Chapter Text
“Where is she?” Soonyoung hadn’t even stepped foot inside the house and he was already looking for her.
“At least take your boots off.” Mama Kwon slapped the back of her son’s arm.
“Where is she? Where is the love of my life?”
“You finally found a woman who can deal with your workaholic ass?” Soonyoung’s sister quipped from the living room, smirking halfway as she continued scrolling on her phone.
“Latte ya…” Soonyoung called out sweetly, voice dripping with honey. An adorable little terrier with caramel coloured fur dashed out from the back room at the sound of Soonyoung calling her name, and she jumped into his arms and licked his chin excitedly, her short tail wagging like it was trying to generate electricity.
“Aww my sweet girl.” Soonyoung fell onto the floor giggling, holding his precious pup closer to his chest and nuzzling into her warm fur. “I love you I love you I love you I miss you I miss you, did you miss me too? Yes you did my angel darling baby.”
“You’re smothering her.” Soonyoung’s sister groaned, getting up from her seat to pull Latte away from Soonyoung’s tight hold. “She’s not your wife you know, you don’t need to be kissing her like this.”
“Hey she’s better than most human beings, you included.” Soonyoung stuck his tongue out and his sister flipped him off.
“Please, do us all a favour and get a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend, at this point we really don’t mind at all.” She said.
“I stand a better chance at getting a boyfriend than you anyways.”
“Would you like to still celebrate Father’s Day in the future? Because I could lop those balls off and stuff them…”
“Hey hey stop it.” Papa Kwon called out from his office. “You two aren’t kids anymore stop getting at each other.”
“He started it!” both brother and sister pointed at each other accusingly and the older Kwon’s simply sighed and walked away. The older Kwon sibling placed Latte on the couch and went into the kitchen to help her mom prepare lunch. Soonyoung pulled a face behind her back, but a smile immediately returned when Latte returned to his arms.
“It’s good to be home.” He smiled happily.
*****************************
Soonyoung had quite a fair bit planned for his break from the military service. He spent the first two days with his family, then he went to the big black Hybe building to look for his other family: his fellow Seventeen members. The first person he met was Mingyu at, where else, the gym along with his “roommate” Wonwoo, who was also off early from his job as a civil servant.
“Mingyu ya! Wonwoo ya!!”
“Hyung!!” Mingyu beamed widely and did a little run to hug Soonyoung and almost lifted him up. It had been a while; he had forgotten how strong Mingyu was.
“You’re back!”
“Of course I am, where’s everyone else?”
“Some have schedules and some are on the way over.” Wonwoo replied. “Where’s Jihoon? I thought he would be coming here together with you.”
“Jihoon said he had to stay back to help some of his trainees.” Soonyoung said. The mention of Jihoon’s name put an automatic smile on his face. Jihoon, his soulmate, his best friend, his jagiya. They haven’t seen each other in months since their enlistment began. This was the longest they had ever been apart since they first met in that ugly lime green basement when they were teenagers.
“Jihoon ah!!!”
“Aish,” Jihoon scowled at first, but the corner of his lips betrayed him immediately. “Didn’t I ask you not to prepare anything?”
“Oh come on, you love cake.” Soonyoung grinned, holding a small cake in his hands with a single candle lit on it. It was the first time in more than a decade that Soonyoung and Jihoon could not celebrate Jihoon’s birthday together, and even though it was December, Soonyoung still wanted to do something. You know, for the tradition of it. He knew Jihoon would hate it (he hates being fussed over) but he also knew his face and ears would turn pink and pink is a beautiful colour on Jihoon. The risk of being beaten up by Jihoon was something he could tolerate.
“I can see the military has not changed you.” Jihoon dropped his bag on the gym floor and removed his army cap, revealing a clean cut, round head. “You’re still as stubborn as ever.”
“Yes sir!” Soonyoung saluted and the two of them cracked up laughing. Soonyoung sang happy birthday and Jihoon blew out the candle, thanking everyone for the small surprise, even if was “against his orders”.
“How are you still so fair?” Soonyoung asked in amazement as they sat on the gym floor with the cake in between them. “You didn’t get a tan at all?”
“I did, this is the tan.”
“Bullshit.” Soonyoung scoffed. “You’re still as white as a sheet.”
