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Daphne hadn’t fully bought into the belief that the Anderfels was the most miserable place in the world. Admittedly, it wasn’t. Having been in the Deep Roads, she knew it was the second most miserable place in the world.
Perhaps that was a bit dramatic. On top of being biased, since Carver had almost died in the Deeproads. The settlement she lived in wasn’t too bad. Not that the Hossberg Wetlands was the best place in the world, but Lune was pretty, despite the surroundings. There were sparse patches of grass scattered about the village, but it was mostly packed dirt and mud. Just about every scrap of plant life looked brown and withered, like it was on the brink of death. Not that it didn’t have its moments. Carver had brought herbs and wild lavender for Daphne to grow in window boxes. With her magic, she managed to help them thrive, and they were a nice splash of colour in their day to day.
And of course, there was little Beth.
A little over a year old now, she had her mother’s raven hair and father’s light brown skin and bright green eyes. High energy and always putting things she shouldn’t in her mouth, she kept Daphne on her toes. Strapped to Daphne’s back, Beth got to peer at everything as they walked through the small market in Lune. Despite their harsh exteriors, everyone in the village was friendly and warm. A sense of community likely born from their harsh living conditions. Daphne had to admit, had Carver not been stationed at Weisshaupt, she never would have settled somewhere so regularly troubled by darkspawn, even if it was temporary.
People waved and smiled as Daphne and Beth went buy and Daphne gave out small pouches of herbs to those that bought them from her from her basket. Usually this earned her a discount on different goods too, which was always a boon.
“Daphne! And hello little Beth,” Catrin said as the pair approached, waving at Beth as the infant peered over her mother’s shoulder. Catrin ran the local bakery and was always asking after Daphne’s herbs for different recipes, sometimes even her lavender. She was a sweet young woman, an elf maybe a decade younger than Daphne.
“Afternoon, Catrin. Everything selling well?”
“Yes! Someone came through with lemons the other day and my rosemary lemon cakes have been flying off the shelves! I put some aside for you, Beth, and Fenris. You said he was supposed to be back in the next couple days, right?”
“Thank you, Catrin, that’s sweet of you. And yes, he’s supposed to be back this evening, actually. I’m looking forward to seeing him again.”
“Oh? Can little Beth expect a sibling soon?” Catrin teased, grinning at the baby, who gave her a gap-toothed smile. Daphne laughed, waving her hand dismissively.
“Not any time soon, no. I can barely handle this one.”
“Well, if Fenris tends to be gone maybe that brother of yours could come by more to help you take care of her,” Catrin said, trailing off as a flush rose to her freckled cheeks.
“I would ask, but being a Grey Warden and all he keeps a bit busy,” Daphne said, trying to suppress her smile at the young woman’s embarrassment.
“Right, yeah, of course,” Catrin said in a rush. She started packing up Daphne’s usual older, trying to hide her blush between her curls of pale red hair. Deciding to show her mercy, Daphne pulled out her coin purse and paid for the order as she slid the two pouches of herbs for Catrin across the counter.
“Take care, Catrin,” she said, chuckling a little.
“You too, Daphne! Maker watch over you.”
“And you.”
This routine continued for the rest of the mother-daughter shopping trip. Everyone was doing their usual cooing over Beth and small talk with Daphne. Plenty of questions about when Fenris would come back, making Daphne’s steps feel lighter with every minute that carried her closer to him coming home.
By the time she stepped through the door, her basket was heavy with far more treats and goodies than she’d expected to leave the market with. After some fussing, she took Beth off her back and set her down at her feet as she unloaded the basket. Immediately, Beth had pushed herself up and was using the side of the counter as a drum, making Daphne laugh. The house certainly wasn’t the mansion Daphne had called home for years in Kirkwall, but that didn’t matter. It was warm and cozy. Bright rugs Isabela had sent from Rivain rolled out over the floor, each one of Varric’s books scattered across every surface, sketches of kittens and recipes to try pinned to the walls or shoved between book pages from Merrill, a smattering of metal-worked trinkets from Aveline, and a variety of wood carved toys from Carver (he said he needed some kind of hobby if he was to be tucked away in Weisshaupt all the time, but Daphne thought he was just excited about having a niece).
