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“We should stop.” Daichi’s voice leaves his lips in a breathy pant, his eyes still glazed over from the pleasure coursing through his body. He’s almost quiet enough that he could take it back if he wants, claim that he’s only talking to himself. Almost. Silver hair tickles his jaw as Suga shifts, propping himself up on his elbows on Daichi’s chest to look down at him, his eyes just a bit out of focus as he catches his breath, his mouth slack, lips red and swollen from fevered kisses shared only minutes before. He blinks a few times, comprehending Daichi’s words, before tilting his head in confusion.
“Why? I mean, if you’re not feeling up to another round, that’s fine.” His voice his hoarse from overuse, from shouting and groaning. Daichi finds himself having to look away as he answers, his voice a little louder than before.
“I don’t just mean this, the sex, Suga. I mean, I think we should stop seeing each other.” He can’t look at Suga’s face; he knows the expression the man is making now, his soft lips set into a hard line, his light eyebrows knitting together, his eyes growing dark. Daichi swallows, waiting for the lashing of Suga’s next words; it’s almost like a script for them now, each line and emotion memorized and known by heart.
“You’re breaking up with me? Again? What did I do this time? Or, is there someone else?” Suga’s voice is quiet, but his words cut through Daichi like an icy knife.
“No, no, you know there’s no one else, there never is. It’s just- we’ve been fighting again, and trying to patch it up with sex. It’s starting all over again, Suga; we can’t keep doing this.” Daichi finally allows himself to look down at Suga, who’s just about fuming by now. His eyes bore into Daichi’s, frozen and solid like a slab of honey-colored metal. He stares Daichi down for a few minutes, the silence between them heavy as he works out what to say next. Finally, he breaks the eye contact and gets off of the bed, off of Daichi, like he’s been burned.
“Fine, then. Grab your clothes and get out.” His words leave Daichi feeling like he’s got frostbite, like he’s been shoved out into the snow naked. He should be used to this by now, but it still hurts every time. He doesn’t like hurting Suga, contrary to what the latter believes; he loves Suga, really. It’s just hard to love someone when all you do is passive-aggressively argue and then try to fix things by fucking instead of talking.
Daichi sighs as he gets up, searching for his scattered clothes as Suga stares at the ceiling, silently fuming. They’ve been stuck in this pattern since high school, technically. They got together their third year, and only lasted two months before the arguments became bad enough that they had to call it quits. Since then, they’ve been on and off, getting together whenever they missed each other too much, only to break up again after only a few months. This past time had been their longest together: a record-breaking six months. They both know what they have is unhealthy, but they always find it incredibly difficult to stay away; it’s almost like they’re permanently attached to each other, and no matter how hard they try to escape, they keep getting pulled back again.
After collecting all of his clothes, Daichi peers up at Suga, gnawing on his lower lip.
“Can I at least clean up a bit? I’m kinda… sticky.” Suga looks over at him, eyes narrowed, before huffing and looking away again.
“Fine, just make it quick. I just can’t believe you’re doing this to me again.” Under the anger and annoyance in Suga’s voice, Daichi recognizes the hurt, and it’s almost enough to make him change his mind, to make him take back every word. He quickly shakes his head and heads into the bathroom, internally chiding himself for almost giving in again. This was what was best for them, he knew it, and hopefully this time, they would be able to stay apart.
It’s two months later that Daichi spots Suga coming out of a nice restaurant, hand-in-hand with a tall, gorgeous man, his face red with laughter that Daichi can hear from his spot across the street. He’s hit with a tidal wave of jealousy, causing a scowl to appear on his lips and irrational hatred toward this beautiful stranger (Suga’s date) to form in his mind. This always happens when he sees someone else with Suga; he can’t help it, really. He loves Suga, he wants to be with Suga, but he’s always the one to break things off between the two of them, so he always ends up just hating himself for letting Suga go. Again.