“Maybe it’s because I have been doing more indoor training.” Jihoon laughed. “You’ve gained quite a bit of muscle too. Been hitting the gym more often?”
“Not really, but I’m still running my drills.” Soonyoung flexed his forearms in response. “Did your training go well?”
“Oh yeah.” Jihoon nodded. “It was no big deal, some of the trainees had their scheduled courses delayed due to reassignments, so I stayed back to make sure they completed on time before their break.”
“Such a lovely, dedicated instructor.” Soonyoung teased and Jihoon glared at him. “My instructors were never this nice.”
“Someone had to help them.” Jihoon said. “I couldn’t just let them suffer alone.”
A message notification flashed on Jihoon’s phone screen. Soonyoung couldn’t really see who it was. Jihoon picked it up and smiled instantly, unlocking his phone and typing away.
“Who’s that?” he asked.
“Oh he’s one of my colleagues.” Jihoon answered, fingers busy as he typed. “He just wanted to know if I arrived Seoul safely.”
“Oh.” Soonyoung cocked his head to one side. “Is he in Seoul as well or…”
“Yeah he is.” Jihoon nodded. Another notification tone rang and Jihoon chuckled to himself, then he continued typing.
“You guys know each other well?”
“Hmm?” Jihoon looked up. “Oh sorry,” he placed the phone down, screen side down this time. “Yeah he stayed back with me to finish the training. We took the same bus back. He offered to drive me home but I said I would come straight here instead.”
“Ah.” Soonyoung swallowed, noting a large, uncomfortable lump in the back of his throat. “How nice to travel with a friend.”
“He is pretty cool. He doesn’t make music. He’s an engineer but we both love anime so he’s super fun to talk to.” Jihoon smiled, taking the last bit of cake. “You guys should meet one day.”
“Maybe.” Soonyoung tried to mask his disdain in his voice. “Finish your cake, we gotta meet the rest of the boys.”
“Coming.” Jihoon nodded.
*****************************
One of Soonyoung’s scheduled outings was to go out for a meal with Chan, Minghao and Junhui, his lovely performance team brothers. Not to say he didn’t love the rest of his Seventeen brothers, but large group gatherings were weary on an introvert’s soul, and the performance team has spent more time together than possibly every other unit, so he wanted to take some time to be with them too.
“Thanks for the meal hyung.” Chan beamed, handing out chopsticks to everyone at the table while they waited for their barbecue to be served. “It’s good to have you back again.”
“It’s good to be back, I miss Seoul food gosh.” Soonyoung could feel his stomach grumble at the smell of greasy pork from a couple of tables away. “It’s hard to get samgyeopsal as good as we have it here over there.”
“I wanted to have a meal with Jihoon hyung too.” Minghao said. “But apparently he’s busy today.”
“Oh yeah, he said he was having dinner with his colleague I think?” Junhui tried to recall the conversation he had with Jihoon earlier.
“Yeah, his training colleagues.” Soonyoung mumbled.
“You okay hyung?” Chan asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Everytime Jihoon hyung mentions his training work you get a little…” Chan paused for a while.
“A little what?”
“Weird?” Chan said.
“Fidgety?” Jun said.
“Jealous.” Minghao said with finality.
“Oh hey hey.” Soonyoung put his chopsticks down. “I am not jealous. There is nothing to be jealous about. I don’t even know this guy.”
“Jihoon said he’s really funny, and he’s super smart too.” Jun said.
“And from what I gather, not a bad looker too.” Minghao smirked to himself while helping himself to a glass of water from the silver tumbler on the table.
“You don’t know that.” Soonyoung narrowed his eyes into slits.
“I caught a glimpse at one of their group photos.” Minghao said. “Tall, pretty fair as well, obviously quite muscular. I think he's pretty good looking.”
“They have pictures together?”
“Hyung of course they have pictures together!” Chan laughed rather incredulously. “They work together. Don't you have pictures with your mates too?”
Soonyoung looked down at his plate. “Yeah but that's different.”
“No it's not.” Junhui rolled his eyes.
“You're jealous.” Minghao grinned. “Admit it.”
“What good is that going to do?” Soonyoung sighed.
“You know you are in love with Jihoon hyung right?” Chan said. “Why don't you just confess to him?”
“I am not in love with him.”
