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The ride home is silent, the way it always is after a long and overstimulating day.
Leo peers at the corner of his eyes, noticing Sangwon’s frame slumped heavily near the vehicle’s window. His arms are wrapped around himself, and the man wants nothing more than to pull him to his lap and smother him with cuddles.
Even then, he reels himself in and doesn’t try to talk to him. Not when emotions are high, and the younger needs time to process the weeks that passed.
Content filming has wrapped up for both of them, a silent mercy brought about by having their rooms decided quickly. They wasted no time exiting the awards show venue, promising to catch up with the others once everything had settled down.
Sangwon, especially, was adamant to drop the more cheery façade he sported. In Leo’s eyes now, he wasn’t trying to seem positive or confident. He was frustrated and disappointed, the emotions permeating deep in his bones.
The leader can’t say he doesn’t feel the same. There’s a level of guilt that rests on his shoulders, even though the odds were stacked against them for their first-ever group performance. He knows his team can do so much better than what they had shown, yet he also knows they tried their damned hardest to make things work.
But with Sangwon, it’s a more cumbersome ordeal. Leo’s been his friend long enough to know how he handles difficult situations like these — usually closed off and trembling, as he might crack at any moment. If he approaches Sangwon now, the other man won’t be able to keep his façade up, and he’ll feel bad about breaking down in front of him and the staff, causing more problems than solutions.
So, the elder keeps his distance. He’ll find an opening soon enough.
❆⋆⁺₊❅.❅
Leo thinks he finds it when they greet their chauffeur and manager ‘good night’ and are shepherded off to the floor with their rooms.
He sneaks a glance at his teammate again when they’re alone in the elevator, but is shocked to see Sangwon’s back completely turned to him, not a single quip or joke leaving his lips.
“Sangwonnie,” he tries, taking a step towards him in the metal box.
“Leo. Don’t.”
The tone is ice-cold.
Leo stops in his tracks, his teeth biting the inside of his cheek. He wants to respect Sangwon’s boundaries, wants to be a good leader by letting his members be after their first overseas schedule. But the part of him that cares too much for his best friend aches.
“Sangwon-ah,” he tries again, feet planted a few inches from where the younger is. This feels like a generous compromise, even when his body tells him to move closer to the man.
“Go to your room. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”
The coldness in his voice is replaced by deep-seated exhaustion, evident in how it shakes at the last syllable. The elevator dings to their floor just before he hears Sangwon’s sniffles as he beelines to his assigned room.
Leo can take the worst leader award home tonight because, as much as he wants to be patient, he’ll literally explode if Sangwon doesn’t feel any better by the end of the night.
“Okay,” he takes longer strides to catch up to Sangwon’s surprisingly quick steps. He stops him before he unlocks his room, arm barring the sensor for his keycard, “—But let me be with you for a bit?”
The man sighs impatiently, nodding once as he lifts Leo’s arm away from his door.
“Just for a while.”
When they enter the pristine room, Sangwon’s bags are already placed near the foot of his bed, a robe and a towel lining his clean sheets for a supposed restful night. Leo can’t help but feel a bit conscious about his presence ruining the stillness of the room.
So, he doesn’t initiate any conversation for now. His hands make it to the younger’s luggage, unlocking it easily with a code he knows by heart. He quietly unloads the remainder of the clothes Sangwon’s bound to wear in Hong Kong and sets them inside the built-in closet, organizing them by color the way the blond likes it.
Sangwon doesn’t stop him from milling around the room, going through his own motions as if Leo weren’t there. Admittedly, the scene is similar to some nights from their stint of living together — back when they went home too tired from training and co-existed in their strands of introverted peace.
He sees his fellow idol smothering himself under the covers, not bothering to turn all the room lights on or step out of his outside clothes, which isn’t like him at all.
“You should get changed at least, Sangwon-ah.”
“Don’t wanna,” he mutters, burrowing himself further under the thick sheet.
Leo feels helpless, unsure how to deal with the room’s tense atmosphere. He hopes he’s not making a huge mistake when he crawls under Sangwon’s covers, slotting his chin on the crook of the man’s neck.
“Leo-yah, no dirty clothes here,” the younger whines petulantly, yet he shifts closer to wrap the man’s arms around him.
Not a mistake, then.
