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“GO HOME.”
“Rafe, Jesus- just turn around and talk to me!”
“For what?!” He stopped in his tracks, back still facing you as he threw his arms up in the air. “So you can do the same shit you always do?”
You scoffed in disbelief, crossing your arms over your chest with your tongue prodding the inside of your cheek.
“And what is it that I ‘always do’, Rafe?” You said, challenging him. “Defend my friends? When you torment them and fuck up their lives? Or beat them up with Topper while they’re trying to deliver fucking groceries?”
“You’re still on that-”
“Pope was bleeding, you asshole!” You shouted. “So, yeah, I am still on that-”
“Yet, you still ran back to me! Right?” He turned to you with a dark expression, taking swift steps to close the space between you both. His voice dropped to a low, condescending tone. “So- so, what does that say about you? I cave your friends face in and you stay with me. You’re no saint.”
He was towering over you now, veins popping in his forehead and hands clutched fiercely at his sides. Your faux hard exterior faltering in the slightest at the sight of the menacing look in his eyes. The truth was, sometimes Rafe terrified you. But you’d never allow him to know that. Never allow him to have another thing to hold over your head.
“I made you. You hear me? Without me, you’re nothing but another pathetic pogue trying to fit in where she doesn’t belong.” He growled, eyes never leaving your face.
“And you’re nothing but a delusional fuck who thrives off of daddy’s money and torments teenagers. I’m pathetic? Yet you blow all your money on coke and can’t pay it back. Grow the fuck up, Rafe.” You told him off, pretending that you weren’t scared. Lifting your chin and narrowing your eyes, trying to match his own annoyance.
The animosity between you and your boyfriend was nothing new. Neither was the true nature of your relationship, which was not one hidden behind closed doors. Why would it be? Rafe Cameron, Kook King, and Y/N Y/L/N, Pogue Princess. He couldn’t lose anything and you had nothing to lose.
Toxic. Unhealthy. Abusive. Draining. All things your friends told you your relationship was on the daily. Any time they got the chance really. After a while, you stopped defending your relationship. Because it was true. Rafe Cameron did not love you and you did not love him.
Bitch. Not Worth The Trouble. Charity Case. Lost Cause. All insults and names that had been thrown at you by Rafe’s friends and groupies, and even himself at certain times, throughout the duration of your 6-Month relationship, if you could even call it that anymore. And the best part? All he ever did was laugh along.
He scoffed and ran his hands down his face, getting angrier by the minute.
“Y'know what? Fuck you. Go back to your side of the island and slum it up over there.” He spat, swiftly turning back around to walk to his room. This spat was occuring on the second floor of The Cameron Residence. Lucky for you both, no one was home. Not this time anyway.
You couldn’t contain your sarcastic laughter. “That’s how you’re gonna be? Fuck me? My side of the island?” You gritted out, marching after him.
“You heard me. We both know you’d have a lot more fun fucking on your blondie over there.”
“Oh, here you go. When will you drop this whole, me fucking JJ behind your back, narrative?” You muttered. When Rafe reached his room, he attempted to shut the door in your face but you weren’t having any of that, slamming it right back open.
“Don’t slam my fucking door.”
“Screw your door.” IYou hissed, standing in the doorway as he sat on his bed, head in his hands and elbows on his knees. “You keep accusing me of sleeping with my friends when you’re the one who actually slept with some girl you didn’t know not even a month ago-”
“I said I was sorry!” He screamed, standing up from his position and throwing his hands in the air.
“I don’t care!” You yelled, your ears hot and heart racing. “Your apologies don’t hold much weight when they don’t mean anything, Rafe.”
“Then what do you want from me?”
You sighed and let your head fall. “You know what? Nothing.” You said, lowly. Turning around to leave, not forgetting to slam his bedroom door shut on your way out.
As you navigated your way out of the mansion, you could hear the shattering of glass and falling of objects getting fainter with each step.
YOU HAD GONE TO THE CHATEAU AFTER YOUR BLOW OUT WITH RAFE. You were sitting on the porch with Kiara, drinking beers that were unfortunately warm after giving her the rundown of what happened.
“You already know what I’m going to say…”
You grunted. Kiara was never a fan of Rafe, and for good reason, but just because you were together did not change her demeanor towards the boy. She, along with the Pogues, would always hold a certain disdain towards him, even his own sister. He put them through hell. So why were you with him?
“Have you ever heard the quote ‘we accept the love we think we deserve’?” The tanned girl inquired, softly.
You scoffed humorlessly. “Are you using The Perks of Being a Wallflower to give me advice, Kie?”
She nodded. “Have you ever thought that maybe you’re only with Rafe because you think that you don’t deserve more? I just think that you’re only putting yourself through this because you don’t think you deserve anything good. But that’s not true.”
