Work Text:
Won Chaehee was not new to fandom spaces.
She had spent her teenage years following and supporting idols and singers, spending too much money a student could impossibly have on buying merchandise, and attending offline events. Won Chaehee had gone through so many fandoms, hopping from one to another when her favorite disbanded or caused trouble, a clear understatement when her last bias just had become a VIP at a club.
That also meant that Chaehee had made a lot of fangirl friends. Particularly when she was a teenager with unrestricted internet access and zero screen time limit on her phone and computer. Back in high school, she was running a mangdol’s fan account like a drill instructor in the army, wholeheartedly convinced—along with many of her fangirl friends of the same age—that their idol would one day become famous. Except that day never came because he had personality issues and abused his manager, one that teenage Chaehee only saw as having a “bad boy” concept. Chaehee, until now, had been reflecting on her bad perception of people.
Fortunately, Chaehee had grown into a mature, professional woman full of morals. With adulting hitting her like a truck, along with the reality of having to go to work and become a part of society like many other responsible adults, she couldn’t fangirl the way she used to back in high school.
“It’s for the better,” is what she told herself back then, all while drowning in somaek one night after work when she missed her bias, fresh from his military enlistment, who did a Bubble live.
When Chaehee was in high school, she always told herself that she would work with a high-paying job so she could indulge herself in fangirling and spend lavishly without worrying. Although her job right now wasn’t paying that much, Chaehee had the financial freedom to buy albums or attend concerts when she could, the problem is—
Being an adult gave her too many responsibilities that shackled her. Office hours ran from Monday to Friday, from 9AM to 5PM, with overtime frequently taking the later hours of her day, adding to the two-hour commute and rush hour, and when she gets home, she’s too tired for everything.
Still, there was nothing that her fangirl heart couldn't overcome.
She could still keep her eyes open after a long overtime shift because her favorite idols just released new content. She could listen through her bias’ live during her commute to work. She could check the fancafe and send messages through the Bubble Pop app during her break.
Chaehee could live and fangirl like this.
But it was too lonely. Fangirling on her own was too lonely.
She had long learned that long-term fangirl friends are impossible to have, unless you were certain your favorite idols are (1) not disbanding any time later, and (2) not problematic. Of course, she could still remain friends with them even after they changed fandoms but it was different from fangirling over the same idols. And besides, Chaehee was not a person built for socializing and maintaining relationships she cannot hold.
After her not-so-long period of denial over spArk, Chaehee created a new fan account dedicated for them. She followed multiple fan accounts and made mutuals who are also sparklers but all the relationships she made were just based on the orange blood they share.
As an adult, Chaehee sought a personal, close relationship where she can be comfortable enough to talk about fangirling and her interests. And she knew how difficult that can be, knowing the stereotypes and stigmas that fangirls of her age face.
People her age are starting to settle down and here she was, still watching idols and cheering for them. Chaehee had been told multiple times that she needed to grow out of this behavior, but what could she do when it makes her happy?
If only she could find a friend of her age who also likes spArk. Her sparkler mutuals are fun to talk to, but she couldn’t exactly say that she likes watching spArk’s self-produced contents while having somaek to a bunch of highschoolers who can't even attend offline events without a chaperone.
*
Assistant Manager Yeo is a strong woman.
It’s the only way Chaehee could describe her superior.
She remembered at a specific live that Iwol did, where he went full-on mode on talking about labor laws and office workers, he once talked about what characteristics your superior should have.
Chaehee could only think that Assistant Manager Yeo is the ideal superior.
She did all her work properly and diligently, was friendly and respectful to her coworkers, never made her team do overtime, never passed her work to them (unlike a certain assistant manager), always helped and took responsibility of her team members, and most importantly—
Assistant Manager Yeo didn’t judge her the way Assistant Manager Cheon and the others did.
And even more than that,
“Assistant Manager Won, I saw another display of your idols for Indenia when I was going home. It’s the one who looked like he was underwater. What was his name again?”
Chaehee swallowed the nervousness in her throat and answered. “If he’s really pale, it must be Kim Iwol.”
“Ah, that’s right. He was really pale; he looked unreal.”
The same Assistant Manager Yeo, whom she used to see as unreachable, was chatting with her during lunch—chatting about spArk, her favorite idols.
When she had defended Chaehee during an argument with Assistant Manager Cheon, she hadn’t expected that their relationship would’ve progressed. Sure, Assistant Manager Yeo had asked her for a song recommendation but Chaehee was sure it was just out of politeness.
(Chaehee still thought of what song to introduce spArk to a muggle that could potentially convert them into a full fan. She ultimately decided with ‘With List’, a popular favorite of non-fans. Maybe her superior could relate to wanting to play during the holidays?)
But then, the following day, Assistant Manager Yeo had approached during her break when she saw Chaehee eating alone at the cafeteria. It almost sent Chaehee into a coughing fit, choking over rice, when she said that she loved the song she recommended.
And now, she was talking about spArk’s latest commercial and brand deal, Indenia.
“Assistant Manager Won, what other songs should I listen to?”
Since she was being friendly, Chaehee decided to be a little bold.
“How about all of them? All of their songs are really, really good.” She answered, putting emphasis on the praise.
Her superior sported a smile. “Well, I’ll trust you on that, Assistant Manager Won.”
If that made Chaehee a little nervous, that was only between her and the Iwol unofficial plushie she has at home—that ended up becoming her punching bag when Assistant Manager Won sent her a message at night, at a time that can be said as inappropriate for superiors to message their subordinates, but Chaehee didn’t really mind because Manager Yeo said,
“I really liked them all. Assistant Manager Won has a good taste in music.”
*
Starting then, spending lunch breaks together is what only felt natural. Talking about spArk at work felt natural. Chatting with Assistant Manager Yeo felt natural.
Chaehee thought.
“Is this what it feels like to have a friend of the same interest?”
It felt too silly and childish to talk about making friends when she’s at her late 20s, a grown working woman, but the truth was—it’s a common problem for many adults like her. It was difficult to make friends who have the same interest. At her age, talking about bank loans or house mortgages made more sense than chatting about an idol’s comeback or their newly posted selca.
And even if there were colleagues who had the same interest, they weren’t like Chaehee.
Chaehee once had a coworker in her previous part-time job who also liked idols. However, when she mentioned about going to fan events or organizing birthday cafes, they totally didn’t click. Turns out, that coworker was someone that people referred to as a “casual listener”.
People her age rarely had interests as intense as the way she is as a fangirl.
That was why she was thankful for Assistant Manager Yeo. Sure, she was definitely a muggle, a non-fan, a normal person who probably only listened to Kpop in passing, but the way she paid attention to Chaehee’s interest—the way she gave thought and spent what little time office workers have on the things Chaehee liked—made her happy.
Chaehee felt happy that she had a friend, one who is a coworker, a woman of same age, and a fangirl (in the making). She had to make sure Assistant Manager Yeo would become one, especially now that Chaehee had given her a photocard and an album.
*
Chaehee’s weekend plans consisted of being cozy in her bed, catching up on sleep, scrolling through social media, watching spArk’s contents and lives she missed on when she had work, and making spArk edits to post.
It did not include going out spontaneously at a single message from Assistant Manager Yeo.
Assistant Manager Yeo
Hi, Assistant Manager Won! I’m sorry for sending you a message on the weekends, but I saw this on the fancafe you told me about. I was wondering if you know about this pop-up booth?
[link to a fancafe post about spArk’s pop-up booth]
Me
It’s okay, I wasn’t doing anything anyway.
Me
Pop-up booths are limited time physical stores that sell merchandise of spArk. The one you sent is a promotion for their recent comeback. I haven’t had the time to check it out, but they should be selling albums and kits, along with other merchandise.
Assistant Manager Yeo
I didn’t know there was stuff like that!
Assistant Manager Yeo
The address is near our office. Do you want to come today?
Chaehee knew she had close to zero self-discipline, courtesy of the countless albums she orders every comeback and the shelf full of spArk merch which she can confidently call a shrine.
However, she didn’t expect Assistant Manager Yeo to be the same.
