’t matter to me” he responded. “If you think I’m the kind of person that just observes, then you’re wrong.”
“…” he took another step closer, only to startle her, making her trip on the leg of the chair. He grabbed for her, only to fall with her. Much to his surprise, Izaya didn’t get up. Instead she stayed on the ground with him, her eyes still wide from his responses. He saw her gulp, before turning to him and sitting up.
“ …fine” she settled. “But under one condition”
“Of course” he agreed, opting to stay on the ground. “I’m not sleeping with you though” he immediately added. Izaya let out a disappointed, sad laugh before punching his arm.
“ It’s easier than that” she clarified.
“Your definition of easy is different from others.”
“ True…”
“Well?” he asked, propping himself up to sit in front of her.
“You can’t fall in love with me” she gave him a melancholic smile as she looked at him. “No matter what, okay?”
*******
“She…she plays dirty doesn’t she?” he asked out loud, catching Shizuo’s and Shinra’s attention. “Really, who does that?” he asked as he laughed. You’re definitely cruel he thought. Yet I’m the idiot for falling in love with you anyway.