Before he can look away, Suga’s eyes meet his, causing him to freeze in place. His date looks down at him, confusion evident on his face, and he follows Suga’s gaze until his eyes are also resting on Daichi. Daichi recognizes the flash of hurt that bolts across Suga’s face and instantly feels his stomach twist with guilt as he finds himself wondering why did I ever let him go? Realization dawns on the date and he’s quick to cock an eyebrow and pull Suga closer, leaning down to whisper in his ear. He keeps his eyes on Daichi, almost taunting him with a teasing smirk as Suga’s gaze is pulled from him to the man at his side, like he was freed from a trance. Daichi sees him shake his head subtly, and sends one last glance Daichi’s way before pulling his date, who’s still smirking, away. Daichi finally feels his body relax and he lets out a long sigh, reaching up to rub his suddenly-tired eyes. Shaking his head in an attempt to clear it, he forces himself to continue walking until he reaches his usual bar. It’s nice, for the most part, and has decent prices, so Daichi often finds himself here when he’s single again.
He sits at the counter, rubbing his head as he leans his elbows onto the slightly damp surface. He barely notices the bartender approach, and doesn’t look up until a familiar voice speaks.
“Welcome back, Sawamura. Still single, I’m guessing?” Daichi’s eyes fall on the tall bartender, too tired to threaten wiping the smirk off his face. Instead, he just sighs and nods before looking back at the counter.
“Yes, Kuroo, I’m still single. It’s only been about two months, you know; give me a break.” Kuroo snickers at Daichi’s complaint and slides him a rum and coke before wiping down dirty glasses.
“You’re always so torn up after breaking up with Sugawara. Tell me again why you keep doing this to yourself, and to him?” Kuroo’s smirk is teasing, but his voice is dead-serious. Daichi rubs the back of his head as he takes a sip of his drink, staring down at the counter.
“I… I wish I could tell you. It’s hard, man, it really is. I love Suga so much, but every time we get back together, something goes wrong, or we just constantly fight, and we never try to talk it out. We have a lot of angry sex, and don’t get me wrong, it’s fucking amazing, but I don’t want angry sex, you know? I don’t want angry anything. It sucks, being in love with someone you’re not really meant to be with.” Daichi finishes with a long, drawn-out sigh, and hangs his head in defeat. Kuroo puts down the glass and leans on the counter across from him, all traces of his smirk wiped from his face.
“Hey man, don’t get so down on yourself… You just need a good distraction, you know? Something, or someone, to take your mind off things.” Kuroo’s voice is soft, caring. Daichi looks up at him and finds himself frowning.
“I literally just implied that meaningless sex is something I don’t want, Kuroo.” Kuroo chuckles and turns away to grab another glass to clean.
“No, you said you don’t want angry sex; totally different, Sawamura.”
“Angry sex is meaningless. There’s no love behind it; it’s just a way to let out pent-up frustration.” Daichi takes a long chug of his drink, almost draining it in one go. Kuroo watches him quietly as he prepares another drink for him, eyeing him like a hurt dog that may or may not bite.
“Then don’t go down the hook-up route; when’s the last time you went on a date, a real date, with someone other than Suga?” Daichi frowns into his glass, trying to remember when that was. His silence, however, is enough of an answer for Kuroo to understand. “Alright, buddy, I’ll tell you what: I know a couple of really nice people, how about I set something up? Do you have a preference for gender?” Daichi shakes his head no, and Kuroo sets down the glass to grab a pen and paper. He writes down three numbers and the names of the people they belong to, and hands it to Daichi with a supportive smile.
“Just try it out, Sawamura. Who knows, maybe one of these people will tickle your fancy… or something else of yours, if you know what I mean.” He snickers and Daichi can’t help but crack a small smile.
“That was so lame, Kuroo. But… thanks.” Kuroo nods and smiles at him before walking away to help a customer who just arrived. Daichi stares down at the numbers in his hand and gnaws on his lip before deciding on contacting the first person tomorrow.
