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It had become more than just a habit.
There was a point, when Hyemi looked down and noticed her hand holding Linzy’s, but somehow, she had no idea how long they’ve been like that. The warmth that slipped perfectly in between the spaces of her fingers, as if those hands had always been made to fit hers. Maybe they had only been holding for a few minutes, or a few hours. Either way, Hyemi hardly thinks about it anymore when Linzy stretched her hand out and Hyemi grasped it like a lifeline.
The other members like to joke that Hyemi would probably be lost in a matter of seconds if Linzy wasn’t around. But it was pretty much true – she even likened Linzy to a farmer while guesting on a show recently, simply because of the way the older woman would shepherd her around during their hectic schedules.
And Hyemi didn’t mind the woman’s antics, fussing over every little thing. Of course, if anyone else did the same to her, Hyemi would immediately think they were being strange, borderline obsessive even.
But Linzy was different.
She was special.
***
Linzy knew it was going to be difficult. It took her nine years of auditions before a company would take her in and just when she thought everything was set nicely in place, it had to fall apart and she was back to square one. There were times when she wanted to drop everything and leave but Linzy had wanted this for so long that she never really thought about anything or anyone else.
Linzy just focused on her dream and kept going.
But when Hyemi came along, it was then that Linzy realized that there could be something more for her, other than being a singer. That she could have other dreams too.
Coming to her new company after leaving her previous one, she was the tall girl with the really red hair. It felt odd to be sitting in a completely different practice room, wondering if the fact that her hair was outstanding on its own was probably the reason why the other trainees looked at her weirdly. Nonetheless, she was friendly and smiled politely at anyone who spoke to her, making a few friends along the way.
She was wandering through the building one day during break, looking for a place to eat her snacks. The cafeteria was crowded with trainees and staff and Linzy was hoping to find a quiet spot away from people. Practice had been particularly harsh that day. Linzy winced, certain she had pulled a muscle in her leg as she trudged down a hallway.
She stopped in front of a practice room and tried the door knob, sighing in relief when she found it to be unlocked. Linzy peeked into the dark room, fairly sure there wasn’t anyone inside and stepped in, shutting the door behind her.
A few minutes after settling in the furthest corner, with music playing softly from her phone, the door opened and bright light from the hallway streamed into the room.
Linzy looked up, squinting at the silhouette in the doorway, “Hello?” She could barely make out the long brown hair under the dimmed lighting and wondered if it was a trainer wanting to use the room. She stopped playing her music.
“Oh, I–I’m sorry!” a meek voice immediately answered her, the figure bowing in her direction, “I t-thought the room was empty, sorry to bother you!” The girl hurriedly step back and made a move to shut the door
Linzy blinked, figured it was probably another trainee and she didn’t mind sharing the room with somebody else, “Hey, wait!” the other girl paused, waiting.
“You can come in. I don’t mind, I’m just resting here,” Linzy continued, gesturing at the empty space, “It’s big enough anyway.”
The petite trainee seemed to hesitate, before deciding to take up Linzy’s offer. Gently, she closed the door and made her way to the corner directly opposite Linzy. Under the soft light, Linzy made out more of the girl’s features. She could not have been older than Linzy, though the bangs of her hair made her looked impossibly younger. Linzy noted the sheets of paper gripped tightly in one hand and a lunchbox in the other. There was an uncertain smile on her lips as she sat down on the floor, her eyes lingered on Linzy for a moment (probably distracted by her hair) before looking away.
Linzy forgot about her hunger, the girl having piqued her interest considerably. For some reason, she found her vaguely familiar but didn’t know why. And she didn’t see anything wrong about starting a conversation with the girl either, “Finding a place to eat too?” She gestured at the lunchbox.
The girl blinked at her, briefly glancing down at it before nodding, “Too many people around.”
“Same here.” Linzy tilted her head, smiling kindly at the girl, “I’m Linzy.”
“I know.” The surprise must be apparent on Linzy’s face for the girl hastily added, “I-I mean, I’ve seen you around a-and word travels fast here.”
Linzy nodded in understanding, eyebrows furrowed, “Do we share any lessons together?”
The girl offered a little curve of the lips, albeit it was still awkward, “We are in the same vocal class.”
Ahh. That pretty much explained why Linzy had an odd sensation of having met the girl before. She bowed her head apologetically, “I’m sorry, I didn’t notice.”
“It’s okay,” she said, but Linzy couldn’t shake off the feeling that the girl must have said that line one too many times, “My name is Hyemi. I’m a year younger than you.”
“Ah, Hyemi?” The girl nodded, still blinking, and Linzy found it adorable the way her bangs fell across her eyes, “Nice to meet you. How long have you been here?”
At that question, Hyemi averted her gaze from Linzy’s face and to the floor, lips pursed and brows furrowed. In the silent few seconds that Hyemi took to answer her question, Linzy thought she might have offended the girl and inwardly chided herself.
“Two years,” Hyemi finally muttered, “I joined two years ago.” Linzy didn’t quite understand the look of quiet resignation in the other’s eyes.
(Later, she discovered that one of Hyemi’s friends, a fellow trainee named Lee Ji Eun, was already preparing to debut even though her period of training was short.
This trainee would be known as the Nation’s Little Sister in the years to come.)
“Oh,” Linzy nodded, their conversation suddenly coming to a lull. Hyemi had already taken out some bread from the lunchbox and chewed on them silently.
Linzy leaned back, resting against the cool cemented wall while stretching her legs out. She sighed softly, exhaustion readily seeping into her bones. How much she wanted to sleep right then. She grabbed a fistful of her hair, looking at it under the light.
“It’s pretty.”
Linzy looked over at Hyemi, who was staring intently. Suddenly self-conscious, Linzy brushed her fingers through her messy hair, “Thank you. But I think the company would probably change it to something else.”
Hyemi hummed in agreement, “They would. A waste though. The hair looks good on you.”
Linzy smiled at the compliment, “I think red would suit you well too, Hyemi-sshi.”
Hyemi responded with a smile of her own, but it was tinged with sadness, “I suppose so.”
She watched as Hyemi continued eating. There was a certain allure to the girl that Linzy couldn’t place her finger on. Hyemi was unlike the other trainees, with their cheery demeanours and wild antics. Not that Linzy disliked them and their constant need for chatter, but having been a trainee for a while, she somehow had become disillusioned by the promises of the glitz and glamour and more used to the disappointments that came along with them.
And Hyemi…seemed refreshing.
(Or perhaps, it was her soul recognising a fellow comrade, weary and disenchanted of their idealistic hopes in the journey to making their dreams come true.)
“You don’t talk much, do you?” Linzy asked, a sparkle of amusement in her eyes. Hyemi caught her gaze and glanced away just as quickly. She simply shook her head. Linzy chuckled, “It’s fine. I’m not usually much of a talker too.”
They spent the rest of their break in silence, but it wasn’t awkward at all.
*
Hyemi liked the silence between Linzy and her. They could spent a day simply sitting next to each other – one reading a book while the other was watching TV – but the silence would never be awkward. It was comfortable, basking in the beautiful silence and enjoying the peacefulness of each other’s presence without feeling weird or antsy.
