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Robby doesn’t play favourites, so Mel would be the most trusted from day one if he were ever asked.
Truthfully, he’d had high hopes for them all.
He admired Santos integrity, the way she spoke up without time or reputation yet on her side. He liked Javadi, it was powerful to overcome your own mind. She hadn’t let her first little spill rule a single second more of her day, she dove right back in with will and confidence he sometimes wished he could muster.
Whitaker was his favourite, not by working standards.
At first, he had seen the younger man’s passion. To watch the fire ignite in him, somehow growing stronger and bigger than his body as he fought to save a patient, not giving up, no matter how little the chances.
That was a good doctor. That was a doctor with the right intentions of the job, who would care for every patient, every nurse supporting him. Who didn’t dispose of people in the way humanity had started to gravitate towards. He saw hope in the future of medicine, even while its leaders and politicians bid only for themselves and their pockets.
Then, he just started liking Whitaker for… Whitaker. He had shown Robby so much grace and kindness that first day. He’d bled his heart, for his patients, for Robby. People he didn’t even know. He never lost trust in Robby. Didn’t pester like others, or gossip, or ever let himself shut down.
Maybe Robby had clung to him too much like a lifeline, but he was drowning. And the only thing not changing that day, had been Whitaker.
As the weeks went by, Dennis came out of his shell, and Robby liked every layer that bloomed into focus.
Whitaker had jokes.
He had a tendency to dramatically sing when updating non-trauma patient files. He’d include the patients, or their children to help ease the tension in the room. Sometimes, he’d even manage to get Mel on a roll, and Robby would catch them doing a simple blood pressure check, left and right of a patient, who had looked worried sick five minutes ago, now giggling at two doctors trying to boogie and sing in sync, badly.
He may send Jack a photo or two to wake up to on occasion. Not even night shift is that wild.
For every joyous side of Whitaker, he had serious manner, too. When he locked into a patient, not a single possibility fell through the cracks. He was thorough, and found the sweet spot balance between someone like Langdon, who raced through patients, and someone like Mohan, who spent time befriending them.
Whitaker took his time to think, but always while his hands were moving. His ability to hand over patients on shift change had improved dramatically since his first day. He grew more confident leading nurses, talking patients family members through their treatment, and handling disgruntled complaints.
He jumped in on public emergencies, when something unpredictable happened while the team had drinks or dinner after a shift. Being on the street crew had really developed another side of him that made him stand taller and hold his chest to its full size.
Robby wasn’t allowed to play favourites. Not like this. But god was Mel making it hard on him.
Whitaker would appreciate the hell out of it, and that what made it so much worse.
If Dennis was standing here, watching her climb up on the stretcher beside him. Comforting him. Holding him. Talking his ear off while he lay unconscious still from a seizure they diagnosed, and whatever trigger they hadn’t identified yet.
Whitaker would go pink and grin until his cheeks hurt. Grateful for her compassion. He soaked up human connection like a sponge.
Robby just wanted her to stop.
Why is someone else touching him- it’s driving Robby insane, and he’s already hanging on by a thread looking at Dennis unconscious.
He wanted to kick her out. Wanted to kick all of them out so he could worry over Whitaker himself. Wanted this moment all to himself, but he was backed in a corner.
Robby was searching. He was reaching out to Jack with all the pull he had in his heart. He couldn’t reach with hands, but they were connected. Through some unexplainable force, Jack and Robby had always been one when it came down to it.
The knots in Robby’s stomach twisted tighter when nothing reached back. Jack was focused on the computer in the back corner of the room with Dana- which was where Robby wanted to him to be, but fuck couldn’t he be in two places at once?
“He’s diagnosed. It’s in his chart,” Jack’s voice broke through Mel’s in Robby’s ears,
“Only in the past couple years, though…” Dana murmured, “he was twenty-two in his first records. His history before that could be anything depending on whether or not he ever had a previous seizure, or his parents knew that was what it was, or they sought medical care for him,”
“He may even still be finding the right balance with medications… it can take a long time for some patients. It’s a complex condition to navigate…” Jack looked at him.
Robby felt it on the back of his shoulder, but didn’t turn around.
“I’ve never seen him take anything,” Santos shook her head. It was more lost than denial. She was wondering how the hell she didn’t know.
So was Robby.
“You think he’s not submitting his script at the pharmacy?” Dana wondered,
“Does he even have a script on record? He was-“ Santos cut herself off abruptly.
For a brief moment, Robby relaxed, standing taller. Paying clear attention to the room, rather than staring at Dennis through a fog.
It was short lived, when he realised she hadn’t stopped speaking because Whitaker had suddenly woken. He still lay unmoving, blue eyes closed. Hair flat to his forehead. The bags beneath his eyes seemed heavier, more prominent than usual.
If he hadn’t woken, she had something to spill.
Santos was smart. He knew she was. She knew almost everything and everyone. He could only imagine the things she’d figured out about Whitaker since they’d become roommates.
He’d heard it in the halls some months back, not long after they’d started rotation. He watched them leave together most shifts, longingly wishing for any more free second with Dennis. Work took too much of their time.
“He was what?”
Robby was careful not to snap. He was well outnumbered, and the last thing they needed was upsetting anyone, but his question was no-nonsense, nonnegotiable.
“Whitaker comes first- not his pride. Whatever you know, you need to tell us now,”
“Sometimes being a friend is giving the push to help instead of letting their pride get the best of them,” Dana soothed,
Santos sighed.
It was killing her, Robby could see it. Her jaw tensed and she bit her cheek. But she knew as well as they did that she had to talk.
“Day one, I saw him sneaking through emergency after our shift. He’s not subtle, and I’m nosy, so, I followed him. In through the abandoned stairwell and into the resigned wing of the hospital…”
“How’d he even know those corridors were there?” Dana looked up to Robby and Jack,
“He’d done a different rotation at the hospital the month before…” Santos continued, “When I finally tracked him around a few wrong turns, he was washing off in a sink, getting ready for bed... That’s why we became roommates,”
God, were Langdon’s fingers threading down through Dennis’s hair driving Robby insane. His last straw was growing thinner by the millisecond.
“Whitaker isn’t just student debt kind of broke, he’s… broke. Like, homeless, broke. I highly doubt he has a regular gp writing him scripts,” Santos looked to her lap, guilty like she’d broken his word,
“We can write him scripts,” Jack insisted the obvious,
“Whitaker doesn’t assume kindness is free like that… when I offered him my spare room, he didn’t understand I was asking him. He thought I was just telling him about the place I was living in. He was actually happy for me. Even having nothing of his own,”
“That’s really sad,” Mel’s arms snaked around Whitaker, squeezing him,
“You’re telling me he was actually homeless day one he stepped into my ER,” Jack crossed his arms, staring Santos down,
“Who knows how long for. He’s never told me… He had to have been sleeping up there at least a month, I think. He has a single backpack. No car. No winter clothes, just a couple t-shirts and bottoms,”
“Oh, kid,” Dana’s heart squeezed.
Robby’s heart squeezed.
Jack’s heart squeezed. Robby could feel it now. He was vulnerable now.
“The fucking sandwiches,” Robby ran his hands up his face.
That first day came flooding back to him in an entirely different light to how he’d remembered it- all about himself and his own selfish feelings.
Whitaker had been eating a sandwich in the break room. And at the computers in the ED not so long after. And Perlah had seen him pocket one from the trolley alongside a patients… God, they were probably the closest things he’d had to an actual meal, in…
He had almost inhaled the protein bar McKay tossed him.
“Is he eating?”
“We eat like doctors,” Santos nod, “Before and after work, and whatever comes between if that’s a possibility that day,”
“And he’s stayed with you the entire time since?” Jack checked,
“Of course. I couldn’t live with myself any other way,”
“If I had known, he could’ve stayed with my sister and I…” Mel squeezed him tighter,
“I could’ve worked something out. Had I been…” Langdon was discovering more consequences of his actions that day,
“How’d he get away with not ever getting caught up there?” Dana wondered,
“I don’t know,” Robby shook his head, “but thank god. Because who knows what would’ve happened to him if security had got him before we did… he never would’ve started here. He could be…”
Robby was crushed by the possibilities. The only chance he had of not bursting out crying was to shut up, biting down on his tongue, his lip, anything to keep a scrap of control.