A couple days later, Daichi finds himself sitting in a quiet cafe, waiting for his date, Michimiya Yui, to arrive. From the picture she sent to him the night before (to avoid not being able to find each other in the cafe), Daichi knows she’s cute, with big brown eyes and a warm smile. He’s learned that she works with Kuroo at the bar, and that her favorite hobby is playing volleyball for a rec team in her neighborhood. She seems like a wonderful person, and Daichi can only hope that he doesn’t end up wasting her time.
The bell chimes over the door of the cafe as it opens, and Daichi looks up, expecting Michimiya. What he doesn’t expect is to see Suga, bundled up snugly (adorably) in his big winter coat and his teal scarf that Daichi had gotten him for his birthday a few years ago. Daichi’s heart clenches in his chest at the sight, and he isn’t able to look away in time when Suga’s eyes drift over in his direction. Suga freezes in place, still halfway through the motion of removing his scarf, his eyes locked on Daichi’s. Daichi has to swallow around the lump that has suddenly formed in his throat, and he struggles to look away.
Suga finally finds it in himself to break eye contact, and he quickly ducks his head as he walks up to the register. Daichi already knows what he’s going to order; he’s ordered it for Suga countless times, committed every detail to memory: medium roast coffee, three sugars, one cream, one shot of hazelnut syrup. Daichi always used to tease him about his coffee being too sweet, too complicated to really be coffee.
He’s startled from his thoughts by the sound of an order being called out (“medium roast coffee, black”), and is hit with a wave of confusion when he sees Suga make his way to claim the to-go cup resting on the counter. Since when does Suga take his coffee black? He’s still staring when Suga spares him one more glance, and Daichi can’t tell if he’s imagining their glass-like appearance or not. Suga looks away quickly and hurries out the door, nearly running right into Daichi’s date as he steps back out into the chilly weather.
Needless to say, Daichi was pretty distracted for his date, and he left without the promise of a second.
The loud, bass-heavy music of the club almost makes Daichi feel like he’s vibrating in his seat as he sips his rum and coke, waiting for his date to arrive. The choice of venue hadn’t been his, but according to Kuroo, his date was quite the party animal. Daichi only worried that if he ended up going out with this man, partying would end up being all he would do.
A tap on his shoulder breaks Daichi from his thoughts, and he looks up at a grinning man with dyed-blonde hair and an eyebrow piercing.
“Sawamura Daichi?” he asks (or yells, really; the music was incredibly loud) and Daichi notices a flash of metal in his mouth. A tongue piercing, too? Daichi straightens up and clears his throat before smiling softly.
“Terushima Yuuji?” The man, Terushima, smiles wide as he nods enthusiastically.
“That’s me! Did you wait long?” Daichi notices him glance down at his half-empty glass, and he’s quick to deny it.
“No, I just got here a few minutes ago. Do you want something to drink? I’ll pay.” Terushima beams at him in thanks before ordering a shot of tequila. Daichi can’t help but wonder what he’s gotten himself into as he watches Terushima down the shot easily and howl in delight.
The two end up drinking quite a bit, more than enough for Daichi to allow Terushima to pull him onto the dancefloor. He can’t help but get lost in the beat of the music, focusing on the way Terushima moves against him as they dance close together in the crowd of people. For a while, he’s able to completely let go, forgetting all about silky silver hair and warm honey eyes as he allows himself to get worked up by Terushima’s suggestive dancing. It’s not long until he finds himself pressed up against the wall of the club, suddenly outside without any idea as to how he got there, but with Terushima’s tongue down his throat and his hands pinned above his head, it’s hard to think of anything at the moment. He pauses to think about how weird the tongue piercing feels against his own tongue, how he wishes it wasn’t there, really, but Terushima’s free hand squeezing his ass is enough to distract him from the odd sensation as a loud groan escapes his lips. It’s not until Terushima pulls his lips from Daichi’s, his face contorted into a mask of confusion, that Daichi realizes he groaned out a name that definitely wasn’t Terushima’s.
