Work Text:
You have 64 voicemails from: Mira. Press 1 to play–
[dial tone]
—
2015 September 6th, 17:35
Hi Rumi! This is Zoey! My phone died so Mira is ever so graciously letting me borrow hers. We’re going for food later and wanted to know whether you’d like to come. I know you’re super busy with your extra training right now but if you did want to come, we’ll be in the town centre eight-ish. No pressure! Hopefully see you soon. Miss ya, bye!
[click]
—
2016 January 8th, 17:08
Hiya! Zoey here! Forgot to charge my phone before leaving the house so I’m calling from Mira’s. We’re going into town for dinner. Usual place, usual time. Don’t worry if training runs over, we’ll wait for you–
[faint grumbling]
Yes, we will. Ignore Mira. She’s just grumpy because she’s hungry. Anyway, see you later!
[click]
—
2016 July 15th, 18:42
Hey Rumi! Dinner in town tonight? Please come. I’m begging you. If not for your own sake, for mine. Mira literally will not shut up about–
[a shriek; then, muffled]
That is not true.
Yes it is! ‘Rumi this’ and ‘Rumi that’. You’re lucky I’m not wounded you don’t think my company is enough–
None of that. Of course it’s– you’re enough. Now will you give. Me. That. Back.
[closer, muttering]
I’m never letting you use my phone again.
[faint]
Hey–
[click]
—
2016 December 20th, 11:12
[awkwardly]
Hey. It’s, uh, Mira. I forgot to pick up the sparklers for Zoey’s birthday and, well, you know how she is about them. I don’t really get the firework hype – I dunno, maybe it’s an American thing – but it seemed important to her.
[a throat clearing]
So, could you get some on your way over? Thanks. Bye.
[click]
—
2017 October 22nd, 20:25
Listen, Zoey is throwing you a surprise birthday party tomorrow. I’m telling you because she is the worst liar in the world so you’re going to figure out something is up and because you’re you, you’re going to immediately jump to the worst possible conclusion and the whole thing is going to be an absolute disaster.
[a deep breath]
So, tomorrow just follow whatever bullshit excuse she gives you to stay out the house, come back exactly when she tells you – or, actually, maybe give her an extra half hour, cuz, y'know, it's Zoey – then act adequately surprised. Amazing. Fantastic. Bye.
[click]
—
2017 October 24th, 00:30
Please never consider becoming an actor.
[click]
—
2017 October 27th, 07:59
Hey, it’s Mira. I’m not sure if Zoey has figured out why you and Celine disappear this time of year but I think I might have.
[a hesitant pause; then, cautiously]
Say hi to your mom. Tell her I love her voice.
[click]
—
2018 February 2nd, 15:39
Hey, where do you get the tea you’re always drinking? I can’t find any in the local shops and I’m, like, quickly bulldozing through your stash.
[click]
—
2018 February 14th, 11:45
[dryly]
I got the tea. The bow was a cute touch. Is this a hint for me to stop stealing yours? Thanks anyway.
[click]
—
2018 June 8th, 21:38
We’re out of tea. Also Zoey wants some of her gross cereal.
[distant]
Hey, it isn’t–
[click]
—
2018 August 15th, 19:00
[stilted, embarrassed]
Hey, it’s me. Look, I’ve had a great birthday and you haven’t ruined it or anything ridiculous. You don’t have to be embarrassed about– I know you were aiming for the cheek, not– What I mean is, I know you didn’t mean to do that. And no one saw, anyway. If you want we can just pretend it never happened. Now can you please come out of hiding so that we can celebrate the rest of my birthday together?
[click]
—
2018 December 20th, 09:46
[frustrated]
I forgot the sparklers. Again. Can you bring some?
[click]
—
2018 December 20th, 23:51
Thanks for saving the day again.
[click]
—
2019 February 14th, 16:24
It’s like you read my mind. I was just running out of it. Thanks.