And Hyemi definitely liked the silence in the morning, when the both of them would simply lie next to each other, legs tangled together as they listened to each other’s heartbeats in quiet contentment.
(Though she didn’t understand why Linzy had to wake her up way too early at times.)
“Ham-ah…”
Her eyes flickered open, before immediately closing again, groaning at the sudden bright light peeking through the curtains. She heard a soft chuckle, but disregarded it. It was too early in the morning for her brain to function properly.
Soft fingers entwined with hers, tugging her hand away from her eyes. Hyemi sighed and opened her eyes again, turning her head to squint at the face lying on the adjacent pillow. She made out the dimple on one side, and the sleepy curl of the lips, mirroring it almost immediately.
As she looked into Linzy’s eyes, Hyemi wondered if she could see the wonder in her own eyes, the same wonder when she met Linzy eight years ago in the practice room, utterly enraptured.
Linzy smiled, brushing aside the strands of hair that had fallen in front of Hyemi’s face, “Good morning.”
Hyemi grunted, turning on her side and snuggled into the crook of Linzy’s neck, revelling in the warmth it provided.
“It’s not morning until I’m fully awake.”
Linzy’s laugh shook her whole body as an arm twined around her waist and pulled her closer. A kiss landed on her forehead and Hyemi imagined her insides turning to mush and her heart to fluffy marshmallow as whatever crabbiness she had earlier faded away.
(She will never get used to this, and she will never get enough.)
“Just a few more minutes okay?” murmured Linzy as she buried her face in Hyemi’s hair.
“How about a few more hours?”
“…No.”
***
Even though they continued to share the practice room together for close to a month, Linzy didn’t quite think of Hyemi as a friend. To be accurate, she was more of a companion who understood her weariness and need for solitude at times. Mostly silent in her own corner, but her presence was comforting in a way that it was not intruding.
Linzy noticed the girl more during vocal lessons, deciding that she like the sound of her voice whenever she sang. It was during these moments when she was able to witness the other side to Hyemi, only appearing in the briefest of moments. Like a bird that was set free, her wings beating to the song that was carefully hidden in her heart.
Watching Hyemi, she wondered about the sort of pain that could have filled the empty spaces in between each note.
These sort of thoughts were running through her mind that day as Linzy quietly stared at Hyemi during break-time. Yet again, Hyemi was eating bread and Linzy thought the girl resembled a hamster when she nibbled on her snack.
Hyemi looked up and caught her gaze, raising an eyebrow questioningly, “Linzy-sshi, is there something wrong?”
Her mind went blank for a moment. Embarrassed at getting caught, Linzy pretended to rub her eyes, as if she was sleepy, “Ah nothing’s wrong,” but she did have a question to ask, “Actually, there is something, Hyemi-sshi.”
Hyemi continued blinking at her, “Oh?”
“Why don’t you call me ‘unnie’?” Maybe that was not really the question foremost on her mind, but Linzy was still curious anyway.
Hyemi froze, but recovered quickly, “I– I didn’t think – It just never came up and I didn’t, um, think that we were close enough for me to call you that.”
Linzy also discovered that Hyemi was very shy and she found this trait of hers very endearing, “It’s okay, Hyemi-sshi. I think we can drop the formalities.” She gave a smile of assurance and Hyemi blinked at her again.
“Okay…unnie.”
Linzy had to suppress the urge to giggle upon hearing that. It was too cute. She bit down hard on her lip, using her hair to hide her face. When she regained her composure, she decided to mention something else.
“I listen to you whenever you sing during class,” Hyemi’s eyes widened with surprise, “You have a wonderful voice.”
A blush crept up the younger girl’s cheeks, “Thank you, unnie. That’s…kind of you,” Hyemi paused, “But I think your voice is much more amazing than mine.”
Linzy immediately disputed this, “Eh not really–”
“It is!” Hyemi exclaimed, puffing her cheeks slightly when she realised she was too loud. She toned down, “Whenever you hit the high notes, it’s amazing how you do it. Almost effortless. And really…beautiful too.” She buried her face in her palms, ears turning bright red.
Linzy wanted very much to squish Hyemi’s cheeks, even if that seemed like a very strange thing to do. But she felt her heart warmed at those words, feeling a little pride at those praises. Linzy honestly didn’t think her vocals were much, believing that she was still lacking in a few areas and there were still so much to learn.
Yet it was the first time anyone had mentioned her voice was beautiful. Powerful maybe, charismatic too. But beautiful? And that coming from Hyemi too…
“But I don’t think I’m able to express myself through singing as well as you,” Linzy remarked, chuckling when Hyemi peeked at her through the gaps of her fingers, “Can I ask you something, Hyemi?”
Hyemi put her hands down, squinting at Linzy, “You have a lot of questions today, unnie.”
Linzy grinned, before gazing softly at her, “You seemed sad. Especially when you’re singing. I thought it was just you being emotional because of the song but…there’s always something sad in your eyes even when you’re not singing. Even right now. Why is that?”
Hyemi was caught off-guard by the question, Linzy knew. Silence reigned between them, save for the whir of the air-conditioning unit. Hyemi fidgeted with her fingers and contemplated, bottom lip caught in between her teeth but Linzy waited patiently.
She pursed her lips a while longer until she mumbled, “I don’t know if I will ever debut. There were rumours about the company debuting a girl group and that I might be in it but...other trainees told me I wouldn’t go far because…because I’m too quiet. I don’t think being shy is a likable trait…” Her words started trailing off and Linzy only caught a few words, “…difficult to express myself...not entertaining enough…” Hyemi glanced down at the floor, dejected.
Pieces clicked together in her mind and Linzy finally understood. If anything she had learnt back in her first company were any indication, just being a singer was never going to be enough. They had to be dancers, hosts, actors…whatever the company needed. Trained to be all-around entertainers, nothing less. Or at least, to validate the amount of money invested on them.
Failing to get through the tough trainings was only one of the reasons people break down nowadays. Over time, whispers of incompetence, of not being good enough, would slip into the already widening cracks of anyone’s resolve. Over time, they lose faith.
Coupled with the reality of watching friends debut before they did, it was inevitable that they would lose sight of the dream as well, slowly drifting out of reach and turning into something impossible.
(And Linzy knew exactly what Hyemi was feeling. She had been there before.)
Linzy stood up and walked over to Hyemi’s corner, settling down rather abruptly next to the girl, who practically jumped in fright.
She smiled apologetically, “Sorry, but talking across the room is tiring after a while.”
Her little joke earned her an uncertain smile.
“So here’s the thing – your voice is amazing. Those trainees? Don’t listen to them. They’re just jealous because you have a better shot of debuting than they do since the company was already planning that.” Hyemi looked like she was going to protest, but Linzy cut her off, “Yes, they are rumours but they had to have an ounce of truth in them right? I don’t think they just began completely out of nowhere.”
Hyemi riveted her gaze back to her bread, but Linzy knew the girl was listening.
