Chapter Text
It’d only been a day since she got back from Kazamino but she couldn’t stop thinking about it. She’d been thinking about it all day and just couldn’t stop. Out of all the things she was thinking about that trip she couldn’t get the vivid image of the girl that took her there out of her head. She’d only met her a few weeks ago but there was something about her that stuck with her. Was it her attitude? Her strength? Her attempt to kill her? She couldn’t decide on what it was about that girl but there was something deeper about her to Sayaka. Maybe she was just sympathizing with her enemy. An enemy with a harsh past that seems to still be affecting her, a past that she seemed to be running from even years after it had happened. Sayaka sunk deeper into her bed. Why did she have to feel this way for someone she should hate? She told me to hurt Kyosuke but did she even like him all that much? She couldn’t think about the last time she thought of Kyosuke and her heart skip a beat or she felt her face get hot. I’ll sleep on it. Was all she could think about at this point to try and pry her mind off of the image of her.
Her alarm buzzed and she instantly turned it off. She’d been laying awake for about 30 minutes before it went off. Sleeping unfortunately didn’t help get her mind off of the girl. It might have made it worse as that’s all she dreamed about last night. But she couldn’t get caught up in that right now as she had school to worry about now.
Never in her life had she been more excited to get to school than she was today. It’d have to help get her mind off her. As she walked down the familiar path she heard the call of her friends. “Sayaka!” She looked up to be greeted by the familiar pink hair of Madoka flanked by Homura and Mami. “Hey.” She waved to the group. Clearly she hadn’t hid her inner turmoil well enough as Madoka asked “Are you ok?” This caught Sayaka off guard as Madoka was never one to pry but if she didn’t pry then Mami probably would’ve. “Just slept funny is all. Feeling a little off is nothing to me!” Sayaka tried to play it off and just ended up feeling like she was lying which she was doing but still. “Oh… I was just worried because you haven’t been to school in a while.” Madoka looked up at her slightly taller friend.
OH! That’s what she was worried about… “Ah yeah that… It was just a lot to learn in one night y’know? I needed to take a little break is all.” She tried to come off like it didn’t affect her all that much but that was an interesting night of learning about how magical girls work. Admittedly all of them seemed shaken by that discovery, well except Homura but nothing seemed to surprise her. As they walked to their school Sayaka saw a familiar boy on the other side of the path. “Oh… He’s out already?” Sayaka looked at what she thought of as a love interest and found herself questioning what she thought of it. Did she really love Kyosuke? She’d known him for years and all but she’d know Madoka and Hitomi for almost as long and she didn’t feel weird around them. So why did this feel so different now? The only thing that had changed was that she was a magical girl now and that was all. Right? “Yeah, Hitomi was talking about it before she ran ahead.” Madoka chimed in.
“That’s… Great.” Sayaka could feel the sadness that radiated from that statement. Her feelings had been all messed up since she met that Kyoko girl. Sayaka had ruminated on that thought for a little too long before she heard a harsh but familiar voice cut through her mind. I think if he causes you this much turmoil you should ignore him, Sayaka Miki. There was Homura with her natural harshness that she could never seem to turn off. I can’t promise that I can do that, okay? There’s just a lot going on in my head right now. Homura looked back at Sayaka who’d been trailing behind her friends for a while now. Do you wish to talk about these thoughts? Sayaka met Homura’s eyes and noticed genuine concern for her in them which she’d never thought she’d see. Can it wait? I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about it yet. Homura didn’t send anything back, instead she simply went back to looking forwards towards the ever approaching school building.
The day had been nothing but a sluggish bore and now it was time for Sayaka’s weakest subject, math. Not only was it impossible for her to focus in the class normally but now she also had to compete with the thoughts of both Kyosuke and Kyoko infesting her mind. And with all that mental bandwidth she found herself doodling in her paper. It was nothing special, that one s that’s everywhere, a few crude stick figures, random song lyrics that were able to peirce the other thoughts, musical notes, apples and the like but as she continued to do this mindless task instead of her work she looked up while doodling to the board to see who and what she was ignoring. As her hand moved without her eyes to correct it she found herself making shapes and lifting up her pencil to make more shapes. By the time she’d looked back down at her paper she’d realized that she’d made a crude effigy of Kyoko’s face in the margins of her paper. Immediately she felt her face flush with embarrassment, how did she even manage this? As she sat there silently but outwardly panicking she felt an eraser touch her bicep. “Sayaka? Are you okay?” Madoka was almost unintelligible but she could hear her. Sayaka quickly scribbled over the crude drawing of the girl and leaned over to respond. “Yeah, just realized I’m behind is all.” She tried not to say it too loud but her voice betrayed her. “Think you're gonna need notes after this class?” Sayaka responded to Madoka’s question with a nod and went back to scribbling over the drawing that she’d made.
