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Joseph could smell the dust dancing in the sunlight as he entered the abandoned hotel. Compared to the crunching of the snow underneath his boots, the inside of the hotel was silent, solemn even... And it was exactly this silence that had Joseph's heart beating out his chest in panic, as he called out to Caesar. Something was wrong. There were obvious signs of battle strewn about, but Joseph could see no trace of either Caesar or the enemy. Again, Joseph called out Caesar's name, the panic mounting with each second that the call went unanswered. Joseph tried telling himself he was being ridiculous for worrying. Caesar was strong. There was no way he could go to battle so confidently only to---
And then he saw it.
A bubble of blood floating in the air. And inside it...
Joseph's blood ran cold as he stared at the bubble of blood, refusing to consider the implications of Caesar's bandana being trapped inside of it. Even as the bubble popped in his hand and Joseph felt the fabric against his fingers, he kept telling himself he was just misunderstanding. There was no way Caesar would have lost. The annoyingly cool and reliable Caesar who despite their disagreements always had Joseph's back, the Caesar that during their short time together had quickly become the closest friend Joseph had ever had---
But then Joseph saw the blood spreading from underneath the fallen debris. And he knew. The warmth lingering to the bandana in his hand was last reminder of life that remained of his friend.
And so Joseph screamed. Screamed and shouted for his friend, even when he knew that there would never again be a response.
Joseph shot up in his bed with a start, the scream still on his lips and only halted by the sheer confusion of suddenly finding himself in a dark bedroom of a luxury condo and not an old Swiss hotel, and the creak in his body that now felt about fifty years older. Panting rapidly to the point of hyperventilation, it took closer to a minute for Joseph to gather his thoughts enough to realise two important things: one, he was in his home in New York, next to his wife who thankfully hadn't been stirred awake by his screaming, and two, most vitally, the dream just now had been but a nightmare, nothing more.
The truth was, Caesar was still alive. The battle that in Joseph's dream had claimed Caesar's life had never taken place. But even if by all logic Joseph knew this, it was hard to convince himself of it when he still so vividly felt the touch of Caesar's bandana in his hands and smelled the iron of his blood.
Careful not to wake up Suzie, Joseph climbed out the bed and sneaked his way to the living room. He wasn't a man easily frightened, but after a dream like that, the silence and shadows of the apartment still had him feeling tense. It was too alike the silence of that hotel. Joseph didn't appreciate anything reminding him of that.
As much as he knew he should have trusted his memories, how certain Caesar living was, Joseph walked over to the bookshelf where many photos of his life were on display. His eyes quickly scanned the pictures for that familiar face; as he remembered, there Caesar was, as the best man at Joseph and Suzie's wedding, and holding Holly at her baptism as her godfather. Joseph knew that if he were to take out a photo album, he'd see similar pictures of Caesar and himself from all stages of life through the decades – and yet, even with the photographic proof right in front of him, the anxiety clawing at Joseph's chest remained. He felt like Caesar smiling at him from those photos was but a hopeful illusion, ready to shatter the moment he let his guard down.
Sighing, Joseph began pacing around the living room. This was ridiculous, he knew. It had been just a dream. He knew perfectly well his friend was fine. But no amount of logic could vanquish that hollow feeling inside of Joseph, that feeling of loss as real as if he'd truly seen what was left of Caesar splattered before him. Joseph's hands were shaking, and he had to focus on his breathing to reign in the clump in his throat. But the question of “what if...?”, no matter how improbable, had his anxiety peaking every time.
Sitting down on the sofa, Joseph ran his hand through his hair as he sighed, tears nearly prickling in his eyes. He almost wanted to laugh. He wasn't a man that cried easily, yet here he was, a single nightmare on its way to reducing him to weeping like a baby. He thought about waking up Suzie, but in the end decided against it. He didn't want to appear weak in front of his wife, and besides, what could she say that Joseph hadn't already told himself? He'd just be disturbing her sleep for nothing, and that wouldn't help anyone.