Assistant Manager Yeo
If you’re free today, then let’s go together! I’m curious about the pop-up booth. Should we buy something?
Assistant Manager Yeo
I can also pick you up since I’m driving.
Chaehee’s reply came a little too quickly, and she could only hope that her superior didn’t notice her excitement through the message.
Me
Sure, let’s go! Thank you for offering to pick me up. This is my address. [attachment link]
Me
Would 10AM be okay?
Assistant Manager Yeo
Good! See you later, Assistant Manager Won.
The only times Chaehee dresses up herself are during blind dates (which she no longer does), class reunions, and offline events. The Office Worker Chaehee only wore slacks and dress shirt topped with a blazer or a coat, and Daily Chaehee wore shirts or hoodies paired with sweatpants.
So here she was, with 30 minutes left before Assistant Manager Yeo arrived to pick her up, going through her closet for an outfit that doesn’t feel overbearing but still wouldn’t make her look underdressed. She even spent an embarrassing amount of time before the vanity mirror trying to do her hair and make up.
It would be the first time Chaehee is meeting Assistant Manager Yeo outside of work and all that her heart is screaming at her is not to mess up first impressions.
(Chaehee knew it’s not like it’s the first time they’re personally meeting each other, but she also knew meeting at work and outside work are clearly different.)
When Chaehee received a message that Assistant Manager Yeo was in front of her apartment already, she rushed down carrying her bag. Usually, when Chaehee attended offline events or fan gatherings, she carried an ita bag full of her bias’ merch. Since she was going with a casual fan, she decided to tone down her fangirling for today and only brought a photocard and acrylic keychain, both hanging in her shoulder bag.
“Assistant Manager Won, good morning.”
Chaehee returned the greeting as she entered the car, occupying the front seat next to Assistant Manager Yeo.
She dressed similarly as to her typical office fit, but the dark blue cardigan had given her a more casual and relaxed mood. Chaehee thought, this was her superior Assistant Manager Yeo during her day-off.
“Good morning. Thank you for picking me up, Assistant Manager Yeo.”
*
It was a Saturday, just a little before lunch time when they arrived.
The pop-up booth was located in a mall. It wasn’t difficult for Chaehee to navigate through the mall and look for the booth because when they went in, she had seen some girls wearing orange accessories and hanging familiar keychains in their bags. They ended up following them.
“Oh, it’s bigger than I thought?”
Chaehee shared Assistant Manager Yeo’s sentiments upon seeing the said pop-up booth. She had honestly expected it to be a small stall, not a shop that took up a huge room in the corner of the floor. It was even more grandiose than the photo she saw online—with all the LED displays showing spArk’s new music video and the life-sized standees.
It seemed UA had gone all out this time, considering that spArk’s anniversary is coming soon.
“Should we go inside?”
She could fangirl later. For now, she would accompany Assistant Manager Yeo on her first pop-up booth experience.
There were many shelves storing various merchandise, from spArk’s albums starting their debut to most recent ones, to new merch kits and collab items. There was also the new lightstick, which Chaehee hadn’t bought yet.
Chaehee stopped looking around upon seeing Assistant Manager Yeo stand before a shelf displaying various non-paper merch.
“Did it catch your eye?”
spArk had merch that weren’t paper or album inclusions, such as the Goldberg machine kit that Cheonghyeon made before, animal plushies designed after them, and plushies of sparkler’s official mascot.
What made Assistant Manager Yeo stop in her tracks seemed to be the animal plushies.
“Is that an eagle?”
Chaehee looked at where she had pointed and ended up giggling.
“Yes, it’s an eagle. It’s Lee Cheonghyeon’s animal plushie because the eagle is his representative animal.”
“Huh…? Why an eagle though?”
Chaehee shared the story of what she had witnessed in spArk’s first ever fanmeeting. The chaotic, lively bunch of boys that never stopped talking the entire time, and the day she realized she was deep into the sparkler life.
“— and that was when the fandom collectively agreed that Cheonghyeon is a harpy eagle and Iwol is an eagle.”
“But there’s only one eagle here?”
“Iwol’s another representative animal, which I wholeheartedly support more, is a black cat. That one.”
Assistant Manager Yeo picked up a 10CM black cat plushie keychain from the shelf. She looked at it closely, squeezing it every time the plushie was flipped in her hand. Chaehee could only mutter softly while watching her.
“You're squeezing Iwol.”
Assistant Manager Yeo chuckled. “I'll take him home anyway.”
Since she was getting something, Chaehee decided to ignore her budget and decided to splurge a little on the gacha in the center. From what she read, all the photocards in the gacha machine were new and non-album inclusions. She would be happy to get anyone but of course, getting her bias increased that happiness exponentially.
“What are you getting, Assistant Manager Won?”
“Photocards. I'll try to get Iwol in five attempts.”
She should get at least one. There were only six members of spArk.
After putting the tokens she exchanged on the counter, Chaehee prayed to the spArk gods. Five photocards came out from the machine, all facing down. It seemed UA had learned that fans liked the surprise of random photocards, but she bet it was Iwol's doing. Iwol understood them the best after all.
Chaehee grabbed them all, then one by one, she flipped them up.
“Oh, he's handsome. Who is this one with blond hair?”
“It's Lee Cheonghyeon!”
“Is he your bias?”
“Assistant Manager Yeo, I like them all.”
Another flip. Chaehee almost let out an embarrassing noise.
“My maknae…”
She flipped the third one.
“Ah, I know who this is. Jeong Seongbin, right?” Assistant Manager Yeo spoke upon seeing the photocard.
Chaehee could only nod while seeing the glorious Seongbin photo that she was certain it was Iwol who took it.
There were two left. Still no sign of Iwol, but if there weren't any duplicates, she'd be happy already.
She flipped the remaining two. The quiet J brothers.
“Jeho and Joowoo…!”
While Chaehee basked in the beauty of the photocards she got, she had almost forgotten one problem had it not been for Assistant Manager Yeo reminding her.
“Ah, what about Iwol…?”
She got 5 out of the 6 spArk members. All except her ultimate bias.
“Oh, no.”
She had already spent her extra money on the five photocards and if she wanted to get more, she'd have to break her savings for the next comeback. And Chaehee was too aware of the difficulties of getting a specific photocard in gacha. She'll definitely end up spending too much.
Chaehee was debating between trying again or just finding an online seller when Assistant Manager Yeo spoke next to her.
“Should I give it a try? I'll give you Iwol's picture if I get him.”
“Yes?!”
Assistant Manager Yeo had learned how to use the machine from watching her. Still, her clumsy movements made Chaehee chuckle and cheer for her. Perhaps she could rely on a new fan's luck.
Holding the three photocards she got, Assistant Manager Yeo asked.
“There should be at least one Iwol here, no?”
“I hope so.”
Unlike Chaehee who did it one by one, Assistant Manager Yeo suddenly flipped all three up at the same time.
On the three photocards, there was the same image of a man in black hair with stickers on his cheeks, with both his hands forming cat ears on his head.
Chaehee ended up screaming.
Looking at the photocards she was holding, Assistant Manager Yeo grinned.
“Would you like three Iwols, Assistant Manager Won?”
After their merch haul at the pop-up booth, they grabbed lunch at a nearby cafe. Assistant Manager Yeo insisted on giving two since she didn't need the duplicates.
“But you bought it!”
“It's alright.”
“That can't do. How about I trade two of mine with you?”
Assistant Manager Yeo shook her head. “You like all of spArk, don't you? You must want to get all of them.”
She was right. Even if Chaehee did say she could trade with her, it would probably kill her a little if any of the kids’ photocards were taken.
“But still…”
A compromise was suggested then.
“How about we go to another event like this for spArk next time? You can treat me then.”
A promise for next time.
“You can't take that back, Assistant Manager Yeo!”
Chaehee, now richer by seven spArk photocards, was brimming in happiness by the time their food arrived.
Assistant Manager Yeo came to learn another fangirl behavior.
“Assistant Manager Yeo, how about we put the plushies and photocards on the table and take a photo?”
*
It was late in the afternoon when they arrived at Chaehee's apartment—at Assistant Manager Yeo's insistence that she drove her back home.
