Chapter Text
“Chill lang tayo, Aiah. Ito na yung peak natin diba? Enjoy nalang natin yung experience.” Professor Mendoza must have noticed how uneasy I was during the drive. I hadn’t been able to sit still in the shotgun seat for a while now, and my restlessness seemed to translate into concern as she kept driving, glancing over every so often.
I tried to calm myself down. OA pa naman maka-react ‘tong si Ma’am, baka mamaya isugod pa ako nito sa pinakamalapit na ospital.
Sinubukan kong huminga nang malalim to somehow ease these hands from trembling.
Pero hindi talaga eh, nakakanginig pa rin at parang sobrang lakas ng aircon ng sasakyan niya dahil nanlalamig ang parehong paa at kamay ko.
Hindi naman ako makapagreklamo. Nakakahiya. Nakikisakay na nga lang kami sa kotse niya.
“Okay lang po ako, Ma’am. Medyo nakakakaba lang po talaga, final round na po eh.” I laughed nervously.
Sinungaling.
But do I have to tell the truth though?
‘Ma’am hindi naman po ako kinakabahan para sa mismong competition eh. Mas kinakabahan ako sa pwedeng mangyari sa Room 704 for the next four days and three nights with Jhoanna Robles.’
Jhoanna Robles. 3rd Year, AB Economics.
Pakakasalan, pagsisilbihan, sasambahin, hahamakin ang lahat mapansin lamang.
Char.
I lifted my phone up and pretended to look at my reflection on the black screen, even fixed my wavy hair that didn't need fixing at all, just to put on a dramatic act kahit hindi naman sila nakatingin. Then I slowly tilted my phone at just the right angle to catch the reflection of the silent girl at the left backseat, just behind the driver’s seat. Jhoanna.
She’s leaning against the car window, eyes fixed on the skyscrapers outside yet she looked lost. Parang malalim ang iniisip. Or siguro pagod lang din.
What’s bothering you, my love?
And now I’m daydreaming, again. In this broad daylight. With the endearment I wouldn’t probably get the chance to say directly to her. Napailing nalang ako nang marahan, this has become a bad habit na kailangan kong iwasan.
I watched her still. She looks ethereal kahit nakaupo lang siya. The way she took a deep breath and exhaled slow and careful. The way her eyelids slowly cover the beauty of her doe eyes. The way I had to stop myself from making the sign of the cross—Lord bakit ayaw niyo po siyang ibigay sa’kin? Hindi pa po ba sapat ang good deeds ko in this lifetime?
I can’t take my eyes off her. There’s something magnetic about her that keeps pulling my gaze. The sun leaned in as if pressing a warm kiss against her face. I watched her shift slightly, adjusting herself into a more comfortable position, her brows furrowing as she squeezed her eyes shut.
Masyado bang masilo? Dukutin ko ‘yang araw na ‘yan eh.
I may be fighting the urge to challenge the sun for daring to touch her, but I kept my cool. I wouldn’t wanna risk confessing my love just to get rejected by the perfect girl. Not here, not now, not in the presence of our Professor and Maloi–who’s probably in deep slumber right behind me.
Kung gising ‘yang si Maloi baka dinadaldal na kami n’yan. It may be a comfortable silence for them three, pero sa akin, I’m feeling sick. My chest is twisting na parang anytime baka magsuka ako ng paru-paro. Mas gugustuhin ko pang gising si Maloi para hindi maging awkward somehow.
I’ve been drafting words to say just to start a conversation with Jhoanna simula pa nung umalis kami ng Quezon. We’ve been inside this car for almost four hours non-stop. At apat na oras na din akong nagko-contemplate whether to talk to Jho about just anything or save it for later since kami naman ang magkasama sa hotel room.
Kami. Ang. Magkasama. Sa hotel room.
Omg.
I’ve been feeling this tremor of horror since Professor Mendoza announced the room assignment yesterday but I still can’t sink it in. Makakasama ko si Jhoanna sa room, kami lang dalawa.
Shet.
Mas kakayanin ko pa kung si Doc Mendoza ang kasama ko sa kwarto. Napaka-OA naman ng deities sa pag-grant ng hiling ko.
I wasn’t really expecting that we’d be reaching this stage. Kahit pa sabihin kong we really worked hard for the preliminary round–the paper, out of 170 participating teams sa buong Pilipinas, hindi ko naman alam na mapapasama kami sa Top 15. Buong Pilipinas na ‘yon, kami ay hamak na mga estudyante lamang na gumagamit pa ng calculator para lang i-solve ang 5+10.
At tsaka sumali lang naman ako dito kasi nalaman kong kasali si Jhoanna.
