Chapter Text
“Are you sure that you don’t want me to come with you? I don’t mind.” Yoo Joonghyuk asked.
“No, I’ll be fine. I don’t have much stuff anyway. I should be back in no time.”
“I don’t mind walking with you, really.” Yoo Joonghyuk insisted.
“It’s fine. I’ll be back.” Kim Dokja fastened his bag strap and left. Yoo Joonghyuk curiously watched him leave, but he didn’t persist. It was weird for Kim Dokja to be so adamant about something like this. All he planned to do was go back home, pick up some clothes and items, and stay with Yoo Joonghyuk for their whole break. What was wrong with going with him?
Kim Dokja on the other hand, desperately didn’t want Yoo Joonghyuk to come with
him. ‘The last thing I need him to see is the shit show my room is…’
No bed frame, old mattress, and slightly stained sheets. A broken heater. A desk that might as well be termite-infested with how frail it was. A chair from a dining table set that had long left the house. A closet with no door and a light that flickered a few hundred times before staying on.
From the moment the bedroom door opens, it becomes a whole new place. It was nothing like the newly furnished living room and kitchen. Honestly, staying in the junkyard felt no different from staying in his room, aside from the fact that his room has four walls and a roof.
The last thing he wanted was for Yoo Joonghyuk to see the room. Would he lecture him or profusely worry for him? Honestly, he was not willing to find out the answer.
Then he heard heavy breathing and fast footsteps behind him. Before he could even turn, Yoo Joonghyuk grabbed his wrist.
“Joonghyuk?!”
‘What the hell…!?’
“I’m coming with you, whether you like it or not.” Kim Dokja tried to tug his arm away. Of course, with Yoo Joonghyuk’s strength, it wouldn’t budge. The look in his eye was a mix of pain and determination. That was enough to get Kim Dokja to stop struggling.
“I really don’t need help, seriously. It’s not a lot of stuff and a fairly safe neighborhood!” He sounded like an asshole. Yoo Joonghyuk clearly wanted to come with him, but now it sounded like he was hiding something from him. Which, he was…but it wasn’t serious.
“I know, but I don’t want you going alone.”
…
“What’s your real reason?” Kim Dokja asked.
“What?”
“Your actual reason for wanting to come with me, what is it? You aren’t this pushy about something like this.”
Yoo Joonghyuk stayed silent for a moment before responding. “If I tell you mine, will you tell me yours?”
“Nope.”
“Dokja…”
Kim Dokja looked away, gently tugging to release his arm from Yoo Joonghyuk’s grasp. Yoo Joonghyuk spoke again.
“I’m scared.”
Kim Dokja stopped walking and turned. His eyes softened. “Scared? Scared of what?”
Yoo Joonghyuk took a deep breath, exhaling completely before speaking. “Fuck…I’m scared of something happening. Every time I decide to let you be, something happens. I want to trust that you’ll be fine and that you can take care of yourself. But I can’t! I get anxious. Am I really supposed to wait for you to come back from the place where your abuser hurts you? Beats you?”
Kim Dokja was stunned. He squeezed the strap of his bag, biting the inside of his cheek. “I’m sorry…I didn’t realize you felt that way.” He sighed. “Now it makes my reason all the more stupid…”
“What was your reason?” Yoo Joonghyuk asked.
Kim Dokja scoffed. “My room is just as trashy as the junkyard. No bed frame, shitty furniture, and worn-out clothes…I didn’t want you to see all that. It’s embarrassing.”
Yoo Joonghyuk took his hand, interlocking their fingers. “Yeah, that is embarrassing. I can wait outside if it’s that big of a deal…”
“I can work with that.”
“Then it’s a deal. We go to your house, and you pack your stuff while I wait outside.”
Kim Dokja hummed in agreement before they set off. It didn’t take long for them to reach Kim Dokja’s place. The area was more high-class than Yoo Joonghyuk expected.
“Okay, wait here. I’ll be back in a few minutes. Probably no more than ten minutes or so.” Kim Dokja opened the door.
“Okay, see you in ten minutes,” Yoo Joonghyuk replied. The moment the door closed, Yoo Joonghyuk pressed his back against the wall and slid down, taking out his phone to hopefully pass the time.
Kim Dokja quickly slipped off his shoes and rushed into his room. It was right about the same as he left it. Looking like trash. Thank god Yoo Joonghyuk agreed to wait outside. Telling Yoo Joonghyuk his situation was one thing, him seeing it and judging how bad it was for himself was another.
He rapidly opened the drawers, pulling out their contents. Kim Dokja folded his clothes neatly before tucking them into his bag. He threw in a few notebooks, pens, a charger, and the book with the upside-down dog on it that Yoo Joonghyuk let him borrow. The room looked more bare now. The fact that he had so few items started to set in.
Kim Dokja grabbed the bag and left the room. He was about to slip on his shoes and leave when the pile of mail on the table caught his eye. Scattered white envelopes were a common sight. His father would normally grab the mail, throw it on the table, and then come back later that day to read through it. Most of them were of no importance to Kim Dokja.
That was until now that is.
He picked up the envelope addressed to him and slid his thumb until the opening, tearing it open slowly. The paper was folded neatly and the words seemed to have bled through the pages.
To my dear Dokja,
It has been so long since I last saw you. I wonder how much taller you are now. You have been drinking milk as I told you to, right? But, you do not need me to nag you, in just two months you will be an adult. You will graduate soon too. Did you study well? Are you going to attend college?
Kim Dokja’s thumbs dug into the pristine page, creasing it. He could feel his veins popping out and his eyes burning.
