Work Text:
Audio Device Archives uploaded: Day in the Life of Dazai Osamu’s Manager, Kunikida Doppo.
Uploaded 12 hours ago | 1,234,567 views | 520,000 likes
TEXT: Day in the Life of Dazai Osamu’s Manager, Kunikida Doppo.
Edited by Kunikida Doppo.
Posted By Kunikida Doppo.
Approved by Fukuzawa Yukichi.
“Hello, this is a ‘Day in the Life of Dazai Osamu’s Manager, Kunikida Doppo.’” Kunikida says in the voiceover.
TEXT: 6:00 am.
I wake up at exactly five am, followed by washing my face and brushing my teeth. I believe that freshening up in the morning can lead to a good day.
CAPTION: If you’re Dazai’s manager, this is pretty much as good as it gets.
The clip showed Kunikida getting into his bathroom, washing his face, slapping himself awake, and then brushing his teeth.
TEXT: 6:15 am
I normally take a shower to freshen up my body at this time.
CAPTION: Please ignore me checking my bathroom, at this point, my house is Dazai’s prank house.
The clip presented Kunikida checking his bathroom, then after a short 5-second clip on the other side of the video of Kunikida showering, the shower wall(?) blurring 75% of his body.
TEXT: 6:35 am
After I put on the clothes I already chosen the day before.
CAPTION: I have 5 other clothes exactly like this incase Dazai chooses to get my clothes dirty.
The clip showed Kunikida wearing a bathrobe, then transitioned to him buttoning his shirt and tying his tie.
TEXT: 6:40 am
I then proceeded to make breakfast, today is pancakes. I usually add blueberries to my protein pancakes.
CAPTION: I normally have to check my pantry, in case Dazai booby-trapped it. Today he didn’t.
The clip showed Kunikida’s backside making pancakes, one plate with blueberry pancakes, another plate with chocolate chip pancakes, and a last one with plain pancakes. Then Kunikida put the chocolate chip pancakes and plain pancakes into the fridge. After proceeding to eat his own pancakes.
TEXT: 6:50 am
Around this time is when my husband wakes up; if he doesn’t, I usually have to coax him to wake up.
CAPTION: I don’t mention my husband often, but that’s ok, he doesn’t mind. <3
The clip Kunikida holding the camera–facing the door, and creaking it open, and Kunikida whispering,
“Love? You up?”, and Bram Stoker, nodding groggily. Kunikida chuckled slightly,
“I made pancakes for you and Aya, plain is for you and chocolate chip is for Aya, ok?” Bram hummed in response, walking towards Kunikida.
Kunikida stammered, “Love! I’m recor–”
Video Cut.
TEXT: 7:10 am
I woke up my daughter later then usual today, but since today is a weekday she has school so we might be in a rush.
CAPTION: My daughter, Aya Kunikida-Stoker.
The clip Kunikida holding the camera–facing the door, walking into the room, placing the camera down on a dresser facing the bed, were there was a lump under the comforter.
“Honey, your have to wake up I woke you up later then usual today.” Kunikida soothed, nudging the lump.
“Nghh five more minutes…” the ‘Lump’ responded.
“Hon, I already gave you ten minutes, I made pancakes, come on.”
“Fine….”
TEXT: 7:30 am
Around this time my husband and daughter would be downstairs. My husband was already down in record time, eating his breakfast. My daughter on the other hand is still down.
CAPTION: *None*
“Baby…” Bram softly spoke.
“Bram! I’m still recording!” Kunikida whispered, but the camera still picked it up.
“It’s fine, anyways these pancakes taste really good you should make them more often.” Bram purred.
“Sh-shush!” Kunikida said quickly.
“I just tried a different recipe today” Kunikida said in a hushed voice.
“Dad, papa! Stop flirting!” Aya said running down the stairs.
“Aya, don’t run!” Kunikida called out to her.
“I’m fine!” She yelled back, before dashing towards her chair to eat her chocolate chip pancakes. Kunikida’s sigh is very audible.
TEXT: 7:45
Usually me and my husband take turns dropping off Aya to middle school. Today is his turn.
CAPTION: *None*
“Ok! Bye papa!” Aya called out to Kunikida.
“Bye, Hun, I see you later!” Kunikida called out.
“Babe” Bram smiled, “See you later.”