[click]
—
2019 May 4th, 19:01
Hey so I have this stalker who has been keeping really close tabs on my tea drinking. Think this is anything I should be worried about?
[a snort]
Thanks, dork.
[click]
—
2019 December 20th, 19:20
Hey, it’s Mira.
[an exasperated sigh]
Guess what I’ve gone and forgotten. How does this happen every year? I swear I’m cursed or something. Could you–
[a door opening; then, muffled]
I got sparklers. Figured you’d have forgotten.
[a relieved groan]
Ryu Rumi, I could kiss you right now. You’re a lifesaver, you know that?
Um, it’s no good– I mean, it’s no problem. All good.
[nervous laughter; an awkward cough]
What would you do without me, right?
[dryly]
My life would have a lot less sparkle, that’s for sure.
[laughing, closer]
You’re joking but we both know it’s true. Are you on the phone to someone?
Oh, yeah. You won’t believe the coincidence–
[click]
—
2020 March 3rd, 14:52
When you come home I need you to talk Zoey out of getting Bobby a hot air balloon for his birthday. Just because he said he liked Up. She thinks I’m against it because of ‘my lack of whimsy’ and not because it’s objectively a terrible idea.
[a pause]
And I don’t lack whimsy; I lack stupidity – there’s a difference. You can tell her that too.
[click]
—
2020 June 29th, 16:13
Hey, it’s me. Can you get–
[faint]
Is that Rumi? Tell her I say hi.
[closer]
It’s a voicemail.
[giggling]
What?
[giggling intensifies]
What?
Don’t you find it weird that Rumi – our Rumi, who answers emails within the minute – misses so many of your calls?
[silence]
Oh my god. You haven’t realised?
Realised what?
[laughing]
She’d kill me for telling you.
[a thud as the phone is dropped; voices getting fainter]
Tell me what? Zoey? Zoey. Zoey.
Alright, alright!
[whispering, almost too quiet to be heard]
She likes replaying the sound of your voice.
[silence]
[silence]
[more giggling]
[click]
—
2020 June 29th, 20:48
[a deep breath]
Rumi. Stop freaking out and come back home. It’s no big deal. I think–
[a long pause; then, in a loud whisper]
You’re doing great.
Oh my god. Get out of here.
[rustling and muffled laughter; then, slightly breathless]
Sorry about that. She’s gone now.
[a pause]
I’m not sorry she told me though. I think– I think it’s cute. I think you’re cute. And, um, to, like, even the playing field or whatever, the reason I call so much instead of texting or– well, actually, I’ll never send a voice note, no matter what Zoey says about convenience. But I call because I like the sound of your voice too.
[a throat clearing]
Anyway, don’t read too much into that. I’m only telling you so that we’re even. And now we are. So, stop being such a drama queen and come back here.
[click]
—
2020 December 20th, 23:45
[whispering]
Hi future me, it’s Rumi. I’ve stolen Mira’s phone. She says she’s gone to the bathroom but I think she’s just gone to calm herself down. You should have seen how red her ears were when she– when she–
[a breath]
She told you she loved you. She told you she was in love with you. At 11:34 PM on December 20th–
[panicking]
–December 20th. Oh god. We cannot celebrate this as an anniversary; Zoey is already upset enough about competing with Christmas on her birthday. We’ll have to use the time then.
[breathless laughter; then, in quiet disbelief]
At 11:34, Mira told me she was in love with me. I’m telling you this because I want to remember this exact moment forever and ever.
[a pause]
When she comes back, I’m going to kiss her.
[click]
—
2021 February 14th, 09:34
I am such an idiot. All this time? You dork.
[click]
—
2021 February 14th, 09:36
I love the tea. And I love you.
[click]
—
2021 July 3rd, 19:20
[biting back laughter]
Rumi, I’m sorry. Open the door. I really didn’t– I really–
[a door banging open; then, huffing]
I can hear you laughing. It’s not funny!
I’m apologising! I’ll stop, I promise.
