Work Text:
Slipping out of the shower, Van sniffled and sighed, the thought about how he broke down sobbing in Farm’s hug lay heavily on his mind. The shower was supposed to ease the tension he could feel lining his shoulders and maybe even calm his heavy mind yet as he wiped away the fog from the mirror and stared at himself, Van couldn’t help but wince at his red rimmed eyes and blotchy cheeks, his face looking even worse than he thought it did. Tearing his eyes away from his reflection, Van ruffled his damp hair dry with the towel Farm had lent him before his gaze fell on the clothes that were left on the toilet seat. Farm must’ve left them for him while he was lost in his thoughts in the shower.
“Even when I don’t deserve his kindness…he still takes care of me,” Van thought, his eyes burning with the threat of oncoming tears. Shaking the thought away, Van wiped his face with the towel, scrubbing away the tears, before hanging the damp cloth to dry, quickly getting dressed so he wouldn’t keep Farm waiting. Stepping out of the bathroom, Van kept his eyes lowered when Farm came into his view, the other putting the clothes Van had attempted to pack back in the closet. “I…can crash on the couch…”
“No, it’s fine…” Farm sighed out once he noticed Van, his eyes taking in the way Van still didn’t seem like he was fine. Finishing up with putting Van’s clothes back, Farm shut the closet door and carefully moved the suitcase off the ottoman, rolling it beside the closet and out of the way. “I’m really not uncomfortable, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“If…if I do anything that annoys you…just tell me,” Van mumbled out, his eyes still not meeting Farms as he twisted his fingers in a way that told Farm that he was still pretty anxious. Giving Van a soft nod, Farm turned his attention back towards the bed, turning off the bedside lamp while a soft, ‘get some sleep,’ left his lips as he got under the blanket. “Mhm.”
Taking in a deep breath, Van slowly followed Farm and slipped under the covers, resting on his back while keeping his eyes on the ceiling despite feeling Farm’s gaze on him. Letting the silence linger for a bit, Farm just observed Van, not used to seeing the usual confident and playful young man so quiet and unsure of himself.
“Are you…feeling okay now? Farm asked softly, finally breaking the awkward silence. Turning his head softly to give Farm his attention, Van thought about his answer. Was he okay? He didn’t feel okay. There was still tension in his shoulders and even after crying, his mind still felt heavy with the things he’s always tried to ignore. “Van?”
“I am! I am now…” Van got out, shooting Farm a soft look of apology for dazing off for a moment. Turning his eyes back towards the ceiling so he wouldn’t have to look Farm in the eyes, Van tapped his fingers against his hand and just listened as Farm explained that he could stay with him if Van wasn’t ready to stay at the house. Feeling something warm in his chest along with a cold stab of guilt, Van hummed and allowed himself to turn, his gaze meeting Farm’s worried one. “In the end…you’re still the only one who cares about my feelings the most. Even more than I do…”
“I care about all my friends,” Farm mumbled out, eyeing the way Van turned on his side to give Farm his full attention. Rolling his eyes at the smile that was on Van’s face, Farm couldn’t help but turn his gaze away, Van’s teasing about how he still looked at him in a certain way causing a soft flush to burn at his ears despite how much he tried to keep a steady expression. “I look at everyone this way. Don’t get ahead of yourself.”
“Someone as good as you…deserves someone good too,” Van softly sighed, his voice growing sullen in a way that had Farm turning back towards him, the worried sparkle in his eyes appearing once more. Taking in the shallow smile and Van’s sad eyes, Farm kept his gaze on Van and stayed silent, waiting for Van to explain what he was getting at. “But…that doesn’t mean that I won’t try. I’ll work on myself until…until I’m someone worthy of you.”
Blinking in shock at the declaration Van had made, the slight determination in his voice making something shake in Farm’s heart, Farm grunted out something about Van trying his best before he turned, his back now facing Van so Farm wouldn’t have to stare into his eyes and allow Van to see how much his words have affected him.
Staring at Farm’s back, Van swallowed the lump that rose in his throat, the anxious thought of possibly overstepping the line Farm had obviously drawn trying to make his mind spiral. Moving around until he was lying on his back once more, Van kept his eyes on the ceiling, just listening to the way Farm’s breathing softened and evened out, obviously telling Van that he had fallen asleep.
“Wish I could fall asleep that fast,” Van thought to himself, side eyeing Farm before he huffed, pulling the blanket further up before turning on his side, burying his face in the pillow that smelled like Farm and the laundry detergent he used. Allowing his eyes to flutter shut, Van let out a soft sigh when his body began to grow heavy with the emotion and physical exhaustion from the day, finally forcing his mind to fade into unconsciousness. “Goodnight…Farm.”
_______________________
Tossing and turning with sweat slipping down his forehead, Van gasped as his eyes shot open, a silent scream for his parents making his mouth move without words while his body shot up in bed. Panting heavily, Van squeezed the blanket into his fists while his frame shook, sweat mixing with the tears that slowly began to slide down his pale cheeks. Examining the dark room, Van tried to slow his breathing, realizing he wasn’t alone at his home and instead was in Farm’s dorm room with Farm sleeping beside him.
