Archive of Our Own

~*~
We're running on, never running away
We're painting blue, painting blue over grey
So much more than the sum of the parts we shine (Ooh)

No one'll stop you from climbing this mountaintop
We'll make sure things are looking up
No excuses, I'm your ride-or-die cause' I
~*~

- Washington D.C., 2008 - 

Leaving the hospital this evening, Spencer couldn’t quite name his own feelings. So much had happened during the last few hours, his mind was still struggling to make sense of it. The run in with Samantha Reid, the first real conversation he held with his brother. For the first time in his life, Spencer had done most of the talking, Shane being a grateful audience. They had not shared stories of their upbringing, such dire topics, at least on Spencer’s part, were something he’d rather avoid for the near future, for now concentrating on the present. He could, fascinatingly enough, not recall the exact contents of their conversation, the unreliability of his memory whenever it came to his family turning into a reliability in itself. 

Walking out into the parking lot the air had cooled down immensely, almost making him shiver. The sun was about to set, tinting the sky in an orange shade as the light scattered in the atmosphere. 

His eyes scanned the parking lot for Derek’s car, he found his friend leaning against the hood of it, relishing in the last rays of sunshine. There was a soft smile on his lips, his eyes were closed against the sun. He seemed a little out of place there and Spencer wondered what he had been doing the whole time. As if sensing him approaching  Derek’s eyes opened, finding him within a heartbeat, an even softer smile appearing on his lips. Spencer didn’t quite understand why Derek still insisted on waiting for him, even if it meant camping in the lobby or the parking lot for hours. 

“Hey, how was it?” There was real interest in his voice, though he asked the question every day. 

“It was good,” the words sounded strange, even to him, his uncertainty certainly audible, “it was… much.” He added then, hoping to make himself a bit more clear. Derek opened his arms, the gesture just being a suggestion, and yet, after only a moment of hesitation, Spencer found himself stepping into the hug. His friend wrapped his arms around him, not an iron cage, but firm pressure grounding him in the moment. Taking a few deep breaths, the familiar scent of Derek’s cologne filling his nose, and the chaos inside his mind seemed to subside. They stood like this a few heartbeats long, the warmth of Derek’s body seeping through his clothes. He leaned in a little more, for just a second or so, the world seemingly getting a bit more quiet. Not that this was actually something in the realm of possibilities, it was far more likely that his senses just focused on what was closest to him, subconsciously tuning out all other sounds. The moment Derek let go of him again, the cold immediately took hold of him, creeping under his skin. At least in Derek’s car it was still moderately warm from the sun. Getting in, Spencer leaned back, the weight he hadn’t even known he carried on his shoulders melting away. 

They drove in silence, only the radio playing on low volume. He was thankful for the quiet, and yet part of him wanted to talk to Derek, tell him everything that had happened in those hours inside the hospital. In a way Derek had been part of this the whole time after all, waiting with him that first day after the call and every day afterwards, making sure he wasn’t alone any step of the way. 

“I’ve met Samantha today,” was the first thing he said, breaking the silence between them. 

“She’s your…” Derek didn’t finish the sentence, and Spencer didn’t know how to do it for him. He had not yet thought of what Samantha Reid was to him. Technically, she’d be considered his step-mother, she had married his father after all. Yet, how could he call her that if he wouldn’t even call William his father if it wasn’t for their shared DNA? Then again, that same DNA was what made him consider Shane his brother. It was just one more thing that confused him, how his own emotions or emotional bonds to people could change his perception of who did belong to his family. 

“She’s Shane’s mother, yes.” 

“How did that go?” A deep sigh left his lips as he remembered the short encounter, the woman’s teary eyes and her soft voice. She had been different from how he had imagined her, though he had tried not to think of any scenario in which he had to face Shane’s parents at all. 

“It was better than I expected,” he answered honestly, “she was nice, much nicer than I imagined. She thanked me…” He paused as the moment shared with her replayed in his mind, her words echoing in his ears. “And she said she was sorry, though she didn’t specify for what exactly.” And there was a long list of things she could’ve meant, from her cheating with his father, to never letting him know his father married again or that he had a younger brother. He could excuse the latter two, not knowing what William had told her about them, but starting an affair with a married man, he didn’t quite know if he could forgive either of them for that. Depending on the history, maybe he could forgive her, but never his father. 