“Thank you again for inviting me and for driving, Assistant Manager Yeo.”
“It's alright. I enjoyed it a lot. Don't forget we have to go to another one.”
Chaehee smiled. She swore her cheeks have been sore because she had been smiling the entire day.
“I'll invite you when I find another one, Assistant Manager Yeo.”
Her superior seemed to have thought of something else, instead of replying.
“We've been referring to each other all day like we're at work. How about we talk casually outside of work?”
“Yes…?”
Chaehee had no idea how to respond.
“Chaehee, is that okay with you?”
“Yes, Assistant Manager Yeo!”
There's a faint blush on her cheeks when she chuckled at Chaehee.
“I'm 29. How old are you?”
“I'm two years younger…”
“Then call me unnie. Hana-unnie—how about that?”
Chaehee was going to explode. To call a superior casually, on her first name, Chaehee truly had come so far. She used to be intimidated to even approach her because she felt unreachable.
“...I'll try my best,” was what she could only reply with.
Hana could only giggle at her.
“I'm going now. Thank you again, Chaehee.”
“Please be careful on your way home.”
Assistant Manager Yeo's name—Hana—lingered in her tongue for a little longer before she finally got the courage to say it out loud, only when she's the parameters of her home.
*
Whenever Chaehee found a spArk photo or video she liked online, it either went to her gallery or in her private account to be reposted, most of the time including a violent expression of her feelings in her repost that only close mutuals could see.
Now, when she saw a new spArk post, she would instantly send it to Hana.
Me
Joowoo posted another photo! It seems they're learning instruments now.
Hana-unnie
That's amazing! What instruments are they playing?
Me
What we know so far is that Iwol is playing bass and Jeho is playing drums.
Hana-unnie
Do you have any videos of them playing?
Me
Give me a second. I'll send them to you. Do you want the whole video where it's from or just the clips?
Hana-unnie
Both please! I'll watch the whole video when I get the time.
When Hana said she would watch something she sent her, Chaehee would receive a message some time later from her.
Hana-unnie
I watched the quiz show that Cheonghyeon and Iwol attended. How can Iwol know what a sinecure is? The last I saw that word was when I was preparing for the CSAT.
Hana-unnie
And Cheonghyeon is amazing! To think he hasn't even graduated high school!
Me
Right!! Those two are spArk's brains.
Me
Did you know Iwol got accepted in SNU through regular admission?
Hana-unnie
[shocked face emoji]
At some point, she had also convinced Hana to make a fan account because she asked Chaehee where she could see updates and posts made by spArk.
“Okay, I made my account. What should I put in my username and the photo?” Hana asked her, holding her phone in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.
It was during their office break that they decided to make one, so Chaehee could also help her.
“How about you put your bias in your profile? And for your username, whatever you want?”
Hana has been liking Seongbin a lot lately. Chaehee picked out the pink hair Seongbin photo as her profile and put a spArk banner (which she had edited, not to brag).
Chaehee quietly ate as she watched Hana contemplate on what username to put. She had warned her multiple times earlier not to use her real name online for privacy purposes.
“How about something Seongbin-related?”
“Like…?”
Chaehee gave it a thought then decided on one.
*
Their next outing came in the form of a cafe event that Chaehee and her other mutuals organized to celebrate spArk's anniversary.
“Chaehee, you really organized this?”
Hana's eyes widened at the sight of the long line outside a cafe. Each and everyone were sparklers, evident in the way they dressed in orange-accented clothes and the merch they held.
“Not just me! All I did was provide photos and edit the fan merch kit.”
Hana pointed at the huge photo next to the cafe’s doorway. A photo of all members of spArk from an award show she cannot recognize.
“You took that photo?”
“I did…”
“You edited it too?” She asked again, referring to the graphic design decorating the photos.
Chaehee answered, a little embarrassed and softer than before. “Yes…”
“This is amazing! Chaehee, you’re amazing!”
Hana’s barrage of praises didn’t end there. When they entered the cafe, she kept asking Chaehee which ones she worked on, and buried her in praises. By the time they had ordered food, she was as red as the tomato in her sandwich from all of Hana’s compliments.
“Seriously, this is really amazing. Do you want to transfer to my team? Marketing?”
Chaehee knew that one was just lipservice. In their evil capitalist company where her only light is her superior from another team, transferring departments is almost impossible.
“Unnie, no work-talk when we’re fangirling,” she said as she took out her Iwol photocard—the one Hana got her.
Hana immediately followed. Unlike Chaehee’s black cat-themed photocard holder with a bass design, the photocard that Hana brought out only had a thin plastic sleeve. Chaehee made a reminder inwardly—gift Hana photocard holders, preferably the pink ones and dog-themed to fit Seongbin.
“Shall we take photos now?”
The two held their photocards next to each other before their foods—a pink-haired Seongbin and black-haired Iwol—and Chaehee took multiple photos. After ensuring she got enough to post in her fan account, Chaehee carefully returned her photocard in her bag. She had learned the worst way how important it is not to put any merch on the table while eating, except during pictorials—courtesy of her chinchilla Joowoo plushie turning orange after getting dunked in hotpot broth. At least he felt more like spArk now with his new color.
Chaehee was ready to eat, but Hana suddenly spoke.
“Let’s take our photos too.”
“Yes…?”
Hana brought out her phone, and held it out with the front camera facing them.
“Let’s take a photo. We didn’t take one the last time we went out.”
Since Chaehee hadn’t reacted, Hana looked at her, tilting her head slightly as if worrying.
“Is that okay with you, Chaehee?”
“Ah, of course, unnie!”
Who is Chaehee to reject her unnie?
*
Chaehee had planned to meet with her other mutuals, who also organized the event. Since she decided to go with Hana, her plan ended up changing a little.
Sitting across her, Hana was reading some long text (that Chaehee would rather not read, but it’s definitely a novel) on her tablet. The lively beats of ‘Flowering’ played through the speakers, loud enough for everyone to hear, but not too painful in the ears. Seeing Hana nod along the rhythm, it seemed she was enjoying the music with her book, except for the cup of latte that had been neglected since they had sat.
“Unnie,” Chaehee softly called her.
Hana didn’t reply, but instead looked at her and smiled.
Chaehee pointed at the largest table in the cafe where there were several ladies occupying it.
“I’m going to talk to my Sparkler mutuals over there."
“Alright.”
She was just about to ask if Hana wanted to come. But if her answer was obviously a firm no, then Chaehee would rather not ask.
She pursed her lips into a smile. “Then I’ll go there for now.”
Chaehee stood up and grabbed the gift bags she brought, all containing merch she made to share with her mutuals. As she was about to leave, Hana called her name.
“Chaehee.”
“Mmh?”
“I’ll wait for you here. Enjoy talking with your friends, okay?”
Chaehee could only smile at her. She felt like an idiot because how could she forget what kind of person Hana was?
To such words, there was only one correct response for Chaehee to make.
“Unnie, I’ll be back quickly!”
Until Chaehee reached the table where her mutuals were, Hana kept watching her, even waved at her when their eyes met. Her focus only returned to her novel after seeing Chaehee take a seat.
“I can’t believe you’re a real person, Jjae i-nim…”
Hearing her social media handle out loud, Chaehee’s blood rushed to her cheeks. The girl sitting on her right seemed to be the youngest at their table, and also the most excited, especially with how she looked at Chaehee with sparkling eyes.
“Ah, right. It’s Miheon’s first time meeting Chaehee,” one of her closer mutuals spoke. They met several times before, starting from the Idol Sports Day where they became friends after sharing a beer on their way home.
The girl before her turned out to be that well-known Sparkler online who often cried about Iwol. From what Chaehee had seen on her posts, she was still in high school. Miheon had been in charge of promoting their cafe event and communicating real-time with sparklers who were attending. Her more flexible schedule and amazing communication skills had saved them, the busy working adults. If Miheon were an intern, Chaehee would immediately put her in customer service. No doubt that the teenager would thrive in arguing with people.
