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“I…Laurie? How did you… Why?” Andrew finally speaks, his words being air ripped out of his chest. He digs his nails into the wood of the door frame, partly to keep himself still and partly to see is he’s awake.
“Andrew,” Laurie had stood up suddenly and now, feeling unsure, he turns away. “Dave--”
“Just talk to him,” Dave says, standing up and pushing past Andrew through the doorway.
“I’m sorry,” Andrew whispers. Laurie looks at the ground, wondering if it will give out from underneath him.
Andrew steps over to him, softly.
“I’m sorry,” he says again, slowly reaching a hand up to Laurie’s face.
Laurie flinches away.
“Don’t say that, please.”
Andrew lets his hand fall.
“I will say it. Laurie, I’m sorry for what I did and what I asked you. If you were with Ralph, I don’t have a right to be jealous and it was wrong of me to ask you to tell me it wasn’t true. I’m sure Ralph is different with you and I probably pissed him off. I’m sorry and you need to hear that and I understand if you don’t forgive me, I just need you to--”
“Stop it, just stop, Andrew! I came here to tell you—but never mind. I just need to tell you that I’m sorry. I can’t, I mean, I don’t love you anymore. I’m staying with Ralph,” Laurie says, then clenching his jaw shut to stop himself from speaking.
“Oh,” Andrew says involuntarily.
“I’m sorry. Goodbye,” Laurie says brusquely, grabbing his coat and his crutch and reaching the door before Andrew has time to react.
“Don’t! Please, will you just talk to me?”
Laurie makes no pause, fluidly opening the door and reaching to close it behind him. Andrew hurries to the door, pushing the inside knob before Laurie can close it.
“Please, Laurie, you’re confusing me. Why won’t you look at me?”
Laurie lets go of the handle and continues down the steps.
“Look at me, Laurie!”
He doesn’t turn. Andrew feels a million things crushing themselves down his throat. He’s never felt so much than he’s feeling in this moment, which is how he knows.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t enough, I love you,” he says, the words straddled with tears.
Laurie turns around, his face red and his eyes screwed shut. Andrew moves as fast as he can into his arms. Andrew grabs onto Laurie, checking reality again. Laurie lets out a sob and crumples onto Andrew.
“You can’t leave me, Laurie. Seeing you again, I know I can’t live without you,” Andrew says, reaching his hand up to soothe out the line of Laurie’s brow.
“I can’t lie again, I was jealous. I am jealous. I’ll be anything for you, just so it’s not him.”
Laurie pushes his hand off again and backs away. Andrew feels the absence of heat the same as sweat in a cold room.
“That’s not what you want. That’s why. This is why we can’t be together,” Laurie says, his hands coming up to cover his face.
“That’s not what I--”
“Andrew, we’re not the same! We don’t love each other the same way and I can’t be who I should be for you.”
“You’re wrong. You’re wrong, Laurie, you’re exactly who I want you to be. Don’t you think I know who you are? How else could I love you?”
Laurie shakes his head and turns away.
“Goddammit, Laurie, I said I love you and I mean it,” Andrew says, grabbing Laurie’s shoulder. Laurie’s eyes widen. Andrew feels sick, the violent impulse reminding him too well of Ralph.
“I’m sorry… I just couldn’t see you turn away from me again.”
Laurie doesn’t move.
“Laurie. I know… Maybe I can’t have sex with you, okay? I don’t know. But we both know, that’s not what love is. I know you love me, Laurie, I know you don’t want to leave. I know you Laurie, I know I know you better than Ralph does. I know you accept me and I know I love you. That’s enough, isn’t it? Don’t you believe love is enough?”
“I… I don’t know,” Laurie says, casting his eyes down.
“I do know. I know!” Andrew says, starting to cry again. “I know by the way you make me feel!”
Laurie keeps looking down.
“I know because you make me feel a million sunrises, and a million sunsets, and like I have time to think about everything, and read every book that’s ever been written! I know what that is now! That’s love that can’t end, okay? It can’t end because I can’t be without you because when I’m without you I’d never feel anything ever again.”
Laurie mumbles something. Andrew moves into his space again.
“I feel it too,” Laurie says again. And then he leans down to kiss him, the touch of their lips feeling the same as it had the first time, as it always would. Like it already happened a million times and would happen a million times more.