Next to him Derek kept on quietly listening to him, allowing him to sort through his own thoughts like that. “I don’t think I dislike her, or at least not as much as I thought I would.” He was too sentimental for that, too emotionally invested after all those days spent with his brother. Derek put one hand on his thigh, something he’d usually chide him for as it took his attention from the road, but right now the gesture was surprisingly soothing. 

“I also got to talk to Shane, it went surprisingly well…” Derek was quiet for a moment, eyes fixed on the road ahead of him. The volume of the radio was turned down just low enough for the music and the voices to blend into the background of their conversation and fill the quiet moments. “He’s holding himself surprisingly well, I didn’t expect that. Then again, how should I know what to expect, I don’t know him…” 

“But you want to?” Now it was on him to think, back in the hospital he had told Shane he wanted to get to know him and his brother had voiced the same wish, but had it just been a heat of the moment decision? No, if he was being honest with himself, he had been curious about him since that first day. The dog tags were still in his pockets, a daily reminder of that call and those first hours waiting for news. He couldn’t count the times he had laid awake in his flat and just stared at them, even though their shape, words and every little scratch on the metal, every little dent was already burnt into his mind. 

“I do,” he said finally, “I mean  I told him we’d figure it all out together… he’s got a long road ahead, studies alone have shown that the probable PTSD prevalence for active-duty soldiers increased from 11.8% to 16.7%. It does border on a miracle he doesn’t show any signs of mental health issues, at least going from what Garcia told me. Which means he’s either an expert at masking or has a resilience most people can only dream of.” He had done his fair share of research, the stories of various veterans, case studies and numbers embedded in his mind for the rest of his life. He had met his fair share of horrors in his line of work already, but doing his research during the last few weeks, he had once again realized how little knowledge he actually possessed, how vastly different his reality was from his brother’s. While he had faced the worst kind of criminals, had seen what he thought to be the darkest depths of humanity, he had lost a rare few people close to him. And then all of them had chosen to simply walk out of his life, none of them was killed in action, right in front of his eyes. Taking a deep breath, trying to shake off those thoughts before they could lead him down a much darker path, he looked back at Morgan. 

“Then I hope he is as resilient as it sounds, the physical recovery will take enough strength as it is…,” Morgan said after a moment, eyes still fixed on the road ahead. “Did you… have you heard anything from your father?” 

“William? No, luckily I didn’t…” Running into Samantha had been agitating enough, he really didn’t need to meet his father on top of it. “Though I hope he shows up for Shane.” It was the one decent thing to do after all. 

“You don’t have much of a relationship then?” Spencer let out a humourless chuckle, not much of a relationship was an understatement if he ever had heard one. 

“He left my mom when I was just a child, I haven’t seen him since.” And after some years of fruitless attempts to contact and connect with him, he had resigned to his fate at the age of six, while his father played family with his new wife and a three year old son. In his peripheral vision he saw Derek nodding, the tone in his own voice indicating he was not willing to share any more information. 

~*~

Being in his apartment alone, watching Derek drive away from the spot at his window, Spencer felt a sudden loneliness overcoming him. He felt drained, the weight of the last hours pressing down onto his shoulders. Even after spending the last 4 years as a profiler, meeting countless new people every few months, human interaction still exhausted him from time to time, and today had not been an exception, still there was some kind of restlessness taking control over his body. 

He started roaming through the room, keeping his hands occupied by letting them slide over the backs of his books, feeling the different textures underneath his fingertips. Making his way to the kitchen, he put a kettle with water on the stove, an old fashioned way, but the kettle had been reliable all those years since back in his childhood, the sound of it bringing back memories of calm evenings with his mother. The motions of making tea were known to him, nothing he had to think about, giving him at least some sense of control back, as he watched his own hands take out the box of loose tea and fill a teaspoon full into the infuser. 