Junhui, Minghao and Chan burst out laughing, harder than Soonyoung had ever heard them laugh in a long time. Chan’s loud guffaw was practically shaking the tables and the two Chinese members were holding each other and squealing.
“What… It’s true!” Soonyoung felt his cheeks turn red and his face heat up.
“Hyung we love you, but you are either terrible at lying, or just incredibly dense.” Minghao wiped a single tear that escaped the corner of his left eye.
“You have been in love with him ever since we were kids.” Junhui said. “Heck you used to call him your wife.”
“Yeah but we were kids back then.” Soonyoung said. “We're adults now.”
“Doesn't matter, when it comes to love and matters of the heart, you will always be a kid.” Junhui said.
“And if you really don't like him that way you certainly do a lousy job of showing it.” Chan said. “The whole Beam concept album? The tours? You still call him jagiya, you did it during lunch yesterday!”
“Yes but I… But…” Soonyoung stuttered.
“But what?” Chan asked.
“But doesn't everyone?” Soonyoung blurted out. Even he knew that was a poor defense but he felt like he was backed into a corner with no other way out.
“Have you ever told him I love you?” Junhui asked.
“Of course I have!” Soonyoung rolled his eyes. “I probably tell him that every Wednesday back then.” Maybe every Wednesday, Friday and the occasional Sunday…
“Yeah but have you ever meant it?” Minghao said.
“Isn't that the same thing?” Soonyoung scratched his head in confusion.
“No it isn't.” Minghao laughed. “Those 8 letters mean something different to different people every single time.”
“Listen hyung, you tell us you love us too quite often,” Chan said. “But I am willing to bet my fortune that you don't love us the way you love Jihoon hyung.”
“Yeah and Chan doesn't have much of a fortune so you know he's serious about it.” Junhui teased and giggled at the maknae’s glare.
“I was just sitting here hyung!” Chan whined cutely.
“Fine whatever,” Soonyoung held up his hands in defeat, trying to move the conversation along. “It's not like Jihoon’s work colleague is trying to date him or anything so why should I bother if there is nothing going on?”
“You don’t know that hyung,” Minghao said. “And that's what is eating you up. Because what if he is?”
“I would date Jihoon if I were them.” Junhui raised his hand. “He's rich, he's dependable, he's talented, he's romantic, what more could you ask?”
“Excuse me, meat is here.” Soonyoung had never been more grateful for his meal to arrive more than he has now. His team hurriedly picked up their chopsticks and started picking at the food, and Soonyoung was happy that the team was distracted by the smell of meat to stop this whole Jihoon dating someone else topic. He took a bite of meat to settle his stomach, but the lump in his throat that he noticed ever since Jihoon returned, was still there.
*****************************
Another item on Soonyoung's military break schedule was to return to Universe Factory. Whether or not he made any music or wrote any lyrics or did any recording was beside the point, that studio was the place he and Jihoon had spent the most time in, aside from the dance studio and the gym. Being apart from it after more than a decade of practically living in it was incredibly jarring, and Soonyoung was eager to return and just get a whiff of the air even.
“Ohhhh,” Soonyoung couldn't help but smile widely when he stepped inside and saw Jihoon already in there, switching things on and wiping down surfaces. “Feels good to be home huh?”
“I never thought I would say this, but I missed this place.” Jihoon sighed. “There were times when I used to imagine myself setting this place on fire and running away, but now I almost cried just seeing the room from the streets outside with the windows open.”
“Are you working on music already?” Soonyoung asked.
“Yeah why not? Get the old juices flowing again.” Jihoon cracked his knuckles and picked up his guitar, blowing off some of the dust on it. Soonyoung grinned. It was just like old times.
Jihoon started playing a random melody on the guitar while Soonyoung walked around the studio, taking it all in again. Bumzu hyung, their main producer, certainly kept this place clean for them. Their old trophies, awards, and pictures were still tacked on the wall. Soonyoung smiled to himself when he saw the picture of him and Jihoon, taken as part of the album jacket photos for Your Choice were still there. He had asked Jihoon once before why he chose that picture in particular and Jihoon just said “I thought we both looked hot here.” Which wasn't a lie, they did look good in that photo.
Soonyoung's eyes spotted something new on the table next to Jihoon’s computer set. It was an anime figure, one he didn't recognise, and a little lily flower pot made out of Legos. “Is this new?”