“What are you? A therapist?” You tried to joke.
“I’m serious.” She said delicately, setting her beer on the ground. You had a bad habit of deflecting from serious situations and trying to laugh your way out of them. Kie was never one to fall for it.
You groaned, setting your own beer on the ground as Kiara made her way to sit next to you, throwing an arm over your shoulders. “I don’t know. Maybe?“ You quizzed thoughtfully. "I don’t even like being with him. But it’s just like…I feel like I need someone. When he asked me, I wanted to say no. I was going to say no. But…”
You recall the night you and Rafe got together. It was a kegger. You had been harboring a crush on a certain tall blonde since kindergarten but it was made clear that you’d never be more than best friends. Rafe had approached you, drunk at the keg, telling you everything you longed to hear from someone else. Someone who wasn’t him. You were going to say no when he popped the question, simply walk away. Rafe didn’t like Pogues, especially the ones in your circle.
This had to be a joke.
You were about to say no, until you saw JJ pressing some touron up against a tree, kissing her neck as she giggled and ran her hands through his hair.
And at that moment you decided to throw all caution to the wind, jealousy bubbling at the base of your throat as a slight glare made its way to your face. That was when you unknowingly made the worst decision of your life.
You shook your head, shaking the memory from the forefront of your mind. “It doesn’t matter.” You sighed. “What matters now is the fact that I’m trapped and I have no idea what to do about it.”
IT’D BEEN A WEEK SINCE YOU AND RAFE’S LAST ARGUMENT AND HERE YOU WERE IN THE MIDST OF ANOTHER. But this one had evolved, for whatever reason.
So, here you stood, in the parking lot of some Kook party he’d drug you out to. He was drunk, high off his ass and didn’t care that Topper and Kelce had followed you both out of the mansion, staring at you from several feet away the moment he’d dragged you out after you told him he should slow down.
“You’re so fucking stupid and one day you’re going to kill yourself!” You bellowed as he stood not even ruler’s distance in front of you, your foreheads almost touching.
“What I do is none of your damn business!”
“You drug me out here! Okay? You could’ve gotten high or drunk or whatever as much as you wanted had you left me alone! But no, you had to drag me out here to… what, exactly? Show off your trophy?”
“Trust me, you’re no prize…” He scoffed fiercely, speaking again before you had the chance to retaliate against his insult. "Why can’t I want to go out with my girlfriend?”
“Well, it seems like you’ve got ten of those.” You snapped, alluding to the multiple women he’s cheated on you with. “Why not call the one you were with a couple weeks ago? Or the one you screwed in your truck? Or, better yet-”
You were abruptly cut off when a harsh, hard and stinging slap was left on your cheek. Your head whipping to side, hair covering your vision as your hand cradled your burning cheek. An overwhelming amount of rage flooded through you as you whipped your head back to face Rafe and pushed him away from you as hard you could, paying no mind to the pain radiating from your cheek.
Topper and Kelce stood back like the sitting ducks they were.
“Stay the hell away from me. We’re done. And I mean it this time.”
He chuckled, looking up as he ran a hand down his face. You didn’t bother to stay much longer, turning and beginning to walk away.
“No one will ever love you like I did!” He shouted behind you, You didn’t bother to turn around, simply slowing in your tracks as you recalled what Kiara had reminded you of previously…
“… I just think that you are only putting yourself through this because you don’t think you deserve anything good. But that’s not true.”
So, without another glance in his direction, you left.
IT’D BEEN ABOUT HALF AN HOUR SINCE YOU LEFT THE PARKING LOT. You’d resorted to walking since Rafe was your ride and your phone had died. You didn’t want to be alone and knowing your mother would be working late assured you that would be the case if you went home. So, you went to the next option.
Entering The Chateau, the lights were off and you could tell John B was sleep due to his loud snoring. The only light was coming from under the bathroom door, you assumed it was JJ, knowing he sometimes took late showers to clear his head without John B yelling at him not to use up all the hot water.
You smiled at the antic, but it fell when you realized that it may mean he’s stressed and suddenly, coming to vent to him about his enemy didn’t seem to be the best course of action. Right when you’d decided that being home alone was better than possibly disturbing your best friend’s peace, the bathroom door opened, steam curling in the air as JJ came out with a towel around his waist, ruffling his hair to rid it of water.
His eyes immediately caught you, slight surprise falling across his features.
“…I was just leaving-”
“Why? Did you need something?” He asked, concerned as always. One of the things you’d always adored about the blue-eyed blonde standing before you. Always concerned.
“It’s fine, really. Goodnight, J.” You said, motioning to leave.