Not long after the smell of herbs filled his nose as he sat on his couch, the warm cup of tea in his hands. On the small table in front of him lay pen and paper, another letter to his mother waiting to be written, yet his mind was blank. Something he found highly unusual, but in this moment, not a single thought filled his mind, no word wanted to form. What was there he could tell her? There was no way he could tell her about Shane or Samantha, it was a secret he, at least for now, intended to keep. Only god knew how such a revelation would affect her mental state. Then again, this small part of him did not want to lie to her, rather wanted to ask her if she had known. If she did, why did she keep it a secret from him? Why not tell him he had a brother? A deep sigh left his lips, there was no use in thinking about this. He would not get his answers, if he didn’t ask… and he didn’t ask because the bigger part of him was afraid of the answers. In the last years he had witnessed how one moment could change a life or one's reality forever, but for the first time he actually understood what it meant. Finishing his tea, he brought his cup back to the kitchen, rinsing it out with some water, before heading to the bathroom, finally washing the scent of the hospital off himself, before going to bed, for the first time without writing a letter to his mom. 

The night had been everything but refreshing, his sleep plagued by nightmares resembling memories. His father’s presence had haunted his dreams by walking away from him over and over and over again, his dream-self trying to hold onto him, running after him, failing again and again, even though Spencer had known there was no use in trying. 

It took him all the way from his place in D.C. to Quantico to shake off the memories of the dream and the lingering feeling of dread. In the office he could at least occupy his mind with something else. Something different than his father, his mother and his brother. Derek shot him something akin to worried glances ever since he stood in front of the coffee machine for approximately five minutes, ultimately deciding against any caffeine to influence his nervous system. Something that went against his usual routine so much it seemed to bother his coworker more than himself. 

“Hey, Reid, are you alright?” Derek asked, leaning against his desk, making Spencer have to look up at him. 

“Yes,” he replied, “just a tough night. Couldn’t sleep very well.” It was close enough to the truth that even Derek wouldn’t catch the little white lie. Over the last few months, ever since Tobias, he had become way too comfortable in half truths. 

“Thought caroussell?” Derek pried, and Spencer wanted to ask him to just shut up, but that was nothing his friend deserved. Just because his father managed to get under his skin from miles away, it didn’t mean he had to snap at him. 

“Kind of… yesterday was a bit much.” 

“I get that. You’re going to visit again today?” 

“Planned to, should we not get called away.” And he didn’t know what he hoped for. A call to get him away from this new trouble, or another chance to face them. 

~*~

In the end Spencer was quite glad that no call had come in and they all could just go about their day as usual, filing paperwork, writing long overdue reports, tasks that kept his mind occupied but didn’t need his constant attention. Derek had shot him looks all the time, as if trying to figure out if he really was as okay as he pretended, something that was kind of unnerving. Now, sitting in Derek’s car with the radio playing, the feeling didn’t quite go away. 

“Almost feels like a routine by now,” Derek said, interrupting Alicia Keys’ refrain to No One. 

“A routine I hope we’ll be able to break soon,” he replied, only catching on to the probability of his words being misunderstood after already saying them, “I mean that I hope Shane will be able to leave the hospital soon, not that I mind driving with you.” Derek chuckled, just for a second looking over to smile at him. 

“I know, Pretty Boy. But I could drive you home more often, you don’t always have to commute.” 

“I know, but I like to.” It gave him time to wind down after a long day of work and probably read a book, and it also worked great as exposure therapy considering all the germs one could pick up on public transport. He stayed as far away as possible from those statistics, or he’d never be able to take a bus or train ever again in his life, or sit in Derek’s car, considering that Clooney’s favorite spot was on the backseat, or the shotgun seat, so his drool had probably soaked the fabric at least once already. 

“Fine, but I’ve gotten pretty used to you.” He didn’t have to look at Derek to hear the smile in his friend’s voice. 

“Me too.” So much he had to admit, it was soothing in a very different way. The sound and scent of the car had become familiar to him, the way Derek’s cologne clung to the air that made it impossible for Spencer to ever forget how it smelled. 

When they pulled into the visitor’s parking lot some time later, Derek turned off the engine and put his seat back a little. 

“You know that you don’t have to stay here.” It was the same discussion they had every time, and just like every other day Derek simply grinned at him and took out a book of crossword puzzles before answering. “I know, they also have a nice lobby and café.” Spencer had known Derek long enough to know when a battle was lost, so he only thanked him and left the car. 

~*~

Entering his brother’s room this time, he found the space occupied by another visitor. A young man, probably about Shane’s age sat next to him in a chair, the way he held himself implying a military background as well. One hand was hovering over Shane’s. 