“And even if they do turn out to be rumours, well that’s fine because you will debut anyway. The company would be insane not to.” Linzy stated firmly, reaching up and using her fingers to tilt Hyemi’s head, so that the girl was facing her fully, “And being shy isn’t a bad thing. It’s who you are, it’s what makes you you and honestly, in this industry, it’s better to stay the way you are than to lose yourself completely.”
It was the first time she was looking at Hyemi’s face up-close and she had to admit, it was mesmerising.
She couldn’t imagine such eyes holding the magnitude of a black hole, with all the mysteries of the universe lingering within. How could anyone not notice that the jewel hidden amongst them had the power to stop time and to make Linzy forget that she’s in a building of brick and stone and this was a cutthroat industry where dreams were either made or broken.
Linzy wasn’t sure what she was doing – all she wanted was to look at Hyemi, the real Hyemi hidden beneath all the uncertainties and doubts that clouded her mind.
Just a hint of the fire that still burned in her heart.
(And Linzy would fight the demons that kept Hyemi from her dreams, if anything to keep the light glowing in those brown eyes.)
It occurred to her that she was also incredibly close to Hyemi’s face and quickly leaned back, clearing her throat awkwardly and letting her hand drop to her side.
“And, er, you should also smile more. Like, don’t you know how dangerous a smile can be to certain people?”
A giggle finally broke free and Linzy was certain her insides had melted when she saw Hyemi’s face light up for the first time before she covered them with her hands. Too dangerous…
Hyemi shook her head slightly, placing a lock of hair behind her ear, “…You’re really special.”
Linzy blinked at her, not entirely sure that was a compliment or – “Not in like, a special-needs child kind of way right?”
And just like that, demonic laughter from the depths of hell erupted from the 18-year-old body of an unassuming, quiet girl who resembled a hamster when she eats bread.
(Even now, Linzy still believed that she was the one who unleashed Satan Hyemi on Earth.)
But it was effectively contagious, her laugher resonating within the four corners of the room. Linzy smiled really widely, her awkwardness from earlier fading away, along with the exhaustion from the day’s training. She took a mental picture of this moment, certain she was going to remember it for a very long time.
When Hyemi finally calmed down, she ducked her head in embarrassment, “I’m sorry, I think I got carried away for a moment.”
Linzy shook her head, “What, your laughing? No, it’s fine, Hyemi. It’s okay to get carried away, a little.” Hyemi buried her face in her hands and Linzy chuckled, “Anyway, listen, don’t worry about being too quiet either. I’m pretty sure you’re just not comfortable with people in general right?”
Hyemi nodded.
“Well, give it a little more time. Take things slow, don’t overthink and just jump into conversations when you’re comfortable. I’ll help you.”
“You’ll h-help me?”
“Mmhmm,” Linzy playfully nudged the girl’s arm, “I think we have a good use for your laughter to scare away any of the trainees bad-mouthing you.”
Hyemi laughed, shaking her head, “You’re strange, unnie.”
Linzy grinned, “But I’m not scary, am I?”
Hyemi tongued the inside of her cheek, “Um, a little?”
“Eh?”
“You look…scary at first,” Hyemi muttered, randomly poking her bread, “But pretty too.”
Linzy widened her eyes slightly, “I’m pretty?”
Hyemi furrowed her eyebrows at the older girl, “And strange and scary and tall too.”
“So I’m pretty?” Linzy repeated again, selective hearing at its best.
“Unbelievable.”
“Hey, you said it first!”
“I’m not repeating it, unnie.”
Linzy laughed when Hyemi’s face became very flushed, “Okay. I’ll ask you again next time.”
Hyemi sighed, clicking her tongue in annoyance…but she was smiling a second later. Her expression turned curious for a moment, “Linzy unnie?”
It was the first time Hyemi said in her name that way and Linzy quite liked this arrangement very much already. She cleared her throat, “Yes?”
“Why…Why do you want to help me?”
Linzy smiled softly, “Because we’re friends now. And being friends is always the first step to everything.”
“But know this, Hyemi-ah, I’m here for you if you need someone. You’re not alone anymore.”
*
The stage lights were too bright in her eyes, the deafening noise of the crowd pressing hard against her eardrums. Hyemi struggled to keep smiling, even as panic twined their tendrils around her chest and breathing grew a little too difficult.
On some days, it was easy to pretend that she was the happiest person in the world, tearing through each song on the set-list as if she was running on endless sources of energy. It was easy to keep singing, baring her heart a little bit to the world. Giving little bits of her love to the people who would listen, never expecting anything in return. Her heartsong – the dream that she kept close to her heart and one she always reminded herself of every day.
On other days, it was hard.
They said it would get easier after a few years, but Hyemi believed that too much of something would not make the fear go away – it only worsened. And in this industry, that was the kind of fear that common folk would find irrational.
(You’re an entertainer, how could you be afraid of standing in front of crowds?)
She had already bore witness to many of her seniors, breaking under pressure. The pretence, the lies – the roles they were forced to act, all in the name of the company they represent. Slowly, this industry was going to take and take and take until what’s left is a shell. The light’s on but no one’s home.
Hyemi felt something familiar creeping up her chest and she immediately started squashing it down. She couldn’t lose it now. She felt herself drifting away from the present, from the stage and suddenly she was a young girl again, insecure and afraid. Hyemi grew more disoriented as a myriad of emotions threatened to break through her vice-like grip on them.
Until a warm hand slipped into hers, giving a gentle squeeze.
And just like that, the panic disappeared, her fears kept under locks and Hyemi fell back down, taking in huge gulps of air as she turned to meet a concerned face, eyes searching anxiously as if asking a question.
(But Hyemi found a different kind of home, one that kept her sanity together when they were close to collapse.)
Hyemi managed a smile – a proper one – and squeezed the hand back. I’m okay.
The worry did not immediately fade away from Linzy’s eyes, but she responded with a smile of her own on her lips. She tugged on their joint hands and Hyemi obliged, coming closer to the older woman until their shoulders were pressing against each other. Linzy dipped her head, lips close to Hyemi’s ear.
“You’ll be okay.” She whispered, hand gripping tightly, “I’m here.”
And something clenched at her chest again, but this time, it was a different feeling. Hyemi allowed it to swell for a moment, making it curl and warm her heart while her smile spread across her face into a grin.
She wouldn’t doubt those words for a second.
“I know.”
***
Linzy pushed the heavy door open, looking around until she spotted the familiar figure leaning against the railings. She smiled at the sight of Hyemi breathing the fresh air with deliberation. The door clicked shut behind her like a gunshot, startling Hyemi.
Linzy winced, “Sorry, it’s just me.”
“Just you,” echoed Hyemi, breaking into a smile, “How did you find me?”
Linzy shrugged nonchalantly, “You weren’t at our usual place after the announcement. I figure you might be up here, since you mentioned it was one of your other favourite hideouts.” She leaned against the railings as well, looking down at the city buzzing with activity.
“How are you?”