Jack’s hand settled on his shoulder, and Robby wasn’t sure if it comforted him, or pushed him closer to the brink. His bottom lashes were wet and heavy.
A seizure was one thing. Learning someone under his guidance was homeless was another. Learning it was Whitaker, who had steadily been stealing his heart, was… agonising.
Jack typically kept his distance at work, but one hand, turned into two, his cheek accompanying the touch as he pressed into Robby’s side just slightly. The cool of his wedding band creeping under the collar of Robby’s scrubs against scorching skin, giving him something to focus on.
It may very well be the only thing keeping Robby together now.
“He is ours now, though,” Mel was defiant, “so we have to care for him, whether he wants it or not. Family sticks together. Nobody gets left behind,”
“Agreed,” Santos nod,
“Agreed,” Dana squeezed her shoulder,
“I have some nice sweaters you could sneak in his drawers before it gets any colder,” Langdon glanced to Santos, “what he doesn’t know, won’t hurt him,”
Santos nod, “thank you. That’s kind,”
“They better be the expensive kind,” Mohan grinned, teasing,
“He will look very handsome,” Mel nod, “something new is good,”
“I’ll make sure we keep the snacks full in the break room,” Dana squeezed Santos shoulder again.
Robby was making a mental list of a hundred and one things they needed to do for Whitaker. So was Jack. He knew his husband. Jack could make anything out of nothing. They had sweaters, and blankets somewhere, and hell, they could probably tune up a really cheap second hand car for Whitaker if they tried. Jack could.
Their hobbies for the next month would revolve solely around anything that made Dennis’s life easier. He trusted Santos care for anyone else, but for Dennis, anything less than he and Jack was… inadequate.
Robby had been fighting that truth for a while. When Jack brought up the possibility of approaching Whitaker with the truth of their feeling, Robby had always cowered out. His fingertips itched to reach for Whitaker, but Robby thought about their age, or their careers, or the fact that Whitaker may want things he and Jack were long past wanting.
He didn’t want to take any chances away from Whitaker. That wasn’t love. It wasn’t the love Jack had loved Robby with. Robby wanted the touches, and looks and kisses, but not at the cost. Not if it made Dennis’s life harder, or isolated him from experiences his friends were having. Not if Dennis started abandoning his life wants because Robby and Jack had already chosen against them long before.
Now, his decision didn’t seem so black and white. It didn’t feel like the good one.
Until then, the twinkling, sparking interest towards Whitaker that he shard with Jack was just going to have to be enough. To care from afar. To wonder with Jack, to tease like far younger men about each others crushes, fumbling through careful, giddy sex with each other while they poked at ideas they knew the other would love to experience with the younger man between them.
Robby checked his watch, marking the time since Whitaker’s seizure. He was happy with Dennis’s progress. Glad they weren’t pumping him full of more meds.
He had his excuse now to earn them some privacy.
“Shifts over. You should go home,”
“I’m staying until he’s okay,” Mel refused,
“He’s okay, he’s just unconscious,” Jack soothed.
His husband stood taller, not quite squaring his shoulders, but Jack knew as well as Robby did, that he was about to be in the middle of something none of them wanted if they kept bickering. Jack was a great peacekeeper, but this really wasn’t the time.
Robby had a short fuse after the long shift and near heart attack, and it was about to be everyone’s problem. He was fighting to keep his voice steady.
“He needs space to recover, and we don’t have that if you’re all too tired to work tomorrow… please. Go home. Sleep. Come in tomorrow ready to help cover whatever he needs to get through the next few days. We’re already understaffed, and I don’t want him feeling guilty about this,”
“He’s right,” Santos looked to Mel, “he’ll blame himself if we all start dropping like flies,”
“Yes, he will,” Robby agreed, “he’ll also blame himself if he finds out you didn’t spend enough time with your sister today…” he looked at Mel, “and you with the kids…” he looked to Langdon.
Robby didn’t advocate for guilt tripping typically. That was something he did in low, low moments, but god they needed to start packing their shit and leaving sixty seconds ago.
“He’ll want you to rest, Santos… you killed it today,” Jack backed him up,
“You did,” Mohan agreed, “And that doesn’t count how quickly you helped him. Getting him out of the elevator by yourself when it was safe… it’s hard when it’s someone you care about. But you stayed focused and you got through it. You deserve to go home and process that,”
“Please, go home,” Robby insisted, “you should all process how this feels. Scream. Cry. Hell, hide. Have a drink together in the park before you go... it’s a lot different when the patient is one of our own. It’s okay if this hits hard,”
“You’ll stay with him?” Langdon pushed,
“Yes. Jack is here all night, and I won’t leave. I’ll let you know where we’re at if anything changes, but right now, he’ll wake up good as new, with a care plan, and he’ll be back at work in no time.”
Mel predictably looked back at Langdon for guidance, who stared at Robby in a way that grated him so close to the fucking edge. Santos squeezed Whitaker’s hand, but shifted alongside Dana, Mohan being the first to start the departure.
“Rest up before morning,” Mohan squeezed Robby’s arm with one of her signature soft smiles, startling him, “don’t you dare run yourself into the ground either,”
“Thank you, Dr. Mohan,” Jack nod, “I’ll be sure to keep a very close eye on him. You’ll have him fresh and new first thing tomorrow morning.”
She was a favourite of Jack’s, Robby knew. They shared similar interests in studies and trials. Jack was more open with his favouritism than Robby. Nothing that affected the work, but night shift was a level of crazy that sometimes needed the peace of Dr. Mohan. Also needing the command of Dr. Abbot.
Langdon retreated. As he stepped around the gurney, Mel untangled herself from their patient, standing and saying final goodbyes to Whitaker with Santos and Javadi, before reluctantly making her way towards the door.
Dana lingered with knowing eyes. She didn’t leave until everyone else had, arms wrapped around each other. She knew Robby’s sanity needed her to be the closing anchor. She winked at them as she left, drawing the curtain again for privacy and shutting the big door behind her, silencing the rest of the ED.
Robby sighed, “I fucking hated that,”
“I know, Baby… What are we gonna do about our boy, huh?”
“I can’t believe he was right under my nose the whole time. That day-“
“You can’t get stuck in that past,” Jack warned, thumb rubbing hard circles in the small of Robby’s back,
“He was so fucking nice to me that day. And his life was a never ending shit show-“
“Hey! Dennis. Here. Now… This is our priority,”
Robby nod, “right…”
“We gotta sort out the situation with his meds and get them into him daily…”
“I’ll go buy them at the pharmacy when Dana gets the details,”
“I’ll ask around. Do some digging upstairs, see if anyone has attended to him before, and if not, we pick him a neurologist to settle in with…”
Robby nodded, “Good. Good…” he took a laboured breath,
“Hey,” Jack grabbed his chin to turn him, “we’re in control now. We’re good. We’ve got him. And we’re figuring it out.”
Jack pressed a kiss to his mouth. The kind that lingered. The kind that made every other thing in Robby’s mind turn to mush. Not for lust, for shared responsibility. Jack was the only person capable of taking half the weight off Robby’s shoulders. He was the only thing in the world that had the ability to make Robby feel light.
“I love you,” Jack scratched down Robby’s jaw, “And your big brain is going to figure this all out,”
“My big brain missed a lot of big red flags,”
“I missed things too… he was our perfect little ball of sunshine. How were we supposed to see through the one man shows at after shift drinks, and Cookie Monster in the break room stealing snacks, and happily telling our street patients about being the youngest sibling and the farm…”
Robby remembered the nights. When he got Whitaker in the open. When Jack was off, and they’d grin at each other over beer bottles at Whitaker’s antics. The way he could ramble if you let him.
The way the student grinned at Jack’s stories that would be inconceivable to him. The way he praised the ground Jack walked on. Dana walked on. Robby walked on.