Shane gave him a smile, nodding to invite him further into the room. 

“Hey, nice seeing you again,” his brother greeted him.

“It’s good to see you well.” As far as Spencer could tell there was only the IV administering painkillers left.  

“As good as can be, I guess.” Shane’s smile faltered for just a second, but it was long enough for Spencer to notice. “May I introduce you to my friend, Sergeant Reagan O’Donnel.” 

“It’s nice meeting you, Sergeant.” 

“Reagan is fine,” the man stood up from his chair, reaching out a hand for Spencer. “It’s nice meeting you.” He took the hand a bit reluctantly, handshakes still not on his priority list of greetings, but the knowledge that Sergeant O’Donnel had most likely disinfected his hands upon entering the hospital made it a little bit better. 

“I’m Spencer,” he introduced himself, though he got the feeling that the other man was already well aware of his name and relationship to Shane, who watched them with something akin to a soft smile. Reagan himself had a crooked smile, the left corner of his lips rising a little higher than the right one, and the colour of his eye seemed somewhat mismatched, as if the right one was lighter than the other. The other man let go of his hand again, turning towards Shane. 

“I’ll better leave the two of you, Shay.” There was a tenderness in his voice, that at least for Spencer, sounded unusual even for friends. 

“Don’t be a stranger,” his brother replied. 

“Never to you.” Then he turned towards Spencer again with a smile. “I’m sure we’ll meet again.” Spencer stepped aside to let Reagan leave the room, for a moment he caught him standing in the doorway, giving Shane one last look. 

Spencer took a moment before sitting down, giving Reagan’s body heat the chance to leave the cushion of the chair before sitting down himself. 

“I’m sorry if I interrupted you,” he said, not sure if the other man had already planned on leaving, or had left because of him. 

“Don’t worry about it, you didn’t interrupt anything,” Shane answered, “Reagan just stopped by. He heard I was here and wanted to say hello.” 

“How long have you known each other?” Was that a question he could ask, or was it already too personal? When exactly did questions between them become too personal? 

“We met in basic training… so it’s been quite a while. But we served in different units afterwards, so we only met the times between our deployments overlapped. Which wasn’t half as often as I’d have liked.” There was a hint of regret in his brother’s voice, maybe old sorrow. What exactly was the nature of their relationship? There wasn’t much Spencer knew about internal operations of the military, but he was well aware of the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy they had going on. Something one found in almost every corner of male dominated spaces, mostly explained with flimsy arguments from nature to the bible and whatsoever. 

“Have you heard anything from William?” This was probably the safer question, and the answer would highly influence his own daily routine. He still couldn’t bring it over himself to refer to this man as his father, and he surely didn’t want to run into him the same way he had run into Shane’s mother. 

“Yes, mom reached him, finally, so he’s taking the next flight back here,” there was a short pause, something obviously running through Shane’s mind, “which basically translates the next first class flight available in the afternoon so he can play at least one round of gold and have a drink with colleagues.” There was resignation in his voice, his eyes turning dark for a second. 

“You don’t get along too well?” Once again, he wondered if he should have asked that or not. Was he just projecting his own negative feelings onto his brother? Or did William happen to just be a bad father in general? 

“We did once,” Shane answered, now looking directly at him, “but that’s been some good time ago. He always wanted me to follow in his footsteps, and all that, I disappointed him by growing my juvie record and having him bail me out one too many times.” Another pause, as if Shane was thinking about what to share and what to keep to himself. Spencer reached out for him, carefully placing a hand on his brother’s, as if the touch alone could help him decide. Shane turned his hand, their palms meeting, fingers gently squeezing his hand. “Don’t know when or why everything went wrong. But I think I grew up in your shadow without even knowing for a long time. Part of me thought I’d make him proud by turning my life around, serving my country, but all he said about it was that I wouldn’t last through basic training… things got better after my first deployment, then they got worse again, and now… don’t know, ever changing like the tide.” It did sound exhausting, far more exhausting than just cutting his father out. William may haunt him in his dreams, but for Shane he also seemed to somehow haunt his waking hours.

“We had a big fallout before my deployment and as much as I want to see him, I also don’t want to see him. Does that makes sense?” 