He called your name, voice stern and slightly demanding, but still laced with worry. You turned back around, meeting his eyes. He motioned his head in the direction of the guest room, a silent invitation. One that you hesistantly accepted.
JJ had gotten dressed quickly and was now sitting next to you on the bed, hair slightly damp and an earthy yet ocean-like scent radiating off of him. “You wanna tell me why you showed up here this late?” he asked, cautiously.
You sighed and played with your hands, a tactic you used to buy yourself time. One he knew all too well as he put his hand over both of your own, a silent command to stop and talk to him.
You took a deep breath and finally made eye contact with him but was interrupted when he brushed a finger down your cheek, leaving a tingling trail on your face in his wake. “What happened?” He whispered, inspecting your cheek. It still stung, but not as much, a lingering pain. “Who hit you?” He asked. You didn’t think Rafe had hit you that hard.
“I broke up with Rafe…” You muttered meekly. “You can see how that played out.”
JJ’s jaw suddenly clenched and his eyebrows furrowed, when he saw that you noticed his expression, it softened. His hand fell from your cheek as he stood from the mattress. “I’ll be right back, okay?” You nodded, although curious.
He returned minutes later with an ice-pack, which was just ice cubes in a ziploc bag that were covered with a damp rag. He used one hand to lift your chin, as the other held the cold bag to your bruising cheek, eliciting a small hiss from you and a ‘sorry’ from the boy in front of you.
It was a silent few minutes before he spoke. “I don’t want to come off as a dick but I can’t say I’m surprised.” He was looking into your eyes now, and he saw as you rolled them, getting annoyed because you knew he was right but also knowing you didn’t come here to be lectured and reprimanded for your mistakes.
He saw the annoyance cloud your expression and quickly recovered. “I’m not blaming you. I would never, And believe me, I’m gonna kick his ass the next he shows his face anywhere.” He shrugged, but there was evident anger underneath.
“J…”
“No. Don’t. This-” He motioned for your injured cheek. “-Isn’t okay. He can’t get away with everything.”
“But he does.” You whispered.
JJ sighed. “Hold this.” He told you as he released the ice pack into your possession while he moved towards the dresser, grabbing a t-shirt from inside. “You want shorts too?” he asked.
“No.” You answered, taking the shirt and handing him the ice-pack to hold. You stood up, not bothering to exit the room to change as JJ had seen you in less than a shirt and bottoms before, you sleeping in the guest room with him becoming a common occurrence. Still, he turned around not wanting to be intrusive.
“I still don’t know why you went out with him in the first place.”
You kept quiet. You could’ve taken this opportunity to tell JJ the truth, that went out with him because you knew you could never be with him. Because you knew JJ would never look at you in the way you would fall to your knees and beg him you to.
Silence fell over the room as you let the large shirt fall over your frame. Folding your own clothes into a pile on the floor in the corner of the room. You was about to tell JJ he could turn back around when you came to a realization.
“Actually, JJ?” You started, not making any move to face him. “I went out with Rafe because I didn’t think I’d ever have a chance with you.” You confessed, blood rushing to your face as your heart rate increased, feeling the organ thump within the confines of your rib cage. You weren’t even sure if you’d said it loud enough that he heard you.
You didn’t know if he’d turned around because you refused to look at him out of fear of rejection or embarrassment, you weren’t sure which one.
“I’ve had the biggest crush on you since I met you but it was like anytime I thought there was something between us, someone or something took all of that hope away. The way I feel about you? I’ve never felt this way about anyone. And you treated me like I was worth something when didn’t believe I was. So, yeah I fucked up. I got involved with someone I knew I could never love because at least then it wouldn’t hurt if everything went wrong. I wouldn’t be surprised or shocked. I took the easy way out.” You said, all in one breath. You made no moves, just continued staring at the wall until you felt a hand ease it’s way up the back of your neck, cold from the ice pack that was previously in his hands.
It sent a chill down your spine, prompting you to close your eyes. “I’m just as bad as you are.” He whispered, the other hand encircling your waist and pulling you against him. “I thought someone like you could never love someone like me. So anytime I felt whatever we had getting too close or intimate, I ruined it. It was shitty and selfish but I thought it was for the best. Because I’d rather have you as a friend than screw up and end up not having you at all. All those girls, they did nothing for me. Just distractions and sometimes even reminders of what I couldn’t have. What I wouldn’t allow myself to have.”
He turned you around to face him, opening your eyes to meet his.
“What does this mean?” You muttered, nervous.
“I’m willing to give this a shot if you are…” he whispered, lips getting closer to yours by the second. When he was centimeters away from your lips he stopped leaning, as if he was waiting to see what you’d do.
Your eyes flickered from his eyes to his lips, until you closed the gap that was separating you both, colliding your lips with his.