“Shit,” is all Daichi has time to say before Terushima is pulling away, letting Daichi’s arms go and running a hand through his already-messy hair. Daichi feels guilt twist at his stomach, threatening to make him throw up all those drinks he consumed earlier, as he rubs at his neck self-consciously. He opens his mouth to speak, but closes it again when Terushima lifts his hand to halt him from talking.
“It’s cool, man, don’t worry about it. We’ve all been there before, am I right?” He forces out a chuckle, but Daichi can tell by the way he won’t meet his eyes that he’s pretty hurt over it. “I think I should call you a cab to get you home. Does that sound alright?”
All Daichi can do is nod solemnly, and allows himself to be led out to the curb so Terushima can hail a cab. The whole ride home, Daichi can feel Suga’s name on his lips, tasting like rum and coke as he whispers it to himself over and over again. He hates that he said his name instead of Terushima’s, hates that he hurt such a nice, fun-loving guy in one of the worst ways possible, but thinks that maybe it was for the best. No one wants to be a rebound, and no one wants to love someone who still loves someone else.
Daichi doesn’t text the last number on the list for upwards of a month. His date with Terushima still hangs heavily in his mind, making him feel guilty every time he even glances at the slip of paper on his nightstand. Finally, after a short pep talk from Kuroo over text, he takes a deep breath and starts typing.
Hi! I don’t know if Kuroo ever ment
Daichi shakes his head and erases the message before starting again.
Hi, my name’s Sawamura Daichi, I’m friends with Kuroo and
No, not that, either. Daichi sighs and types quickly, hitting send before he can overthink it again.
>>Me (16:28): Hey, sorry if this is weird, but my friend Kuroo gave me your number because he’s trying to get me to go out on a date, so I was wondering if you’d possibly be up to grabbing dinner sometime? You don’t have to if you don’t want to, you don’t even have to reply, I know it’s weird, but I wanted to ask. So… Yeah, text me, or don’t, it’s okay!
Daichi groans and puts his head in his hands. Could he sound dumber or more uncomfortable? This guy was definitely going to think Daichi’s strange. Why couldn’t he be smoother?
An hour later, while Daichi’s fretting over the lack of response by sitting on his phone so he’d stop checking it every two minutes, he hears the soft, muffled ding!, signalling a new text message, and he scrambles to grab his phone to check.
>>Iwaizumi Hajime (17:54): Sorry I didn’t reply sooner, I just started my break. Kuroo mentioned something about possibly setting me up with someone, and I was starting to think he was just joking around, but I gotta say I’m kinda glad he wasn’t. Dinner sounds fine, are you free tomorrow night?
Daichi can feel every muscle in his body finally relax as he breathes out a sigh of relief and practically melts down on his couch.
>>Me (17:56): I have work until 18:00, but I’m free after that. Would 18:30 work for you? There’s a nice ramen place that I know of, if that sounds good, or I’m really up for whatever.
>>Iwaizumi Hajime (17:56): That sounds perfect. See you then. :)
Daichi can’t help but smile a little when his eyes fall on the smiley face Iwaizumi tacked onto the end of his message. Man, he really hoped he didn’t screw this date up, too.
Of all the days to get stuck behind at work because of an unhappy client, Daichi really shouldn’t be surprised that it’s today. He ends up having to run to the ramen place, still dressed in his workout clothes. He thanks whatever entity listening that the ramen place is really close to the gym he works at, and that he gets there only ten minutes late. He’s not entirely lucky, though, as he’s now out of breath and sweating quite a bit, despite the chilly air outside that’s still lingering in March. The hostess at the front gives him a once-over, her brow raised, before asking if he needs a table for one.
“Oh, ah, no, I’m actually meeting someone. Is there an Iwaizumi here yet, do you know?” He tries catching his breath, hoping the hostess understands enough of what he’s saying. Recognition lights up her face and she nods at him before pointing over to a table by a nice, large window, where he can see the (rather nice) back of a man with spikey black hair. He takes a few deep breaths before walking over, already prepared to apologize profusely for his tardiness. Just as he gets close to the table, Iwaizumi looks up, his eyes landing on Daichi. His expression is serious, almost intimidating, but before Daichi can worry, Iwaizumi smiles softly, completely breaking his intimidating aura.