Hyemi hummed, tilting her face towards the sky, looking almost wistful, “I’m not sure how I feel, unnie. It’s all too surreal.”
A few hours before, the company had just announced that they were going to debut a new girl group, even decided on the members too. Linzy thought her knees were going to be weak when she heard her name being called. But nothing compared to the overwhelming joy of being in the same group as Hyemi, who was speechless.
It took another two years of training before they got any news from the company but through it all, Linzy and Hyemi had become the closest of friends, rarely seen alone without the other. Linzy kept to her promise and helped Hyemi in any way, looking out for the girl as they practiced together. She couldn’t help that little glimmer of pride when she witnessed Hyemi stepping out of her shell and interacting more with the other trainees, her crazy laughter appearing every now and then.
With each smile, Linzy felt her heart fall a little bit more. It was something that had probably began growing ever since the day she met Hyemi, a faint flutter in her chest that turned into a spark, spreading warmly throughout her entire body.
She always attributed the weird feeling to their blossoming friendship, but on days when Linzy couldn’t look away from Hyemi, she wondered if there was more than just being friends.
“It’s finally coming true,” whispered Hyemi, the glows of the setting sun casting an ethereal glow all around her. Linzy’s eyes stayed on the girl’s face, tracing the features in side-profile.
“What is?”
“My dream.” Hyemi brushed her hand along Linzy’s arm to take a loose hold of her hand, a habit they formed over the years “We’re finally going to debut. I really hope we’ll do well.” Linzy looked down at their hands, smiling when she heard the wonder in Hyemi’s voice.
“We will. I’m sure of that,” She tightened her grip around Hyemi’s fingers, marvelling at the way they fitted so perfectly.
“It’s your dream too, isn’t it?”
How had it come to this? Linzy looked back on of all those years when she had been working so hard to be a singer, the many sacrifices she had to make and the disappointments she had to bear. She thought of her friends in her old company, how they were already living the dream.
But if she had to choose.
If she had to choose between standing on stage with those girls and standing here on the rooftop with Hyemi by her side, it would be a decision made in a heartbeat.
Linzy sighed, looking up at the sky too, watching the clouds adrift, “It was my dream too. But I think they changed after a while.” She turned to meet Hyemi’s curious look, “But I’m happy, for now. Really happy.”
“I’m happy too.” Hyemi smiled, the widest it had ever been, her eyes no longer on the sky but on Linzy, “Because now we’ll be together until the end.”
There it was again, the incessant tugging in her heart as they gazed at each other, wearing soft smiles on their lips. Linzy detached their hands and moved forward to envelop Hyemi in a tight embrace. Hyemi made a small sound of surprise, her body tensing momentarily but relaxed completely after, her arms reaching around Linzy, softly stroking her back.
Linzy closed her eyes, titling her head into Hyemi’s shoulder, “We’ll always be.”
***
It had become more than just a habit.
Linzy didn’t remember when, but suddenly standing next to each other had become more of a necessity than an obligation. Shoulders sticking close, fingers inches away from the other – Linzy didn’t think she craved the physical contact as much as she did but without Hyemi next to her, the lack of warmth, or the difference between Hyemi and the others, wasn’t something she could bear.
There was that period after one of them left where everything was a mess, their line-up was switched and suddenly, Hyemi was no longer standing next to her during promotions. Linzy thought she was being petty about it but after a while, she realised it was mostly because she always looked at Hyemi when it seemed her nerves were getting the better of her and she struggled with the words all jumbled in her mind.
The look of sheer faith in Hyemi’s eyes as she glanced back was something that always calmed Linzy down and reminded her of the one dream she would hold closely to her heart, the same that she whispered to the stars.
Because Hyemi was different.
She was her everything.
*
It was Yezi who pushed her to make a move.
“Have you guys thought about getting together?”
Hyemi snapped out of a daydream and blinked at the youngest member of the group, “Sorry?”
Yezi tapped her fingers on the table impatiently, sighing, “You and Linzy-unnie? How long are you two going to continue running around in circles?”
Hyemi stared at her for a beat longer, before looking down at herself sitting at the table and around the restaurant where they were as they waited for the other members to join them for dinner, “What do you mean, running around?”
The maknae took a deep breath, shaking her head, “I don’t mean literally! I meant, this thing between you two. It’s frustrating to watch, I even have an ongoing bet with Lulu-unnie and I really like to win, you know.”
Hyemi was utterly baffled, “What bet?”
“Basically how long before the two of you confess your feelings to one another.”
She almost choked on her saliva, “Yeji!” She exclaimed, turning red in the face.
“What?” Yezi uttered nonchalantly, raising an eyebrow, “Come on, unnie, I practically grew up watching the two of you and I’m not stupid. You like her and she likes you, so what’s the problem?”
Sometimes Hyemi would forget Yezi was younger than her because she had always been incredibly independent since she was in middle school, right when she joined as a trainee. The younger of the two had no qualms calling out anyone on their bullshit and her blunt opinions were a stark contrast to Hyemi’s quiet demeanour.
But they got along very well and Hyemi doted on the girl like she was her younger sister.
Hyemi sighed, “It’s not that simple.”
Yezi rolled her eyes, “Of course it’s not. We’re idols, we’re under public scrutiny wherever we go and there’s no way in hell a controversy regarding two girls dating would be kept under wraps.”
Hyemi’s breath hitched in her throat when she heard ‘two girls dating’.
“But don’t you think the fact that you not taking a chance on this ‘thing’–” Yezi made air-quotes with her fingers, “– is worse than you trying at all?”
Hyemi kept quiet. Her thoughts and emotions are flying so fast and thick that she could not possibly arrest any one of them long enough for consideration. She knew there was a vast difference in the way Linzy treated her, compared to anyone else. She also knew that it was not normal to have her heart pounding so hard whenever the two of them stood close together.
Of course it wasn’t so simple to just take their friendship to another level altogether. Because there were many things to worry about – their reputation, the high stakes, the one fact that they were in a country that would not tolerate such relationships.
But it was too easy to imagine being in Linzy’s arms, hands in her hair and capturing her soft lips (Hyemi thought they might be) in a sweet kiss…and to have her feelings reciprocated.
“Unnie, yah,” Yezi snapped her fingers in front of Hyemi’s face, “Look, you’re probably wondering what the other members are thinking but we’re totally cool with it. Jei-unnie totally doesn’t want a repeat of the debacle that was One More era of which you two were upset being apart and Lulu-unnie is just…Lulu.” Yezi shrugged, “But seriously, we want the two of you to be happy.”
“Do you know how hard it is for two people to find each other’s soulmate in this crazy industry? Let alone being in the same group too. You guys are just insanely lucky.”
Hyemi gaped at Yezi, the words bouncing off the inside of her skull repeatedly and before she could say anything, she heard Jei’s voice, “Hey guys!”
The both of them stopped and turned their heads towards the entrance, where the three members were making a beeline to their table. Cao Lu immediately pounced on the maknae while Jei took the empty seat on Hyemi’s left. But Hyemi didn’t pay them any attention, her eyes only looking at Linzy.
