Work Text:
Unknown number added you to the group ‘Rescue Kip 2017’
Unknown number:
Hello. Is this phone number of Kip Grady?
Kip Grady:
Yes. Who are you and what does Rescue Kip mean?
Rescue me from what?
Unknown number:
I am Ilya Rozanov, the number one hockey player in the
world. Hollander is also in the group. We are here to do
introspection, like in the movies.
Unknown number:
He means intervention. Hi Mr. Grady, sorry for
the random group chat but we wanted to talk to you.
Kip Grady:
What do you mean intervention?
How did you get my number?
Kip wasn’t sure what the fuck was going on, but he saved their numbers regardless. Scott had spoken about the two, mostly with annoyance and a little bit of fondness. They were the two brightest stars in hockey, but here they were trying to give him an intervention.
Ilya Rozanov:
With enough money you can get anything.
Shane Hollander:
Ilya, please.
Shane Hollander:
We promise we mean no harm. It's just that…
Ilya Rozanov:
Scott Hunter is one million years old. You are hot and
seem nice. If you want a hockey player, we will find you
one that is not terrible. Do you like dark-hair? There are
a lot of brunettes. If you want one with muscle, there are also options.
Kip Grady:
…right.
Shane Hollander:
We’ll find you someone really cool too! Someone who didn't
go to high school on dinosaur-back.
Ilya Rozanov:
Someone whose legs will not turn to dust when having wall-sex.
Shane Hollander:
Ilya!
Shane Hollander:
You’re not wrong though.
At this point Kip was cry-laughing.
These two were the ones Scott was worried about on the ice? They were like teenagers trying to convince their mom not to date their gym teacher. This didn't seem like the intense rivalry everyone made it to be either, and Kip would bet that they were a lot closer in real life.
He decided to have some fun before sending Scott screenshots.
Kip Grady:
That's very sweet of you boys to offer. But I’m no spring
chicken either, and the old man is stuck with me,
for as long as he’ll have me.
Kip Grady:
And his legs haven't turned to dust yet :)
Ilya Rozanov:
Yuck. Do not tell us about old man sex, please.
Shane Hollander:
Yeah I'd rather not know…anything about him beyond the ice.
Ilya Rozanov:
Save our numbers. If Hunter is terrible to you, we will humiliate his
team and then break his knees afterwards.
Shane Hollander:
@Ilya please stop saying things that will get you arrested. You are a public figure.
Ilya Rozanov:
Kip will not tell. We are friends now.
Kip Grady:
Your secrets are safe with me.
Thanks for offering to rescue me.
Shane Hollander:
Anytime :D
Ilya Rozanov:
Hollander, stop using emoticons like this is 2012.
Kip left the group before the bickering could begin, and diligently took multiple screenshots and sent them to Scott.
Scotty ❤️:
What the fuck.
Scotty ❤️:
How did they even get your number?
Scotty ❤️:
Did you just call me old?