She reminded Chaehee of her teenage years. Back then, she also used to attend events like this in high school. Although she didn’t have a big role like Miheon did, since Chaehee’s friends were the organizers, she was practically an honorary helper—especially with packing the merch kits and ensuring they didn’t have any faulty products.
Back then, as a high school student, Chaehee had great respect for the older fangirls. She thought, even when she grows up and gets her job, she will still fangirl over her idols. No matter how busy she would get, she would still have time for her happiness, just like those older fangirls she would always follow. Those older fangirls had shown Chaehee that it was okay to still fangirl as a grown up, that she could still continue her hobbies when she was working.
If Chaehee could be that person to her, that would make her glad.
“Miheon, you can speak comfortably with me. It’s nice meeting you.” She spoke to her, smiling.
“Okay, Chaehee-unnie!”
The other girls ended up chuckling.
“Miheon, that’s too comfortable!”
Over drinks diluted with melted ice—a consequence of their never-ending chatter—Chaehee caught up on stories with them. The group had been talking nonstop since she joined, aside from the sudden outburst of excitement when Chaehee brought out photocards for them.
“Chaehee, you said you went with someone?” Someone asked her.
Her eyes instinctively moved toward Hana’s direction. She hasn’t moved since earlier, still sitting, albeit more relaxed, while holding her tablet.
“Mmh, I did,” Chaehee answered, still watching Hana from their seats.
“Really? Who?”
Her reply almost came instantly, with her lips curling into a smile unknowingly.
“I came with a friend!"
*
Having a friend with mutual interests was amazing. Having Yeo Hana as a friend who liked spArk as well was even more perfect.
Hana took her bag and made her seat comfortable in the car. The heater was doing its work so she was able to take off her thick winter coat.
“Chaehee, how was the comeback stage?”
At Hana's question, she exhaled a deep breath before replying. “Unnie, it was so amazing… Seongbin dyed his hair—”
“We agreed on no spoilers!”
With the amount of time they spent together talking about spArk and listening to their music, Hana had been fully transformed into an OT6 Sparkler whose bias is Jeong Seongbin and bias wrecker is Kim Iwol in pink hair.
(Chaehee thought Hana really liked pink hair.)
When their schedules and day off allowed them to, they would attend offline events and exhibitions together. Hana would often invite her to pop up stores or cafe events she found online, and Chaehee would take her anywhere she went to.
She still remembered the first time she brought Hana to her first pre-recording stage experience. She warned Hana, explained all the horrifying experiences of attending a showcase stage down to the detail. Hana was firm; she wanted to try attending one with Chaehee as both their luck had allowed both of them to win lottery ticketing.
It was the first time Chaehee went to the broadcasting station through a car. Hana really was a blessing in her life.
“Does it really start this early?”
Chaehee looked at her wristwatch. It was around 5AM. They arrived just in time, seeing as there were already fans gathering nearby, most holding the orange lightstick.
“You would be shocked with how early recordings can be,” she told Hana who was still looking around while holding a gift bag.
“How early?”
“The earliest I've attended for spArk is at 1AM.”
Hana made a baffled look. The same look she makes when their coworkers say the stupidest arrangement of words they had ever heard. Like when Assistant Manager Cheon told them he played the bass better than Kim Iwol.
“Come on, unnie. We need to get over there.”
With Hana next to her, they joined the growing crowd of Sparklers and shared merchandise with them. Trading and sharing merchandise she made brought joy to Chaehee, and recently, she discovered Hana seemed to feel the same way. She had even picked up a forgotten hobby—drawing.
(When Hana feels comfortable enough with sharing her art, Chaehee would definitely promote her using her fansite account with a massive following. For now, it'll remain as a secret they only share—like she is Hana's only audience.)
The line was long as usual. It wasn't Chaehee's first time at this broadcasting station. Compared to the other ones (particularly N Countdown), the one they were attending was better and catered to fans’ comfort. The recording time was certainly more reasonable than the 12AM recording time before.
Of course, Hana, the first timer, thought differently.
“I never expected the recording to be like this,” she whispered to Chaehee when they entered the studio.
The two had secured a ticket in the standing section. Hence why Chaehee told her to wear comfortable clothes and shoes because they will be standing for hours, from lining up to waiting to watching spArk.
“How long would this take?” Hana asked her again, fiddling with the lightstick in her hand.
It was newly bought, for the sake of attending the pre-recording. (The company required it, along with a proof of album purchase, and fancafe membership. Hana didn’t really understand but Chaehee said it was done so only Sparklers can attend.)
“Since it's just them for their stage and they'll be recording two songs…” Chaehee paused, then looked at the production staff cleaning up stage props, “the kids will be on stage for about 20 to 30 minutes.”
“Oh, so we might be able to get breakfast soon then.”
“Unnie, the waiting time isn't included in that time.”
“Ah…”
The waiting time seemed to have burnt Hana's energy, however when their kids appeared on the stage wearing flashy clothes unlike their usual refreshing blue and white outfits, she had been revived.
“Chaehee… Is it just the light or did Seongbin dye his hair dark blue?”
“He really did!”
The way Hana was fangirling was the opposite of Chaehee. If Iwol were to pull a three-set cat aegyo before the two of them, Chaehee would eat her fist and cry but Hana would look at Iwol with fond, adoring eyes while saying ‘You're so adorable, Iwol’ in the same tone a daycare teacher would speak to a toddler or a veterinarian to a cat.
There she was again. Hana's target of affection now turned to Seongbin who led the members as they did their greeting and interview on the stage.
“Oh, Seongbin is doing so well.”
She was watching at them with a fond, proud look.
When Chaehee would see Hana like that, she would just end up bursting into a chuckle. Assistant Manager Yeo is a cool, mature woman but Sparkler Hana is an adorable, doting fangirl. Chaehee remembered a term for this, one that is overused among Sparklers when talking about their idols. Gap moe.
By the time spArk finished their recording (which ended in one take like usual) and left after their long speech and reminders, Hana was out of her battery.
As much as she wanted to leave immediately, Chaehee had pulled her to another line.
“We can't go home without receiving spArk's gifts. You need to see and experience the kids’ love,” Chaehee was practically giggling while she spoke.
On that showcase stage, spArk's gratitude and love to Sparklers took in the form of limited random photocards, printed letters of all members, a meal box, and a coffee truck along with a spArk-themed thermal tumbler.
Since it was too cold to stay out, the two decided to have their breakfast in the car.
“How was your first pre-recording stage with spArk?” Chaehee immediately asked as soon as they settled down.
Hana thought for a while as she opened the meal box. They had already taken proof shots earlier, at Chaehee's insistence that it was the fans’ duty to report their idols’ yeok-jogong to the world.
“I had fun.”
Hana looked as if she was still thinking so Chaehee didn’t poke anymore. She was already happy with Hana's satisfied look.
“spArk looked even better in person.”
“Right? I can't explain it but even though the camera captures them well, their presence is really different.”
Over a meal with a print ‘thank you for watching us, sparkler!’ on its box, the two chatted about the pre-recording show they had just seen. Hana, particularly, had a lot to say after recollecting her thoughts.
“Cheonghyeon feels like he's shining? I don't think the lights were that intense.”
“Isn't it just Iwol being a walking light reflector?”
“Iwol is so pale…! I was so surprised when I saw him earlier.”
Seeing how excited Hana looked, Chaehee felt a different feeling bloom inside her. It wasn't like anything she had felt before.
It was close to happiness, yet still felt different from the happiness she knew. There was excitement that exploded like fireworks, a little too overwhelming for her heart that it was beating quite fast. There was also an unfamiliar eagerness that urged her body to move.
“Then, unnie…”
Like always, Hana responded to her call. “Yes?”
And now, nervousness ran through her blood for a reason her mind cannot even name.
“Would you go with me again to watch spArk?”
Hana smiled at her.
“Of course.”
Chaehee asked again. “Really? You won't get tired of me dragging you everywhere?”
“Yes. You can drag me anywhere, Chaehee.”
In the short time they spent together liking idols and fangirling, Chaehee ended up observing Hana for an unreasonable amount of time, driven by a curiosity that seemed to be impossible to satiate.
That's why Chaehee learned that Hana spoke words through her eyes.