Stopping and stopping getting caught are not the same thing.
I just don’t see the problem. What’s the point of wasting a whole other bowl?
[an outraged squawk]
First of all, who eats hummus on its own? Second of all, and most importantly, every time you put your spoon back in, you’re getting your spit in it. It’s disgusting.
[a long pause; then, warning]
Don’t–
[smug]
You find my spit disgusting?
That isn’t–
If that’s the case, maybe I should withhold kissing.
[spluttering]
Woah. That isn’t– It’s the principle of the thing– Stop laughing.
Okay, okay. Stopping. And I’ll stop dipping my used spoon into our hummus. Promise.
[a pause]
And?
[soft]
And I promise not to withhold kisses.
[softer still]
Prove it.
[rustling]
[click]
—
2022 October 23rd, 22:56
Hey Rumi. Happy birthday. It sucks that you can’t be here to spend it with us but, um…
[nervously]
I have a birthday present for you. I know you’re not ready for… you know. And that’s fine; that will always be fine. But I figured since you’re not ready for us to see each other like that, then maybe we could hear each other. If you’re not interested, feel free to hang up and delete this, but, uh, otherwise…
[swallowing; voice lowered]
I’m in your room right now. In your bed. I’m calling you with one hand but the other is free. I’m imagining what I would do with it if you were here. Acting it out. Where I would touch. What I would touch. How I would–
[a door opening]
[a long silence]
[alternating horrified voices]
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god–
[hissing]
What are you doing here?
I was coming to borrow a shirt! What are you– Actually. Don’t answer that. Oh my god. In her bed. I’m going to be sick.
If you had just knocked–
[shrill]
Knocked? Knocked? She’s one hundred miles away, why would I knock? The better question is why didn’t you use any single one of the industrial strength locks on her door? Never teasing Rumi about them again. In fact, I’m going to encourage her to get more. If there was ever a reason to justify–
[laughing]
Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I promise this is just as bad for me.
[scoffing]
I highly doubt that– Wait. Please tell me that isn’t her on the phone?
No, no, it’s…
[embarrassed pause]
Oh god it’s a voicemail, isn’t it? You two and your voicemails.
[a pause; then, serious]
Delete it. Now.
[affronted]
Obviously. What do you think I’m trying to do?
Here, let me see.
Don’t press anything–
I think if you just–
Wait–
[click]
—
2022 October 23rd, 23:15
Rumi. If you love me or Zoey in any way, shape or form, please delete the previous voicemail without listening to it.
[click]
—
2023 January 2nd, 06:30
[frantic, between shaky breaths]
Rumi. Come home from your run. There’s a picture of us. I don’t know who or how or– we were so careful–
[a different voice, calmer] Relax. It’s going to be fine. Rumi, come home as soon as possible. We’ll call Celine and Bobby and we’ll figure out how to deal with this – together. Whatever happens, I love you both and I’m on your side.
[whispering]
I love you Rumi. More than anything. More than this.
[click]
—
2023 December 22nd, 21:40
[fireworks shooting off nearby; the hubbub of a bustling crowd]
[shouting]
Where are you two? I turned around for one second and–
[a particularly loud bang]
Jesus. This is why I don’t like fireworks. It’s too loud to hear my own thoughts and too dark to see anything. Can one of you please pick up the phone?
[click]
—
2024 October 23rd, 05:45
Hey Rumi. I haven’t sent one of these in a while.
[dry, mirthful]
There isn’t usually a need to call you when we spend almost all of our time together. And…
[a pause; then, hesitant]
And I guess the past year and a half has been a bit hectic with… everything.
[with renewed certainty]
But I know what these mean to you. I understand recordings are the only thing you have left of your mom. And, in the name of digital evidence being a complete nightmare recently, here’s something to redeem it. A birthday gift.