“He’s still your father…” And he had been that for much longer than for Spencer, for Spencer he was a ghost, a memory his brain did not allow to faint, yet that was all he was. A frozen image from many years ago, the echo of a voice that used to call him, but the only emotions preserved were the deep sting of betrayal, and the fruitless longing for love and recognition. 

“He is, and as much as I want to hate him sometimes, I can’t.” Another deep sigh followed that statement, “but I would understand if you did.” Did he? Did he actually hate his father? Maybe he’d have to meet him to find out. Something he’d rather not, he could live with the unknown for a little longer. 

“I don’t know if I hate him,” he answered truthfully, “but I’d rather not meet him.” 

“Don’t worry, he’ll probably just drop by, make sure I’m still breathing and then go back to Las Vegas and to work… but let’s not talk about him, okay? I’m sure we can find better topics.” And they did, for three hours there was nothing but talking, about Shane’s friends, most of them army members of course, the people Spencer worked with, though he mostly talked about Garcia and Derek, books, movies, and whatever came to mind. Even something akin to small talk and idle chatter didn’t become dull or boring with him, every part of the conversation entailing some new detail about the man he wanted to get to know. At some point they returned to the topic of Shane’s health and recovery. 

“What I’m not looking forward to,” his brother began, “is returning home. There’s a rehab clinic for veterans here in D.C. and I hope to get a spot there, but afterwards… I have tried not to set foot into my parents home ever since I moved out. Don’t think it’ll be healthy for dad and me to share living quarters again.” 

“You could stay here,” Spencer said, before his mind could catch up to his own words, “with me…” He’d have to move some furniture and measure the elevator and the doorways just to make sure a wheelchair could fit, but if it didn’t, the time Shane would have to spend in a stationary rehabilitation clinic would give him enough time to find a suitable place. At least with Derek’s help, considering his knowledge about real estate and everything that came with it. 

“Are you serious?” The question was relatable, this was only the second day of knowing each other, though it did feel longer. Was that the kind of knowing someone you had never met, people loved to talk about on TV? 

“I am,” he answered, “I mean, you don’t want to go back to Vegas, which I can understand, I’m happy about every mile I have put between me and that city… and you could just stay with me until we found you your own place, or until you feel up to looking for your own place.” Also, considering what he had said about his relationship with his father, he didn’t want to force him to return to that place with ever changing tides. Shane gave him a soft, somewhat unsure smile. 

“I really don’t want to be a burden.”

“You won’t.” He didn’t know where he took the security from, but the slight change in Shane’s expression at least told him that he believed him. 

~*~

Looking at his watch, time had flown by miraculously once more, and it hadn’t been lost on Spencer that his brother had grown more tired with every passing hour. Then again, he had to consider that he was already doing extraordinarily well, and it bordered on a miracle that no nurse had come in to kick him out yet. He wondered where Derek was waiting for him, if he was still doing crossword-puzzles in his car, or if he had chosen the lobby or café to hang around now. 

“I really should go now,” he said, “it’s getting late, you’re tired and my friend’s waiting for me.” 

“Then you shouldn’t keep him waiting, don’t want you to be late for your meeting.” 

“Oh… it’s not like that. Derek’s been driving me here and he’s… he’s just waiting.” For a moment Shane just stared at him, eyes showing his disbelief. 

“Your friend’s just hanging out here and waiting? Must be a great one then.” Now Spencer couldn’t help but smile and nod. 

“The best one.” Though he did have to admit, that maybe, whatever he felt towards Derek, might be more than just the strong bonds of friendship. “I always tell him he doesn’t have to stay, but he insists, and arguing with him really is useless.” 

“He can join you next time, I’d like to meet him.” 

“I’ll ask him.” Once they said their goodbyes and Spencer left the room, his way brought him to the lobby, where Derek was sitting in one of the chairs, crossword-puzzle in his hands. 

“Queen of Lydia in Greek mythology, seven letters, starts with O,” Derek said without really looking up. 

“Omphale. O-M-P-H-A-L-E,” Spencer answered before he could even wonder how Derek had known he was approaching him, or how he had known Derek would be in the lobby instead of his car or the café. 

“Thanks, pretty boy. Ethnic group in Japan, second letter I.” 