Linzy, who tilted her head and gave her a smile, her dimples showing. She placed a hand on Hyemi’s shoulder, squeezing it gently, “Sorry to keep you waiting.”
Behind her, Hyemi caught sight of Yezi’s look of exasperation as she mouthed, Just confess already.
Hyemi thought deeply about it all throughout dinner, Yezi’s words replaying over and over in her head. She wondered about whether she should risk whatever good thing she has with Linzy right now over something like her feelings, which, in the bigger scheme of things, wasn’t much.
Linzy placed some food on Hyemi’s plate, all cut into bite-sized pieces. Her heart warmed at the gesture, matching Linzy’s soft smile with one of her own.
(But oh what an amazing thing it would be to finally admit that she was in love, crazily and irrevocably so.)
Later that night, Hyemi sat on the bed, sleep the last thing on her mind as she fiddled with her fingers. When the bed shifted next to her, an arm brushing slightly against hers, Hyemi didn’t need to look up to know who it was.
“You seemed quiet today.”
“I’m always quiet, unnie.”
Linzy shook her head slightly, “That you are. But today, you’re too quiet. Something on your mind?”
Hyemi hummed, choosing her words carefully, “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Where do you see yourself in a few years?”
Linzy seemed genuinely surprised by the question, clearly not expecting it at all, “Oh. Well.” She scratched her head thoughtfully, “We would be first on music shows a couple of times. Jei would win Best Actress awards, Yeji would be known as the Rap God, Lulu-unnie would take over the world as an alien and people would wait eagerly for your solo album, Ham-ah.” She beamed, nudging Hyemi’s arm.
Hyemi had to laugh at that last bit, before turning serious again, “But what about you, unnie?”
“As for me,” Linzy stretched her arms over her head, “I would be in musicals, maybe a little acting in dramas here and there. Writing songs for people too! And singing – that won’t change.”
“But what about what happens after all of that?” questioned Hyemi, meeting Linzy’s gaze, “What happens when all of these ends?”
On one hand, Hyemi was too terrified to hear Linzy’s reply. Hyemi didn’t want to think about everything ending so soon, it would be like waking up from a dream only to realise she was plunged into a nightmare where Linzy would not be next to her.
Linzy considered the question seriously before answering, “You know I like to do this for as long as I can but…” She stared intently at Hyemi, “I don’t care how it ends, as long as you’re with me.”
“Oh.” Hyemi breathed, feeling a sudden rush of blood to her head. She swallowed thickly, unable to look away from those eyes that always seemed to see right through her, right through her eyes and right through her heart.
“Remember when I told you my dreams changed? When they announced the formation of the group?”
Hyemi nodded. She still remembered and she had always been curious about what Linzy had meant, but didn’t press the woman for answers back then.
Linzy touched Hyemi’s arm, a brief contact that sent a shot of electricity through her body, “Well my dream, is to stay by your side always. No matter what.”
It was the answer she ever needed.
There was a sudden shot of courage coursing through her veins and Hyemi knew it was now or never, because once this moment ended, there was no turning back for the both of them. She breathed in, too much air entering her lungs, while she gathered whatever pieces of sanity she could find and breathed out the next few words.
“I want to be by your side too.”
Hyemi reached up with a shaky hand, lightly tracing the lines of Linzy’s face with her fingertips, enraptured by the smooth skin. Linzy’s eyes were half-closed, the tiniest hint of a smile on her lips. She caught Hyemi’s arm at the same time as Hyemi edged forward, hot breaths mingling in the infinitesimal space between their lips.
Time stood still, as her heart and breath sped up, her body reacting to her nearness. And yet, beneath that was another level of sensation entirely. It felt profoundly and inexplicably right.
Then their lips touched and everything just fell together – warmth, perfection, love, happiness encapsulated in that single moment.
Nothing felt like her. Like Linzy.
***
It wasn’t only Hyemi that needed to be taken care of. Even the farmer got tired after working so hard.
(Hyemi had to laugh at the mental image of Linzy running around chasing after cows and chickens.
Though she believed it was mostly Yezi and her that got chased because the two of them were really such satans, as Jei liked to put it.)
Hyemi fumbled with the keys to the dorm, struggling to pick the right one with hands full of groceries. She let herself in, spying the figure sprawled on the sofa. After placing the bags on the kitchen counter, she immediately walked over to Linzy. The woman was dressed simply in shorts and an old t-shirt and looked completely worn out, with a mask around her neck.
“I bought chicken soup,” Hyemi announced, concern colouring her voice when she spotted the bottles of pills and cough syrups on the table, “How are you feeling?”
“I feel wonderful,” her raspy voice indicated otherwise, but Linzy managed a weak smile. She gestured at the drama she was watching on TV, “I got restless being stuck in the room and couldn’t find anything better to do.”
Hyemi wasn’t fully convinced and gently placed the back of her hand on Linzy’s forehead, “Are you still running a fever?”
Linzy, for all her admirable work ethics and healthy eating habits, also fell sick the most often. Sometimes, she would attempt to hide her illness from the members but Hyemi always managed to see through the woman’s acts. She knew Linzy was never actually fine, no matter how much she insisted to the other members.
The truth was, Hyemi didn’t like the feeling of helplessness that grew in her chest every time Linzy fell sick. If she could, she would wish away the constant ailments that plagued the older woman and make her as healthy as she possibly could. Because Linzy was the steady rock always by her side. A castle made of the strongest stone, a shelter she would take refuge in when the war came.
Seeing Linzy weak, so fragile…it made Hyemi insecure again.
That she could never be strong enough for the both of them.
Hyemi reached down and grab hold of Linzy’s hand, frowning when she found her skin clammy and devoid of its usual warmth.
“You’re cold," Hyemi frowned, looking down disapprovingly at Linzy’s attire, suddenly appearing more exposed than comfortable.
“I’m fine, Hyemi.”
"No, you’re not," Hyemi insisted and immediately went inside their room. She grabbed the blanket from the bed and as much pillows as her hands could carry. She could barely see above the mess of sheets when she tottered over back to Linzy.
Linzy admonished, “Honestly, I’m watching TV and it’s like you’re kicking me out of the room.”
"You should be warm and comfortable, not looking all dead in the corner," Hyemi proceeded to arrange the pillows on the sofa before throwing the blanket over Linzy’s body and tucked her in, not fully satisfied until her girlfriend was wrapped like a burrito.
While she busied herself, she didn’t realise Linzy was staring at her. It made her frown again.
“What?”
“What what?”
"What’s with that weird look on your face?"
Linzy was grinning from ear to ear then, “Nothing. Just wondering how I ended up with my very own personal nurse.”
Hyemi sighed, “I’m glad you’re feeling well enough to crack jokes.”
“Yeah, but I know I’m not looking any better,” Linzy groaned, blocking her face with her arm, “Honestly, I look like crap.”
Hyemi disagreed, “You look pretty.” She thought Linzy still looked stunning, whether sick or without any make-up on. If anything, it made her seemed more vulnerable and more precious too.