That's why she could tell her sincerity as she looked at her.
Hana's eyes were telling her,
for as much as you want, anywhere, and everywhere.
Chaehee wanted to say something, or say anything, because if she didn't, her mind would spiral into some extreme thoughts which then would lead her to acting on her impulse—which never ended up well.
But there wasn't anything she could say, not even a question, not when Hana's look had given her all the assurance she wanted.
Chaehee could only avoid her gaze.
“What if the recording is at 1AM and the line is super long?”
“As long as we go together?”
Hana really did as she said.
Even on shows where only Chaehee could attend, restricted to first generation fancafe members, Hana would still drive her to the venue and wait for her.
And on times when spArk is on break and preparing for their next comeback, they'd still find their way in each other's lives.
Hana-unnie
Do you want to come over to watch spArk's new show?
Me
I'll bring drinks and snacks!!!
Hana-unnie
[pink-haired Seongbin flower pose gif]
And at some point, spArk was no longer their excuse to see each other outside work.
Me
the weather is nice
Me
seongbin said in with list
Me
just seeing the morning sun makes people feel good
Hana-unnie
If you want to go out, just say it ahaha
Me
let's play out i got tickets to the amusement park
For the first time, Chaehee had brought out her precious camera to a place where there weren't any idols.
“Chaehee, want to ride the tornado?”
She should have expected that someone as strong-willed as Hana would like extreme rides. Unfortunately, Chaehee was a person who cannot handle them.
“I'm going to pass…”
“Then what do you want to ride?”
“You can ride them, unnie. I'll wait for you here.” Chaehee insisted but Hana shook her head.
“What's the point if we're not going together? Come on, tell me. What do you want to ride?”
By the time it was late in the afternoon, they had ridden all the milder rides that even elementary students can enter. Chaehee's camera wept quietly in her bag as she hadn't taken it out, not even once.
“Chaehee, let's ride the ferris wheel before we go home."
A ferris wheel ride was the most romantic way to end an amusement park date—if only they were on a date, Chaehee thought.
The line was moving slower compared to the rides they went to earlier. Since she had some breathing time now, Chaehee finally took out her camera. It would be a waste not to take a photo today.
There was a ferris wheel before them. She could take photos that she might find useful for later, for when she's making graphic design for spArk. Ferris wheels are a signature item in their concepts after all.
Chaehee opened the camera. From the viewfinder, she saw the ferris wheel in the frame, enveloped by the orange and blue sky, gradually dimming as the sun went down.
Then, there was Hana, who was looking in the same direction Chaehee was gazing at.
She saw the same ferris wheel, the same sky, the same clouds.
Hana suddenly turned, finding Chaehee with her camera. She smiled at her, waved her hand toward the camera, fully aware that it was pointing at her.
“Chaehee, it's spArk's colors and symbol!”
Her finger moved on its own, clicking the shutter to capture that moment.
In a way, everything she liked was in the same frame.
*
When Chaehee loved, she tended to pour everything for that person. The moment she was certain she had fallen in the rabbit hole of her feelings, she could no longer pull herself back as she drowned in her overwhelming love.
It's the same when she liked idols and people.
Back in the comfort of her apartment, Chaehee snuggled in her blankets, with a laptop in her bed. Her camera's storage card was inserted in it so she can extract all photos. Hana wanted to see them too.
But looking at the pictures, Chaehee suddenly felt too conscious.
The photos she took of Hana showed how she saw her. She was beautiful, warm, and special.
In the crowd of people in that long line, with the ferris wheel behind her and an orange sky illuminated by the setting sun, Hana looked as if she was the only one that Chaehee could see at that moment.
And Chaehee couldn't even deny that.
She could only mutter to herself.
“Unnie, what do I do…?”
*
A portion of Chaehee's salary is automatically sent to UA every month. All to subscribe to the members’ Bubble Pop chat. To subscribe to six members cost her a bit much but the kids return the worth by chatting everyday, sending photos, videos, and audio messages, and regularly going live. It was an incredible return of investment.
Among all of them, it was Iwol whom she often sent a message to. He was the most active among all members, replying to as many Bubble Pop fan messages and fancafe posts as he could.
It was also Iwol whom she often talked to about her work. Iwol replied a few times, telling her to report her annoying superior to HR, but other times, Chaehee just liked the thought of freely sending messages to someone. Most of the messages she sent toward them were sent without expecting a reply.
So when she sent a message to Iwol's Bubble Pop asking for love advice after downing three cans of beer, she hadn't expected to see a reply notification when she woke up.
Artist Reply to Me
[ Iwol, how do I know if I like someone romantically? I'm scared I might be confusing my feelings for a friend… I don't want to ruin our friendship. If I lose them in my life, I'd lose my only friend at the office, and my only Sparkler friend. We became close friends because of spArk since I introduced you to them. I think I'll cry so much if we stopped being friends. What should I do about my feelings, Iwol… It's so overwhelming I can't ignore it TT…]
Underworld Cool Tone ✔
Oh no… I have no experience in romance, but I'll offer what I think of based on all the dramas and books I have seen. What do you feel when you think of doing romantic things with them? Try to see what you would feel when you think of them as a friend and as a lover. You might be able to see your feelings clearly.
It's only when you're certain that you can think of what to do next. But I don't know about confessing… You said you were coworkers, right? Some companies prohibit office love affairs… Anyways, ignoring that, if they don't like anyone, then you'll never know your chance if you don't try!
I hope it goes well for you! Good luck!
Underworld Cool Tone ✔
I gave this a lot of thought but my inexperience is too much. If there were any Sparklers who sent better advice, I'll share it with you.
Asking her idol who never had a crush, never had a girlfriend, never had a fling, and only studied in high school, for love advice at her age… Chaehee had never done this before.
Reading furthermore, Iwol also replied to several messages of Sparklers about love.
Artist Reply to baby chinchilla joowoo
[ When I confessed to a friend, I told him we could still be friends even if he rejected me. We did remain friends, even until now. ]
Underworld Cool Tone ✔
I'm sorry to hear that… but I'm glad you didn't lose your friendship after confessing. I think that is a sign of emotional maturity.
Artist Reply to fullmoonbaby
[ I say just go for it and confess. Just simply bottling up your emotions would hurt you. Some people never confess and hold unrequited love for years, only to later find out that the person they like also liked them back then… ]
Underworld Cool Tone ✔
Really? That's quite tragic…
Artist Reply to supersparkler
[ miss sparkler, please update us on what happens next… sorry i'm nosy… and iwol, please do more advice-giving sessions… ]
Underworld Cool Tone ✔
I'll do it as much as I can and to the limit of what I know! And don't feel pressured in sharing with us what happens after, but please know that I am always reading every message that is sent to me.
Chaehee sent back a reply, thanking Iwol and the Sparklers who sent advice as well.
For the meantime, she avoided opening her social media account because she knew that fan accounts she followed would definitely talk about Iwol's love advice session and she didn't really want to see herself in their feed.
Although Hana didn't subscribe to any of the members’ Bubble Pop, she followed many fan accounts.
Chaehee could only hope she wouldn't see them.
*
“If I open this door and go out, will you and I walk the same path or turn our backs and walk away?”
Hana was certain she could probably put Seongbin's OST a rank higher in the charts with how much she had been listening to his song.
For the third hour of playing within that day, Hana finally stopped the song. Not because she wanted to, but because Chaehee sent a message.
Chaehee ♡
I'm sick…
Chaehee ♡
I can't believe I got a cold on this special day…
Chaehee ♡
Unnie, what if I never get to visit the pop up booth again?
Hana didn't know whether to laugh or be upset at her messages. They had planned to attend the opening of a new pop up booth for spArk's new brand deal, but Chaehee had been feeling unwell since yesterday. It seemed it had gotten worse.
Me
It'll be there for a few days. Just rest for today.
Me
I'll come over. Do you have medicine with you? Food?
Chaehee ♡
I'm all good, just tired from fever.
Chaehee ♡
so unnie
Me
Yes?
Chaehee ♡
Can you get me the new plushie line? I'll send the payment to your bank account.