[an inhale]
I love you. I love you in ways I’ve never loved anyone before, in ways I didn’t think I was capable of. I want to be with you, in every way possible. And if these past two years have taught me anything, it’s that we can. The world knows about us and we still won the Idol Awards twice, the Honmoon is still strong, we’re still on track to turning it golden.
[cautious, gentle]
I know how hard this has been for you. How important sealing the Honmoon is – and it is for us too. But maybe some good came from all of this? There doesn’t have to be any hiding. There don’t have to be any secrets. We can have whatever life we want together. And I want the whole thing: the rings and the house with a garden and dozens of tiny versions of us running around. I want– I want–
[laughing in disbelief]
I want a family. With you. Not now, obviously, but someday. I never thought I’d be able to see myself wanting–
[quieter]
–deserving something like that, but with you…
[a pause; then, softly]
I love you Rumi. Happy Birthday.
[click]
—
2025 November 1st, 20:30
[sarcastic; underneath, nervous]
Hey Rumi, when you said ‘take five’ did you forget to specify whether you meant minutes or hours? Seriously though, where are you?
[faint]
Did she pick up?
[louder, muffled]
No. Voicemail. You didn’t find her?
[clearer]
Whatever spiral you’ve gotten yourself into, knock it off, dork. If your voice isn’t up to it, we can just postpone the show. No biggie. Just come out of hiding.
[click]
—
2025 November 1st, 22:05
[worried, gentle]
Hey Rumi, we’re on our way back home. I don’t know what’s going through your head right now but everything is going to be okay. Just come back home. We love you.
[click]
—
2025 November 5th, 16:19
Rumi we’ve just come up with the sickest set of lyrics for the bridge. Listen to this:
[two voices harmonising]
Oh, you're the master of illusion
나를 속이려 하지 마 [“don't try to fool me”]
Look at all the masses that you're foolin'
But they'll turn on you soon, so how
How can you sleep or live with yourself?
A broken soul trapped in the nastiest shell
영혼 없는 네 목숨을 끊으러 [“to take your soulless life”]
and watch you die-ie-ie
[speaking excitedly]
If that doesn’t send that patterned filth running!
Damn right. Get on in here so we can get the harmony down Rumi.
[click]
—
2025 November 11th, 02:29
[sleepily]
Where are you? You’re not answering your door or my calls. This keeps happening–
[a frustrated sigh]
I’m not trying to be, like, controlling or whatever. I’m just worried about you.
[a pause]
You can talk to us, you know? To me.
[another sigh, weary]
Just get home safe.
[click]
—
2025 November 14th, 02:58
[shuffling; then, whispering]
You were right. I am hiding something. But I can’t tell you – either of you. You’re right here next to me, sleeping. I’m listening to you breathe. In and out. In and out. I just have to reach out and shake you awake and say it. I just have to– And I want to, you have no idea how much and how long I have wanted to–
[a short sigh]
But I can’t. So I’m telling it to your phone instead. Like a liar. Like a coward. Because it could change everything and I can’t know for sure what that change will look like.
[voice breaking]
I love you. And I don’t think I could live without you.
[a pause; then, quieter]
Even if that meant you having to live without me.
[click]
—
2025 November 16th, 20:15
[panting]
Rumi? Where did you go? How long have you…?
[a different voice, frantic]
Please come back, Rumi. We didn’t mean it. We were frightened and you– you had– have…
[desperate]
Just come home. Let’s talk. Please let’s talk. We can figure this out. Please.
[click]
—
21:40 2025 November 16th
[whispering]
I love you I love you I love you come back please come back it doesn’t matter none of it matters just pick up and come back come back to us
[a shaky inhale; then, broken]
Come back to me.
[click]
—
2026 November 16th, 22:13
[hesitant, stilted]
Hey Rumi, it’s, um, me. Mira. It’s been a year since– You’ve been gone a year now. It feels, um, it feels a lot longer than that. My therapist suggested I do this. Well, not this exactly, but something. Write to you. Talk to you. Tell you about my life. So, uh, here it is.