“You’re wearing outside clothes too, you know,” He chuckles, earning a light jab from Sangwon’s elbow. Leo reinforces his grip on the idol, his lips coming into contact with his shoulder.
“That’s different. I’m sad.”
Sangwon says it with a giggle, meaning for it to come off as a joke, though it pierces Leo’s heart all the same. He’s not unaware of the struggles the man has had for the past few days, but he can’t say he’s offered as much care as he usually has.
Back then, things were easier.
Leo didn’t have to wonder which camera was shooting which angle of him to edit into whichever piece of content was uploaded next. He didn’t have to worry about other things —other people— aside from him and Sangwon.
In retrospect, he still should’ve done better. Sangwon had been a part of his life for far longer than he was their group’s leader. That should’ve prompted him to act, even when it’s not in the type of affection they’re used to.
“But you did so well, baby.”
The hitch in Sangwon’s breath is audible in the quiet room, and the beating in his chest palpable from where Leo lies.
He doesn't reply for more than a couple seconds, just curls his legs to his chest to burrow himself deeper in the elder's hold.
“I messed up, hyung. My dancing was sloppy… my mic and in-ears were all loose… I thought about the steps too much… I didn’t even try to help the others when they were struggling…”
Leo shushes him with the softest peck to his nape, waiting for Sangwon’s signal to do more, if he lets him.
“You did the best you could with the situation we were in. We all could see how much effort you put into our performance, and you gave it your all on stage. Your fans are proud of you, Sangwonnie.”
The blond turns to his back ever-so-slightly, until his head is tucked under Leo’s chest and he breathes in the elder’s scent.
“And you, hyung?” He asks, voice muffled by Leo’s shirt fabric, “Are you proud of me?”
Leo fights the urge to laugh out loud. Sangwon was just so damn cute.
He pats the man’s head, fingers combing through the tufts of golden hair. He thinks he hears the man purr and sigh into his chest, “Why’d you need to ask? I’m always proud of you.”
“Just wanted to hear it from you,” he exhales, unabashedly looping his arms around Leo’s middle, snaking them under his biceps.
They’re perfectly slotted now, their bodies as close as can be. Leo squeezes him by the shoulders, hoping it conveys as much warmth as he intends it to.
“…I wanted you to do it earlier, at the venue.”
“This?” He tightens his embrace for a moment, and he feels Sangwon nod into him.
“I was upset, and you didn’t even notice.”
Leo grabs him by the shoulders, pulling him up so they’re horizontally face-to-face. He’s met with Sangwon’s glossy eyes and a trembling pout on his lips.
“Oh, Sangwonnie. You were with so many people. I thought—well, I thought you didn’t want me there.”
“Stupid hyungie,” he admonishes, pout deepening. “I wanted you more than anyone else.”
He envies the way the younger can just say it smoothly, without wondering about what it does to Leo’s heart. Perhaps it’s because he’s tired and in need of comfort, which the leader is more than happy to provide.
He lets a kiss linger on Sangwon’s forehead before he speaks, a silent apology done in advance.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m here now.”
“I know,” Sangwon smiles knowingly, glistening eyes dropping to Leo’s lips. There isn’t any pretense when he licks the seam of the elder’s lips, capturing his bottom lip fully once they’re parted.
Leo follows Sangwon’s pace — taking it as slow as the man wants. They haven’t kissed in what feels like weeks, always tiptoeing in the dorms or in front of the staff. He wants to savor the feel of his favorite person’s lips on his, never mind that their members would start filing in one by one at the hotel.
“Closer, hyung.”
Sangwon’s fingers make it under his dark shirt, and he seizes at the coolness of the touch. The younger doesn’t seem to care, running his hands all over the skin he can reach. Maybe he’s high off the man’s touch because he registers belatedly that his shirt is all the way off.
He’d be shivering if the heater wasn’t on, or if Sangwon wasn’t currently smothering his skin with affection.
“How do you want me, Sangwon-ah?”
He’d give the man everything he’d ask for. This is no exception.
“This is fine… just c-closer, please.”
He feels the fragility of his friend’s voice, and it breaks something in him. How could he have left Sangwon like this?
“Is this okay?” He asks, slowly lifting the hem of the idol’s shirt. Sangwon nods eagerly, fingernails dragging slightly on Leo’s back.