Hana could only purse her lips at Chaehee's message. She was a stubborn person who would do anything for what she wanted, and she had been talking about getting the new plushie line since it was announced. The fact that she didn't attempt to go despite being sick was proof of how sick she was—and perhaps some form of mercy and yielding to her, whom Chaehee definitely knew would give severe scolding.
Me
I'll go to your apartment first to check on you.
Chaehee ♡
unnie i'm reslly okay
Chaehee ♡
go there first before it's sold out
Me
I'll go when I'm sure I can leave you alone
Since they had become friends, Hana had experienced many new things. She wasn't exactly a sociable person who often went out with friends. Even within their company, there weren't many coworkers, not even her juniors, who could treat her casually like a friend.
That's why Chaehee was special.
Before heading to her apartment, Hana made a quick run to the convenience store for fever medicine and grabbed everything she thought could help ease Chaehee's pain.
Chaehee brought joy in Hana's mechanical office routine. Her addition made her life more enjoyable as she gave Hana things she could look forward to everyday.
For the first time, Hana learned how to show her love to someone.
While she learned how to give her love through supporting spArk, it was through Chaehee that Hana learned how much she could love someone.
Hana learned how scary love could get because she never thought she would change that much after meeting one person. The Hana who only knew work had changed for the better. Her weekends were no longer spent on sleeping and locking herself in her unit. She even picked up new hobbies to do when she's not working, and even returned to an old hobby she thought she would never do again.
She never realized how easy it was to fall in love—that it wouldn't take her so long before she found herself so willingly wanting to offer her heart to someone.
Anywhere Chaehee wanted to go, Hana would always follow her with no hesitation.
Anything Chaehee wanted to do, Hana would grant them.
Standing at the door of Chaehee’s apartment, her hand trembled, almost missing the doorbell as she pressed it. There was a silent minute that allowed her to recollect herself before Chaehee let her in.
“Lie down quickly. Have you eaten yet?”
Only a weak groan came back from Chaehee who went back underneath her blanket. Hana then went to the kitchen, opening the cupboards to take a bowl. Grabbing a meal box and soup base was the right choice, considering Chaehee wouldn't be able to cook while sick.
Hana had spent too many weekends here that she was already familiar with where Chaehee kept her utensils, including a new set for her who frequented there. A quick pop to the microwave was all she could do for the meantime, so Chaehee could fill her stomach.
“I’ll make soup later. Have this for now. What about medicine?”
“I took fever medicine earlier…”
While Chaehee quietly ate in her bed, Hana busied herself in the kitchen, making whatever soup she could make from the ingredients in Chaehee’s fridge so that she could have something to eat for later.
“Unnie…”
From the kitchen, a few meters separating them, Hana could only hear her weak voice.
“Yes?”
Chaehee called her again. “Hana-unnnie…”
Her reply didn't change. “Yes?”
Chaehee called again, in a weaker, trembling voice, almost sounding like she was crying.
But when Hana looked back, she was actually crying.
Hana immediately turned off the stove and ran to Chaehee. Her head was hanging low but with her trembling shoulders and the sniffles she could hear, Chaehee was certainly crying.
“Hey, what's wrong? Chaehee, what made you cry?”
Her questions seemed to have made it worse because Chaehee sobbed even more. Since words didn't work, Hana pulled her into a hug.
In her arms, Chaehee’s tense shoulders loosened down. She even leaned her head on Hana's shoulder. Her sobs quieted down as Hana continued to caress her head.
“Everything okay?” Hana asked again, whispering.
Chaehee didn't answer, only softly shaking her head that was still on Hana’s shoulder.
“Tell unnie what's the problem please?”
Hana didn't probe again, and just continued gently patting her in the back. She could feel Chaehee’s hesitation, something was holding her back from speaking and that bothered Hana.
Was she not comfortable enough with Hana?
Were they not close enough for her to say her worries?
Minutes passed but Chaehee remained still on her shoulder.
“Chaehee?” Hana softly called her, tapping on her shoulder.
The slow breathing and weight pressing on her neck only told her one thing.
“... Did you fall asleep?”
After tucking Chaehee back in bed and checking her temperature again, Hana finished cooking the soup for her. She pulled a sticky note from Chaehee's desk, a spArk-themed one, and left a short note—a reminder to eat and take the medicine on time, and that she'll be back to check on her in the evening.
For now, she had to go to battle and buy spArk’s new plushie line. Those tended to be out of stock on the first day of the pop up booth and UA was never good at knowing when to restock and how much stock they had to prepare.
Chaehee ♡
unnie, thank you for taking care of me when i was sick. for making food for me and buying me medicine. and for getting me the plushies…
Chaehee ♡
i'll pay you back for everything. please send me the receipts…
Me
No need to pay.
Chaehee ♡
at least for the plushies… they're costly
Me
It's gift
Chaehee ♡
that's what you said too when you bought me an album!
Me
Not accepting payments!!
Chaehee ♡
unnie TT
*
It was during their lunch break that Chaehee suddenly ran to Hana’s desk.
“Did you see?!” She asked, half-shouting, half-whispering.
“What…?”
This excited and surprised Chaehee that greeted her during lunch was not unfamiliar to Hana. However, the Chaehee today was more surprised than excited. Hana knew the cause was certainly spArk, the question was what of spArk to be specific. Was it a new comeback, a new content, a new variety show, or—
“spArk concert! They just announced it!”
“Huh?”
It's on a Saturday morning that Chaehee arrived at Hana’s apartment with all her gadgets. She had been a fan for many years and had attended too many concerts already. She knew how brutal ticketing was, especially for a rising group like spArk.
They decided to secure the tickets in Hana’s unit where her wifi was exponentially better compared to Chaehee's.
“Breakfast?” Hana pulled the chair across her which Chaehee occupied.
“Thanks.”
Since it was Hana’s first time buying a concert ticket, Chaehee had to explain the process for her—from the queueing to the annoying captcha to selecting seats and everything else—so she wouldn't get lost in the process later.
Their goal was at least two tickets in the front seating section of the stage. One where both of them could enjoy the concert while being comfortable. Chaehee wanted to get standing section tickets because it was closer but she knew Hana struggled with standing for long hours, proven by their previous attendance in several showcase stages. Besides, if she was in the seating section, she could comfortably take photos of the kids.
“Chaehee, have you connected to the internet already?”
“I’m all ready, unnie!”
As soon as the ticketing site went live, Chaehee opened it instantly in her laptop, clicking the green ‘OK’ button and barely reading what was written. The queue number showed up—610—with a waiting time of four minutes.
She could only mutter her hopes inwardly, that the 609 people before her would leave two front seating section tickets for her.
The moment Chaehee's screen changed into the layout of the stadium’s seating chart, her hands moved with the expertise of a decade old fangirl. The front seating section remained green fortunately, allowing her to purchase two tickets. The standing section, unfortunately, was already gray and sold out. Her heart almost stopped when the site buffered after she clicked ‘purchase’. Fortunately, when the site loaded, the text she had been waiting for finally appeared.
“Purchase successfull… I got two front seating sections,” Chaehee said, hands still trembling as she opened the online tickets that were generated.
She glanced at Hana, who was unusually quiet. She was so immersed in the ticketing process that she didn't look nor talk to her, so Chaehee had no idea how she did.
“Unnie, how did it go with yours? I was able to get us tickets.” She spoke, moving her laptop toward her to show the screen.
Hana suddenly broke into a grin. She pushed her phone before Chaehee. “Look.”
An online ticket similar to the one she just saw. Two of them. Except a difference in the text written in it.
“VIP standing section…?”
“Let’s watch spArk up close!”
Chaehee barely covered her mouth before letting out a scream.
“No way!”
Hana was giggling as she replied. “I did well for my first time ticketing, didn't I?”
“Unnie, you're so fucking awesome.”
At her sudden swearing, Hana was practically bursting into laughter. “Let's enjoy the concert!”
After their short celebration, Chaehee had found out online that the tickets were sold out in less than thirty minutes. She would have to claim her physical tickets soon so she could sell it to some unfortunate Sparklers who weren't able to get tickets.