[silence]
[a long thin sigh; then, frustrated]
I don’t even know what to say. I guess we can start with the obvious: I’m in therapy again. I know I promised I would never go back to it but, I dunno, I guess we all promise things we don’t mean–
Fuck.
[a shaky breath; then, choked up]
I can’t do this.
[click]
—
2026 December 20th, 21:30
[slow controlled breathing; then, careful]
Hey, it’s Mira. It’s, uh, it’s Zoey’s birthday today. The first once we’ve properly celebrated since–
[a pause; a faint swallow]
Anyway, we’re at a proper firework display. Zoey is off buying more snacks than we will possibly be able to eat so I thought I’d take the chance to tell you this: you’ll never guess what I forgot to bring?
[weak laughter]
Yeah. Sparklers. So, we don’t have any.
[a pause; then, strained]
Obviously. Because you aren’t here to–
[more slow controlled breathing; then, dryly]
Anyway, I still don’t like fireworks. What’s the point? You get a few seconds of happiness and then it’s over and you’re left in the dark with smoke in your nose and ringing in your ears. Yipee. But, whatever, anything for Zoey, right? Speaking of, she’ll probably be on her way back now, so, uh… yeah.
[a pause]
[click]
—
2027 January 3rd, 23:04
Hey, it’s me. We went to see Celine today. She gave me your phone. Apparently she saw that I’d called, which is, like, I dunno, kind of embarrassing and kind of sad. But it means she kept it all this time – kept it charged – which might be sadder. It’s, um, locked. She says she couldn’t work out your passcode.
[a pause; then, quieter]
I’m not sure she really tried. She doesn’t… she doesn’t have a lot of energy for much these days. She’s quieter, slower, more… empty, maybe? Zoey thinks it’s like a part of her died with you. I think she blames herself. It’s probably a combination of the two.
[quieter still]
I think… She isn’t the only one who feels that way.
[click]
—
2027 August 15th, 00:20
Hey, it’s me. It’s my birthday today. As you know, I’m not usually bothered about celebrating but… but there’s, um, something special about this one.
[a deep breath]
Today I’m officially older than you.
[slow breathing; then, bitter]
Happy birthday to me.
[click]
—
2027 November 16th, 22:30
Hey. It’s been two years now. There was a public memorial for you today. Zoey and I went, mostly so Celine didn’t have to. Bobby was there too. He was great; I don’t know if we would have been able to get through it without him. It went on for so long and there were so many people and–
[a sigh; short, frustrated]
I’m sick of people trying to be nice or helpful or comforting. I’m sick of people saying they’re sorry or that it will get better. I don’t want it to get better. I don’t want them to be nice or helpful or sorry. All I want is–
[a pause]
Do you know what people kept saying, over and over and over again? They said you were gone too soon, as if that wasn’t your decision. They said you’d be proud of me, that you’d want me to keep going, as if they would ever have any idea what you’d want. And they said that I’ll start to realise you’re not ‘really gone’, that I’ll start to see you in everything – in the flowers and the birds and the sunsets.
[a bitter scoff]
But they don’t understand. It isn’t that I see you in everything, it’s that how could I possibly not see you in anything? We grew up together. I built my entire world view around you – with you. Every conversation, every argument, every shared look since we were kids was another brick into who I am. So, of course you’re everywhere, but it isn’t in the flowers or the birds – it’s in me. You’re in every single thought I have and every single thing I do. And–
[voice breaking]
And now you’re gone.
[raw, pained]
How could you be gone? You knew me better than anyone else ever possibly could so how could you go and leave me all alone? How could you not know how much that would hurt me? And then I look back to everything you were doing – the lying, the hiding, the secrets – and I think, God Rumi–
[heavy breathing]
–did I even know you at all?
[click]
—
2028 January 6th, 17:56
[voice flat]
I cracked your passcode by the way. Get this: I really thought it would be my birthday or something. How narcissistic is that? Maybe I really didn’t mean as much to you as you did to me.