“You too!” Kunikida said sweetly, watching the car drive away.
TEXT: 8:00
I commute to work by car, and arrive to the ADA. And as expected Dazai isn’t here. I usually look through emails and check dates for Dazai.
CAPTION: He’s probably off sleeping with Nakahara.
The clip showed Kunikida driving in the car, then transitioning to him in the office working. (a time lapse)
TEXT: 12pm/noon
It’s now lunch break and Dazai finally came to work.
CAPTION: His excuse was that his dog didn’t let him leave the house.
“Dazai.” Kunikida cursed.
“Kunikida!! Ooo! Why are you recording? Is it for me??” Dazai cheerfully said.
“No. I’m doing a ‘Day in a life’” Kunikida sighed.
“Ohhh” Dazai nodded, “Oh! I have a new-”
“Dazai. I’m recording you can’t say these things when I’m recording, and also it’s my lunch break. So I’ll be going.” Kunikida sternly said standing up and leaving.
TEXT: 1:00 pm
After peacefully eating without Dazai putting wasabi and spicy mustard in my food, I went back to work.
CAPTION: I also called my husband <3
Kunikida walking into his office seeing Dazai in his guest chair singing Nakahara’s newest song.
"You can't wake up, this is not a dream
You're part of a machine, you are not a human being”
“Dazai.”
“Oh! Kunikida, you know what I need from you!” Dazai smirked
“Yea yea.”
The rest of the clip showed a time laspe of Kunikida and Dazai working together, presumably about a new song Dazai wants to release.
TEXT: 3:00 pm
I’m currently hiding in the bathroom.
CAPTION: Not because of Dazai this time.
I need to text to check if my daughter has come home yet, she knows around this time we are looking at our security cameras to see if she has come home safely. Normally I would do it in the comfort of my own office but it’s currently inhabited by Dazai
TEXT: 5:00 pm
It’s now 5pm and today I don’t have any extra work I have to do, so I usually go home before going with my daughter and taking the train to visit my husband at his work. We normally just “break” into his car and sit there waiting for him to get off work.
CAPTION: *None*
The clip showed Kunikida, holding hands with Aya on the train then transitioned to, them jogging to a SUV, As Kunikida unlocked that car, and Aya and him jumped into the car, Aya giggling in the background.
TEXT: 5:30 pm
Around this time I usually go back home with my husband and daughter, and start cooking dinner, which is what I’ll doing right now. Today’s dinner: Shrimp tempura, homemade udon, and seaweed.
CAPTION: *None*
The clip was facing Kunikida’s backside, recording him as he cooked. When Bram walked up behind him, and put his arms around his waist.
TEXT: 9:00 pm
At this time I should be sleeping, but today I think is an exception.
CAPTION: *None*
The clip showed Aya sitting in front of Kunikida holding a book, and Bram sitting behind Kunikida, while Kunikida read aloud the story.
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ILOVEDAZAIMORETHANMYSELF @ILOVEDAZAIMORETHANMYSELF | 5 hours ago
KUNIKIDA??? AS IN THE “Strict” and “Mean” manager Dazai always complains about???
5k+ comments | 400 Likes | 143 Rebeeped
DACHUU<3 @urmomlmao | 11 hours ago
AINT NO WAY HE CALLED DAZAI OUT LIKE AT😭🙏
1k+ comments | 3k Likes | 72 Rebeeped
BLAH BLAH BLAH @ilovevampires | 9 hours ago
BRAM STOKER??? AS IN ABRAHAM STOKER??? AS IN THE THEATER MANAGER???
50k+ comments | 70k Likes | 20k Rebeeped
Osamu Dazai @DazaiOsamu520 | 8 hours ago
SO LIKE HOW DID I NOT KNOW????? HELP?? WHAT??? I DIDNT EVEN KNOW YOU HAD A DAUGHTER?? I JUST THOUGHT YOU WERE GOOD WITH KIDS!!!
500k+ comments | 800k Likes | 143k Rebeeped
Kunikida Doppo @DoppoKunikida | 7 hours ago
Replying to @DazaiOsamu520
I think Ranpo knew.
600k+ comments | 1M Likes | 520k Rebeeped
#1GossipGirl @EdogawaRanpo | 6 hours ago
@DoppoKunikida Called it.
1M+ comments | 1.2M Likes | 1314K Rebeeped