Linzy rolled her eyes, blushing a little, “Hyemi, I love you with all my heart but you’re killing me with your sweet words.”
“You love it when I say you’re pretty though.”
“Shush.”
Hyemi chuckled before shuffling over, patting on Linzy’s arm, “Come on, scoot over.”
Linzy’s reply was muffled, “Babe, I’m seriously unsanitary right now, I don’t want you to get sick too–”
This idiot.
Hyemi used all her strength in her effort to pull Linzy upright, the older woman whining as she sat up. Hyemi immediately settled down on the spot where Linzy’s head had just vacated moments before. Once comfortable, she lightly touched Linzy’s shoulder and without a word, Linzy placed her head on Hyemi’s lap.
When Hyemi began weaving her fingers through her hair, Linzy let out a sigh of content and snuggled even closer, allowing Hyemi to adjust the blanket around her frame.
“You need to stop working so hard,” Hyemi murmured, casting a mournful look at her girlfriend, “Or your health would only get worse in the future.”
"It’s fine, I have you to take care of me," Linzy reached up to poke Hyemi’s cheek and she responded with a look of exasperation.
“Linzy-ah…”
“And I really like watching you take care of me.”
Hyemi feigned a look of annoyance, though there was no denying the blush creeping up her cheeks, “I’m flattered but you said you wanted to watch TV, not me.”
“I changed my mind. You’re really cute when you’re naggy,” Linzy teased the woman even further and Hyemi wondered if this side effect of Linzy’s whenever she was sick would be a permanent thing. She knew her ears were burning at this point.
Hyemi averted her gaze, nose all scrunched up, “What’s not cute is you falling sick every other week.”
“Do you think Jei is going to throw a fit because we’re cuddling in the living room instead of the bedroom?”
“I – what, no don’t worry about that, I’ll just smother her with one of the pillows – Yah!” Hyemi jabbed Linzy’s shoulder none too gently, “Here I am worried about you, and you’re just finding this all amusing," Hyemi sulked and crossed her arms.
Her insecurities crept back to the foremost of her thoughts, and she thought was going to implode due to the maelstrom of emotions raging in her mind. Fear was coursing through her body and she struggled to keep them at bay.
The same fear that crippled her during her trainee days.
“Hey,” Linzy cupped her face, a thumb sliding across her cheek to wipe away a single tear that had fallen without her realising, “Hyemi, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean – hold on,” Linzy immediately sat up - with a great effort - and wrapped her arms around Hyemi, burying her nose in the crook of her neck, “I’m sorry, I really appreciate you being by my side. I promise to take all my medicine and vitamins and to rest more and not to work too much, okay?”
And Hyemi felt stupid for letting her emotions get the better of her because even though she was sick, Linzy was still trying to make her feel better, putting Hyemi over everything.
“Unnie,” the rest of the tears were pricking at her eyes and she knew she was going to start bawling soon if she didn’t keep them under control so Hyemi immediately tried to stuff her feelings back down, “I really appreciate you too but –” she cleared her throat, taking a deep breath.
“But you can’t keep smiling all the time and pretend there’s nothing wrong,” when Linzy pulled away, Hyemi looked straight into her eyes, “Sometimes I wish I could do something and help you, but you keep telling everyone not to worry. And that makes me even more worried because–” her breathing stuttered, “Because everyone needs someone to look after them and I want to be that someone for you.”
“And I’m scared that…that’s not enough,” Hyemi hung her head, whispering her next few words, “That I’m not enough.”
There was silence, save for the sounds coming from the television and their breathing, Hyemi intently focused on the rise and fall of Linzy’s shoulders as she waited.
“…are you an idiot?”
Hyemi blinked, confused, “What?” She watched as Linzy puffed her cheeks and blew air out despondently, her face pained.
“I’m sorry, that came out a little strange. But,” she cupped Hyemi’s cheeks again, forcing the woman to look at her, “I had never – ever – thought that you are not enough for me. Because you are enough for me. You had always been enough. I don’t even want to ask for anything else, as long as you’re here.”
“It’s just…nobody had taken care of me the same way that you do,” Linzy finally said, closing her eyes briefly before they fluttered open again, “I’m not used to it and it’s awkward because everyone is always fussing over me and I don’t know how to react properly to that. Seeing all of you worried made me feel like a burden, but I didn’t realise I was causing you grief too.”
Linzy dipped her head and lightly pecked Hyemi on the tip of her nose, “But don’t ever for a moment think that you are not enough for me. In fact, I couldn’t think of anybody else but you, to look after me.”
At that point, Hyemi felt her insecurities and fears – the monsters that dwelled beneath the surface – fading away with every word that Linzy spoke, the dying embers in her heart reigniting back to life and dispelling the cold that crawled under her skin. Rationality flooded her mind once more and she wondered how she could ever doubt the one person who ever made her feel she mattered.
(Linzy, whose presence remained strong and crushing, a fortress against the darkness that beckoned.
Linzy, who caught her when she fell.
Linzy, who’s–)
“Sick,” Hyemi mumbled in a monotone, eyeing the mask around Linzy’s neck.
“Eh?”
Hyemi was torn between laughing and crying tears (of happiness), “Unnie, you’re sick.”
Linzy was understandably confused, “Well I am very much aware of that. Unless you meant something else entirely.” On cue, she turned away to let loose a cacophony of coughs and Hyemi was suddenly overwhelmed with the giggles. When Linzy cast her a strange look, she laughed harder.
“Okay, you’re freaking me out here, what’s wrong?”
Still laughing, Hyemi managed to say, “And yet, you still kissed me on the nose.”
Linzy froze, realisation struck her, “Ah.” She laughed as well, the whole conversation taking a sudden turn, “I did warn you. At least I didn’t kiss you on the mouth.”
“What’s that line, ‘a couple that stays together, falls sick together’?”
“Did such a line even exist?” Linzy pondered, shaking her head, “Did you listen to a single thing I said?”
“Yes I did,” Hyemi chuckled and plastered a kiss on her cheek. She whispered into Linzy’s ear, “I’m sorry for being an idiot. But you’re enough for me too.”
The cheesiness of that made her want to curl up and die. But she could feel Linzy’s wide grin against her cheek and that made it more bearable.
“Don’t be sad anymore, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I am also sick.”
“Okay.”
“And hungry.”
“Okay.”
“I want food.”
“I’ll get the chicken soup then.”
“Please feed me.”
“…Your aegyo is terrifying, did you know that?”
Later, the other three members would come home to an adorable sight – Linzy lying with her head on Hyemi’s lap while Hyemi’s arm was resting on Linzy’s waist. Both already in deep slumber, Hyemi’s head leaning against the wall, mouth slightly agape.
(And Hyemi would wake up the next morning with a cold, the three members suddenly having to look after two sick babies in their dorm.)
*
And their relationship weren’t without their moments of spontaneity.
With them being in a figurative permanent state of physical attachment, whenever one had to (at least, only whenever the circumstances required them to) be in close contact with another person that was outside of the group, it was not surprising that jealousy would make its appearance from time to time.