“Sawamura-san?” Daichi nods quickly and sits down across from this handsome man, and can’t help but think that he’s exactly the opposite of Suga. Maybe opposite is what I need…
“Ah, yeah, I’m so sorry I’m late, I had a client who was upset about her payment plan and- shit, you probably don’t want to hear about that, sorry.” Daichi nearly cringes at how badly he’s stumbling over his words, but Iwaizumi just chuckles, and god, it’s a nice chuckle.
“No, no, it’s okay, Sawamura-san, don’t worry about it. I was just about to text you to see if everything was okay.” His smile is enough to help alleviate some of Daichi anxiety, and he allows himself to smile back.
“Oh, you were? I’m sorry for worrying you.” Talking to Iwaizumi isn’t as hard as he thought it would be, thankfully. He seems very kind, and has a really nice smile that Daichi wouldn’t mind seeing more of.
“You’re forgiven, I guess,” Iwaizumi says, teasingly smirking, which does something very interesting to Daichi’s stomach. He blushes almost immediately and chuckles nervously, rubbing the side of his neck.
“Well, that’s good. I’d hate to get on your bad side so soon.” Iwaizumi smiles warmly again, and Daichi has to look down at the menu before he can allow his mind to blank out. “Did you order already?”
“I just ordered my drink; I wanted to wait for you.” Daichi allows himself to peek up at Iwaizumi, and is grateful that the man is studying his menu as well. “You know, when you said ramen place, I was expecting something a little… less nice, I guess? Not nice enough for a hostess, anyway.” Iwaizumi chuckles and glances up, catching Daichi’s eyes on him. Daichi feels his cheeks warm up again as he looks back down, chuckling softly. Before he can reply, a waitress comes by to get his drink order, and he gets the water he’s been craving since his impromptu run to the restaurant. When she asks if they’re ready to order food, Daichi orders shoyu ramen, and Iwaizumi gets the agedashi tofu. After she walks off to place their order and get Daichi’s drink, Iwaizumi turns back to him and smiles.
“So, if you don’t mind my asking, what is it you do for work?” Without the distraction of the menu, Daichi forces himself to look at the handsome man, trying not to get too nervous.
“I’m a personal trainer at the Karasuno gym down the road; this year marks my fifth year there.” He smiles, rather proud of his accomplishment. Iwaizumi smiles warmly in return and glances at Daichi’s attire before responding.
“Ah, I should’ve guessed that based on your clothes.” He chuckled softly, and if it had been anyone else, Daichi would’ve assumed they were dogging him about wearing an overly-casual outfit on a date, but Iwaizumi was obviously just stating the obvious. Daichi smiles back, finding it easier to relax as time goes on.
“What about you, Iwaizumi-san? What do you do?” He’s not dressed in a way that makes his career obvious, unlike Daichi, and he finds himself trying to place Iwaizumi in several different careers that all seemed fitting.
“I’m a physical therapist, usually dealing with sports injuries.” Iwaizumi smiles proudly, and Daichi smiles wider; he loves when people love their jobs.
“That’s really cool! What made you want to do that?” Daichi can’t help but notice Iwaizumi’s expression fall ever so slightly, and he wonders if he asked too personal of a question.
“My best friend injured his knee while we were in high school, and I started looking into ways to help him out while he was going through therapy, and got really invested in it.” Iwaizumi smiles and shrugs a little, like he wants to put it off like it’s nothing.
“Wow, that’s really cool. Is your friend better now?”
“Yeah, his knee healed perfectly, luckily.” Getting the hint to stop talking about it, Daichi quickly goes on to ask about Iwaizumi’s hobbies, what his favorite movies are, and so on. They continue talking, laughing, smiling, even well after they’ve both received and eaten their food, and Iwaizumi catches Daichi by surprise when he pays the check without question.