I should have taken you with me that day. I regret it a lot. I understand if you hate me for that. It was unfair to you. I should have told you and I should’ve known that the courts would not have favored me. Your father has money, a stable job, and connections after all. He probably provided you a better life than I could have, but I think he’s a petty fool for preventing me from seeing you. You were so young, it must’ve been shocking to not see me after the divorce. Maybe you resent me, that’s okay too.
I have never gone a day without thinking of you Dokja. Even if you hate me or resent me, please know that this is true.
Like always, please write back. Anything. Even if it’s to tell me to stop writing you.Love,
Mom
His heart skipped a beat.
Preventing me from seeing you.
‘She didn’t leave me behind? She wanted to see me?’
A creak behind him forced him to whip his head around.
“Something interesting with the mail today? Are you trying to pay bills around here now?” His father asked.
The paper crumpled in his hands. “Yeah—yeah, there was something very interesting in the mail today. This letter…” Kim Dokja held it up. In a matter of seconds, his father turned pale.
“She's lying—“
“I never said who it was from! She’s been writing to me and you’ve been keeping the letters from me, haven’t you?”
“Listen—“
“No! No, no, no! I’m tired of listening. I’m tired of you lying! You told me she abandoned me. That she didn’t want me. She left because of me. She didn’t love me. She didn’t care for me—but now I find out she has been trying to reach out for god knows how long?”
“So what? It’s not like she could’ve taken care of you as I did. She came from a low-standing family that discarded her the moment we divorced. She’s penniless. I was always here and always providing—“
“Care? You’re fucking with me—“
“Don’t speak to me like that!” His father shouted.
“Fuck you! The only thing you care about is your reputation! You only ever cared about how I could improve how you look to other people. How my grades—“
“Your grades matter. The better the grades the better the college. The better the college education the better the job you can get! All of the pressure I have been putting on you was for your own good. So you can do better for yourself in life!”
“You’re a liar. To think I could still trust you after finding out you have been lying to me for most of my life.”
‘I hate you—‘
‘I hate you—‘
“You never cared—“
‘Please say you did.’
“The only reason you stopped pressuring me was that you shifted your hope onto someone else. I saw you at the amusement park that day, with your new family…with that child. You’re never home because you go to see them right? Right? To go see your new son?”
‘I’m still your son right?’
‘You still care, even a little bit, right?’
Kim Dokja was met with a punch to the face. His father grabbed his shirt, keeping him partly up as he was struck again and again.
“Yeah, I was. Maybe if you weren’t such a lousy—hot-headed—stupid fuck like your mother—“
He struck him again.
“—maybe I wouldn’t have needed to be so strict! Maybe I would’ve contented with just us two—but no, you’re just as much of a no good fuck up as your mother.”
Oh, how Kim Dokja wished he didn’t care. Every single day of his life he knew how badly his father treated him. The run-down room and items, the lack of food, the violence, and the pressure. Hell, even if it was his fault that his mother left, who says that to their own child? Blaming a child who had yet to become a teenager. Still, he wanted the love and approval from him. It would’ve been easier if he hadn’t. Then he could hate him wholeheartedly. Kim Dokja hated himself for still wanting that approval, even now.
Suddenly, the front door slammed open. His father stopped and looked. Kim Dokja averted his blurry gaze to look as well.
“Joonghyuk?”
For a moment, he had forgotten that he came with him. Despite the horrific scene that he typically would not want him to see, he was grateful.
Yoo Joonghyuk charged forward and, in a split second, landed a direct punch in the middle of his father’s face, leaving Kim Dokja’s jaw agape.
His father stumbled back and clutched his nose. He was whining and moaning as blood dripped profusely to the floor. Yoo Joonghyuk immediately grabbed Kim Dokja by the arm, pulling him up. “Hurry, let’s go! Can you walk?”
He sounded out of breath and panicked. He couldn’t quite read his expression. His vision was still blurry, and the sting of his own tears wasn’t exactly helping. At some point, the air around him felt cool. Footsteps trailed behind him.
“Kim Dokja, you—“ His father had chased after them, but abruptly stopped speaking.
“Are you the one who made the call?” An officer who had walked up from behind the two asked. Yoo Joonghyuk nodded. The officer looked back and forth between the two groups. It was obvious who the victim in the situation really was.
“Yes, officer.”
“My colleague will help you guys. An ambulance should be on the way.” Before Yoo Joonghyuk could respond, the officer walked off, signaling and shouting something to his other colleagues.
Another officer took his place, a tall woman with black hair that was tied back into a bun. “…how could a man do this to his own child?” The officer muttered. Her gaze landed on Yoo Joonghyuk. “Are you injured?”
“No officer.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes—“
“Okay, but just to be safe, get that hand looked at when the ambulance comes.” She looked at his bloodied fist. She sighed. "Once that ambulance arrives, they’re going to take a look at you and haul your friend to the nearest hospital—after that, we’ll need to question you. Then—“
It was a long, long night. Now, he was at Kim Dokja’s bedside at the hospital. The scent of the antiseptic made his head throbbed and the silence was starting to become lonesome.
It took hours but they were both fine. Mostly. Yoo Joonghyuk was uninjured, though Kim Dokja was a different story. Bandages covered his face to hide the hideous bruising. Aside from that, Kim Dokja came out of that alive.
“Joonghyuk?” A weak voice spoke.
‘Speak of the devil…’
“Dokja? How are you feeling? Does it hurt a lot? Should I get a nurse?”
“…Joonghyuk…I…”
“Yes?”
“I’m so fucking hungry.”
…