“Mama! Mato,” Beth said, making a grabby hand up at Daphne as she unloaded her basket. Laughing softly, Daphne grabbed a tomato from the basket and passed it down to Beth. The child was a fiend for tomatoes at the moment, which was a pity since they weren’t common in the area. Daphne had actually gotten all the seeds from one last week and was in the middle of trying to coax them into growing, just so Beth could have a better supply. The little girl dug into her tomato as Daphne put their purchases away. Milk into the covered pit in the floor lined with magically acquired ice, breads and cakes wrapped carefully and tucked into the small wooden store box, sparse vegetables and foraged foods stored onto their different shelves, and the minimal fabric and thread set on the table so Daphne could hone her skill in repairing clothes, or lack thereof. If she had to buy Beth new clothes every time something tore, she’d be out of money before long.
The rest of the day passed peacefully. Daphne played with Beth, she fetched water from the well, she did laundry, and after a quick nap with Beth, it was time to make dinner. The knife thunked against the cutting board as she chopped up her ingredients. It was impossible to keep her eyes off the door. Fenris was supposed to be back any moment now, and the lightness that had followed her all day had turned into an itching anticipation.
Daphne was in the middle of trying to coax Beth into eating one of the diced carrots when the door swung open. In unison, the pair’s attention swivelled to it as Fenris stepped inside.
“Papa!” Beth trotted over, unsteady on her little feet, and latched onto Fenris’ leg with a huge smile. Fenris laughed, scooping her up and pressing a kiss to her cheek. He had barely settled Beth before Daphne crashed into him, pulling him tight against her in a bone-crushing hug. It didn’t last long before Fenris peeled Daphne off of him, stooping slightly to capture her lips in a long, sweet kiss.
Daphne laughed as they broke apart, looking at Fenris like someone seeing the sunrise for the first time in years. She kissed his cheek again, lacing their fingers together. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too, I came back as quickly as I could,” Fenris said, running a strand of Daphne’s hair between his fingers. Daphne’s adoration was far from one sided, his eyes were soft. He looked at Daphne the way she imagined a devout Andrastian would look if they saw the prophet in the flesh. He pecked Daphne’s lips again before focusing on Beth. “And of course I missed my girl.”
Beth giggled, giving her father her gap-toothed grin before kissing the air. “Kisses!”
Fenris kissed her cheek, and Beth squealed in delight, curling in on herself. Daphne and Fenris laughed, slipping from each other’s hold.
“I’ll finish dinner, why don’t you go put your things away. Catrin gave us lemon rosemary cakes today too, which I have no doubt will be divine,” Daphne said, moving back to the counter.
Fenris hooked an arm around her waist, pulling her back to him to plant another kiss on her cheek. “Thank you, Daph.”
The house was livelier with Fenris there. In Daphne’s opinion, the only thing that would be better would be having Carver there, but it was a close race. Tucked into her highchair, Beth gracelessly shoved her food into her mouth. Daphne and Fenris were chatting away, holding hands over the table and occasionally reaching over to clean up Beth when needed. Fenris told her about his travels and all the trouble he ran into along the way, Daphne giving her usual big reactions and poking for more details to different events. Fenris seemed happy to indulge her, idly running his thumb over her knuckles.
When it was Daphne’s turn to share, she launched into a very animated story about all the happenings in Lune while Fenris was away and any letters she got from their friends. Plenty of details about Carver’s last visit and how Catrin was completely smitten with him, some darkspawn activity nearby last week, and how Carver managed to visit before returning to Wiesshaupt. Fenris smiled as he listened to her talk about the mundane aspects of life. Whenever she talked about Beth, he’d ask for more, and Daphne would tease him about wanting to hear about it all again, despite her letters talking about almost nothing but Beth.