“Fuck, we have degrees-“
“We also have hearts… love is blind. I know. I watched you run yourself into the ground too many times looking at you, thinking you were Superman, before I learnt to see the crash coming, and when I needed to take some weight off for you,”
“You were right… life is too short,” Robby scratched at his face again, “who the fuck cares about conventional- we could’ve lost him today-“
“But we didn’t-“
“But we could have…”
“You’re right… and it was fucking scary, and I don’t want to do that again,”
“I’m sorry. I feel like this all starts and ends with me,”
“Eyes forward… it’s just you, me and him now… so what are we going to do with it?”
“We’re going to love him the way he deserves,”
“Yes, we are.”
Jack kissed him again. And again. And again. And weight started to fall off his shoulders like ice melting.
He held Jack like a good husband, arms wrapped around his waist, finally appreciating everything he was, and everything he did, and every ounce of support he carried for both of them.
Robby wasn’t sure how he won such a lottery. A husband with confidence, and brains, and flare, and good looks, and kindness for hundreds for days, even if he was cranky sometimes when the sun was too bright… Jack had all his favourite quirks.
“I love you,”
“I love you, too… back in the game now.”
Jack gave him a smack to the chest, a break in the tension to bring them back into the working world, though Robby swore his husband did feel him up just a little bit in that slap.
“Can you start scouting neurologists between…” Robby gestured,
Dana stepped back into the room, passing a piece of paper towards them, “Already got names on the lips of every doctor, nurse and surgeon walking through this ED. This was the single script he had on record. It’s the generic starter option anyone is recommended after diagnosis… give it a try, see where you go from there,”
“Thank you, Dana,” Robby found a smile for her, “go home and rest up. I’ll see you in the morning again,”
“Take care of him,” Dana pointed a companding finger at the pair of them,
“You know we will.”
-
Caring for the entire ED felt far less daunting to Jack than looking at Whitaker on a stretcher.
He was looking at him, well as possible, and in his and Robby’s safe hands, but the terror hadn’t ceased from the glimpse of limp limbs and locked jaw. It was cruelly teasing at his PTSD.
It was not how he imagined seeing Whitaker sleeping for the first time. He thought the first time his hands would be brushing over his waist and cheeks it’d be at home. His and Robby’s home. Enthusiastic and joyful.
Jack could hear Robby and Whitaker laugh. That was how it was supposed to be.
He wasn’t quite game to change Whitaker out of his scrubs and into a gown. It felt dirty. Invasive. That wasn’t supposed to be the first time he and Robby got to see the hidden curves of his body they’d longed for over the past few months. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
He should’ve gotten Santos and Mel to change him before leaving. He’d be more comfortable in a gown. He wondered if Javadi and her Mum were still around to do the job. Maybe Ellis could help.
Jack stared at Whitaker while Robby paced. He loved his husband, but god he was setting him on edge. Robby had been to the pharmacy, and presumably helped himself to the medication Whitaker needed, paid, and hightailed it back to emergency in under five minutes.
So much for Jack’s sanity.
“Sit,” Jack stood off the gurney,
“I can’t-“
“Sit! …I have an ED to run, and I need to know you’re not losing your mind. I need you to watch him every second I can’t… Sit with our boy. Please. Take a breath. Relax. You need to rest, Honey,”
“I could do a whole double shift,” Robby countered,
“Sit the fuck down and don’t lie to me again…” Jack gave him a gentle shove at the seat closest to Whitaker’s head, “I love you. Don’t make me boss you around. Call out if you need anything. Get some sleep,” he pecked a kiss to Robby’s temple, praying to whatever it was out there, that he’d drift off and get some rest of his own.
Jack shut the door to the room behind him, walking immediately to the group gathered at one of the desks, doctors and nurses alike huddled over a tablet, debating against one another.
“What have we got?”
“We’ve narrowed it down to three neurologists- two if Shen doesn’t like our third pick. They went to school together, so we’re gonna take his word,”
“I meant emergency cases,” Jack tried not to grin at their commitment to Whitaker’s care,
“Oh. Well, we’ve got it,” Ellis assured, “but I’ll do a second walkthrough with you if you’d like?”
Jack nodded.
He followed the woman through their typical shift handover route.
He’d been comfortably strolling it with Robby before Javadi had come screaming into the department about Whitaker collapsing in the elevator and seizing.
The whole world had felt like it stopped spinning for half a second.
Jack saw the nights of Whitaker badly dancing under the lights in the park, and the flush of his cheeks after one too many beers at a birthday night. He saw Whitaker’s blue eyes meeting his, grinning when Jack complimented his work. He knew by heart the twinkle Whitaker got in his eye when he tracked Robby across the room like a lovesick, longing teenager.
He didn’t know which one of them moved fastest. Jack remembered he and Robby both pushing past each other, and the other rushing doctors and nurses to turn the corner, eight in a tiny little gap, door frames sharp on shoulders and ribs in the tussle.
Santos struggling, dragging an unconscious Whitaker out of the elevator, over the worn hospital floors Jack hoped had been disinfected recently.
Jack screwed his eyes shut a moment, taking a breath as he tried to will away the memory of Langdon swooping in, picking up Whitaker’s limp body, limbs dangling lifelessly over the edge of the bridal hold. Langdon running at any room while three different nurses ran for vials and needles. Whitaker bouncing under every step.
He and Robby were back on the same page in a moment- Langdon wasn’t running this, they were. Tearing into the room, barking orders. Robby checked Whitaker’s jaw, and worked his way down, looking for any and every injury while Jack tracked his eye responses and any head bumps.
It was its own horror, and it tugged at other traumas hidden deep in Jack’s mind. Other loved ones he’d held defencelessly. Just remembering the sequence of events was threatening the amour Jack used to keep all of that in.
Jack tried to picture Whitaker how he usually was in the halls. The way he’d caught Jack’s attention in the first place. Smiley, but with sad eyes. He knew that he had big brains the moment he saw the boy from the farm. The burden was obvious on his shoulders. There were things Whitaker was running from, as a fellow runner, Jack saw it.
Jack fished for happier moments.
The look Whitaker got when Robby was in the room. The feeling Jack gained a couple months later. A warmth spreading over his shoulder as Whitaker watched the back of his shoulder retreat. The interest suddenly noticeably his way, too.
That night, Jack had teased Robby for the thousandth time about Whitaker’s little crush, and they’d had mind blowing sex while Jack talked through the possibility of Whitaker.
It was the first of many, many nights, bleeding into the wonder of ‘what if’ in a very serious sense. Would Whitaker ever seriously go for them? There was room for more love between them, no hole that needed filling, just extra care to be given and received. It was nice, to refill their cup after giving so much away at the hospital with little in return.
“I got this if you want a minute,” Dr. Shen offered, unusually sentimental, “or I can check in on the med student?”
Jack nodded, “thanks. He’s good for now. I’ll let you know when I step out,”
“You got it,”
“Give me a case,” Jack ordered Ellis, “anything that’s gonna require me thinking about anything other than room twelve,”
“Was I born yesterday?” Ellis sassed him, “I know you… jump in on this trauma arrival. Should give you a few orders to bark… you think twelve different things at once, no way your heart isn’t taking at least two of those places.”
Two. Ellis did know him well. Jack appreciated the hell out of his night crew, he really did. No matter how much Robby swore his day shift was best, Jack knew he was done for once he successfully stole Mohan and Whitaker for himself.
Car accident. Traffic light fallen on windshield. Crushed patient with presumed internal and definite external injuries.
Jack could easily place the spare ten corners of his brain on every inch of his patient. He wasn’t losing a single person in his care tonight. Time to get his head in the game. He’d started the night with a fright, he didn’t intend to end it that way.
Thirty minutes moved like seconds.
Walsh looked smug as always as she joined them, after all the fun.
“Hey, Whitaker looked like he was coming back to it a bit when I ducked my head in on the way over… does Robby snore like that all the time?”
“How would I know?”
Jack snapped his gloves off, a nod to Shen and Ellis as he made his way back into the room, flicking the curtain briefly out of his way, before studying the monitor and perching himself on the edge of the stretcher.
Whitaker was gaining consciousness. Blinking pretty blue eyes that felt like warmth to Jack. It took the student a few seconds to gain actual bearings, longer for the recognition to settle over his body.