As he tried again to calm himself, Joseph came to glance at the phone off to the side. It was currently three a.m., which meant it was nine in the morning in Italy. Knowing Caesar, he was likely getting ready to brew his second pot of morning coffee right about now. Maybe, just maybe... Caesar wouldn't mind a quick call from an old friend?
After going back and forth about whether he should call Caesar or not, Joseph eventually caved, cursing his weakness as he walked to the phone and dialled Caesar's phone. It would be a quick call, Joseph decided. He'd only need to hear Caesar's voice to convince his stupid brain that the old oaf was still alive and kicking. Joseph would keep the conversation nice and simple, without too many emotions getting in the way – surely then, Caesar wouldn't mind the sudden intrusion.
With the phone receiver to his ear, Joseph listened to the tooting of the phone as he waited for the call to be picked up. With each toot, Joseph's chest clenched, every second passing without the call being picked up feeling like a confirmation of his worst irrational fears. When Joseph finally heard the crackle of the call being picked up, it was damn near his legs didn't give in.
- Hello, Joseph. How are you?
That was definitely Caesar's voice on the other end, perky like he'd been awake for hours with several cups of coffee to keep him company. The surprise of hearing his own name as part of the greeting was enough to even push aside Joseph's anxiety as his jaw dropped, and he stuttered for a bit to get words out in response.
- HOW did you know---?!
On the other side, Caesar laughed, loud and hearty, just like Joseph remembered it. Caesar sounded to be in perfect health as usual.
- It's too early in the morning for anyone here to be calling me, Caesar replied, with no small amount of cheek in his voice as he continued: - But it's three in the morning in New York, which would be the perfect time for a certain Joseph Joestar to get lost in his thoughts and need his friend to help sort himself out.
Joseph's felt a bit of heat on his cheeks. Okay, so maybe he'd come to rely on Caesar a little bit over the years, but that didn't give Caesar the right to act like he knew Joseph better than Joseph knew himself. Even though, well, Caesar absolutely did. But Joseph wasn't about to admit that, and besides, he wasn't interested in talking about his trauma. Just a quick little exchange to show Caesar that Joseph was doing just fine, and then end the call.
- No, I'm fine... Just couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd call to catch up a little, Joseph said quickly. - What are you up to?
- Hmm... Caesar hummed loudly, and Joseph wondered if he'd bought Joseph's lie. It was hard to tell when all Joseph had to go on was Caesar's voice. - Actually, I'm on baby-sitting duty. Donna and the mister wanted a day just for themselves, so Old Caesar had the honour of being called to look after his grandchildren. You know how it is...
Caesar laughed again, and Joseph frowned.
- Or, my apologies, Caesar said, and Joseph could just imagine the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. - It's quite the opposite for you, isn't it?
- If it wasn't for my only grandchild living on the other side of the world, I'd be called to help out every time Holly needed me! Joseph grunted. - Damn, I hate the Japanese...
- Careful what you say, Caesar said, amused. - Remember that it's thanks to the Japanese you even have a grandchild.
As Joseph was thinking hard to come up with a clever comeback, he suddenly heard another sound from the transmitter. It was a little difficult to make out, but Joseph had spent enough time in the nursery when Holly had been small to recognise the babbling of a baby, and instantly, his mood turned lighter.
- Is that little Rosetta with you? Joseph asked eagerly.
- Oh, yes, she's with me, Caesar said. - She just woke up, so she's eager for some cuddles first thing in the morning.
- How precious! Joseph said, more than a little relieved at having the perfect topic to steer the conversation away from himself. - She must be growing in the blink of an eye, right? You really need to hurry up and send some pictures, Suzie and I have been dying to see---
- Joseph, Caesar cut in, his voice suddenly serious, yet soft. - You didn't call me just to catch up and talk about my grandchildren. Tell me, what's wrong?