Linzy walked into their room, only to find Hyemi on the floor by the bed, holding a stack of papers in her hand. Looking carefully, Linzy realised that it was her script for the musical.
She shut the door behind her, “Hyemi? What are you doing?”
Hyemi looked up with a jolt, an expression of guilt lingered briefly on her face. She was biting her lip and glanced at the script, “Sorry, I should have asked you first.”
Linzy regarded the woman curiously, “It’s fine actually. Which scene were you at?” She settled down next to her and tried to take a peek at the page that Hyemi was blocking with her hand, “Yah, it’s my script, you can’t hide it from me.”
Hyemi swallowed thickly and handed the papers over to the older woman wordlessly. Linzy arched an eyebrow at the strange behaviour and skimmed through the page. She stopped at a particular line and pursed her lip.
“Yeji told me about it,” Hyemi finally said, her shoulder slightly pressing against Linzy’s. The contact sent a shiver down her back, “I thought there might be one but…” She narrowed her eyes in suspicion at Linzy, “Why didn’t you tell me there is a kissing scene?”
Linzy wondered if there was a way out of her girlfriend’s scrutinizing stare as she inwardly kicked herself for not telling Hyemi sooner. She closed the script and flashed her thousand-watt smile, cheeks literally straining, “I didn’t think it was anything worth mentioning. It’s just a kiss.”
“A kiss right before your death too,” Hyemi commented, grabbing the script back and thumbing through it. She stopped at the same page as before and pointed out the scene, “See? Like it’s not enough they have to kill you off, but you have to kiss someone before you die?”
She had to stifle her laughter at the sight of Hyemi’s serious face. Linzy wasn’t entirely sure if the woman was furious or just being sarcastic but Hyemi rarely showed this side of her ever.
(Except for that time during You’re Pitiful era when she had to film a scene for the music video. Hyemi was in the side-lines, watching her and the actor like a hawk while the other members were sniggering at the sight. It was the first time she had ever seen Hyemi so possessive and it was beyond terrifying.)
At the back of her mind, Linzy questioned if the only reason she didn’t tell Hyemi immediately was whether she was worried Hyemi would glue herself to her side and followed her everywhere during practice.
Linzy sent an emergency prayer to the heavens above before facing Hyemi once more, placing a hand on her kneecap, “Hyemi-ah, in the original play, my character still died. And it’s just acting. I wouldn’t – I mean, I wouldn’t kiss the guy the same way I kiss you?”
Hyemi sat motionless while Linzy waited patiently for the words to sink in. She knew the woman won’t say it outright but they have been together for so long, their moods were practically in tuned now. Of course, if she had to watch Hyemi kiss somebody else, Linzy would not have liked it as well.
Suddenly, Hyemi nodded to herself and her face came back to life again, giving Linzy a half-smile, “You’re right, I’m probably just overreacting.”
Linzy quietly sighed in relief, taking the script away from Hyemi once more, “See? It’s nothing! Just promise me you won’t skulk the practice room, creeping around and threatening any of the actors.”
Hyemi widened her eyes, an amused glint in them, “Whatever are you talking about? I wouldn’t dream of doing such things.”
Linzy was not amused by the answer, lightly slapping Hyemi’s shoulder, “Yah, I’m serious.”
“And I’m serious too. I will never do that because I have complete faith in you.”
There was a strange fuzzy sensation in her stomach when she heard those words and Linzy finally relaxed until –
“Though I have to ask…What exactly do you mean by ‘the way you kiss me’, unnie?” Hyemi raised her eyebrows challengingly at Linzy. It was not a question, but a statement and Linzy knew the implications behind that sentence.
Count on Hyemi to focus on the more important things, Linzy thought wearily. Somehow, Hyemi had become bolder in terms of their physical intimacy ever since they began dating. It was a side that Linzy had not expected, but it didn’t mean she wasn’t enjoying it.
But she could really do without Hyemi writing songs about it.
(The members still brought it up from time to time and Hyemi would have this shit-eating grin while Linzy just desperately wished they change the topic and forget about the song’s existence entirely.)
She cleared her throat and regained her composure, “We both know exactly what I mean, Kim Hyemi.”
She felt Hyemi leaned closer, lips dangerously close to her ear, “Really? I don’t think I’m sure though, Im Minji. Care to show me?”
Linzy breathed hard, adamantly continuing to face forward. She caught sight of the time on the wall clock and quipped, “It’s close to dinner time, we should–”
A hand slid around her neck and Linzy didn’t have time to react when she was pulled closer. She caught a glimpse of the cheeky grin before their lips met in a kiss.
Hyemi raked her fingers through Linzy’s hair while her other hand snaked around her waist, pulling even closer until they were snug against each other. Linzy didn’t protest, falling into the kiss the same way she had fallen for Hyemi all those years ago.
Eyes fluttered shut, her fingers ran down Hyemi’s sides and up again before raking her nails along her shoulders and tangled her hands in the dark strands.
Linzy couldn’t exactly remember what they were talking about earlier. Her heart was pounding, her mind was in whirl and all she could think about was how soft Hyemi’s lips were brushing against hers and the shivers coursing through her body when fingers slipped beneath the edge of her shirt. When Hyemi deepened the kiss further, Linzy could have melted against the side of the bed as she let the woman have her way.
After all, Hyemi was never one to talk – she rather show.
Kissing Hyemi was like taking a deep breath after being underwater for so long. There was that sense of relief, and greediness that made her want even more, because it would never be enough for her. Linzy didn’t think she would ever get enough of the kisses, the little touches and longing gazes. The comforting warmth of familiar arms around her waist and the whispers in her ears.
Nothing else came close to the way Hyemi loves her.
Eventually when they pulled away, Hyemi’s lips were red and swollen, cheeks flushed and eyes too bright. Linzy imagined the same look on her own face and it made her lightheaded with joy. Linzy wrapped her arms around Hyemi’s neck and kept their faces close together as they caught their breath.
Punch-drunked, Hyemi smirked and pecked Linzy’s cheek, “I think I showed you instead.”
Linzy snapped out of her stupor and rolled her eyes, trying to salvage what’s left of her bravado, “Oh you think you did, didn’t you?”
“Yes I did. Now each time you have to kiss that dude, you will be reminded of my kissing prowess.”
“Whoever said you are the shyest person of the group is horribly misinformed.”
Hyemi laughed, “Actually, you should give yourself credit. You brought that side out of me.”
“Oh of course I did,” Linzy sighed dramatically, “Believe me, sometimes I wonder if that’s a good thing.”
Hyemi nodded seriously, slowly shifting herself onto Linzy’s lap and locked her fingers behind Linzy’s neck, “Oh it’s definitely a lot of good things. Here’s one.”
Linzy’s throat felt very dry as Hyemi leaned close again. Her lips were tingling for more and hands aching from the extreme self-control she had inflicted on them. She couldn’t wait and shortened whatever distance that remained between them and captured those soft lips with hers–
“Guys, we’re ordering– OH FOR GOD’S SAKE, YOU TWO!”