“Oh, you didn’t have to do that, I would’ve paid.” Daichi smiles warmly, feeling a nice feeling spread through his chest. Iwaizumi shakes his head and smiles back, equally as warm, as he pockets his card again.
“Don’t worry about it; I had a really nice time, and I wanted to pay. You can get the check next time.” He winks and Daichi pauses, caught between elation and shock. Iwaizumi wanted a “next time”? Daichi beams brightly, quickly nodding.
“I definitely will, you can count on that.” The two smile at each other for what feels like hours, but is only a couple of seconds. They walk out of the restaurant together, agreeing to text each other soon, and Daichi goes back home, his thoughts finally full of something other than silver hair and honey eyes.
Things with Iwaizumi go great for the first two months, much to Daichi’s delight. They’re really similar in a lot of ways, and things are calm between them, easy. So, when Iwaizumi asks if he wants to go on a double date with his best friend and his boyfriend, Daichi sees no reason to object. He dresses in casual (but still nice) clothes and heads to the bowling alley, planning to meet Iwaizumi and the others there.
Iwaizumi is naturally there before him, and he smiles wide upon spotting Daichi. He moves from where he’s leaning against the wall by the front door to give Daichi a quick peck, and Daichi smiles into the kiss. Upon pulling away, Iwaizumi tells him that his friend should be arriving soon, so they shouldn’t have to wait long, and Daichi leans up against the wall next to him to wait.
Not five minutes later, Iwaizumi stands up straight, a smile on his lips.
“Here they come. Oikawa, over here!” he calls to the tall man coming in from a side entrance. Daichi looks right past the man, Oikawa, however, his eyes falling instead on the head of silver hair trailing in behind him. No, no, no. This can’t be fucking happening. He feels frozen, unable to think, let alone breathe, as Suga’s eyes meet his. He feels like he’s going to be sick. Why did it have to be Suga? Why? Things had been going so well, he’d only thought about Suga a handful of times while with Iwaizumi, but it seems like the universe is out to get him. He doesn’t even notice when Iwaizumi is introducing him to Oikawa, his best friend, Suga’s boyfriend; all he can hear is his heartbeat in his ears.
“-chi, Daichi, hey, you okay?” Iwaizumi’s voice finally breaks through as his hand clasps Daichi’s, shattering his trance and finally allowing him to look away from Suga to meet his boyfriend’s eyes.
“What? Oh, I- yeah, I’m fine, just, uh…” He doesn’t know what to say; he’s told Iwaizumi about Suga, Iwaizumi knows he was (is?) in love with him, but telling him about Suga and actually being with him and Suga are a little different. Oikawa speaks up before Daichi can continue further, cutting in with a sickly sweet voice.
“Oh my, Sawamura-san! It’s been quite a while, hasn’t it? I believe the last time I saw you was when Kou-chan and I were on our third date. Isn’t that right, Kou-chan?” He’s talking to Suga, but his eyes are boring into Daichi, gaze calculated and smirk razor-sharp. Iwaizumi lifts his eyebrow, lips dropping into a confused scowl.
“You know each other?” He looks to Daichi for an answer, but Daichi finds his throat is dry as a desert, and he struggles to swallow around the lump in his throat, allowing Oikawa to speak again.
“Oh, not really, but Sawamura-san sure knows Kou-chan. I didn’t know Iwa-chan was dating my boyfriend’s ex!” The fake cheeriness in Oikawa’s voice is really starting to grate on Daichi’s nerves, and he can’t tell if he’s more annoyed by that or the fact that Suga has yet to speak. Iwaizumi looks back to Daichi and then over to Suga, realization clear on his features.
“Shit… I’m sorry, Daichi, I didn’t know, I swear. We can go if you want.” Daichi wants to comfort Iwaizumi, tell him it’s not his fault, that things are fine, but Oikawa cuts in yet again.