The question caught Joseph off-guard, and in an instant, he could feel the anxiety beating in his chest again. It hadn't gone away, no matter how easy it had been to pretend while talking to Caesar. Even now, the images of his nightmare were playing before Joseph's eyes, and he couldn't shake the unease no matter how he tried to mentally will himself. Caesar could sense his hesitation from the silence between them, and while Joseph desperately tried to think of an excuse to get out of this, Caesar continued:
- You said you couldn't sleep... Did you have one of those nightmares again?
His voice was soft, like a suggestion. Joseph felt the clump in his throat again, and for all his desperation to run away, he knew he couldn't. Caesar had seen right through him, and would, in his well-meaning stubbornness, not let the issue drop until Joseph had come clean. And deep down, as much as he was ashamed, or perhaps scared to, Joseph knew talking about it was the only way to move past this.
- Yeah... I know it's ridiculous, for a man at my age---
- Joseph. You've sat with me countless times because I still have nightmares about the war, Caesar said. - So don't talk about what you should or shouldn't be feeling. Just give it to me straight.
- That's different. What you went through actually happened.
- There has to be a reason why the nightmares have such an effect on you. And THAT feeling is important, even though I'm very much still alive and well, as you can hear.
Joseph fought the urge to argue, and grunted in half-hearted agreement. This was far from the first time they were having this conversation, yet it didn't make it any easier being vulnerable. It took a few attempts of opening his mouth and sighing as the words refused to come out, before Joseph managed to tell Caesar what had happened in the nightmare.
- And I know, logically, it's just a dream, Joseph said, his voice having begun to waver more and more the longer he'd spoken. - But somehow, it... Feels like more than that. Like somewhere, maybe in another life, these things really did happen.
- Hmm... A sort of multiverse theory, then? Caesar asked. - If that holds true, anything and everything would have happened at some point.
- Maybe. I don't know. It feels more personal, though, Joseph sighed. He tried to steady his voice, but thinking back on the image of Caesar's blood pooling from his crushed body, Joseph could not. - I just... Keep thinking. That if Wamuu hadn't turned on Kars, then... That nightmare could have been reality. That you... really would have died.
Once he'd started to think back on the dream and the events leading up to it, Joseph couldn't stop. He remembered so vividly watching Caesar walk away on that snowy morning after their fight, not knowing to be concerned. That was the thing with youth. You always thought you were invincible. Never considered that any moment with your loved ones could be your last.
- Dead. After I hurt you, and didn't have your back when you needed it the most, Joseph said, feeling a chill not unlike that cold winter morning running through him. - You'd have died all alone, facing a destiny my family dragged yours into. And even though... Even though I said such awful things to you, you still died thinking of me and my survival.
The clenching in Joseph's chest was getting worse, leaving him heaving as he tried to regain some semblance of control in the face of the emotion threatening to overwhelm him. On the other end of the receiver, Caesar was quiet for a lot longer than Joseph was used to. But when Caesar finally did speak, his voice was surprisingly tender considering the situation; if Joseph hadn't known better, he would have said it sounded like Caesar was smiling.
- But when you think about it, isn't that kind of a beautiful thing?
- Beautiful?! Joseph snapped, louder than he'd intended. - What's beautiful about the idea of you dying?!
- I mean the idea that even after such an ugly fight between us, I still trusted and cared about you enough to find strength in my final moments if it meant giving you a fighting chance, Caesar said.
The anger swelling in Joseph's chest deflated, as he was left speechless. While Joseph was still catching up to comprehend Caesar's words, Caesar continued, in a voice as gentle as falling snow.
- Even if what you saw had come to pass... If I had died... You know I would still have stayed with you in spirit, don't you, Joseph?
Joseph's chest clenched again, but it was different now. He could feel his lower lip quivering as Caesar continued to speak.
- Our bond is stronger than one argument; if I really would have died right after, I would have died being grateful to have gained a friend I knew would hold my memory so dear.
Gritting his teeth, Joseph had to work his damnedest to force back the sobs, as tears began welling in his eyes. He almost wished Caesar would have told him off, or dismissed his feelings. Sometimes being understood and comforted hurt more than having your feelings ignored. Of the latter, Joseph had so much more experience – yet he couldn't bring himself to refuse Caesar's understanding, to make light of his kindness, no matter how much accepting it hurt.