They sprang apart instantly, Hyemi practically scrambling on the floor in fright while Linzy immediately rolled up her script and waved it at the (idiot) member that barged into their room, “YAH YOU COULDN’T KNOCK?!”
Their leader stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips, regarding the both of them with utter disbelief, “Seriously? I thought I told you guys to, like, put some freaking warning on the door.” Jei huffed in exasperation, eyebrows pulled close together when she finally noticed Linzy’s fighting stance, “And what were you planning to do with that rolled-up paper?”
“I was going to whack you because I thought a burglar just broke in,” Linzy deadpanned, mumbling after, “Though I still very much like to hit you right now…”
Hyemi, however, was clutching her chest in dramatic fashion, “I think I lost a few years off my lifespan because of you.”
Jei almost combusted, “My lifespan has already been shortened because of you all! I already got an alien who can’t Hangul, a devil disguised as our maknae and two bunnies that can’t keep their hands off each other for just one minute. And I’m just here to eat in peace.”
They watched their leader stomped away, completely stupefied. A moment later, Cao Lu poked her head into the room, not at all bothered by the sight of Hyemi sprawled on the floor and Linzy’s strange pose.
“We’re ordering Thai for dinner because I’m too tired to cook. Is that okay with you two?”
“It’s okay, unnie,” Linzy answered, still too shell-shocked to comprehend the sudden change in mood. Cao Lu went away, humming a tune, while Linzy blinked a few times before glancing down and locking gazes with Hyemi.
“What just happened?”
“I’ll tell you what happened,” grumbled Hyemi, grabbing hold of Linzy’s hand to pull herself up to her feet, “You forgot to lock the door.”
-
It wasn’t simple, but it wasn’t too complicated to work out either.
They knew each other inside out. Dreams. Secrets. Fears. Their flaws, failures and weakest moments. Strange habits and favourite things. But they accepted it just as readily, taking it in their strides because love wasn’t about what they each liked as an individual. It was about becoming a better person, providing the strength to stand straight and carry on in the face of adversity.
It was accepting the parts that weren’t so pretty, the parts that were hidden and the parts that each were ashamed of. It was discovering beauty in these little pieces that could fit so perfectly with their own broken pieces, coming together to form a whole.
-
The music ended and Hyemi almost collapsed in exhaustion. The aches in her muscles were screaming for relief, her throat was beginning to tire and sleep had never been such a tempting option. Her lunch had long been digested and she began to experience hunger pangs. Hyemi barely registered the choreographer’s call for a short break as she made her way to her bag, wondering when the day was going to end.
It felt odd to not be surrounded by her members, the thought of standing alone on a stage by herself sent her heart racing and she hoped fervently that things would go smoothly during the actual performance.
Hyemi sat on the floor, blindly rummaging into her bag while staring at her phone. A smile lit up her face as she momentarily forgot about her exhaustion, looking through the selcas Linzy had sent her. For somebody who practiced taking photos of herself, she certainly had come a long way since then. Hyemi snorted at a particularly weird one, while the woman was having her hair done.
Don’t you have better things to do?
Nope
How was practice?
It’s alright
I just want the day to end soon….
Which is a few more hours to go T-T
It’s not so bad!
Trust me, it’ll be like a few more minutes :)
Funny
Please, you laugh at my jokes all the time
Because nobody else would
…
Should I be honoured?
Yes!
-.-
I gotta go~ don’t forget to eat the fruits!
HWAITING!
Okay I will! HWAITING TO YOU TOO!
Love you
Love you too :*
Hyemi chuckled and put her phone aside, finally taking out the bag of fruits that Linzy had packed for her. She smiled at the post-it note stuck to the front. For Ham! <3
She snapped a picture of herself eating the fruits as proof, before proceeding to finish the whole thing. When practice resumed a while later, Hyemi was strengthened by the thought of her love and put in even more effort in her singing and dancing.
When the day finally ended, Hyemi practically slumped in the seat of the van, wishing that it would go faster. Her manager was chatting with the driver but she barely registered what they were talking about, utterly worn out.
She just really wanted to climb into bed and snuggle next to Linzy, falling asleep in the familiar warmth. Speaking of whom, Hyemi wondered if the woman was on the way back as well.
Just as she was about to pick up her phone, Hyemi thought she heard somebody called her name. Thinking it was another one of the fans, she plastered on a smile despite her exhaustion and glanced out of the window…
…only to find Linzy grinning at her so widely, her dimples were practically squishing her eyes shut. Hyemi jumped in her seat, suddenly energised as she rolled the window down fast.
“Minji?!”
Linzy was laughing hard, rolling around in her seat of the van she was in, “What are the odds?”
And Hyemi was laughing too, both of their vans rolling to a stop at a red light, “I was just about to call you!”
“Me too! I didn’t expect to find you like this.”
Hyemi placed an arm on the windowsill, resting her chin on top, “How was today? Did you bring the whole place down?”
“It went well!” Linzy mimicked her posture, still grinning, “How was practice?”
“Amazing!” They were both literally shouting at each other even though the distance wasn’t too far. Hyemi had to shake her head at their ridiculous antics.
“Did you eat the fruits well?” Linzy shouted, stifling her own giggles.
“I did! Did you eat the bread I put in your bag?”
While Linzy was in the shower that morning, Hyemi quietly snuck some bread into Linzy’s bag. She knew the older woman loved her fruits and sweet potatoes but Hyemi worried that it would not be enough, remembering the cheekbones that gradually grew too defined over the last few weeks.
Her eyes curved into two perfect arches and Hyemi melted against her seat, Linzy nodding her head excitedly, “Yup! Thank you for that!”
Her manager turned in his seat, casting judging looks at the both of them, “You two couldn’t wait until we get home?”
“Nope!” they chorused and fell into another laughing fit. The light turned green and the vans got moving again.
Linzy leaned her head out momentarily, “We’ll talk later!”
“Why not now?” Hyemi pouted, not wanting to end their conversation so soon, even if they did both look like a bunch of idiots at the moment.
“We are safety hazards!” Linzy softened her tone considerably, the smile that was exclusively only for her on full display, “I miss you.”
Hyemi felt the flutters in her chest and prayed they would never go away.
(She will never get used to this, and she will never get enough.)
Hyemi mouthed I miss you too when their vans were a little further apart, Linzy clearly caught it for she was smiling widely and waved at her, blowing kisses.
When they finally reached their dorm building, Hyemi literally jumped out of the van in excitement, not even bothering to turn around when her manager laughed at the sight. She didn’t care that she looked like an overzealous kid leaping at the sight of an ice-cream truck, almost tripping over her feet in her haste to reach Linzy.
Linzy barely just got out of the van before Hyemi wrapped her in a bone-crushing hug.
“Yah!” Linzy was shaking with laugher, stumbling backwards a little, “You really couldn’t wait, huh?” Her tone was affectionate as she brushed the woman’s bangs aside.
Hyemi grinned, “I couldn’t wait a few minutes. It’s too long.”
Linzy hugged the woman just as tightly, “Don’t worry.”
“We have a long time together.”