“Oh yeah, someone gave it to me.” Jihoon answered.
“Who?”
“Jae.”
“Who’s Jae?”
“Oh he’s my training colleague.” Jihoon said. “The one I told you about.”
“Ah.” Soonyoung replied curtly. Silence filled the room like smoke from a cigarette, slowly but surely. Jihoon’s fingers slowed against the guitar strings. “Including the Lego flowers?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s… romantic.” Soonyoung failed to hide the tinge of bitterness in his tone. “Is he trying to court you?”
“No!” Jihoon scoffed, but his cheeks turned pink.
“Are you sure?” Soonyoung tried to tease. “You guys came to Seoul together, met on your off days and he gave you flowers. Sounds like a courtship to me.”
“He’s just a nice guy, and we enjoy spending time together.”
“But if he was interested, would you be?”
“Young…” Jihoon groaned.
“What? It’s just a simple question.”
“What does it matter to you? Why are you asking?”
“It doesn’t.”
“Fine then.” Jihoon made a face. “Then my response shouldn’t bother you.”
Soonyoung balled his hands up into fists and said nothing. Jihoon knows him too well, and Jihoon is, annoyingly, usually right. If it didn’t matter to Soonyoung, he shouldn’t be getting this upset.
So why the hell was he getting upset?
Because Jihoon’s answer did matter to him.
But why did it matter?
Soonyoung laid down on the couch of the studio, trying to scroll mindlessly through social media while Jihoon continued playing the guitar. This shouldn’t bother me, he thought to himself, it shouldn’t. It shouldn’t. It shouldn’t.
Jihoon paused his guitar playing to take a drink and grabbed his phone. He took a picture of the anime figure and Lego flowers and then started giggling to himself. Soonyoung felt that lump in his throat get bigger. He sat up and Jihoon was typing away on his phone, ears turning pink alongside his cheeks.
“I’m heading to the dance studio.” Soonyoung stood up abruptly, adjusting his hoodie because it was suddenly mysteriously warm in here. “Wanna come?”
“I’ll be there in a bit.” Jihoon said. “I just want to finish up some stuff. You can go first.”
Soonyoung felt his world shift. Jihoon had always gone along with him. He would always follow him to the dance studio and vice versa. The two of them have been tied to the hip for so long, people automatically assumed they came together like burgers and fries. They were never obligated to do so, they just… do.
Soonyoung noticed the way Jihoon’s eyes crinkled into a thin line, his broad shoulders and strong arms, his pink lips, his pink cheeks and pink ears. Jihoon had always resembled a beautiful peach whenever he turned pink.
Soonyoung used to think only he could do that. Only he could get Jihoon to be this pink.
It never occurred that someone else could also make him this pink. This beautiful. This happy.
“Okay, but you will come right?”
“I will. I always do.”
You always do. That’s right, you were always there. I never had to be without you, until recently.
“Okay then.” Soonyoung paused before turning to Jihoon. “I love you jagiya.”
“Tsk.” Jihoon made a clicking sound with his tongue and pulled a face at him. Soonyoung laughed and left the studio, closing the door behind him.
Those 8 letters mean something different to different people every single time. It seems that Soonyoung’s 8 letters and Jihoon’s 8 letters are not the same.
For the first time in a very, very long while, Soonyoung wanted Jihoon to feel those 8 letters the same way he did, and say it back to him.
*****************************
“Oh hello,” Jeonghan answered his apartment door, smiling at Soonyoung while checking his phone for the time. “What brings you here Soonyoung ah?”
“I just wanted to say hi.” Soonyoung smiled sweetly. “I missed you hyung!” Soonyoung stretched his arms out to hug his hyung.
“Aww I missed you too.” Jeonghan giggled, hugging his little tiger brother warmly. “It's 10pm, are you in trouble?”
“Who is it?” a voice called from inside Jeonghan’s apartment.
“It's Soonyoungie.” Jeonghan answered, stepping back inside the apartment as Seungcheol stepped out from one of the bedrooms.
“Hoshi? What are you doing here?” the leader raised his eyebrows in curiosity. “Is everything okay?”
“I just wanted to spend some time with Jeonghan hyung.” Soonyoung said. “You're not the only one who misses him you know.”