“Uggggh that class was never ending.” Sayaka slumped back in her chair. It was the break just before lunch and she’d felt every second of that math class go by. “It wasn’t that bad, you just never get enough sleep Sayaka.” Sayaka pouted at her friend's statement, she wasn’t wrong but she wasn’t entirely right about it either. Madoka and Hitomi chuckled at Sayaka’s expression before they were interrupted by Homura. “Madoka Kaname.” Madoka looked up at Homura. “Homura! You need to take your meds right?” Homura nodded and Madoka turned back to her friends. “We’ll be right back you two!” Sayaka watched as Madoka and Homura made their way out of the classroom and around the halls. As she looked at them depart she noticed Kyosuke talking with some of his guy friends. She must’ve looked for too long because Hitomi spoke up. “Sayaka? Can I talk with you after school?” This caught her off guard. Why would Hitomi want to talk with me after school? “Uh, sure! It’s been a while since we've hung out together. Where are you thinking of going?”
The girls sat down at an empty table. Sayaka still wondered what Hitomi wanted to ask her. She’d thought it was about Kyosuke but what about him? She’d only ever told her about his recovery and not much else. Did she know him personally? They were more well off than her so did they know each other through that? As the thought rushed through Sayaka’s head Hitomi spoke up. “You’re interested in Kyosuke Kamijo, yes?” Sayaka ruminated on that question. Just a few weeks ago she’d have said yes but now? She couldn’t decide if she even liked him much less see him as a romantic partner. “I mean… I guess?” Was she even being truthful with that statement? She mustered up the courage to look Hitomi in the eyes. She looked so stern like this was a life or death situation. “Then I’d like to tell you that I plan to confess my feelings to him.” Sayaka was about to respond when Hitomi added “I’m giving you 3 days to tell Kyosuke your true feelings.” And with that she picked up her empty tray and left Sayaka at the table alone.
Sayaka pecked at her food. Even though she hadn’t eaten all that much today the food tasted like crap. DON’T WASTE FOOD LIKE THAT! Kyoko’s words rang throughout her head. Great… Back to her now? But she decided to listen to the girl's voice in her head, after all not everyone could afford to eat everyday like she could. As she finished her middle of the road meal she heard her phone buzz from her bag and grabbed it as it might help get her mind off things.
‘Hey! Mami wanted to discuss a Witch Hunt tonight. Meet us at her place?’
Sayaka looked at the message for a while before responding. ‘Yeah I’ll be there.’ was all she could think to send back before disposing of the scraps of her food and leaving for Mami’s.
They decided that it’d be more efficient if they all looked for Witches across Mitakihara instead of as one unit. Sayaka took the seedier part of the city in some vain hope that a stereotypical drunk business man would help get her mind off of Kyoko… or something like that. The only other thing she had to take her mind off of her was looking at the soft blue glow of her Soul Gem to see if it was detecting a Witch. Its glow hadn’t changed in the roughly three years she’d timed had passed on her hunt. It’d been two weeks she had to stop thinking about her soon right? Almost all of thoughts had been of Kyoko and she’d been okay at containing it when with her friends but when she was alone with her own thoughts of her? What if I was alone with her? What if I could tell her about my thoughts on her? What if I could tell them? What if I can’t tell them? What if they judge me for my feelings for her? Can I accept these feelings myself? She doesn’t even like me… How could she? I’ll be alone after Hitomi asks Kyosuke out… Because I can’t face my true feelings about some stupid assho-
Sayaka was snapped out of her spiral by the sound of echoing footsteps and instinctively she dived into an alleyway to hide from the approaching person. What she didn’t expect was to see the girl she’d been thinking about walk by grumbling about something. Sayaka couldn’t tell what she was grumbling about as her mouth was full of chips but she could tell she wasn’t happy. As Kyoko passed without knowing that she was being watched from behind, Sayaka looked at the back of her. She felt her body lock up, her heart skip a beat, her face get hot all at once. She wanted to get her attention but both physically and mentally couldn’t. As Kyoko got further and further away she felt more powerless seeing the person that was on her mind constantly drift away from her. She wanted to tell her so much but she just couldn’t. Not here and not now.