Once dinner wrapped up and their cakes from Catrin devoured (or smashed against their face in Beth’s case), Fenris went to clean Beth up and put her to bed as Daphne cleaned up from dinner. She heard Fenris singing softly to Beth in the nursery, and it made her smile. This should always be what their home was like. The three of them tucked safely within its walls, both of them being there for Beth and taking care of her, and quiet family dinners. Though, part of her knew that wasn’t the kind of people she and Fenris were. They always had to be involved in the action. That was exactly what got them into all that trouble in Kirkwall.
Arms slipped around Daphne’s waist and she hummed, smiling as Fenris’ chin settled on her shoulder. His voice was low as he spoke, lips pressed against her neck. “Beth is asleep, do you need any help out here?”
“No, I just finished up.” Daphne grabbed a nearby rag, drying off her hands as Fenris pressed a kiss to her skin. She laughed softly. “Are you ready to go to bed?”
“Just another moment, I’ve missed this,” he murmured. Daphne huffed a laugh, cupping Fenris’ cheek.
“You can hold me as much as you like in bed.”
“But then we fall asleep and my time to hold you is over before we know it.”
“Well,” Daphne said, turning and face Fenris. She slipped her arms around his middle. “I suppose we can stay up a little longer.”
When Daphne woke up in the dead of night, she knew why. This was exactly why she slept with Fenris in her arms, his back to her chest. He was tossing and turning in his sleep, muttering to himself. His lyrium marks were hot against Daphne’s skin, and she sat up, fully awake. Touch gentle, Daphne ran one hand down his arm and the other in circles on his back. She always did this when he had nightmares. Whether it helped, she had no idea, but it made her feel helpful. Like she was taking care of him.
Usually, he would calm down in a couple of minutes, but this time he didn’t. He started to thrash in his sleep, lyrium marks glowing blue. Daphne yanked away, sparks flying between her hands and his lyrium marks. Not reaching out to him, not trying to hold and comfort him was like a dagger to Daphne’s heart. She moved to the foot of the bed, worrying her lip as Fenris fought against the blankets. When he bolted upright, fighting against the air and shredding his side of the blanket, Daphne jumped. Being startled didn’t last long, and she was soon on her feet, moving to kneel next to Fenris.
“Are you alright? I was worried when you started trashing in your slee—” Daphne began, cut off as Fenris grabbed her shoulders.
“I didn’t… you’re not hurt, right?”
“What? Fenris, no, I’m fine. I’m more worried about you, that doesn’t normally happen.”
“It’s fine, it was just a nightmare.” Fenris got up, moving out of Daphne’s reach to go stand by the fireplace. She stood, trailing behind him.
“Is there anything I can do for you?” Daphne asked, stopping a short distance from him. Fenris flinched from her voice, as if Daphne herself were fire.
“No. I need some air.” He shook his head, stepping out of the room. Daphne blinked after him for a moment before spurring herself into motion.
“Fenris.” She stopped in the doorway to their bedroom, peering out into the living space, but he was already gone.
The next morning, Daphne woke up in bed alone. Her stomach lurched. There were any number of reasons Fenris wouldn’t be in bed, and most she didn’t want to consider. Fortunately, her fears were abated when she stepped into the main room to see Fenris folding his temporary bedding in front of the fireplace. Relaxing slightly, Daphne cleared her throat. “Beth should be awake soon, if you want to handle getting her dressed for the day.”
Fenris froze, and Daphne could see every muscle in his body tense. It took more willpower than she thought she could muster not to go to him.
“I thought I could handle breakfast. If that’s alright with you,” he said, voice tight.
“Ah,” Daphne said. She felt herself deflate a little. “Of course.”