[click]
—
2028 February 14th, 01:30
Found your voicemails. They go all the way back to when we first met.
[click]
—
2028 February 14th, 03:17
[angry]
I can’t listen to them. I won’t listen to them.
You know I don’t have any of you? You know why? Because I picked up every single time you called. Every. Single. Time. No matter what.
[in a broken whisper]
Why couldn’t you have just picked up? Why couldn’t you have picked up just that once? We could have talked. We could have figured something out that didn’t involve you sacrificing yourself like an idiot. I know we made a mistake when we– But that didn’t mean we wanted–
Did you really think that was what we wanted? That we– That I wanted you to–
[a sharp sigh]
I just don’t understand. You keep ten years of my voicemails and the whole time you’re keeping this huge secret as well. Didn’t you trust me? Didn’t you lo–
[an exhale; then, resigned]
I just don’t understand.
[click]
—
2028 April 26th, 20:45
Hey, it’s me. Zoey’s dating someone. I’m still mad at you, by the way, but I thought you’d like to know about this. It’s not the first person she’s dated since– then, but I met him today and there’s something different about this one. She says it isn’t anything serious, that she isn’t sure yet, but the way they look at eachother… I recognise that look.
[quieter]
I remember that look. I swore you used to look at me like that.
[a pause]
Didn’t you?
[a throat clearing; louder]
Anyway, he’s, like, fine. He has curtains, which is… fixable, I suppose. I’m keeping my eye on him though. And if he fucks her up I need you to haunt his ass for me, okay?
[click]
—
2028 September 20th, 01:45
Hey, um, it’s me. I opened up a dance studio today. I’m going to start teaching. Zoey is writing. Not recording. I don’t think either of us will ever…
[a swallow]
Anyway, her and Curtains are still going strong. And, um, your precious Honmoon is fine too, by the way. In case you were wondering. Looks like you saved the world. Congrats.
[click]
—
2029 July 24th, 02:46
I’ve started listening to the voicemails. You, uh, you really kept every single one, huh? Even the grocery lists? I haven’t had that tea in forever. I don’t even know where you used to get it from.
[a soft chuckle]
You really are a dork.
[click]
—
2029 September 15th, 21:00
Hey, it’s me. Teaching is alright. The kids are easy. They got me this ridiculous card for my birthday with all of their names signed. And they do everything I say.
[a snort]
It really puts into perspective what a pain you were to choreograph for – always with the questions, always with the ideas. Zoey’s good too. She’s disgustingly in love. It’s adorable. Not that I would ever tell her that. Celine is… okay. This time of year is hard for her but all things considered, she’s okay.
[click]
—
2029 November 1st, 00:17
One one three four. Your passcode. You– you idiot. You romantic dork. You–
[laughing]
I can’t believe you.
[click]
—
2029 November 17th, 20:40
[wobbly]
I, uh, I reached the end of the voicemails.
[sniffling]
I was right there. All you had to do was wake me up and tell me and everything would have– I would have– All that time. All those years. I wish you would have just told us. And you wanted to.
[a shaky inhale; then, quieter]
You wanted to.
[click]
—
2029 December 31st, 21:38
Hey, it’s me. We’re at another firework display, a belated birthday celebration for Zoey, watching from across the water. I’m third wheeling so hard. Gross. But it’s dark enough and the water wide enough that I can imagine you’re on the other side looking back. Which is nice, I guess. Anyway, I should get back.
[a pause]
Bye Rumi.
[click]
—
2030 February 27th, 22:50
Hey Rumi, you’ll never guess what: Zoey’s pregnant. She’s freaking out that her lameass boyfriend isn’t going to propose in time. A small part of me wants her to be right, if only because a bastard child is the kind of scandal that would turn Celine grey.
[a pause]
Or, would have, I guess. It’s pretty much all grey now.
[another pause]
She’s wrong, though. He is going to propose and get this: he asked me for my permission, which was so old school and traditionalist but also so not that, loath I am to admit it, it kind of won me over.