“Hey I didn't say anything.” Seungcheol raised his two hands defensively. “I’m just saying it's kind of late to be paying a house visit.”
“That's right, is everything okay?” Jeonghan asked.
Soonyoung tried to speak but the words died on his tongue. Seungcheol grabbed his bag and pulled Jeonghan in by the waist. “I have to head the gym, I'll leave you guys to it.”
“Okay, see you tomorrow.” Jeonghan nodded, giving Seungcheol a goodbye kiss on the lips. Seungcheol smiled and smacked Jeonghan’s ass playfully, earning a nagging “HEY” from the second oldest member.
“How do you guys do that?” Soonyoung asked.
“Do what? Kiss?” Jeonghan asked.
“Not that.” Soonyoung rolled his eyes. “I mean… How do you guys do that? Getting into relationships and stuff?”
“I’m not sure I follow.” Jeonghan dragged Soonyoung to sit on the couch. “What's up?”
“How did you know you liked Seungcheol hyung?”
“Me? Oh I knew from day 1.” Jeonghan smiled wistfully. “Ever since I saw him that first day in that melona green basement, I liked him then.”
“You had a crush on him from the day you met him?”
“Yup, some might call it love at first sight. Which is… Yeah, it's love at first sight.”
“How did you make your affections known to Seungcheol hyung?”
“Oh I think I complimented him a lot. We went for long walks together. I just tried to be a friend I think. I mean we were just trying to debut, so making my feelings known to him wasn't exactly top priority, but I wanted to be close to him.”
“Did Seungcheol hyung confess to you?”
“He did, with a letter.” Jeonghan raised an eyebrow. “Is this going where I think it's going?”
“Going…where?” Soonyoung stammered.
“Are you finally confessing to Jihoon?”
“I mean I… I just…” Soonyoung could feel his face burn up and his heart pounding. “Wait what do you mean finally?”
“I mean we had running bets on who would make the first move between the two of you.” Jeonghan laughed. “Some of us thought you two would be together during Beam but apparently you guys like dragging out this repressed soulmate fantasy, even into the military.”
“Wha…you mean everyone knew?”
“You two weren't exactly subtle.” Jeonghan rolled his eyes. “You call him jagiya for god’s sake, you two are practically married.”
“It was a joke at first, but…”
“It's not a joke anymore?” Soonyoung shook his head. “What changed Soonyoung ah? Is everything okay?”
Soonyoung slowly recounted the story, of how he found out about Jae and Jihoon having meals with him on his off day despite still seeing each other at the same training camp. He talked about the tense moment in Universe Factory and how it was still semi awkward in the dance studio afterwards, and how Minghao's statement about the 8 letters thing bothered him so much.
“I don't understand why I am feeling this way, it's just Jihoon.” Soonyoung explained. “We have been through hell and back together, I don't know why things are changing like this.”
“These changes don't happen overnight, they have been there this whole time, you're just a master at pretending they don't happen.” Jeonghan said. “I get it though, I understand. You and Jihoon were some of the earliest trainees in Pledis and you two fought the hardest to be where you are. We were in constant survival mode during the earliest years of our career and we all depended heavily on each other to get going. To you, Jihoon is just that kid in the green basement who tried to beat you up with a guitar, because that was who you needed him to be in order to survive. But he’s not that anymore, and neither were you.”
“You say that you and Jihoon are just friends, but you call him jagiya, you see each other more than you see your parents, you hype and promote Jihoon better than we ever could. You're in his studio, his home, his life, his songs and he's in yours too. You say he is just Jihoon, but he's not just that, is he?” Jeonghan asked. “He's more than that, isn't he?”
Soonyoung felt incredibly exposed, like someone had laid him on the table to perform open heart surgery but he was awake the whole time. His mind flashed with different images of Jihoon. Smiling, working, getting his makeup done, sleeping, eating, singing, dancing. Jihoon Jihoon Jihoon Jihoon. Our Jihoon. Uri Jihoonnie. Woozi.
My Jihoonnie.
“Sometimes we get so stuck in the weeds it’s difficult to see things for what they truly are. Now that you’re apart, and work is the last thing on your mind, the weeds are getting smaller and you see things differently. It changes your perspective, and it changes relationships.” Jeonghan continued.