“Hi, Sweetheart… recognise me?” Jack made sure not to hover too close.
Sometimes after a seizure, looming can heighten a patients anxiety. He didn’t want Whitaker to feel like he was being smothered while weak and not completely able to calculate and control his defences. It made an already traumatic experience worse and more difficult to process when a safe person starts feeling like a threat.
“Dr. Abbot,” Whitaker swallowed,
“Good… you know where you are?”
“Hospital,” Whitaker shifted, frowning at the stretcher, eyes twitching as he calculated, “Why am I… what happened?”
“Can you try and tell me anything about your last memories?”
“Um… Trinity and I eating cereal…”
“You don’t remember coming to work this morning?”
Whitaker shook his head, then some recognition in his eyes, “Trinity drove. I had some patients… I can’t quite remember what’s in the middle…”
“That’s okay. That’s good recollection considering. Is it normal for you to forget parts of conversations and events after a seizure?”
“I had another one?” Whitaker sank slightly,
“Yeah, Bub… when was your last one?”
“Maybe six months ago… I do forget some bits after,”
“Okay… I’ll file that away as typical in case in the future… Your little love bugs have been very worried about you… big ones still here,” Jack nod to Robby, passed out on a plastic chair,
“He hasn’t left yet? …How late is it?”
“You haven’t been out that long. He’s just worried himself into a near coma… if you’re up for the tidal wave about to hit you, I’ll wake him and let him know you’re conscious.”
Dennis was closer to Robby, and Jack knew it was important for him to be comfortable right now. He pressed down the feeling of disappointment knowing he wasn’t yet on equal footing to Michael. Something to look forward to, he soothed himself.
“Mel and Santos left you two big kisses here, and here,” Jack taped each of his cheeks, “you got lucky and only got Langdon’s here,” Jack flicked at his hair, “or unlucky… he is unfairly hot. I’d probably take Jesse given the choice of the two, though,”
“Oh, god… was everyone here?” Whitaker went pink,
“Yes. Because we love you very much. We were all really worried about you,”
“I didn’t mean to cause a scene,”
“Whitaker, the last thing you apologise for is a fucking seizure. That is never 100% controllable. You never apologise for the care you need when you’re unwell. Though we will be discussing details when you’re feeling a bit better,”
“I’m in trouble, aren’t I?”
“Only for not taking care of yourself and not asking for help… you’re in trouble with love- still doesn’t mean I’m going to go easy on you, though,”
Whitaker nodded, “I just don’t want to be a bother,”
“I want you to be. You’re my bother to have. So in future, you tell us about your struggles. You ask for the things you need. And we make it happen. The same way we help Langdon get better every day, and McKay get home to her kid on time. And make sure to always include Javadi and never make her feel like a kid,”
Whitaker nod, “I just never felt like a big deal in comparison to everything everyone else is living with. Poor McKay-“
“Is a saint… but we are here for you, too. Doesn’t take anything away from anyone else, okay? …You get really tired after a seizure?”
“For a couple days,” Dennis nod,
“Robby will take you home. Poke your tongue out at me and let me have a look… starting to hurt now that you’re talking?”
“Yeah,”
“You’ve done a real number on it… it’ll take a week to heal-“
“He’s awake!” Ellis cheered,
“Everybody knew?”
“We’re not allowed to call it special treatment, but… we’re giving you special treatment,”
“It’s hard being the favourite- I would know,” Jack winked at him,
“Can I get you anything? Some ice chips might numb out some of the sores in your mouth- did you bite hard?” Ellis strained for a good look. Dennis didn’t willingly open up for her,
“He did a pretty good job of it,” Jack confirmed for her, “maybe some ice ready for when he goes… you can go whenever you’re ready if you want to be home. It’s been a long day. Hospital isn’t comfort at all.”
Jack didn’t want him to go, but there was no good reason for him to stay. Robby would care for him perfectly well, Jack was just selfish wanting to be involved and know every second of Whitaker’s status.
He tucked the edges of the blanket in to Whitaker’s side, even as he agreed to go. It was a useless thing that made Jack feel better, pretending he was doing something useful as he found the courage to spill his feelings to someone he loves.
“You know, I-“
Jack second guessed whether he should say anything without Robby. He didn’t want to love bomb Whitaker either, but while he had the student calm and still, and he had an easy introduction to the conversation for them both, he thought he might take it.
Jack took Whitaker’s hand, pulling it into his lap and squeezing it between both his own cold hands.
“You know Robby and I really care about you… Your company is something we look forward to every day. You’re not just one of our favourite colleagues. You’re one of our favourite people, full stop… We don’t like seeing you like this when there’s things we could’ve been doing to help you prevent it, and you haven’t let us… I’m not going to lecture you right now. I just want you to know, that I love you. And there’s nothing you couldn’t tell me.”
Big eyes stared up at him. The way Jack typically remembered them. Brighter than a colleague looks to their senior. It sent warmth through Jack, calming some of the last nerves and anxiety from his bones. To see a piece of his usual happy and healthy Whitaker, To be looked at like he had all the magic powers and answers in the world.
How fucking lucky Jack was.
“Thank you, Dr. Abbot…”
“I’d really like to hear you call me Jack sometimes… call me selfish. I like my name out of the people I care about most… save Dr. Abbot for the hospital. Like this one,” he nod towards his husband, before stepped over to his side, “Prep yourself,”
Whitaker nodded, taking a laboured breath, “ready for the stampede.”
-
Dr. Abbot was gentle as he woke Robby.
Dennis prepared himself for an outburst, the lecture of his lifetime, but he’d take it in comparison to the anger he’d used to know. Robby could yell, scream, bench him, and it’d still be with care, and kindness, and tenderness.
Dennis wouldn’t be broken. He wouldn’t be a lost cause. Robby would want the best out of him. The best for him. His care would be selfless. All about Dennis. He would work through this. It would be fine.
“What! What?” Robby startled half out the chair.
Dennis startled a giggle at watching the usually stable man lose his balance, the feet of the chair rocking up, and loudly back down against the floor.
He felt more of himself come back to him.
Looking at Robby’s dark hair, the salt and pepper of his beard. The lines around his eyes that Dennis craved to trace, now more so than ever before.
He really hoped he had it together enough to not do something ridiculous like that while he was still half disoriented.
“Pup’s awake,” Jack squeezed his shoulder.
Dennis smiled softly when Robby turned to him, eyes meeting briefly before Robby’s gaze scrambled over the length of his body. Robby shot to his feet successfully this time, hands moving without actual direction as he stepped up to Dennis.
He did not expect the smack of a kiss and hands squeezing his cheeks.
Dennis didn’t even close his eyes, too stunned to move.
He felt like he was suffocating. And it was a far nicer way to go.
“Very subtle, Robby,” Jack mocked,
“Oh fuck…” Robby shot away, “shit. I’m- I’m sorry. That was, wildly inappropriate,”
“Lucky for you, his heartbeat indicates he doesn’t care,”
“Not the point, Jack-“
“I quite enjoyed the view myself.”
Dennis made sense of the words slower than usual, frowning as he understood. But Robby and Jack were…
“Wait. I kind of thought…” husbands… “maybe my heads still a bit funny,”
“You thought right, Bub. This one just doesn’t do rings, so he wears it on the pretty little chain around his neck,”
“Oh.”
That explained a couple things for Dennis.
“But. You just kissed me,” he muttered stupidly,
“Yes. I did,” Robby nod,
“I did tell you I love you, so I can’t much be mad at him,” Jack shrugged it off casually, sitting back on the edge of Dennis’s bed,
“You meant…”
Dennis wasn’t sure he had ever really heard those words before. Not with total feeling and meaning. He wished he had been listening harder. He wanted to hear it again. To let it sink into his core.
Dennis had longed for many things in his life. His education. His freedom. And he had that old fashioned longing for that love, too. He wanted to be told I love you like a mantra. He wanted a love his entire world revolved around.
“Yeah… how do you feel about that?” Jack pressed gently,
“You don’t have to answer that,” Robby jumped in, “we don’t have to do this now. If you want more time-“
“I don’t want fucking time,” Dennis startled the three of them with the outburst, “fuck, am I dead?”