*
Just shortly after Chaehee had sold her front seating section tickets to an online friend (Miheon, the same girl she met back then, almost cried when she got the tickets with her brother who came as chaperone to get the ticket and would also be attending the concert), UA posted another announcement.
Me
Unnie, are you in for a day 2 of the concert?
Hana-unnie
Saturday and Sunday…?
Hana-unnie
I'll have to take a leave for Monday then ahaha
Me
Unnie, sit still. I'll get our tickets this time. VIP standing, barricades.
Me
I'll pay!!! You can't go say no!
It was time for Chaehee to open her concert savings.
*
The belief that non-fans or new fans have better luck than veteran fans was true.
Hana had secured them standing tickets that were close to the stage with her single digit queue number that Chaehee had only seen from attending concerts of the mangdols she used to stan. For day 2, the standing tickets she got weren't as impressive as Hana’s but they would still be able to see them up close.
Her savings were definitely hit too hard but this was what she was working for. She could happily take more overtime and graveyard shifts now that she had secured their concert tickets.
Chaehee's mood improved exponentially day by day as spArk’s concert became closer. Even Assistant Manager Cheon’s words or her co-worker's incompetence weren't even annoying her. spArk's impact was amazing, it should be studied.
The Friday before the 2-day weekend concert, they went to Chaehee's apartment together after their shift. Hana decided to spend the night at her unit, not the first time she had done so, for them to leave early the following morning since Hana had to drive to the stadium which was more than an hour away.
Chaehee's bed was too small for the two of them and she felt uncomfortable making Hana sleep on the floor so whenever Hana came for a sleepover, they'd be both in the living room, laying on the mattress on the floor with the heater.
“This always makes me feel like I'm in high school, doing sleepovers,” Hana said as she settled down in her usual spot, to Chaehee's right.
“You never went to one?”
“Nope.”
“Me too.”
Hana softly chuckled. “That's two ladies in their late 20s having their first sleepovers.
Their conversation grew too long in the late night even with the lights off, that Hana had to end it by telling her off.
“Chaehee, only grade schoolers don't sleep before their field trips out of excitement, then wake up and miss the bus.”
“Unnie, are you seriously saying that to me…”
“Go to sleep. I won't wake you up.”
“Unnie, if you leave without me, I'm going to cry.”
“Then go to sleep.”
Chaehee called her again. “Unnie?”
“What?”
“Want to watch one episode?”
*
For the first time, mornings with Hana weren’t peaceful.
“Are we bringing Kittiwol?”
“Unnie, we are bringing everyone.”
“Chaehee, they will not fit in the bag.”
“The 10 cm keychains will.”
Chaehee muttered a curse inwardly while drying her hair with a blower. Behind her, as she saw in the mirror, Hana was packing their bags, which they had forgotten to do last night after deciding to watch one episode of spArk camping vlog—that ended up with them finishing the series and sleeping a little too late.
They were a little pressed for time, but not running late so Chaehee had the luxury to style herself. It’s never wrong to overdress and try to look the prettiest in concerts because there will always be fans who would go beyond her expectations. It’s a special day after all.
When Hana finished packing up, and checking if all the things they needed were in the bags five times, she sat on the bed, quietly watching Chaehee. Upon seeing her struggle with fixing her hair in the back, Hana walked toward her to help, taking the comb from Chaehee's hand to take over.
The ruckus from earlier had calmed down. There was now only silence between them, backed by spArk's version of ‘Starlight’ playing softly from Chaehee's tablet. Just like the mornings that Chaehee knew when they're together, whether it be after a sleepover or an early morning visit before they leave for an outing. They always did their routines on their own quietly, yet somehow, for some reasons, they always end up in the same space, entangled with each other and inseparable.
With Hana behind her, Chaehee could only see her through the mirror. Hana looked too focused on doing her hair. The way she held her hair delicately barely escaped Chaehee's stares—which never left Hana's face.
“Unnie?”
“Hmm?”
“Want me to do your make-up?”
*
The concert would start at 7PM but the sun was still high when they had already arrived. The tickets they bought for two days had also included the soundcheck rehearsal so they needed to get in early.
“It's going to be a long day,” Chaehee spoke as they stood in line to get inside the stadium.
Most importantly, Hana had secured barricade tickets, which meant they really had to go early.
“I still can't believe your queue number was in single digits. Can you be in charge of buying tickets from now on?”
Hana chuckled at her words. “As long as you continue to invite me!”
The long waiting time before the concert and the rehearsal gave them the chance to go around the stadium. Chaehee was practically tearing up while she paid for the merchandise she wanted to get at the booth. Concert merch was always priced higher than regular merch because the stocks are limited. It was a blessing that pay day was just a few days before the concert.
Hana also bought similar items. It seemed not even Hana could resist the concert exclusive Seongbin photocard she saw.
When the rehearsal began, Chaehee was on her knees, thanking Hana for the tickets she got.
How else would she be able to see spArk in their casual rehearsal close at such close parameters if not for her?
Of all stages she had attended live including the ones with Hana, this was the closest they have gotten to spArk. Even Hana looked starstruck when some of the members came over in their direction to greet them.
The rehearsal was short, barely lasting half an hour—which they all knew were the longest spArk could delay before being escorted by their manager back to the waiting room to prepare for the main show.
Still a few hours before the concert started, the two ended up sitting on the floor, which many others were already doing since the rehearsal ended.
“Want to try taking a nap, unnie?”
“How can I sleep here?”
Hana stopped arguing when Chaehee pulled her head to her shoulder, making the older lean toward her.
“I'll wake you up to get snacks before the concert starts.”
spArk's concert was guaranteed to have 5,000 attendees for the first day. Since rehearsal had just ended, more fans will start entering the venue. Chaehee didn't know what the exact count was for all the fans inside the stadium.
Chaehee had no idea and she had no intention of knowing, not when no one seemed to be in the same space that she and Hana shared.
*
The main show opened to a VCR of the members, followed by an explosive performance of their debut song, ‘Flowering’.
No matter how many times Chaehee watched spArk perform live, they just seemed to get better every moment. Every stage felt new to her even if they performed the same song and the same dance. Chaehee's phone was working overtime to take photos and videos of the members, all while her other hand was busy waving the lightstick.
Hana, next to her, was in the same state of bliss as her. When spArk had performed her favorite, End, she was practically shaking Chaehee's shoulders in an attempt not to let out an undignified scream. (Chaehee was doing her best as well. She would honestly crumble if her fan cams ended up including her screams.)
After the main performances, spArk had returned on the stage after shedding their stage outfits. Now, they only wore pants and shorts (like Joowoo, resulting in an explosion in her mind) and a white shirt that Chaehee recognized—the concert shirt merch that she and Hana also bought earlier. A white shirt with two colorful sparklers as design in front.
“Sparklers, I hope you're having a great night!” Cheonghyeon excitedly shouted, sporting a wide grin. He had a banner draped over his shoulder, like Joowoo on his right.
“We're already halfway through the set list. Time passed too quickly…” Joowoo replied.
“It's because we're having so much fun. Time passes quickly when it's fun.”
And then there was Kang Kiyeon, spArk's eternal maknae, whose shirt was turned into a sleeveless top. Chaehee was certain he was following the steps of his second eldest hyung, whose shirt also faced the same fate, except that its sleeves were just rolled to his shoulders. When she whispered that to Hana, she responded with a chuckle, “didn't they post a gym photo together on social media recently?”
Now in their casual clothes, spArk had fun doing challenges and games. They also held a QnA and TMI session which had become a staple to all of their offline events.
spArk even performed a position-switched version of ‘With List’, and Hana was giggling next to Chaehee, saying in an almost shouting voice that nothing seemed to have changed with how the boys did well. She looked really amused upon seeing the main vocalists do Cheonghyeon's rap.
By the time the concert was reaching its end, Chaehee's adrenaline was hitting its peak. Throughout the concert, how many times had she asked the members who passed them to make a heart or do an aegyo? Chaehee couldn't remember anymore because they were practically shooting hearts at them. Hana asked if all idols were like spArk, and Chaehee made sure she understood that the kids were the most dedicated idols she had ever known. Their dedication to fans and being idols aside, no one could beat spArk's fan service.