“Did that happen to you too?”
“A little.” Jeonghan smiled wistfully. “It gave me a better insight into my life and how I have been living. It made me appreciate the people in my life more now.”
Soonyoung didn’t know what to say. All he could think about was Jihoon. Their moments played like the ending credits of a sad movie in his head. Was I truly that blind? Or did I bury my own emotions so well that I have turned myself blind? He thought about Jihoon smiling at Jae’s message. Talking to Jae. Holding Jae’s hand. Pressing his pretty lips on Jae’s cheek. Soonyoung’s heart literally ached at the thought of it.
I numbed myself to feel nothing so that I wouldn’t get hurt. But now, I am hurt.
“You know how I said you’re supposed to wait forever for things you love?” Jeonghan said. “Waiting is one thing, wasting opportunities is another. My best advice, don’t wait any longer. We only have a few more days till the new year and you’ll be back at your base again and so will he. Don’t hold back any longer. You held back for 10 years, you need to let it go.”
“Wha… how do I do that?” Soonyoung asked weakly, unaware that hot tears were spilling from the corners of his eyes.
Jeonghan wiped a tear from the corner of Soonyoung’s eyes. He cupped Soonyoung’s chin and smiled like an angel “Write a letter.” He said.
*****************************
On the first day of the new year, Soonyoung had breakfast with his parents and then decided to settle down and write his letter to Jihoon. He wrote the first one for more than an hour, but then he scrapped it and wrote another. Twenty minutes later, he tore that one up and wrote another.
It honestly shouldn’t be this difficult. It’s just Jihoon. They weren’t even on the outs of anything. During their monthly team meeting on New Year’s Eve, they got along splendidly as if nothing had changed. They did the countdown together, just like they did almost every year for the past decade or so, and they all drank until they passed out drunk on someone’s else couch. It was loud, it was chaotic, but it was fun, just as it had always been.
But Jihoon was no longer just Jihoon, just like Soonyoung was no longer the same passionate, stubborn child he was when he started his career. Time had changed, and writing the letters allowed Soonyoung to process everything they had been through together.
Soonyoung was so taken aback when he first met Jihoon, how could someone be so beautiful but also so ridiculously talented? He remembered the day Jihoon completed his first song, and how he looked at Soonyoung with wide, worried eyes, hoping his friend would like it. He cycled through almost every hair colour and type Jihoon had, from pink to blonde, long to short. He remembered his heart stopping when he visited Jihoon on set for Ruby, watching Jihoon as a solo artist for the first time instead of a normal boy band idol member. He remembered asking his mom for a quick recipe for soup because he wanted to make something for Jihoon when he came down with Covid-19. He remembered wishing he could hold Jihoon’s hand in public and not feel worried Jihoon would pull back. He remembered the way he felt his world shift when Jihoon told him publicly on stage: “I love you”.
My god, I was in love with you this whole time. My fucking god. Lee Jihoon I love you.
“Yah!!! Kwon Soonyoung!!!”
“What the hell?” Soonyoung cursed as he dropped his pen in fright from his sister’s yelling. “What?!” he yelled back, hearing her heavy footsteps towards his room.
“What the hell were you doing?” she asked, carrying Latte in her arms with a fistful of papers. “I found Latte chewing on this in the backyard.”
Soonyoung dropped his jaw when he examined the papers. Latte had somehow found his scrapped love letters and was chewing on them in secret. Latte had no idea, she was too busy sniffing her older sister’s armpit.
“Did you leave your stuff lying around again?”
“Shit I’m sorry.” Soonyoung looked around and found the rest of his discarded love letters on the floor beside of them, some had a Latte-sized bite mark. “I’ll clean up. She must have gotten into my room without me knowing.”
“What are you doing anyway?” Soonyoung’s sister asked. “Writing love letters?”
“Leave me alone.”
“Oh how romantic.” She teased. “You better work on your handwriting. Hard to propose to someone if they can’t read what the hell you are writing. Who is it for anyways?”
“Go away noona.”
“Oh come on I won’t tell.” She leaned forward to read one of them. “How many drafts have you gone through? Why are there so many?”
“I’m on number 8.” Soonyoung sighed. A notification came through on his phone and he checked it. His stomach dropped immediately. “Shit.”
“What is it?”