“Aiah, this is the fourth time I’m reaching out to you. Isa nalang ang kulang sa team and we’re really targeting you. Among all the Finance majors, ikaw ang nire-recommend ng lahat ng instructors.” This is also the fourth time Professor Mendoza summoned me dito sa BSBA Faculty Office.
And this is the fourth time I'll say no as well. Stressed na ako sa acads at council. I couldn't afford an additional headache.
“Ma’am, hindi po talaga kaya ng time. Marami din pong ganap sa Student Council these coming months.”
Professor Mendoza looked defeated, pero knowing her, hindi dito matatapos ang convincing. May isa pa siyang ida-dahilan.
“Kasali din naman si Miss Jhoanna Robles from AB Economics, she also raised concerns about…”
The following words all came out muffled, Doc Mendoza lost me at the mention of her name.
Kasali si Jhoanna..?
Kusa na bang gumagalaw ang tadhana para paglapitin kami?
Dapat ko na bang pagplanuhan ang floor plan ng magiging bahay naming dalawa?
“Aiah?”
“Y-yes ma’am..?”
I didn’t realize I'd been distracted. The thought of Jhoanna joining the competition, the thought of the opportunity to finally get close to her. The offer now sounds more tempting than it should be.
“Really? Is that a yes?”
Ay, si Ma’am naman. Na para bang sobrang rupok ko naman para mapapayag agad dahil lang narinig ko pangalan ni Jhoanna.
“No–I mean, sorry po hindi ko po masyadong narinig.”
“As I was saying, Miss Robles–as far as I know she’s your PRO sa SC? Pumayag na siya na makasali sa case study kahit nag-alangan pa siya nung una kasi just like what you’ve mentioned, marami kayong ganap sa konseho. Sana mapapayag din kita kasi mabibigyan kita ng extra credit sa subject ko kapag nagkataon. If makaabot man tayo sa final round, sige dalawang term ang plus mo sa’kin.”
Ipapaabot natin ‘to sa final round Ma’am, dedma sa extra credits, di ko kailangan n’yan. (Joke lang, naghihingalo na din yung grade ko ng prelim.)
If it means I'll be able to interact with Jhoanna more often during the duration of the competition. Kahit ano pang case ‘yan, titiklupin natin ‘yan.
Pero hindi ko naman inexpect ang extent ng fate intervention. Roommates? Agad agad?
Bilang pa nga lang sa kamay yung interaction namin. Even though we’re both members of the local Student Council, bihira lang namang makapag-communicate ang Treasurer at PRO kahit pa parehong nasa Executive Board ang position.
Plus, we don’t interact casually and personally. Every communication between us has been formal and council-related. I’m actually sick of it. Gusto kong malaman where’s her favorite restaurant, what’s her study routine, if she has any idea how pretty she is, how come she makes my chest flutter every time she’s around, how can she be so chill habang ako palaging nanginginig at kinakabahan kapag nand’yan siya.
There are so many things I want to know about her. I want to know everything about her.
But how can I reach out without talking much about expenditure dissemination and pending fees announcement?
It’s stressing me out. Mas nakaka-stress pa ito kaysa sa kung paano namin iraraos ang presentation para sa susunod na araw.
“Jhoanna pwedeng pasuyo pagising na kay Maloi? Malapit na tayo.”
When we all got inside the hotel, bitbit ang mga maliliit naming maleta at hand carry na para bang sa HongKong ang punta namin, Professor Mendoza proceeded to the front desk lobby habang kami ay nakasunod lang sa kanya.
She finally faced us when she’s done talking to the receptionist. “Two hours of rest before dinner. After dinner, sasabak na tayo sa dry run, understood?” Excitement is evident in Professor Mendoza’s tone as she hands me the keycard to our shared room, in contrast sa aming tatlo na nanginginig na sa kinatatayuan.
“Yes Ma’am.”
I gripped the handle of my luggage a little too tightly just for a second. Ngayong nandito na kami, saka lang tuluyang bumigat ang kaba for the competition. Months of hard work and somehow, we had made it to the final round.
Noong nagsisimula pa lang kami, paulit-ulit naming ipinagdarasal na sana makarating kami sa finals. But now that we’re here, parang mas gusto ko nalang umuwi.
The anxiety only worsened when I noticed a group of smart-looking people entering the hotel. Sa vibes palang nila, parang sila ang manggigisa sa mga panels. Based on their maroon lanyards. They are probably the delegates of UP Los Baños. They looked painfully relaxed. As if they were attending a seminar and not the most important competition of the year.
Sa kabilang banda, may isa pang grupo ang naghihintay sa tapat ng elevator, halatang may bahid ng blue eagles. Ateneans. Para bang dinner lang ang pinunta nila sa hotel–nagtatawanan, walang bakas ng kaba.