- Yeah, Joseph said. The tears definitely sounded in his voice, and he doubted Caesar would dismiss it as crackling of the phone. - I know, Caesar.
- You really shouldn't fight back if you feel like crying, Caesar said, and even through the sadness, Joseph couldn't help but laugh. They really did know each other too well. - You'll feel better if you just allow yourself to wail a little.
- Yeah, I know, Joseph said, sniffling and drying his eyes. Neither Grandma Erina nor Speedwagon had taught him that boys shouldn't cry, but Joseph had picked up enough from the culture around himself to have always felt like he needed to be the strong man of the family in the absence of his grandfather and father. Even if it meant slowly killing himself inside with emotions he was too scared to let others see. - Old habits die hard, you know? You better teach your boys better than we were.
- Oh, trust me, with the amount of running around and falling flat on their faces, they've plenty of opportunities to practice having a good cry, Caesar chuckled, before turning more serious. - How is it now? Do you feel any better?
- A bit, yeah, Joseph said. It would have been even better if he'd allowed himself to cry like Caesar said, but Joseph would take what he could get. - I think the anxiety's calming down at least. For a second there, I was feeling like I'd have a heart-attack.
- Do you feel ready for trying to sleep again? Caesar asked. - Or, we can talk for a while longer. Rosetta just fell asleep, and it's not like I'm in a hurry.
- No, I think I'm good. I've got to get up early for work, so I should try to catch at least a couple of hours of sleep, Joseph said, before smiling a little. - Thank you, Caesar. I appreciate it.
- Don't mention it. And don't be so shy about calling me if you need me! You and I have lived through crazier things than having a heart-to-heart with an old friend, Caesar said, and Joseph found it in himself to chuckle a little at that. - But seriously, Joseph, Caesar continued. - You're my dearest friend. Whether I died back then, tomorrow, or twenty years from now, I'll be at peace for having met you.
- Yeah, I... I feel the same, Joseph said, his smile turning down a bit, before he shook his head. - Ah, it's too early to talk about dying! I'm going to stay around kicking until I'm at least a 100! And you're not allowed to fall behind, you hear me?!
- Well, someone's going to have to stick around to watch over a knucklehead like you, Caesar laughed, and Joseph was too relieved to even mind the jab. - And besides, you haven't even seen my latest grandchild! There's still plenty to look forward to in life.
- You're damn right about that! We should get together in Italy sometime soon. It'll be nice to see your family again, doubly so if I can convince Holly to join us, Joseph said. The thought of his family and friends, and all the years he still had left together with them, was helping quell the dark thoughts that had captured his mind. - But I'll let you get back to watching over the kids now. Thanks again, for everything.
- You'd do the same for me. Good night, Joseph. Sleep tight.
Even after the call ended, the peace of mind from talking to Caesar remained, and Joseph sighed in relief. It was a wonder how open Caesar could be with his emotions, how easily he could tell the people around him how much he cared – it was a courage that Joseph was still seeking.
Although he was feeling much calmer, instead of returning to the bedroom, Joseph took a step outside to the balcony. Below him, the streets of New York City were bustling, albeit more mutedly now as the hour grew closer to dawn. Looking up at the sky, Joseph remained still, watching the stars twinkling above. The bond he had with Caesar was one of a kind, one that Joseph felt in both his body and soul, only strengthened by Caesar putting it into words. Joseph knew that even if Caesar were to pass on before him, the warmth of their bond would remain.
But Joseph couldn't shake the feeling that somewhere, in another time, there was a version of himself looking up at this very night sky. And that Joseph never got to have these decades of friendship with Caesar, never got to hear the words affirming the bond built between them. And so, for the sake of this other version of himself, Joseph was glad Caesar had said what he had. Maybe in some way, the words would reach this other Joseph too, and for a moment give him the reassurance that although his friend had passed on that cold winter day, he had never left his side.