“Jihoon is going back to the base already.” Soonyoung chewed his bottom lip. “He said he’s taking a short staycation with his parents enroute to the base so he’s leaving now.”
“So what’s the big deal?”
“I’m…” Soonyoung stared at his sister. “I’m not finished.”
His sister stared back at him and for 10 solid seconds, neither sibling said a word. They didn’t need to, Soonyoung’s sister knew him too well. She used to be able to tell if Soonyoung was sick or not just from the colour of his nails. She still does it to this day.
At this moment, Latte jumped out of her arms and climbed onto Soonyoung’s lap. She snatched the letter from Soonyoung’s hands and ran back downstairs. “No!! Latte no!!” Soonyoung tried to get up to catch the pup but he almost tripped over his own feet and fell back on the bed.
“Forget it.” His sister sighed. “I’ll deal with Latte, you go to Jihoon.”
“But my letter…”
“Listen, whatever you want to say to him, just say it.” She said. “Don’t overdo it. You’re not good with the fancy stuff. Just keep it simple and tell him.”
“Thanks, I guess.” Soonyoung furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.
“Whatever you do, don’t mess it up. Mom and I like Jihoon.” She said. “Don’t make it awkward.”
“Whatever.” Soonyoung scowled. He made a face but he knew he needed that. He called a taxi and headed straight to Jihoon before it was too late.
Soonyoung knew that Jihoon’s parents would be driving, and Jihoon would have a ton of luggage, so when he arrived he ran straight to Jihoon’s apartment carpark. He would be waiting on level 3. Don’t ask how he knew, just know that he did.
“Jihoon ah!”
“Soonyoung?” Jihoon was standing near the car park lifts with his luggage. He adjusted his beanie to show more of his face as he blinked in surprise. “What are you doing here?”
“Jihoon ah…” Soonyoung panted, having run up 3 flights of stairs to get to him because he couldn’t be bothered to wait for the lifts. “Jihoon ah…”
“Good grief, take a deep breath and calm down.” Jihoon stepped closer, pulling at Soonyoung’s jacket. “You’re going to catch a cold.”
“Don’t let him buy you flowers.”
“What?” Jihoon stared at him in confusion.
“Don’t let Jae buy you any more flowers. Don’t let him hold your hand, don’t let him send you home.” Soonyoung swallowed thickly. “That’s my job. I want to do that.”
“What are you talking about?” Jihoon’s look of confusion morphed into slight concern. “Are you drunk? It’s only 5pm, why are you drunk like this?”
Soonyoung pulled Jihoon in by the waist and kissed him. His cold, trembling lips found Jihoon’s and quite literally, melted into the warmth of Jihoon’s soft lips. Jihoon stiffened at the touch and when Soonyoung pulled apart, he looked like he was frozen to the floor. His eyes didn’t move and his mouth was agape in shock.
“I love you Jihoon ah.” Soonyoung confessed. “Fuck I’ve been telling you that for almost half my life, but I’m in love you. I tried to write you a letter but it didn’t work. I’m so sorry it took me so long to say it, but it took me being apart from you to realize how much you meant to me. I’m so sorry I’m so late, but I know now and I don’t want to waste any more time. I want to hold hands with you, I want to go on late night walks with you, I want to listen to you sing me to sleep for the rest of my life, I want to kiss you every morning, every afternoon, every night every day every minute every hour of my life. I want to hold you and treat you right. I want to be in your life, just like you were in mine. I love you, so much.”
Like a dramatic Hallmark movie, the two of them were startled by a car moving towards them in the car park. “Oh? Soonyoung ah!” Mama Lee rolled down the window and waved excitedly. “It’s so lovely to see you again!”
“Oh Mama Lee!” Soonyoung bowed politely, smiling like he wasn’t just kissing her only son and confessing his love for him.
“I have to go.” Jihoon mumbled as he retreated.
“Go where?” Soonyoung asked.
“Just stay with my parents.” Jihoon said. “Just stay here.” And with that he raced towards the elevator.
“Jihoon?” Papa Lee called from the driver’s seat. “Where is he going?”
“I uh…” Soonyoung stuttered. “I think he forgot something.”
Soonyoung kept Jihoon’s parents distracted by chatting with them for the next 5 minutes. Jihoon returned shortly after, panting heavily and his cheeks and nose pink with the cold.