Robby chuckled, “no. Definitely not dead. You’re very warm,” his thumb brushed over Dennis’s lip shyly,
“Then how the hell else is this real?”
“Told you he had a thing for us,” Dr. Abbot- Jack, was smug, looking up to Robby,
The attending shook his head, “how is he?”
For a moment, Dennis was audience to his own diagnosis. Jack rattled off his stats and the progress he had made since he’d woken. Dennis had been fuzzy the first few seconds. He could see Jack more than he could hear him, then he came into razor sharp focus.
Aside from the few moments pre-seizure he had forgotten, everything else seemed business as usual, minus the dull throb in his tongue he was desperate to ignore. He had questions he was ready to hurl at his attendings.
“Can we revisit the part where you kissed me?” Dennis requested,
“You don’t think we have bigger things to unpack right now?” Robby blinked at him,
“Can I apologise after I know what’s going on here?”
Jack came to his defence, “Come on, Baby. You can’t keep him in misery,”
“Let’s revisit the details slowly when you’re better,” Robby denied,
“I’m fine now. Sore and tired isn’t-“
“I love you,” Robby softened, “Please focus on the pieces we need to put together first, and we know this is here no matter when we make it back to it,”
“With kisses?”
Jack chuckled.
If they hadn’t already figured it out, they were about to learn just how persistent Dennis could be.
He still wasn’t entirely certain he hadn’t died, and this was a last final mercy dream. So he was going to milk every bit of it while he had it. Whatever it turned out to be. As long as it involved kisses from Robby and Jack, he’d take it.
Jack.
Santos had told Dennis he had killer puppy dog eyes since the first second they met. He didn’t much understand what she meant, but she’d taught him how to use them regardless, and he turned them up to the max, he hoped, before using them on Jack.
Dennis leaned closer first. He knew he’d caught the man hook, line and sinker in a second. Jack leant in tandem with him, slow and curious, taking in as many details as Dennis was before their lips finally met.
Jack’s kiss was warm and spiky too, like Robby’s, just thinner. He’d never seen Jack grow his beard out like Robby, he shaved far more often, but Dennis suddenly wondered what he’d look and feel like if he did.
Dennis kissed him again. And again. Memorising a new detail each time. He knew it was probably a lost cause, post seizure he typically lost about his half genuine reality, but Dennis would be okay with the do-over later, too.
Jack was the one to pull back.
“That was fucking cruel- but very well played,”
“You’re a weak man,” Robby poked, shaking his head,
“You weren’t going to last any longer than I did had it been you,”
“Okay. Two kisses, and now we focus for a second,” Robby bargained,
Dennis decided the deal was fair, and let him talk medicine,
“I’ve been to the pharmacy and filled your script- I don’t want to hear about it. I’ve got it covered, I will take care of it every month, they have it on auto refill for you to pick up on shift monthly,”
“I… thank you…”
“We’ve also been combing through neurologists upstairs,” Jack shifted, “night shift narrowed it down, and we got you a time to speak next week before your shift. If you don’t feel a connection that’s fine, we can pick another one, but it’s good to have a specialist to settle in with, especially while you’re still figuring things out,”
“I can’t believe you went to all that effort…”
“I can’t tell you how much more we’d do if you needed it.”
It made Dennis feel better that Robby was clearly new to this. So he wasn’t just another in a long line, hoping for something much bigger than what Jack and Robby were prepared to give. Dennis was glad. He was the first and only, and that settled nicely in the bottom of his stomach.
“Thank you,”
“I also want to talk about your life before here, but I won’t put you through that right now,” Robby hid his hands in his jacket pockets, a nervous tick Dennis had noticed, “maybe we can take a night or day off together, and we can talk about it. Just us. No judgement. Jack and I have shit too that is hard to talk about, but important to share and get off your chest,”
“Trinity told you things while I was out, didn’t she?” Dennis squirmed, upset by the idea,
“Only what was relevant. She was careful, as always. There’s a lot for you to tell us, I think. And I’d really like to hear it from you,”
“I never intentionally kept anything from anyone… I just try not to unload on them. There’s so much going on in everyone’s lives-“
“I understand,” Robby nodded, “but from here on out, we tell each other things.”
What things did Dennis even have to share? Beyond his school history, and growing up on a farm, there wasn’t much to him to share around with everyone. He loved his nieces and nephews, kids and the elderly in general. He was a bit of a nerd, but not super invested in anything, because he never had the money to indulge in those things.
He could sum himself up in thirty seconds. And Jack and Robby knew about it all, minus the darker things he didn’t want to burden them with. That wasn’t very lovey dovey fairytale love story, was it?
“I couldn’t very well tell anyone about… this, could I? …how sad and typical would I be to fall in love with my married attendings. That’s the most boring, basic, saddest clique to have ever existed,”
“Maybe to a stranger…” Robby nod, “I’m pretty happy about it,”
“Please tell me you keep a diary, or something?” Jack plead,
Dennis shook his head,
“Then you’re just going to have to tell us every little detail of every thought you’ve had about us over the past six months. In very dirty detail. And you should definitely start writing some things down,”
“Jack…” Robby reprimanded, “you should take the first dose of your prescription. Morning and night. One and a half tablets to start,”
Dennis sighed, but nodded.
Not that Robby was giving him a choice, he was already setting his glasses on his nose, reading the prescription one more time before popping the film, pills landing in his warm palm. Jack was also watching his husband closely.
“This is why it’s best we don’t work together- he’s sexy in his glasses,”
“I’m getting old and very blind. I doubt it’s all that as far as sexy goes,”
“But it’s so commanding the way you whip them out, prop them up, and start tossing orders like a captain.”
Dennis always appreciated Robby in his glasses, but hadn’t ever thought about it like that. He’d never not think about it from here on out. Jack was right, there was something authoritative about it. Something a little more mean and dominating.
Dennis blushed when Shen opened the door, carelessly pushing aside the privacy curtain. He’d almost forgotten they were hidden away in a hospital room. Jack was on the clock. The open door now rung noise’s and machines through the tranquility of their little trio.
“Borrow you a few minutes?” Shen requested, working edge to his voice, not panicked, but not necessarily asking,
“Grab me before you leave.”
The closest thing Dennis had ever seen to a threatening look from Jack hit Robby, then himself, before Jack was running out the door after the other doctor.
He knew, looking at Robby, that it was hard to be sitting in the ED and not helping. Not running after a patient. So much of who he was bled into this hospital, it was engrained in him. Dennis starred at the twitch in his fingers, fighting the instincts.
“You can go and help if you like. I’ll be fine,”
“That would be a very good way to piss my husband off…” Robby handed Dennis everything he needed, setting his glasses back in a pocket, “you’re my patient right now. S’just habit to listen in and be nosy about everything else at the same time,”
“This hospital is really lucky to have you both,”
“It’s lucky to have you, too…” Robby hesitated, and didn’t quite look at him as he continued, “are you thinking of staying on here beyond your studies?”
The question made Dennis’s heartbeat pick up. He tugged the monitor off under the cover of needing his finger to take the meds. He tried to slow his breathing as he swallowed the pills, cringing at the sting on his tongue.
He needed to keep his voice even and not startle Robby as he made himself clear. Santos had taught him he could do both- speak up for himself, while also not intending to make someone else uncomfortable.
“Of course I am,” Dennis tested, before continuing, “for work reasons and other reasons… this feels like home here. And I know some will come and go, and we won’t always be this exact team. Maybe Javadi won’t stay in emergency medicine, or Mohan will move up into something else in the hospital. But this place makes me the happiest anything has in a really long time,”
“Good,” Robby nod, smiling, “I’m glad to hear it for working reasons and other reasons… you should message Santos and Mel before we leave. They’ll want to know you’re awake,”
“I’ll text the chat,” Dennis pat himself down for his phone, immediately hoping he hadn’t cracked the screen further during his seizure.
It suddenly occurred to him, he didn’t actually have any idea what had happened. After trying to think about it, he remembered being in the elevator, but couldn’t pinpoint any triggers or warning signs. He didn’t want to upset Robby by asking about it now, so he bookmarked the story for tomorrow.