Sayaka told her friends she wanted to talk about something when they got to Mami’s that day and now the time has arrived. “So… Have any of you… felt weird around someone?” She tried to look up at her friends but couldn’t meet their gazes. Before any of them could respond she continued “Because for like… a few… weeks I’ve been thinking about someone.” She wrung her hands together. This was so much for her and so far she couldn’t tell what her friends were thinking she was talking about. “Are you talking about Kyosuke?” Madoka finally gave her a bit of insight on what at least her and Homura were thinking about. “Kinda? I mean… he’s sorta related to this thing…” Sayaka sunk deeper into herself. “It’s just ever since I met that Kyoko girl… Something's been off.” She finally managed to look at her friends and only found them silently staring at her. “If she’s making you mad I can go talk to her.” Mami offered.
“NO NO, uh, I mean… ugh…” Sayaka slumped back onto Mami’s couch. “It’s just more complicated than her making me mad…” Sayaka felt her face get hot with embarrassment or sadness she couldn’t tell. “I… I just…” She let out a pained groan. “I feel like I should be mad at her but…” She made vague gestures with her hands. “But I just can’t…” Sayaka brought her arms over her eyes. “I’ve never thought of someone this way and it’s all so confusing…” She felt someone pull her up by her hands. “It’s okay to feel confused about things Sayaka.” Madoka’s smile warmed Sayaka a little. “We’ll be here for you no matter what, okay?” Madoka really was the ray of hope that everybody needed in life. Sayaka’s mouth went dry. Her friends would be here for her. Now she understood what those tears were. “I… I-I… T-t-think…” It was all coming out. Everything she’d held in for weeks. “I hav-v-ve a crush…” She felt herself break at that statement. The tears started to pour and the shaking got even worse. “On Kyoko Sakura…” She truly couldn’t hold it in any more. She’d collapsed in on herself like a dying star.
Before she could form a black hole she felt Madoka bring her in for a hug. It didn’t do much but it helped to ground her. She couldn’t tell what the others were doing. Mostly because of the tears but also because her eyes were closed for prolonged periods of time only opening to blink tears out of her eyes. It was sudden but she felt someone lift her right hand and start caressing her knuckles. “It’s okay Sayaka. Like Madoka said, we'll be here for you.” Mami’s voice was cool and level like always but Sayaka took more heart in her words this time. “Here. You’ll want these.” Homura offered her a box of tissues. Sayaka freed her hand from Madoka and clumsily grabbed the box.
It took a bit but after what felt like hours to Sayaka she was finally calming down. “So… you’re all fine with me…” Still she couldn’t bring herself to fully say what she wanted to. Asking her out? She took a moment to blow her nose and whip her eyes. “How do you think you’ll ask her?” Madoka asked, still clinging to her friend.
“Oh, uhh, I was actually gonna ask Homura if she could tell her…” Sayaka felt more embarrassment over that statement. “Not in the like ‘I have a crush on you’ sorta way but like just where I’d like to ask… her… out.” She’d finally said it. It didn’t quite lift all the weight that was on her off of her but it was a step towards lightning the load. “And where would you meet her?” Homura’s deadpan response was always something Sayaka could rely on with her. “I was thinking of the park near the shopping district in like three days? Could you do that for me?” Sayaka looked over at her friend and although she looked rather horrible, she tried her best to look convincing in a normal way and not in a wet dog way. “I can do that for you Sayaka Miki.” With that Homura stood up and in a sparkle of purple she was not only gone but the windows in the room were open.
“Well, I think you need a break from Witch hunting for the next three days to formulate a good confession to Kyoko.” Mami passed Sayaka some more tea. “She’s rather hard to convince once she has her mind set on something.” Sayaka took a small sip of tea. Matcha, her favorite. “Thanks and I’ll use that time to think up something not too cheesy to confess to her with.” The girls all let out a small chuckle at that statement which was cut short for Sayaka before her phone buzzed. It was a text from Homura.
‘Kyoko Sakura has agreed to your meeting spot.’
Sayaka quickly texted back ‘Thanks so much Homura! I’ll make sure Madoka makes something for you!’ She put her phone back down on the table and the countdown to the day began.