The VCR played again. It would probably be the last, Chaehee thought as she checked the time. She wore the most comfortable pair of sneakers she had, and even bought the best shoe sole her mutuals recommended, but hours of standing and jumping would inevitably lead to pain.
“Tired?”
Even in the dark stadium with only the gigantic LED screen playing the VCR being the source of light, Chaehee could clearly see Hana's face.
“Just a little?”
To her answer, Hana gently pulled her closer, placing an arm around her shoulders. She allowed Chaehee to lean on her, shifting her center of gravity and easing the weight in her feet.
“You're not tired?” She returned the question to Hana. Usually, she was the first to get exhausted between the two of them, always being the one to be muttering about leg pain during the long lines at broadcasting stations.
Hana smiled at her. “Not today. Because I'm happy.”
“spArk's concert is really fun.” Chaehee said, eyes returning to the VCR that showed the boys doing a skit in an office.
Hana only hummed in response.
The words lingered in her mouth, not wanting to leave. She wanted to say, that while she had so much fun watching their favorite idols, it was Chaehee who kept pulling her up on her feet. That it was Chaehee who was the highlight of her night.
When the spotlights had focused once again on the stage, the boys returned as well.
“We can't end the concert without singing our favorite song.”
“It's the most romantic song from our whole discography.”
A soft instrumental began playing. It was new to Hana but definitely not unfamiliar.
“It's a rearrangement of ‘Third Letter’…” Chaehee muttered to her.
Hana remembered a story Chaehee had shared with her. The first time she had seen spArk and the moment she had fallen for them, it was at their first fanmeeting, after hearing the same song they were performing now.
As Iwol had said, ‘Third Letter’ was the most romantic of all their songs. Hana had felt the same way as Chaehee when she first heard of it.
Except that it wasn't spArk whom she had fallen for as she heard the lyrics.
“This heart, tell me it’s okay to give it to you. Let me give it a name.”
As if calling her feelings out, for gazing at Chaehee whose eyes never left the stage, Iwol sang the lyrics to his part so softly that Hana had wondered if he knew her delicate affection to the woman leaning on her.
“Love.”
Hana never intended to suppress or deny her feelings the moment she realized the adoration she held for the younger. She just didn't expect it to be deep, that spending more days together with Chaehee would make her feel insane at the realization that her feelings ended up growing.
Just as when Hana thought she had fallen so deep for Chaehee, she would appear and smile so brightly that Hana ends up falling to an even deeper bottom.
Just like now.
The song faded out, about to reach its end.
And Hana's feelings screamed at her. She wanted to tell Chaehee how much she loved her, how much she wanted to see her everyday, how much she'd trade her time to be with her.
But that was selfish.
Chaehee was smiling, looking at spArk with adoration as the members went close to the edge of the stage waving to every fan they saw.
Hana wanted her to enjoy the concert and a sudden confession would split Chaehee's concentration. She bought them the best tickets she could get so Chaehee could enjoy the concert to the best; she couldn't be the one to ruin it.
Her confession could wait for when the concert is over. For now, she was more than happy to be with Chaehee, sharing this special moment with her.
When the song ended, the members had said their ending ment, not without a few members tearing up to the fans’ ocean wave (the maknaes, which isn't a surprise to anyone).
The night closed to the boys doing a bow together, holding each other's hands as orange confetti poured down all over the stadium.
Chaehee and Hana had taken their time to slowly leave the stadium. Even if they rushed to the parking lot, they would still be stuck in traffic.
To not lose each other in the sea of fangirls still basking in concert excitement, Hana had held her hand tightly, keeping her close as they walked out.
The walk to the parking lot where Hana's car was left Chaehee an opportunity to recollect her memories from earlier.
From every performance spArk did to their silly banters during the talk session, they occupied her mind and heart.
And somehow, someone else managed to split her attention during the concert.
The headlight lit up at the same time the car honked as Hana clicked her key.
“Come on in. Let's get a late dinner before going back,” she said, opening the door to the passenger seat.
“Thanks.”
Hana just smiled before walking to the other side to get in the driver's seat, taking the wheel.
Chaehee's memories of the concert were flooded with Hana's presence, almost to the point that spArk had been pushed off. She didn't mind it. She had taken too many photos and videos of the concert that UA could probably sue her if they decided to release a record of it.
But she didn't have a single video of Hana from the concert, not even a single photo. All they had were a few photos together before the concert began.
All Chaehee had were in her memories that only she knew of.
While everyone watched the idols before them, Chaehee found herself sneaking glances at Hana.
She knew it’s not the concert or seeing Kim Iwol sing before her that is making her heart flutter. Even if she’s happy and over the moon with watching spArk perform live, she was certain that the source of her nervousness and the unexplainable rise in her heartbeat is the fangirl next to her, silently mouthing the lyrics to ‘The Words I Want to Say’ while waving her lightstick along the beat.
Her heart was full of love and all she remembered was spending the whole day with the people she loved the most.
When Chaehee loved, she always ended up easily giving all of her heart.
Perhaps it was because her heart had been filled to the brim with happiness and love that the words she always wanted to say came out easily from her lips.
“Unnie, I really like you.”
Hana's hand on the steering wheel tensed up.
Chaehee had done it and said it. Consequences and their friendship be damned, but she wanted to tell Hana her feelings.
Her feelings were overflowing and Chaehee couldn't stop herself anymore. The words didn't stop—she couldn't stop—even when she's fully aware that she was making a mess.
“I really,” and now she was sobbing, “I really love you.”
Chaehee could only wipe the tears that poured out uncontrollably with the back of her hand. She was muttering weak and mumbled ‘sorry’ while avoiding looking at Hana's direction.
That was why she never saw the hands that cupped her cheeks, that pulled her toward Hana—
“You really mean it?”
Hana's voice was trembling. Despite that, her gaze was unmoving, as if it only knew to look at Chaehee's tearful eyes. Her hands carefully wiped the tears, as if afraid of hurting her even more.
She recognized the emotions underlying her tone. It held the same fear that Chaehee had earlier, that fear of being rejected yet still showed hopes for the slim possibility that maybe, maybe they held the same feelings for each other.
The implication of her question made Chaehee's emotions burst. She was sobbing so much that she could barely speak, only nodding to give out an answer.
There was barely time for Chaehee to process her thoughts, or to settle down so she could ask Hana properly if she was reading her words correctly—that she also liked Chaehee—when her eyes were caught by Hana's.
Chaehee realized she was too distracted by her fear of ruining their friendship to even notice how much Hana's eyes spoke of her feelings.
There was no need for words. She had said what she wanted to; Hana had shown hers.
This time, it was Chaehee who pulled Hana, leaned too close so she could press her lips on Hana's. The older jolted in surprise, but almost immediately returned the favor and took the lead.
When Hana pulled away, regrettably, Chaehee was gasping for breath, lips still trembling for the kiss they shared.
Hana's eyes were unchanging as ever to her, only that they looked more bright at this moment.
“Chaehee, I love you too.”
Her lips curled into a smile. She only had one answer to that.
“I know, unnie.”
The ride to the nearest 24/7 fast food chain was all that Chaehee had wished for. The traffic had died down a little, making the ride smoother. spArk's post-concert live had accompanied them for the beginning of the ride but when it ended shortly, the silence was replaced with spArk's discography and Hana humming along the songs. And when they hit a stoplight on their way back to Chaehee's apartment, Hana would hold out her hand for Chaehee to hold, giving it a tight squeeze, only to never let go for as much as she could.
Really, it was all that Chaehee had wished for.
*
Me
Hello, Iwol. You might not remember it since I asked you for love advice months ago on what to do about liking my friend. I'm very happy to update you that we started dating! We went together on the first day of your concert and I ended up confessing on our way home… Turns out she also liked me but I was oblivious…
We attended the second day of the concert as lovers! We enjoyed the concert so much. It was an amazing experience. I had so much fun being in the same place with the people I love the most, my girlfriend and spArk.
Thank you so much for giving me the courage to confess, Iwol. I still love you and spArk but unfortunately my marriage certificate will be dedicated to my girlfriend.