Dennis himself might need some sleep before confronting that. Asking for answers will inevitably lead to them asking him questions back, and he wasn’t up to it yet.
Robby gathered Dennis’s few things, and they snuck through the chaos to the lockers, clearing out the… notebook, Dennis actually had to keep in there, and a plastic water bottle, leaving it bare.
“You don’t have a jacket to wear home?” Robby fret,
“Uh- no.”
Dennis flushed a little pink when Robby slipped off the jacket he was wearing and gave it to him for the journey. The man insisted, and Dennis couldn’t muster more than one refusal. He had longed for this well worn, trademark jacket. He’d imagined a thousand times wearing it. Knowing it’s Robby’s. Everyone knowing it’s Robby’s. Jack knowing it’s Robby’s.
“Quick goodbye and we’re gone. Promise. I’ll fight all your fans off if I have to,” Robby joking was a nice weight off the evening,
“Thank you,”
“Whitaker… Ice, from Dr Ellis,” a nurse leant over the counter to him as they passed,
“Oh. Thank you.”
Jack rounded up on them as he left a trauma bay, Shen looking calmer now than before, muttering something about needing another coffee. Jack, as always, looking completely unbothered. Cool, calm, collected, that was how day shift talked about him. Jack was the invincible one under any and all pressure. No length too far when it came to saving his trauma patients.
Dennis smiled softly at him, “I’ll see you in the morning-“
“Not here you won’t,”
“I can work tomorrow,” he insisted, though even he could hear the strain in his voice the more his tongue throbbed in pain,
“No,” Jack shut him down, “rest. Get in the habit of taking your meds.”
Dennis pouted, but it didn’t budge. He’d give his patient the same advice, but he didn’t like being on the receiving end of it. It was important for their sickest patients though, that Dennis recovered fully before coming back. He needed to be clear headed and at his peak for their best care.
Dennis had never imagined being the popular kid in school, but this was something similar, he guessed. Doctors and nurses from the night shift he barely knew all checking in and wishing him well every new step he and Robby took towards the door.
Even the teasing, the razor sharp tongue of Walsh passing by, it felt like being truely seen for the first time. Like learning what true friends were. It took him back to his first day at the hospital, being asked about a best friend.
He couldn’t answer then, but he could now. And he had twenty more friends to add to that list. He’d blame the seizure on his urge to cry as they walked out into the night.
Robby had walked to work that morning, but luckily Jack had driven. Something about takeout farther from home than anticipated. Robby must’ve pinched the keys from his husband’s locker earlier.
Dennis liked that kind of love. Sharing locker combos’- birthday or anniversaries maybe. Driving each other’s cars. Telepathically saying I love you. He hoped he had these things to look forward to with them too.
His phone buzzed a few times the first minute Robby drove in silence. Dennis may or may not have been glancing at Robby’s arms out the corner of his eye. He hadn’t seen so much skin on the man in such clarity. He didn’t need to touch for it to feel snugly. To know it would be comforting to be hugged in them.
Dennis peacefully stopped thinking, drifting to a far away place as he watched the trees and homes pass, Robby in the corner of it all. He still wasn’t quite sure this was real, but he wasn’t about to waste a moment of it. Robby driving him home was the closest thing he’d felt to familial peace.
Streets he had piggybacked Santos down. Helped patients in. Found solidarity in.
He definitely wasn’t leaving this place. Whatever came of this with Jack and Robby, this was home now. Just looking at it pass by made his fuzzy mind happy. He was grinning softly as Robby announced they’ve arrived, maybe a minute and a half of driving later.
“This isn’t my place,” Dennis realised. The drive was far too short,
“No. It’s ours,” Robby cut the engine, stepping out,
“You don’t have to continue to take care of me. You’ve already done so much-“
“I’m not letting you out of my sight while you’re still recovering… come on. It’s just the few stairs.”
Robby easily unlocked the door, collected the mail, and lead Dennis deeper into the apartment by the kitchen.
Dennis would summarise it as organised chaos. Some areas spotless, and the ones that weren’t were scattered with things. Medical journals sat open in a pile by a high desk in the corner, coffee cups were everywhere. The decor had a vintage feel, and Dennis got the feeling they were more of a lamp household than a main light household.
He could be very happy with that. Also loving the glow of a lantern on the farm over a main electric light.
“Sorry for the mess… we never get company,”
“It’s not mess, it’s… homey.”
That’s what Dennis felt. Looking at the blanket twisted on the couch, and the couple dishes in the sink. Jack’s car keys now on the counter, beside what he assumed were Robby’s. Socks drying, and plants out the window.
It all just felt like it belonged. It made sense, no explanation needed. Parts of it was so Robby, and parts of it screamed Jack and his military background so loud it was almost deafening.
“I’ll show you around… I’m happy for you to take a shower, but the door has to stay open enough for me to hear if something happens to you, okay? I’ll give you some clothes to change into. These will be gross,” Robby pinched at his day old scrubs,
Dennis shrugged, “these are like my third ones of the day. They’re probably not even that old. But I appreciate it. Really,”
“I’ll make some really plain soup while you wash off. I know you’re probably starving, but chewing’s-“
“Not going to be comfortable,” Dennis guessed,
“Probably not for a couple days,” Robby confirmed.
Dennis didn’t really want to take Robby’s jacket off. He waited until the very last second. Until Robby had left him alone in the bathroom to shower. He put the jacket straight on top of the clean clothes he’d been given- Robby’s shirt, Jack’s bottoms. Maybe if he just put it back on after and didn’t mention it, Robby wouldn’t notice.
To use their body washes and toiletries was exciting. Dennis even decided to wash his hair, just to take full advantage. He was definitely growing more aware of his tiredness as he went, occasionally using the safety rail installed for Jack to stabilise himself, but he wasn’t about to waste such an opportunity. He wanted to be lathered in them if it physically broke him to manage it.
He blushed only slightly when Robby stood right outside the door after he turned the shower off and started to dry and dress. He had never known such attention before, but god did he love it. Dennis felt more comfortable, slipping Robby’s hoodie back on before stepping back out into the apartment.
Robby didn’t mention it, just checked Dennis over once more, inspecting the damage to his tongue again before offering him the ‘soup’ he’d made. Dennis didn’t have to chew, could almost bypass the use of a spoon entirely, but he tried to keep his maturity in front of Robby. It was way too early to be showing him Dennis’s ugly habits.
“You can sleep on Jack’s side while he’s not here. He will move you when he gets home in the morning… He’s funny about that,”
Whitaker grinned, “that’s cute that he’s fussy,”
Robby shrugged, “he’ll have all his things set up easiest for his leg,”
“Oh, of course… I can’t believe all of this is your life together,” Dennis looked around the room,
“It’s not a lot, but neither of us would know what to do with a lot…”
Dennis spot the picture frames on the dresser by the window. His curiosity was peaked. He wondered what they’d been like in their youth. How long they had been together. Had they met through medicine? Known each other when Jack had been deployed?
He wondered if the beginning of their relationship was an easy road. Were their families accepting? Did they even care? Had they been legally married, or was marriage a choice of their hearts entirely? Had they ever used the term ‘boyfriends,’ or had they immediately decided forever was for them?
“You have really beautiful eyes,” Dennis blurt, turning to Robby, “they’re very soft, and a beautiful colour. And I like this,” he ran a thumb over the smile lines by his left eye, “I’ve never met a happy man before…”
“You have a Dad and brothers,” Robby recalled a moment later,
“Yes. I do.”
His point stands. Dennis loved all his nieces and nephews, and he wished them the best of luck. They’d need it.
He put the photo frame back down, walking along further to take in the rest.
Tiny Robby and his Grandma, his necklace looked huge around his neck so little. Jack with veteran friends a number of years ago. A silly photo of Robby, Jack and Dana in the ED, tongues out or eyebrows furrowed, probably New Years or 4th of July, Dennis guessed.