“I didn’t wake him…did I?” Van thought to himself, turning his head slightly to check on Farm, a relieved sigh leaving his lips since Farm was still asleep beside him. Brushing his sweaty bangs away from his face, Van allowed himself a moment to breathe, observing the dark room for a second before he carefully settled back into bed, staring at the ceiling. “If I sleep again…will I have to face that again?”
As if his body agreed with him, the nightmare that shook him to his core flashed into his mind, his shoulders tensing in fear before Van shook his head, clenching his eyes shut while he curled on his side, trying to force his body to relax and fall back asleep. Tossing and turning however, Van grumbled softly and gripped the blanket tightly, moving around so much that when he felt Farm stir beside him, Van bit back a curse and settled with his back to Farm, feigning that he was asleep.
“Van? Why are you moving around so much?” Farm yawned out, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes as he turned, his tired gaze falling on the tense line of Van’s shoulders. Feeling the warmth of sleep leave him when he noticed the slight tremble Van’s body was still emitting, Farm pushed himself up a bit and scooted a bit closer, enough for Van to feel the sudden warmth of Farm’s chest against his back. “Did you have a nightmare?”
“Y-yeah…sorry for waking you. Just go back to sleep, Farm. I’m fine,” Van muttered softly, cursing himself for waking Farm up with his stupid problems. Letting out a soft sigh, Farm settled back against the bed but when he didn’t move away, Van opened his mouth to question only for a gasp to leave his lips, Farm’s arm suddenly wrapping around his waist under the blanket, pulling Van close until they were pressed together like two puzzle pieces. “Farm…what…?”
“Just sleep…I don’t mind doing this if it helps you,” Farm whispered out, his voice low against Van’s ear in a way that made Van’s body tremble for another reason. Keeping his eyes locked on the wall across from him, Van stayed completely still with his breath holding itself in his chest. What was he supposed to do in a situation like this? It’s not like he could turn and curl into Farm’s chest, right? Was he even allowed to do that? “I can hear you thinking from here. Do I need to get you to relax so you can sleep?”
Blinking in confusion at the spark of teasing he could hear in Farm’s sleepy voice, Van didn’t have to wait long to figure out what Farm meant before he felt Farm’s hand slip under his pajama shirt, the warm palm pressing against his stomach in a way that made Van tense. Trying to squirm, Van whined when he realized he couldn’t move, Farm’s hold was too strong on him to do much but kick his legs slightly. Stupid Farm and his gym routine.
“If you worked out with me like I’ve been telling you, you’d be able to get free,” Farm teased, moving his fingers in a way that made goosebumps rise on Van’s skin. Shaking his head while biting back giggles, Van pleaded softly for Farm’s mercy, whining about it being too late for this and that they had an early class tomorrow. “I won’t stop until you relax, Van.”
“F-Fahaharm, please…” Van cackled softly, his legs kicking under the blanket as his hands scrambled to get Farm’s hand off his stomach. Letting his fingers slow to soft scratches, Farm buried his face into the back of Van’s neck and blew a slight raspberry against the skin, causing Van to let out a squeal so loud that Farm had to stop so it wouldn’t wake their neighbors. Releasing the squirmy worm that was Van, Farm stayed still as the other body turned and he was suddenly face to face with a giggly Van whose lip was jutted out in a pout. “How was that supposed to make me relax…”
“I could tell you were crying, Van…I just wanted to make you smile,” Farm confirmed softly, pulling Van close again so that he could tangle their legs together under the blanket. Freezing at the admittance, Van thought about denying the fact that he was crying again but sighed, knowing it was useless since Farm was now cupping his face softly, his thumbs wiping away the tear tracks that were staining his cheeks. “You don’t have to tell me about what it was about…I have a vague idea. Just…allow me to do this for you, okay?”
Biting his lip, Van stared at a loose thread that was sticking out of Farm’s shirt, his mind spiraling in a way that made it hard for Van to grasp what he was truly feeling. It’s not like he was forcing Farm to hold or comfort him, so it was okay…right? But Farm was too nice to leave him with his tears so is Van just guilting him with his sadness? Yelping when his nose was pinched in a way that made him get out of his head, Van stared incredulously at Farm whose eyes were starting to grow heavy again.
“We’ll talk more in the morning, okay? It’s late…try and get some sleep, Van,” Farm whispered out, pulling Van close again until he was using Farm’s shoulder as a pillow and Farm’s arms were encircling him in a way that made Van feel both safe and like he was being squeezed by a snake. Nodding softly against Farm’s shoulder, Van let out a breath as Farm’s warmth sunk into his form, the tension finally leaving his shoulders and the leftover fear from his nightmare fading away from his mind. “Goodnight, Van.”
Mumbling out a soft, ‘goodnight,’ Van slowly wrapped his arm around Farm’s waist, clutching the back of his nightshirt like it was the only thing keeping him steady and safe from any lingering nightmares wanting to plague his sleep. Allowing his eyes to fall shut, Van couldn’t help but press himself further into Farm’s chest as Farm pressed a kiss against his forehead, his face nuzzling to Van’s hair as they both slipped into unconsciousness, similar soft smiles resting on their sleepy faces.