“Ainu. A-I-N-U.”

“Perfect, I’m done,” Derek said looking up at him with a grin, “how’s your brother doing?” 

“Much better already as it seems, he invited you to join us next time” That, at least for a moment, left Derek speechless, before his grin widened. 

“Cool. Can’t wait to meet him.” 

~*~

Just a day later their plans were crushed by a call that ordered them to Charleston, South Carolina where a series of burglaries had escalated into two murders in just as many days. The evidence was little and the escalation sudden, so that there was no real indicator on how long they’d be out of state. Spencer had called the hospital still at the bullpen, asking them to let Shane know about his absence. It was nothing that he liked to do, but of all people, Shane probably understood duty before family the most. 

The second day away a text message reached him, a short message from Shane who finally had gotten a cell phone and Spencer’s number from one of the nurses. He couldn’t help but smile, reading the short text, his brother giving him a health update and asking him to stay as safe as possible, as well as giving greetings from his mother and Reagan. No word about their father, nothing Spencer was too mad about. He caught Derek reading over his shoulder, but didn’t turn away his phone. In the end he’d tell him everything Shane wrote anyway, Derek had been with him in all of this since the beginning after all. 

“Sounds like he’s doing well,” Derek commented. 

“Yes, I have to admit I was a bit worried… Samantha has to return to Vegas in a few days and I didn’t want him to be alone. But Reagan seems to show up pretty regularly.” He had meant to ask his brother a bit more about the other man, but hadn’t found the right time or words via text. Garcia had offered to dig a little, something Spencer had thankfully declined, it was one thing that she had looked into Shane’s life for him, there was no need to do the same for one of his friends. 

“I hope we wrap this up soon, so I can finally meet him.” It was almost said in passing, but something about those words made Spencer’s heart skip a beat and a flurry of nervousness spread out in his belly. In this short time, Shane had become one of the few people that mattered the most to Spencer, and knowing that he and Derek would, inevitably, meet, felt like something important. 

It took them almost a week to wrap up the case and leave South Carolina, their plane touched down sometime after midnight, half of them already asleep on the jet. Spencer woke up with his head resting against Derek’s shoulder, not even aware that he had fallen asleep like that. He mumbled something that could’ve been an apology or thanks, for which he only received a soft smile and a ride home in return. 

Derek brought him up to his flat, originally planning on saying their goodbyes at the door. But then Derek stepped into the flat with him, the door falling shut behind him and neither of them said a word. The air felt electric and somewhat heavy, something that was highly impossible and only existed in books or movies, and yet it was exactly how Spencer experienced this moment of silence between them. A moment of locked eyes, low breaths and tongues running over suddenly dry lips. A tingle on skin, caused by increased blood circulation triggered by the surge of hormones and adrenaline, in the wake of what was about to happen. 

Derek leaned in, Spencer stepped closer into his personal space, fingers brushed against each other, a soft sensation that stayed. Faces slowly getting closer, Derek’s warm breath on his lips just before they met in a soft kiss, that, even though he had seen coming, took him by surprise. Maybe it was the tenderness, maybe it was the feeling he had only ever imagined before. Derek’s arms wrapped loosely around him, still giving him space to move, to draw back, which only made Spencer lean in more. The kiss only lasted mere seconds, but those seconds, Spencer was sure, would impact the rest of his life. The tenderness in Derek’s eyes when they broke away tugged on his heart, made something in him melt and a smile he couldn’t control appeared on his face. 

There had been little words between them afterwards, none of them needing any. When Spencer woke up with Derek right beside him, the light of the day falling through a crack in the curtains, it felt like all the answers were already there. Their relationship had changed slowly, he only now realised how Derek had changed from being just a friend to the one pillar he knew he could always lean on. Still he didn’t quite know what exactly Derek saw in him, but something must’ve been there, or at least Spencer chose to believe that. 

Next to him Derek moved slightly as he woke up, one arm reaching out to grab Spencer and pull him close again. Spencer couldn’t help but let out a startled yelp, that only earned a half awake chuckle from Derek. 