He slowly mirrors Sangwon’s action from a while ago, taking his time removing the fabric that separates their bare skin from each other.
Now that their torsos were free from pesky fabrics, Leo could hug him as tightly as he wanted to, and he does exactly that, almost cradling the younger in his arms.
“You were perfect, baby,” he murmurs to his ear, so there’s no way for him to miss it, “My strong and beautiful Sangwonnie.”
He noses Sangwon’s shoulder blades, then his collarbones — listening intently to when the blond’s breath hitches.
His lips make it to the man’s throat, and he nibbles on it ever-so-slightly as he speaks.
“I could watch you all day, but then I’d want you all to myself.”
“You’re exaggerating,” Sangwon giggles airily, and Leo feels his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down his throat.
At least he’s laughing, even when Leo wants to prove him wrong.
“Sure I am,” he snorts sarcastically, tickling the man’s neck with his breath.
“Leo-hyung,” Sangwon whines again.
“Sorry, beautiful.”
He meets him at eye level, nuzzling their noses together.
“You weren’t this cheesy before, you know.”
The elder would take offense if it wasn’t true, or if Sangwon wasn’t just as bad as him.
“Well, what can I do? You make it hard for me not to.”
“You’re impossible,” Sangwon slides his fingers to Leo’s ribs, pinching his sides in retaliation before smoothing his hands over his toned abdomen.
“Do you wonder, hyungie…” The hands trail downwards, brushing over his happy trail and the zipper of his pants, “If you could have your way with me, what would you do?”
Leo isn’t very spiritual, but he prays that the color of his ears and chest don’t betray him.
There’s Leo and Sangwon going to each other for cuddles and kisses, but there’s another, more intimate area of their convoluted friendship that they haven’t dared to explore.
“Careful, Sangwon-ah.”
“I’m just asking,” he shrugs, like he isn’t completely altering Leo’s brain chemistry right now. Thankfully, his hands don’t stray any further, staying still for a moment.
“I-I—don’t ask me that.”
“Okay,” he drags his knuckles over to Leo’s lower back, kneading the knots from weeks of accumulated stress, “—but you’d take care of me, right?”
A fire blazes behind Leo’s eyes. He’d sooner die than let anything bad happen to Sangwon, especially if it’s under his watch.
“Of course, baby. Always.”
Sangwon grins then, the apples of his cheeks raised. “I’d do the same, hyung. I’d make you feel just as good.”
“You’ve thought about this a lot, huh?” His laughter is shaky, unsuccessfully concealing the extent to which it affects him.
He’s a hypocrite. There’s no way Sangwon’s thought about it more than he has.
“Mmhmm.”
Dear God, Leo was going to die.
He has to put a stop to this.
After what happened at their first awards show, Sangwon was as vulnerable as could be. He couldn’t possibly want this outside his current condition — certainly not as much as Leo does.
Plus, they would need to deal with their entire team in a few. Even with the growing problem in his tight pants, he couldn’t risk thinking with it.
“Next time,” he presses a kiss to Sangwon’s hair, placating him, “when we’re not so stressed, okay?”
He’s not yet sure if he means it. It’s for future Leo to deal with now.
“I’ll hold you to it,” he says sweetly, not-so-accidentally brushing the front of their jeans together as he makes himself more comfortable in bed.
“You’re doing that on purpose,” he groans, hiding his flushed face into Sangwon’s neck.
He trills in response, “Obviously!”
Nevertheless, the man grants him some mercy by pulling away from him slowly, allowing his hand to remain on Leo’s cheek.
“Thank you, Leo-hyung. I needed this.”
He leans into the touch —probably more than he should— acknowledging Sangwon with a shy nod. For a moment, he takes in the serene smile on the debuting idol’s face, caked in lightly smeared makeup, yet genuinely unburdened.
Leo gets up when he has to, which is synonymous with his work phone vibrating somewhere on the desk.
“Off you go, leader-nim.”
Sangwon leaves his side of the bed too, re-arranging the covers so they’re back to their original state. They’re both dressed properly by the time the phone call ends.
“What?” The younger asks cheekily when Leo gives him a questioning look, “I want whatever late-night snacks the team is having.”
“—And the bed is made because?”
Sangwon laughs brightly, like the man just said the punchline of a terrible dad joke.
“I’m sleeping in your room!”