I let out a deep sigh. We’re not expecting much pero iba pa rin talaga ang kaba kapag makakaharap na ang top universities ng Pilipinas. Even though Professor Mendoza encourage us to have a sense of pride dahil nakakasabay kami sa kanila, hindi ko pa din magawang makampante. We’re just students coming from a Southern Tagalog local state university. Anong laban namin sa mga advanced ang syllabus?
Tanggap na namin ang outcome. Isa nang achievement para sa amin ang makarating sa ganitong lebel. I no longer allowed myself to hope that the winning plaque would carry our name.
Although sayang din yung 100,000 na cash prize…
I laughed at the thought. The six digits sounds tempting for a grand prize. But we’re really here to just enjoy the experience.
And maybe take this opportunity to be with Jhoanna.
Char.
When we reached the hotel room, I simply went straight to the side of the bed next to the floor-to-ceiling glass window. I can see from my peripheral view that Jhoanna is just standing by the door, scanning the whole four-cornered room. Partida, blurred side vision na ‘yan pero mukha pa ring anghel na ibinaba sa langit para mahalin ko.
“Ate Aiah okay lang ba sa’yong ako ang kasama mo sa room? Mas close po kayo ni Ate Maloi eh. Pwede naman pong palit kami.”
Suddenly, my breath hitched.
Did Jhoanna… did she just… did she just talk to me?
Did she just call my name? With Ate?
Usually sa council, she only calls me Treas. I almost put the blame on Gwen as the Local Council Governor for declaring the Parliamentary Procedure dahil napasobra naman sa formal. Na para bang ii-impeach ako kapag nakipagbiruan ako during one of the sessions.
But now…
It took me a second longer to answer. “A-ah, hayaan mo siya kay Doc Mendoza. Ayaw mo ba sa’kin?”
Bad mouth.
I almost slapped my own lips. This is what I’m talking about! This is our first conversation at kung ano ano nang nasasabi ko! It’s so rich coming from someone na hindi niya gaanong nakakausap. This is so awkward.
But I just laughed it out anyway because there’s no way I can take back those words.
Jhoanna looked a bit alarmed. “H-Hindi naman po sa gano’n…” She chuckled nervously, scratching the back of her nape.
Even the way she smiles awkwardly seems so perfectly molded. Like every inch of her features screamed ‘perfection’ habang ginagawa siya ni Lord. Parang nag-undergo pa ng mahabang panahong pananaliksik para lang ma-perfect ang ganyang mukha.
Ang ganda.
Sobrang ganda.
“You can drop the ‘po’ Jhoanna. Wala naman tayo sa SC Office, it’s fine.” I said, trying my very best to be my natural self and I guess I succeeded… for now. Wala akong tiwala sa sarili ko.
I noticed how the corner of her lips formed a smile but there’s something in her eyes I couldn’t quite comprehend. But that smile got big soon enough, covering the eye expression before I can actually understand what’s there behind the stare. “Senior ka po eh. Okay lang po, mas comfortable po ako nang ganito.”
Sige go. Whatever makes her comfortable. Hindi pwedeng nahihirapan siya, hindi pwedeng hindi siya kumportable.
I plastered a careful smile and nodded. “Alright. Do you need help with your luggage ba?” I asked. It’s actually obvious that it needs no helping at all, ni hindi pa nga niya binubuksan yung maleta niya and I don’t think she will anytime soon.
“Ay hindi po. Okay lang po.”
I smiled again. “If you need anything just tell me. I may have it here.” I think that’s the most normal line I contributed all throughout this conversation so far.
“Thank you Ate Aiah.”
It’s only been half an hour since we entered this room at nasa sariling mundo na kami ni Jhoanna. Nakahiga ako sa kama, nagkukunwaring naglalaro sa phone but it’s just an excuse to catch glimpses of her from time to time while she’s working on something sa laptop niya, seated so casually sa may coffee table. Ang ganda niya talaga, no kidding I can literally look at that face for many hours at hindi ako magsasawa.
She’s probably working on our case study. Everytime she’s around, even in the SC Office, I would always catch her researching stuff or doing conceptual frameworks para sa M&A Challenge. I really admire her for being that devoted. In all honesty, she had the biggest contribution sa study namin, she would always raise concerns and suggestions kay Doc Mendoza and would always consult sa akin for potential revisions. Kung mag top 3 siguro kami, it woud all be thanks to Jhoanna.
Aminado naman akong ganda lang ang ambag ko despite being the leader myself.
Malay naman natin, kung hindi man kami manalo dito, mapanalo ko naman ang puso ni Jho.