That was how the day continued. Daphne and Fenris danced around each other, neither ever finding the right words to say or questions to ask. Fenris focused on any task that would put physical distance between him and Beth, not that it always worked. Beth tripped and scraped her knee when she was running over to Fenris to ask for a “mato” and burst into tears. It amazed Daphne how quickly Fenris moved for Beth, she’d only seen him move so fast in combat. He was at her side in seconds, with Daphne right behind him. Though he verbally comforted her the same way he always did, he handled her like she was made of glass. Like, if he wasn’t careful, she would shatter under his touch.
Other than that, nothing. No soft touches or kisses like the day before, whenever Daphne asked if he wanted to do something with Beth he looked like he would be sick, and while work Daphne had been putting off was getting done, it couldn’t be more obvious something was wrong.
Daphne sighed as she settled Beth into bed. The day felt like it had been an age, but she wasn’t going to bed just yet. She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, collecting herself. It had been so long waiting for Fenris to come home, she wasn’t going to let last night ruin things already.
Stepping back into the main room, she found Fenris setting up in front of the main fireplace again. Daphne cleared her throat, staying just outside of Beth’s door. “Can we talk?”
Fenris jumped as she spoke, whirling around to stare at her.
“We… should, yes.” He moved to the couch, elbows on his knees as he stared into the dying fire. After a moment of hesitation, Daphne settled next to him. “I don’t mean to worry you.”
“Consequence of me loving you,” Daphne said, smiling softly. “What’s wrong?”
Fenris was quiet for a long time. Daphne didn’t press, watching him as the silence stretched on. The fire popped, and the sounds of night from outside filtered in through the windows, the only sound left to fill the house. It took a couple of minutes before Fenris spoke. “Last night… I could have hurt you, Daphne. If anything happened to Beth, to you because of me it would kill me.”
“But you didn’t hurt me, you never even came close.”
“That doesn’t mean it couldn’t happen.”
“You were asleep! Having a nightmare! You’ve never hurt me, Fenris, and I know you would never hurt Beth. What happened last night has never happened before, it might never happen again.”
“And what if it does?”
“I thought we had finished this leaving you shit,” Daphne said, voice gentle despite her choice of words. Fenris grimaced at that, lifting his head to meet Daphne’s eyes. “Maybe that’s unfair, but I’ve got a point to this. Every couple years in Kirkwall something new came to kill us, just a few years ago I was almost left in the Fade to fight a nightmare demon. Life is short, Fenris. Both of us fought tooth and nail to get where we are today and we can finally be happy. Maker, please don’t let fear stop us from living the lives we’ve more than earned.”
They stared at each other for a moment, the silence stretching back out between them. Finally, Daphne offered Fenris her hand. He hesitated a moment, brow furrowed, before he took it and pulled her to him. She let herself fall into his embrace, wrapping her arms around Fenris as he held her close. They held each other tightly, Fenris trembling a little.
“I don’t want to push you away. I try not too but sometimes… it’s just easier. To push away,” Fenris murmured into Daphne’s hair.
“I know, it is. Guess we’ll just have to work together to keep you tied to me.”
“It shouldn’t be hard. I don’t think I could ever stay gone long.”
Eventually, they retreated to their room. Each undressed, clothes cast aside to be washed another day. Daphne changed into loose trousers and an oversized white blouse that hung off her shoulders. She glanced at Fenris, seeing him fussing with a shirt. She moved up behind him, slipping her arms around his waist. Fenris stilled at her touch, but soon relaxed. Tilting his head back to rest atop Daphne’s as she settled her forehead against his back.
“Don’t leave me again,” she whispered, fingers ghosting over scant bare patches of skin between his lyrium markings.
“I’ll be here, Daphne, I swear it.”
Daphne didn’t know what woke her up, but she knew she didn’t want to leave. Her bed was warm, and her limbs were a jumbled mess with Fenris’ in the mix. Shifting, she sank deeper into the bed, trying to drift off the sleep. Fenris stirred as she did, turning onto his other side to face Daphne. She hummed at him with a groggy smile.
“Good morning, Fenris.”
“Good morning, Daphne.”