Later when they sat together, steaming mugs of coffee between them, Spencer looked at Derek, as if something should have changed about him. About them. But there was no visible change to either of them, if one didn’t account for the constant smiles whenever their eyes met. It wouldn’t take the team long to figure out that something was up with them, but at least as far as Spencer remembered, there was no rule against agents on the same team dating each other. If this was what they would be doing from now on. The last time Spencer had actually dated someone had been in college and then it could have been better described as hook ups than dates. So he was not an expert on that subject, or how people usually went about business like that. 

“So, are we dating now?” He asked bluntly, needing clarification before even being able to think about the next course of action. 

“Do you want to?”

“Derek, please don’t answer a question with a question. A simple yes or no would be sufficient.” He couldn’t help but shake his head as Derek hid his laugh by taking a sip of his coffee. 

“Yes. I would like for us to date from now on,” he answered then, “if you want it more old fashioned I can take you out on a date? Get dinner or see a movie.” 

“No, that’s fine,” Spencer said, but then tilted his head a little, “then again, dinner does sound nice and they are showing the 1967 version of Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina in original language later this month.” He did catch the small change in microexpression at the mention of the Russian movie, but then all Derek did was smile. 

“I hope they show it with subtitles.” 

“I am sure they do.” 

“Good, Anna Karenina it is then… but in return we’ll watch the Cubs Game.” 

“Sounds like a deal.”

~*~

Some hours later they found themselves in the hospital once more, this time Derek followed Spencer along as he walked towards his brother’s room. Some days ago he had to move into a new room, something he had texted Spencer almost immediately so he wouldn’t have to ask around. 

Knocking at the door he heard Shane’s voice on the inside inviting them in. His brother sat in a wheelchair, dressed in wide sweatpants and a tight army green shirt. He looked much better than Spencer had expected, there was still the cannula in his arm but nothing attached to it right now. Right beside him by a small table sat Reagan, smiling at both Derek and Spencer. 

“It’s good to see you back,” Shane sounded much stronger already, “you must be Derek, it’s nice meeting you.” 

“Honored meeting you,” Derek answered, “Spencer’s told me a lot about you already. Thank you for your service. To both of you.” It could’ve seemed like a set phrase when meeting a veteran, but the smile on both of their faces made it clear they got the sincerity of Derek’s words. Reagan got up and held out a hand to Derek as he introduced himself, still not commenting on his relationship with Shane. 

“So, he’s your coworker?” Shane asked once Derek left the room for a moment to get them another chair. 

“Coworker, friend,” Spencer answered, then took a moment before adding, “boyfriend. Rather recently, actually.” Only then did he realise that Derek had reentered the room, the smile on his face widening into the biggest grin he had ever seen on his face. It was endearing and somewhat embarrassing. At least until he saw that this seemed to be the one thing Shane and Reagan had needed, as the other man reached for his brother’s hand, softly taking it, the look in his eyes telling a story of feelings used to be covered in front of others. 

“Shane told me you’re letting him move in with you,” Reagan said once they all were sitting together, “I would’ve proposed the same but I only live in a one bedroom apartment… so thank you. I’d rather know him close by than somewhere in Vegas.” 

“You no longer serve?” At least that was what he had heard out of the phrasing. 

“No, got a bit too close to a grenade two years ago,” he turned his head to the left, giving them a good look at the almost invisible hearing aid, “nothing too bad but enough to end my active duty. I now work at the veteran’s center, helping others to get back into civilian life and all of that.” The smile on his face showed the passion he had for his newfound position. Shane gently pressed his hand, giving him a soft smile. Their emotional connection was all too visible, and Spencer wondered how hard it must’ve been to hide their relationship, for what most likely was the majority of it. One day he would love to hear their story, it surely would make for a good one. 

“So you are taking me up on the offer?” Spencer now asked looking at Shane .

“I guess it’s my best option, and if you haven’t changed your mind yet, then I’d love to live with you for a while once I’m out of rehab.” 

“You can stay as long as you want,” then he looked over at Reagan, his lips widening into a smile, “and when I’m gone you can have an eye on him.” 

“Sounds like a deal.” It was the second deal he had struck this day, and something told him he wouldn’t regret either of it. 

~*~
Got your back just like you got mine
On track, hold on, hold on
I got your back just like you got mine (Mine)
We got this pact 'til the end of time
On track, hold on, hold on
I got your back just like you got mine
~*~