Malay. Lang. Natin.
I’m fighting the urge to go to her and open up a conversation, maybe ask kung anong pinagkakaabalahan niya. Ang worry ko lang ay baka kung ano na naman ang lumabas sa bibig ko na pinagpilitan lang ng puso ko though hindi permitted ng utak xko.
Hay Jhoanna, if only you know your effect on me.
Siguro the best choice for me is to leave her alone bago pa ako kumanta ng “Gusto Kita” nang harap harapan. “Jhoanna I’ll be out for a bit. May gusto kang ipabili?” I got up from the bed and wore my sandals.
I saw her look up from the laptop screen then back at it then looked up again. She paused for a moment, na parang pinag-iisipan nang mabuti kung ano ang pwede niyang ipabili sa’kin.
Anything Jhoanna, anything. Kahit bituin pa ‘yan on the broad daylight, ibibigay ko sa’yo.
“Pwede pong pasama nalang?”
I’m sorry, what? Sasama siya?
Eh kaya nga ako aalis para makahinga ako nang maayos kahit saglit lang because I’ve been chasing my breath ever since we entered this very room. Yung puso ko naninikip at yung tiyan ko kinikiliti kaya kailangan kong pakalmahin muna ang sarili ko.
So bakit ako papayag na sumama siya? “Oo naman. Let’s go?”
Jhoanna folded her laptop and grabbed her jacket. Humarap din siya sa salamin to check herself and fix her black-rimmed glasses. I watched her lips pressed together as she checked every feature of her face then a few seconds later the lips showed up, revealing a beautiful smile na pwede kong ikahimatay.
Kung hindi siya mapapasa’kin ay hindi maaari. Aalagaan ko ‘yan, mamahalin nang higit pa sa capacity ng love stock ni Aphrodite. Trust, In God’s perfect time.
“Let’s go po?”
I woke up to yet another daydream when she spoke with a smile plastered on her face. Sobrang ganda. Bakit sobrang ganda? I hurriedly went to open the door bago pa siya mauna and I paused just by the doorway para mauna siyang lumabas.
I don’t know if it’s just my delusions but there was a faint blush on her cheeks as she walked out. Or siguro nag-apply siya ng blush kanina, or baka natural ‘yon sa mukha niya and visible sa malapitan. I wouldn’t know.
“Medyo mahaba habang lakad siguro kasi puro bangko ang nasa area. Although I saw a small convenience store somewhere nearby.” I said as we walked together along the hallways.
Before we could even reach the elevators, we saw Maloi walking towards our direction, holding a phone in her hand.
“Sa’n ka galing?” I asked curiously, maybe Doc Mendoza’s also out here. Hindi pa naman kami nagpaalam, balak ko sanang magchat sa gc habang nasa elevator kami.
“Kausap ko si Mama sa phone. Nakakahiya namang makipag-usap sa loob nang nando’n si Doc Mendoza kaya lumabas muna ako. Saan kayo?”
Jhoanna spoke, “Iikot lang po saglit.”
“Sama ako!--Ay joke lang pala.”
Maybe it was the sharp look I gave her. Maybe not.
“Bakit Ate? Sama ka na po.” Jhoanna insisted.
Maloi smiled, convincing. “Hindi na, naalala ko takot nga pala ako sa aso…”
“Po?”
“Hindi, ano kasi may asong sinamaan ako ng tingin, takot atang masapawan.” Her eyes darted at me, as if saying “bwisit ka.”
I shot back. “What?”
Her eyes talked. “Gusto mo lang ma-solo si Jhoanna eh.”
“You already know and yet you still want to go with us?”
“Hindi pa kasi umamin. Leche.”
“Wala naman pong aso dito ah?” Our mind talk ended when Jhoanna spoke as she glanced around the area as if searching for a dog.
I love how cute she is when she gets gullible. What if sa’kin ka nalang tapos iingatan kita?
“Ayan oh.”
I can feel our friendship twisting the moment she pointed at me.
Bwisit na ‘to, isang taon na akong nagmamahal nang patago siya lang ang makakapagpabulgar.
“Si Ate Aiah?” Jhoanna asked, unsure and clueless.
Maloi frowned and I swear I might strangle her right this instant. “Ay, si Aiah ba ‘yan? Ah basta, ingat kayo. Aiah bili mo’ko Proyo yung mixed berries ha? Libre mo na para quits tayo.”
Maloi smiled in mischief.
Uh-oh. Alam ko ‘yang ngiti na yan. Delikado yan.
She raised one eyebrow at me and her eyes talked once again. “May araw ka rin.”
Good thing Jhoanna already started walking without noticing how we stabbed each other in our minds.