[a low chuckle]
Looks like it’ll be a summer wedding and an October baby. Just like you, huh?
Bye Rumi.
[click]
—
2030 July 24th, 06:53
Hey Rumi. Sorry it’s been a while. Turns out helping plan a wedding and preparing for a baby take up a lot of time – who would have thought? The wedding was yesterday. It was beautiful. Zoey was beautiful, baby bump and everything. You should have seen her.
[quietly]
They’re going to have a family. Be a family.
[laughter; forced]
I hope she still finds time for me. Bye Rumi.
[click]
—
2030 September 10th, 17:40
Hey, it’s me. I went to buy our tea today. Couldn’t find it anywhere. Turns out they stopped making it years ago. I guess I was too late.
[a pause]
[faint, as if in the next room, a man and a woman laughing warmly together; then, quietly]
I guess I was too late for a lot of things.
[click]
—
2030 October 25th, 14:15
[whispering]
Hey Rumi, I’ve got someone for you to meet.
[soft baby noises; then, cooing]
Yes, say hello to your Aunty Rumi. And Aunty Rumi, this is Baby Ru. She did end up an October baby after all.
[babbling followed by more cooing and shushing]
We have to go before Zoey finds out I’ve stolen her baby from her. Again. Bye bye Aunty Rumi.
[click]
—
2031 November 16th, 23:15
Hey Rumi. Sorry it’s been a while. If I thought preparing for a baby was a lot for work, actually looking after one is way more. Worth it though. It’s kind of awesome being an aunt. Baby Ru is getting big now. She’s just as loud and bossy as her namesake. She might even be cuter.
[a playful hum]
I dunno, though. Tough competition.
[fond laughter]
Bye Rumi.
[click]
—
2032 June 5th, 13:12
[a faint voice]
I ate hummus straight out of the pot today. Stuck my dirty spoon right back in without even thinking–
[a shaky inhale]
I didn’t even think. I didn’t even think about you.
[click]
—
2032 June 12th, 03:37
[hesitant]
Hey, it’s me. I, um…
[shuffling]
I don’t know whether I ever said this, so I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry for ever questioning whether you loved me. I didn’t really believe it. It was just easier, I think, to lose you if you didn’t love me. But I knew. I always knew. Even before I listened to your stupid voicemails. And I just– I need you to know that.
[click]
—
2033 August 15th, 22:09
Hey Rumi. It’s my birthday today. The kids' cards are getting increasingly stupid in size to fit all of the names now, which is like, a good sign I guess. Shows the studio is really kicking off. We’re winning all sorts of competitions and awards, which is to be expected, obviously, because I’m a fantastic choreographer and, no matter what you used to say, a fantastic teacher. But they’re kind of fantastic as well.
[exasperated, fond]
They get into all these rows. I swear most of my job is breaking up the dumbest fights. They don’t realise they’re arguing because they love each other, because they’re driven and competitive. They want the best for each other but they also want the best for themselves and they’re stepping all over each other trying to find a balance.
[a snort]
Reminds me a lot of us. It’s funny watching them grow up together and become proper little humans. Makes me wonder what kind of people they’ll all become.
[a pause]
Sometimes I wonder what type of person you would have become. But, then, sometimes… I dunno, I think I already know.
Anyway, just wanted to update you. Bye Rumi.
[click]
—
2033 October 15th, 23:45
Hey Rumi. It’s been a while, huh? I’ve been busy with… life, I suppose. But, um, Celine died today. It was– Or, it wasn’t–
[a short exhale]
What I mean is, it wasn’t really anything specific. It came out of nowhere as much as it didn’t. She, um, she was never really the same after you died. We could all see her getting older and weaker and more and more tired and there wasn’t really anything we could do. The only person who could get anything close to a smile out of her was with Baby Ru. I just… I don’t think she could take another winter.
