Chapter Text
Z wasn't the type of person to show his vulnerable side to anyone. The thought of letting someone see the "real" him just made him extremely uncomfortable. And he never even talked about his feelings with his parents. Never. He simply made a "mask", you could say.
He was just afraid. Afraid of losing someone dear to him.
That's why he never tried getting close to anyone.
But apparently Regect and Moe were the only exceptions. The reason for that being,
is that they just weren't real!
Z knew they weren't real because it's Minecraft for fuck's sake. How can someone just suddenly join his world like that? An annoying entity and a clown. Yes, they can talk, but maybe those are some advanced AIs or whatever.
He could say whatever he wanted to someone who wasn't real. He could play that game for hours and talk about how his day went and that stuff.
But, could.
Recently he's kept his distance.
Maybe it was because he was just too tired to talk. Maybe it was to protect himself. Only one person might know – if that person could even be considered one.
Whatever that thing was, Z was afraid of it. And to just say afraid was an understatement.
He hated those eyes. He was afraid of the fact that they followed him everywhere and knew everything about him.
He blinked.
His eyes hurt from staring at the monitor for at least a couple hours.
He blinked again, and just now realized he zoned out for quite a while. He also spotted a familiar black figure in the corner of the screen.
“Hey Ze, you gonna, uhh... Mine that diamond? Or can I take it?” Regect asked awkwardly.
Take it for what purpose, exactly? Also, can't Regect just give himself diamonds anyway?
Without a reply, he slowly turned to look at Regect, then back to the diamond ore to mine it. He wasn't sure if he also heard Regect sigh or if it was his mind simply playing tricks on him, like usual.
He felt dizzy. His mind definitely was fucking with him like it did sometimes. Not sure why that was, though.
Z went back to their house and mindlessly walked around. If he sat here any longer then he might just pass out.
And so he left without a word. The other two shouldn't care, so he didn't write anything before he left.
He quickly turned off his computer and lied down on his bed. He stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours before he heard a notification on his phone. Then another. Then another, and another.
Z finally picked up his phone and checked who it was from. Msak. He sent around 20 messages for whatever reason. But he was too tired to check what they were. Probably not that important anyway.
He went back to staring at the ceiling. Another notification. He decided to rest on his side instead.
He had no motivation to get up. It was just like before, when he didn't meet Regect and Moe.
He was sure that, after he got closer to them, he would feel better. But staying with them just seemed to make things worse.
After spending so much time without anyone to talk to, after being so lonely, he just got excited meeting new people. But–
He got too close. He won't be making this mistake again.
Z won't log onto Minecraft. Won't play that stupid game. Won't see them again.
Guns were always fascinating to him. No exact reason, Z was just always drawn to them, like a moth to a flame.
You could just point a gun towards yourself, at a specific angle, fire, and disappear instantly. That was fascinating.
He wanted to disappear so, so badly. He didn't want to live anymore.
So he'll kill himself tomorrow. It'll be for the best.
Z thought that. Exactly a week ago. He either just forgot or was too tired to get up from his bed.
Either way, surely, he was gonna do it today, now.
He pulled the gun out of his drawer. Stared at it for a minute or two. Pointed it at himself and–
Nothing.
Right. No ammo. He didn't buy ammunition.
Well, there was no way for him to kill himself now. He was too tired to go and buy some. Oh well.
Maybe he should rest instead, and clear his mind.