“Okay I’m here. Sorry to keep everyone waiting.” Jihoon sniffled. “Soonyoung ah, could you help me with the luggage?”
“Oh sure.” Soonyoung helped to open the boot of the car as they slowly loaded Jihoon’s heavy luggage and guitar inside. Soonyoung looked over at Jihoon who was just calmly putting stuff in. “Okay, last bag.”
As soon as the last bag was dropped in, Jihoon grabbed Soonyoung by the lapels of his jacket and raised his head to kiss him. Now it was Soonyoung’s turn to be frozen in shock, but he quickly recovered and kissed him back, wrapping his arms around Jihoon’s waist, pulling him close as they gently deepened the kiss.
When they parted for air, Jihoon took something out of his pocket and stuffed it into Soonyoung’s jacket pocket. “You wrote me a letter, I wrote 8 for you.” Jihoon smiled, rubbing Soonyoung’s hands through his thick gloves. They slammed the car boot door down as they heard Mama Lee calling for Jihoon again.
“I have to go.” Jihoon said.
“Okay, have a safe trip.” Soonyoung smiled. “Call me.”
“I will.” Jihoon nodded. Soonyoung bid them all farewell and a safe journey and watched them leave before racing home himself. He ran straight to his room, holding the 8 letters tightly like they were gold. He read every single one of them, the grin on his face getting wider and wider. He didn’t realize how much time had passed until a message notification popped up on his phone.
ljh_universe: how could you just kiss me like that? Now I have to wait till our next break to be kissed again. This isn’t fair
tigerkwon: I’m sorry, I should have kissed you years ago.
ljh_universe: you’re lucky I love you too
tigerkwon: I am the luckiest indeed
ljh_universe: you have a lot to make up for
tigerkwon: I intend to serve my full penalty sir. Tell me what it is.
ljh_universe: a thousand extra kisses the next time we meet
tigerkwon: Aye aye captain, your wish is my command 🫡
A FEW MONTHS LATER
Seungkwan was briskly walking towards Universe Factory, looking for Hansol. He keyed in the passkey and opened the door, and was visually attacked by what he saw. “OH MY GOD!!”
“Seungkwan ah!” Soonyoung groaned, sitting up taller from his position, one leg still draped over Jihoon’s as the producer laid below him, trying to reach for a pillow to hide his face. “How many times have we told you to knock?”
“You said you were at the gym 5 minutes ago!” Seungkwan covered his face with his hands. “Oh my god please tell me…”
“You’re fine.” Jihoon pushed Soonyoung aside so that he could sit up too. “We’re not naked.”
“Good Lord.” Seungkwan breathed a sigh of relief and slowly pulled his hands from his face. “I cannot do this again. I caught Seungcheol and Jeonghan hyung once, never again.”
“Do you need something?” Soonyoung asked, crossing his arms in irritation.
“Is Hansol here? We’re supposed to go play futsal together.”
“He’s not.” The two of them answered flatly.
“Okay jeez, sorry for the interruption.” Seungkwan made a face and Soonyoung threw a cushion across the room to smack the maknae. Jihoon laughed when Seungkwan stuck his tongue out at them. “Just so you know, I could have been 100 dollars richer if you guys didn’t wait this long to get together.”
“Why, what was your bet?”
“I bet that you guys would get together by 2023.” Seungkwan sighed. “What a waste.”
“Get out.” Jihoon threw another cushion at the door as the maknae closed it while laughing loudly.
“So now,” Soonyoung smirked, placing his hands on Jihoon’s broad chest to push him back down on the couch. “Where were we?”
“You still want to continue?” Jihoon’s eyes widened, face flushed with heat and shyness.
“Yeah. I’m supposed to get my thousand kisses in. I wager I still have 834 to go.”
“That’s a lot.”
“I know.” Soonyoung said. “It’s going to take me a lifetime to finish it.”
“I like that.” Jihoon smiled back, using a finger to trace the outline of Soonyoung’s jaw and bringing him closer. “I love you Kwon Soonyoung.” He whispered against his lips.
“I love you Lee Jihoon.” Soonyoung whispered back, and closed the distance between them.
How fortunate it is to have those 8 letters mean the same thing to both of them, every single time.