We took her to see you and your mom one last time. She didn’t say much but I think she appreciated it. We’re, uh, we’re going to bury her with you both. Obviously. That’s it really. Just thought you should know.
[click]
—
2033 November 3rd, 23:56
Hey. We buried Celine today. It was small. Private. There’ll be a bigger public thing I’m sure but this was just–
[a pause, a swallow; then, hoarsely]
Just family.
[click]
—
2033 December 15th, 02:45
Hey Rumi. I’ve been thinking about you a lot recently. And about Celine. About the things you kept from us and what it led to. For a long time I was so angry at you both. Not outwardly – it’s difficult to be angry towards someone so broken and someone so, well, dead – but inside. I was angry that we lost so much time. I was angry that we lost our chance at a life together, a family together.
[a quiet exhale]
I still don’t agree with it, I refuse to believe that was the only way to seal the Honmoon, but I almost get it. Sometimes I look at Baby Ru and I think of her getting hurt and–
[a sharp inhale]
I don’t think there’s anything I wouldn’t do to keep her safe. That must have been what Celine felt. She just couldn’t risk it. Couldn’t risk you. So, I’m not angry anymore. Even if I don’t agree with your choices, I understand now they were made just as much out of love as they were out of fear.
[a pause]
And, um, I can’t remember if I told you this but, uh, I spoke at the funeral. In your place, I suppose. I thought at first that meant ‘in the place of family’ but I realise that was wrong. Celine was family. Zoey is family. Bobby and Baby Ru and–
[laughing]
–even Curtains; they’re all family. I didn’t know family could look like that. I thought it meant rings and kids and growing old in matching rocking chairs together but I know now that it can mean a lot of things. And I know now that we were a family – me and you. We are a family. I’m an idiot for not realising it sooner.
[in wry amusement]
That shouldn’t surprise you, though. You could have wrapped it up in a bow and given it to me for Valentine’s day for years and I still probably would have taken the best part of two decades to pick up on it.
[soft laughter; then, relieved]
Anyway, it’s hard to remember if there was a time where I really ever blamed you – those first few years were such a blur – but, in case there was, I forgive you. I love you. I hope you’re together now. Bye Rumi.
[click]
—
2035 January 1st, 21:47
Hey, it’s me. We went to a firework display yesterday for Zoey’s birthday – naturally. The one across the water; it’s her favourite. They played music and the whole display was in sync to it. You’d have liked the theatrics of it all. You’d have liked the way the colours looked on the water surface. It was… actually pretty cool. Don’t tell Zoey but I think I might have started to like fireworks.
[a soft laugh; a pause]
It feels strange to admit that. That there’s a version of me you don’t know – will never know. That I’m changing without you. It feels strange… but it doesn’t feel wrong exactly.
[another pause; then, laughing]
I still forgot the sparklers though. Some things, at least, stay the same.
[click]
—
2035 November 16th, 18:25
Hey, it’s me.
[a pause]
Today is ten years since I lost you. That’s the same number of years that I knew you. A lot has changed. I, uh, I like fireworks now. I have a new favourite brand of tea. I eat hummus straight out the pot without crying. I’m an aunt. The kids at the studio are all growing up. I have a family outside of you. I have a whole life outside of you. I think you’d be proud of who I’ve become.
[a deep, steadying breath]
This is the last one of these. This is the last time I’m going to speak to you down a phone line. Ten years of messages heard and ten years of ones you never will. I won’t let the grief outgrow the love. You wouldn't want that. I don’t want that.
[another deep breath, shakier]
So, this is it. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for the time we had. I’m grateful for it, even if I wish it had been more. I love you. I’ll always love you.
[voice soft]
Goodbye Rumi.
[click]
—
2035 December 20th, 23:34
[water lapping softly; fireworks crackling in the distance]
[louder, the zip of a match striking phosphorus; a hiss as something catches alight]
[the sound is pulled out long and thin before fizzling off]
[water lapping; fireworks crackling; gentle breathing]
[click]