More pictures of just the two of them. Of Jack enjoying dinner in the park at night. Robby curled up napping in the sun. A picture of their little ensemble from the Pitt, at dinner when Langdon returned. Jack and Robby, Dennis, Santos, Mel, Javadi, Langdon, Mohan, McKay, Mateo, Princess and Perlah, of course. Dana, Jesse and Garcia. On the phone screen, Walsh, Ellis and Shen grinned in their work uniforms from the night shift.
Something about that photo struck Dennis. So many different loyalties. So many unresolved tensions. Robby was still so angry at Langdon. He’d opened up to Dennis that night in a more quiet corner when he had to step away for some air. He told Dennis about feeling betrayed, hurt. About their fights that first day, and also the guilt he felt.
But Robby was still there. And Robby still believed Langdon deserved recovery, and dignity, and privacy and the right to his knowledge and abilities.
Dennis saw family.
Robby squeezed his shoulder like family. With warmth, and care, and a strong tenderness that was not about to be ignored.
“Come get some sleep.”
Dennis tried once more to burn everything to memory, before shuffling over to the bed. Robby ditched his shirt, and Dennis caught the first glimpse of a wedding ring, added to the chain he had seen before around Robby’s neck, mostly on his first day. Robby must’ve had it squeezed tightly in his palm, because Dennis certainly hadn’t recalled that particular detail.
He admired the fullness of Robby’s middle, the width of his chest. Robby was art at any time, but more so with bare skin and unguarded mind. It was crazy how open he felt to Dennis here compared to the hospital. It excited the student. To see such depth. The possibility of learning so much more about the man.
Robby pulled on a similar sleep shirt to his own, and crawled under the covers, before Dennis kicked out of his pants and followed- he couldn’t ever sleep with anything more than boxers on the bottom, it made him feel trapped.
He wasn’t sure he could sleep. Heart racing. Head racing. How was he supposed to relax when they were everywhere. He could smell Jack all over the pillow. Robby all over the collar of his borrowed shirt.
The possibility of all the things that could be yet to come, exploring whatever this new dynamic between them was. As long as it came with Robby and Jack all over him, like this, Dennis would let them call it anything.
“Settled in okay?” Robby checked,
“Yeah… I know you don’t want to rush anything, and I respect that- I’m not going to hold your earlier impulsive relief actions over you… but… would it be okay if you held me? Even just a little bit?”
Robby laid still a second more, before rolling on his right side to face Dennis. There was still space between them- Dennis didn’t mind using Jack’s pillow anyway, Robby was still close enough to touch and tangle legs. His face nice and close for kissing, sometime.
“I’m sorry…” Robby’s arm wrapped round his waist, “my head has been spinning with calculations. I didn’t even stop to consider that it must still be scary… you’re not long diagnosed,”
“It was a total shock… I had a couple incidents, then being a med student kind of gave me a few hoops to sneak through to get an official diagnosis. Otherwise, I probably couldn’t have afforded to make it this far,”
“We are so fucked as a society, and a healthcare system… I’m so sorry this is where things are. But you never have to worry about that again, okay? We find a way for anything our colleagues need. And Jack and I will find more ways for you,”
“Will you tell me about falling in love with Jack?”
Robby grinned, “well, you know how it goes…”
“Yeah… but I didn’t know him like you did when I started-“ Dennis bit his lip, “thinking about him.”
More of Robby’s cheek came back to his eyes. He was relaxing, and Dennis was glad he’d asked about Jack. It was obvious how even just the thought of his husband relaxed Robby. It was beautiful. Dennis wanted it. So, so badly. With this love on the other end of it.
“He was handsome, and corny. Back in med school, he was just coming out of his shell. Not so sturdy and confident. He was really bad at trying to talking to me,” Robby laughed, “always got his words mixed up, and babbled over everyone else at the worst times to try and get my attention… I fell in love with Jack many times, actually. He’s just outgrown every version of himself since the day I met him…”
Dennis didn’t know how long Robby talked. He tried to listen to the words, but he probably more so laid there just grinning like an idiot. Comfortable and happy to be with Robby, talking finally about Jack out loud.
He felt the sense of relief to let go of the big secret after so long. But as Robby wound down the stories, and Dennis’s eyes drooped more often, it was hard to keep any guards up at all.
“It has been scary…” Dennis admit, finally facing the reality of his seizure, “thank you for being here for me,”
“I’m sorry… we’ll talk about it at length in a couple days… but don’t hesitate to say something in the meantime if you need anything, or just want to talk,”
“Right now, I just want you… the only thing that would make it better is if Jack was here,”
Robby nodded, “yeah. I miss him on nights he isn’t here, too…”
“You can kiss me goodnight, if you want,” Dennis offered cheekily,
“Your persistence is one of my favourite things about you,” Robby chuckled, “a little one,” he compromised, “you’re too sore for anything more than a peck,”
“It could just be really long. Or lots of little ones,” Dennis suggested for his own benefit,
“I assure you, I’ll kiss you properly a thousand times when you’re ready for it,” Robby’s fingers brushed by his temple,
“Can I ask whyyou won’t let this happen right now?”
“There’s a lot to consider, for you especially. The family equation- parents, whether you had wanted children. The social equation. Career choices… you are at a point Jack and I are well beyond. We’ve made all those decisions. For you, they’re just ahead of you. I don’t want us to influence anything for you. I want you to make decisions you really, truely want for yourself,”
“I suspect this will be a lot easier to figure out than you’re anticipating… but I appreciate the thought you’ve already given it,”
“We’re past some opportunities that you’re not. We can’t ignore that,”
“Thank you for not taking my mutual feelings for granted… I don’t want anything that looks different to this… this is what I wanted, and I made it here. Off the farm, and a doctor, and helping people. That was always the entire picture for me. But I appreciate the consideration of everything else.”
Robby watched him a moment more, and finally, finally, he relented and gave Dennis what he wanted, a very soft, small, but nicely lingering kiss. Long and tender enough for Dennis to soak up warmth, and a taste of Robby, and the scratchy feeling of his beard.
Considering his giddy excitement, Dennis slept like the dead after that. He forgot how draining the week after a seizure could be.
He didn’t know when his eyes closed, he couldn’t remember if he dreamed or not, but they didn’t open again by their own choice.
Robby wasn’t kidding. When Dennis finally stirred, it was to Jack’s strong arm wrapped around his middle, moving him easy as a teddy bear to the middle of the bed.
So much for not moving a patient on your own.
Dennis smiled groggily. He had always admired Jack’s arms, it was fun, even in the sleepy daze, to learn that Jack was strong enough to move him without effort. Dennis would revisit that information later.
Jack cared none for personal space, thank god. The hand beneath Dennis disappeared, but another arm wrapped round his waist, and every possible inch from the bottom of Dennis’s neck down was suddenly smothered with Jack. Jack’s nose. Jack’s chest. Jack’s strong stomach. His hips to Dennis’s.
“Heard you slept like a baby through the night,” Jack teased gently, pressing kisses down Dennis’s cheek and jaw, “Robby just left for work. He gave you a kiss, but you barely flinched.”
Dennis frowned. He didn’t want to miss that. Damn his post-seizure drowsiness. He’d imagined that cosy morning snuggle a hundred times. Wanted to drown in it. He wanted to drown Robby in it. With Jack, in all the ways the vet. taught him were Robby’s favourite.
“He went into work late just to take care of me?” Dennis calculated the unusual facts,
“Of course. We did our morning cross over here, instead of the ED. Shen will catch him up there… He said you had a good night though, no more episodes. So that’s good… I’ve got your next dose to take, then you can go back to sleep.”
Jack let him go and turned back to the beside table. When Dennis rolled over to face him, Jack already had a glass of water and a pill and a half in hand.
Dennis blushed under the attention. He wanted to deflect it. He did. But it felt so damn good. Everything he’d ever wanted, and lucky enough to have it from the exact people he wanted it in his dreams. God, how could he ever wish that away?
“You do this every day? Cross over for a few minutes then gone again?”
“Sometimes, if one of us has a day off, we have really great sex before the other leaves. So if he ever turns up with a pep in his step- You’re welcome… I’ll show you when you’re a little more yourself… get a few more hours sleep, I’ll make us lunch about midday, okay? Got you some wash for the bacteria and pain for your tongue, too if you want later. Might help you eating solids again if you’re interested,”
“Thank you for thinking of me,” Dennis sat up a little and took his meds as instructed,
“Now, I will be murdered if I don’t send your loved ones picture proof of life,”
“My loved ones?” Dennis panicked.
He didn’t want his family back home to know-
“Yes. Santos. Mel. Javadi. Langdon. Dr. Mohan…”
“Oh,” he relaxed, smiling as he thought more of his colleagues,
“You look super cute with bed hair and pink cheeks… smile,”
“No pictures,” Dennis protest,
Jack nod, giddy, “yes, smile. This is going to Robby, too… he’ll be the only one who recognises his shirt on you… Think we can get him hot and bothered at work?”
Dennis deflated, “He’d barely touch me last night-“
“You’re supposed to be resting…” Jack allowed, “we should send him his own photo, though… maybe… your pretty face… a heart…” Jack’s wet tongue startled him as it traced the shaped just below his neck, “and my ring… We might fucking well kill Robby if we go any raunchier than that just yet…“
The cool of Jack’s ring on his skin was enough to generate interest out of Dennis. He couldn’t blame Robby for being startled by the photograph Jack was taking. Tame as it was, the anticipation of what they hadn’t yet had was thrilling.
Jack’s saliva painting shapes on his skin. More, more, more please.
“Cutie…” Jack cooed, “come and snuggle me while we sleep a few hours,”
“You’re clingier than I anticipated… I don’t think I’m sleepy anymore. I slept for hours-“
“Try. You’ll be surprised,”
“I think I’m trained to only sleep in numbers of hours I can count on one hand,”
“Seizures will temporarily change that,” Jack ran a hand through the curls over Dennis’s forehead, “it grounds me. I know for a lot of others, it doesn’t… I like my space. Fresh air. Then I like to come home and hold close… it’s not too much, is it?”
“God no. Happy surprise. Very happy surprise. I’m wildly touch starved- I mean, that’s embarrassing, I-“
Jack chuckled, “I’ve been there… I’ll tell you about it. Parts of it. I don’t like to talk about it an awful lot, but some parts are important for you to know,”
“You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want. I’m okay for Robby to know things about your service that I don’t if it’s too painful to talk about… you can just hold me if it starts to feel heavy on you,”
Jack watched him a moment, “thank you.”
Jack held Dennis like a kid clutching his favourite teddy bear, and Dennis soaked up every waking second of it.
Jack had been right. Dennis had no trouble falling back asleep for a few hours, his brain still recovering from the trauma.
At lunch, Jack put some ointment on his tongue while Dennis sat on the counter. Jack had lifted him up there, and Dennis had spent the entire time hoping he wasn’t firetruck red, and willing away the sudden tightness round the hem of his borrowed sweatpants.
He watched Jack make food. Jack looked good with a knife. He was a great chef, too. Dennis had pushed past the sting of every bite to eat more. Jack had been the one to cut him off in the end, which Dennis hadn’t been particularly happy about. He had a hatred for the dishwasher now. Stealing the big knife out of Jack’s beautiful, freckled hand.
When they moved to the living room, Jack taught Dennis a couple games. Cards mostly. Dennis had played as a kid, but only a game or two. He didn’t realise just how many things a deck of cards could do. He quite enjoyed the game of checkers that followed.
Dennis had only relented and agreed to go back to bed for Jack’s sake. He told himself it was Jack who needed to sleep more. Whose body needed to rest. He bargained with two kisses- one before they got up off the living room floor and one in bed, andJack sleeping with his shirt off this time.
So Dennis was a little hot and selfish. It was all he could get for a while, and he was determined to take the small wins. He might explode if he didn’t.
Dennis woke when the bed dipped in the evening, Robby crawling under the covers.
Dennis hadn’t expected to fall so deeply asleep, his eyes were heavy blinking back awake, focusing on Robby.
Jack still had him cocooned in his body, and Dennis loved it. Loved watching Robby come home to them. Loved that Robby was already opening up so much more than last night, snuggling close and kissing Dennis’s nose without having to request the affection.
“Hey, Baby,”
“How was work?”
“Better with you… how are you feeling?”
“Slept all day… feeling good,” Dennis stretched, the best he could, anyway,
“Jack kept you warm all day, I see,”
“Of course I did,” Jack mumbled, not moving, “Did you expect anything less from me?”
“I’m glad you got him to sleep more than four hours,” Robby praised Dennis,
“Jack taught me games for a few hours at lunch,”
Robby glared at his husband,
“I tired him out- I did my job,”
Robby sighed.
He relaxed properly into their cuddle pile. Even with blankets in the way, Dennis could see his shoulders relax and body go completely slack. Messy hair flattening against the pillow.
“Potentially stupid question… is this a secret? Your marriage?” Dennis wondered,
“More an open secret. Not advertised, but definitely not hidden,”
“We go to work to work,” Jack explained further, “We both know being in that ward is the worst moment of someone’s day- sometimes, the worst moments of their life… we put that duty above everything else. It’s what we’d want for our loved ones,”
“So, Dana knows and, I guess most people know. Sometimes I forget I’m the student on the team. You have a long history without me,”
“Yes,” Robby didn’t shy away from it, “but there’s also a long career you could have in the ED after your rotation. I know a lot of the team would love you to stick around with us,”
“I don’t really want to be anywhere else,” Dennis shook his head, “I’m not always sure the ED and I get along. I still think it has it out for me sometimes, when I’m changing my scrubs for the third time in a day. But I wouldn’t help people like me in another part of the hospital. Not in the same way, anyway. And I wouldn’t make kids laugh when my scrubs are covered in something they shouldn’t be. And I wouldn’t make old ladies days with a sandwich. I wouldn’t meet middle aged men with new stories all the time…”
“It’s why we do what we do,” Robby agreed,
“The ED requires heart like you. And McKay. And Mohan. And someone who fights like Santos-“
“Is she okay? I didn’t tell her I wasn’t coming home-“
“I’ve kept her up to date on everything. She’s glad you’re doing well, and probably would like it if you went home tomorrow night to spend some time with her,”
Dennis nodded, “Is it your night off tonight?” It occurred to him very late that Jack was still here,
“Yeah… we usually try to manage a couple in a week, but they don’t always line up back to back,”
“So… is that an invitation to stay another night?”
“You can stay whenever you’d like to. You don’t have to ask,” Robby shook his head,
“So that… that means, this is something serious. Not like a passing thing, but… an actual relationship,”
“In time. Without being reckless, and with you giving actual thought to the things that are and aren’t possible if we develop this…”
“It’s okay to change your mind. Or realise that you do or don’t want things you thought otherwise about,” Jack added softly,
“You think I’m going to decide you’re too old for me to want this seriously. Long term,”
“We’re just saying, it’s okay if you decide that, even if you don’t think it right now. We’ll give you time to figure things out, while showing you what we really want to give you, as long as you want it,”
“I knew long before now what I wanted. Being here, with you, exactly how this looks. That’s everything I want. I never longed to be a parent, other peoples kids are just fine, or go to the courthouse to get a piece of paper to say I was married. I never cared about the things society tried to force us to want. I just wanted to love,”
“Wherever your wants take you, the fact will never change, that we want the best for you. And we care for you, very deeply. And you can always call us if you need us,”
“Well of course I will always call you- who else will give me kisses but the eternal loves of my life?”
“You are so fucking stubborn,” Robby muttered, “promise me you’ll actually think this through,”
“Leave the convincing to Santos,” Jack sided with Dennis, “if he wants to be smothered in our love, then it’s our job to give it to him,”
Dennis nod enthusiastically, “it’s true. Please,”
“One minute of smothering, then Jack will cook dinner,” Robby relented.
Dennis grinned, “Your best offer so far.”
He soaked up every second of lips on his skin, and by his mouth and up his jaw. Robby and Jack laying love over every visible inch of him.
Dennis could seriously get used to it.
“Alright…” Robby called it, “night dose, dinner, and movie on the couch,” he gave Dennis one last peck, shoving Jack at the door,
“Yes, Boss.”