“Oh boo, don’t go already! We haven’t even bowled yet!” Scowling, Daichi finally finds his voice and grabs Iwaizumi’s hand, looking over at him finally.
“No, it’s fine. Let’s play.”
The group goes over to pay for two games and shoe rentals, and all Daichi finds himself wanting is to hear Suga’s voice. Why hasn’t he spoken yet? Is he really that uncomfortable? He catches himself looking at Suga a little too often, enough that Iwaizumi puts a reassuring hand on his lower back, reminding him that he’s there. Daichi feels guilty, he really does, but he just can’t help it; every time he’s around Suga, his attention is always focused on him, no matter what he does or who he’s with.
They form teams, true to Oikawa’s competitive nature, as Iwaizumi tells him, and Daichi tries to force himself to focus on the game and not the silver-haired angel sitting across from him. While Iwaizumi and Oikawa squabble over who can bowl first, Daichi’s gaze drifts back over to Suga, who appears to be looking anywhere but at him. Daichi clears his throat softly, gaining Suga’s attention, before speaking.
“So, uh, how’ve you been, Suga…?” He cringes at his own awkwardness, and Suga’s pained expression doesn’t make him feel any better.
“Fine… Oikawa said you’ve been dating Iwaizumi-san for two months now?” His voice is soft, quiet enough that it almost masks the strained tone he’s taken on.
“Uh, yeah, two months last Tuesday…” God, can he be any more awkward? Suga’s eyes take on a steely look, his mouth hardened into a straight line.
“I’m surprised you’ve gone so long. He doesn’t mind the lack of communication, I take it? Or maybe you just fix it with sex like you always do.” Daichi’s caught off guard by Suga’s venomous tone, and nearly flinches.
“What the fuck, Suga? I was going to try and be mature, but I see that that’s not happening, is it? Then again, you’re always first to be petty, huh?” He scowls, keeping his voice low enough that only the two of them can hear it. Suga’s eyes flash angrily and his hands close into fists on top of the table.
“Excuse me for still being bitter about everything. I’ve heard so much about how much Iwaizumi likes you, how great you are, through conversations with Oikawa, and I expected to meet a real upstanding guy today, not you.” His voice is rising, enough that Oikawa and Iwaizumi are finally alerted to their argument. Before Daichi can respond, Iwaizumi’s suddenly at his side, his hand resting on Daichi’s shoulder comfortingly.
“Hey, that’s enough of that, okay? Today’s supposed to be fun. Can’t you two at least try to be civil?” Daichi allows himself to relax under Iwaizmi’s touch and sighs, letting out his frustration in a long sigh before looking up to smile sadly at his boyfriend.
“I’ll try for you, Iwaizumi, I promise.” Daichi looks back at Suga, whose eyes are glued to Iwaizumi’s hand on Daichi’s shoulder, and Daichi holds out his hand. “Truce?” Suga’s eyes dart to Daichi’s hand, then to his face, before begrudgingly taking his hand and giving a curt nod.
Bowling goes about as smoothly as it can with the two of them, but Daichi can’t help but think about just how warm and familiar Suga’s hand felt in his, his palm still subtly calloused from years of volleyball given up after high school. That night, as he’s resting in Iwaizumi’s arms, cradled against his warm chest, he feels guilty for missing the way he used to hold Suga.
Things start to get kind of tense over the next month; Daichi finds himself feeling guilty more often than not, and he can tell something’s bugging Iwaizumi, but he never talks about it, which is almost frustrating for Daichi. It all builds up until one night, the tension finally boils over, and the two are suddenly yelling at each other over dinner.
“I can’t do anything about it if you never talk to me, Iwaizumi! You have to tell me what’s going on!”
“Everything’s fucking fine, Daichi! Stop worrying over everything! If I needed to say something, I would’ve already!”
“Everything’s obviously not fine, or we wouldn’t be screaming at each other like this! Just talk to me, Iwaizumi!” This all sounds vaguely familiar to Daichi, but in the heat of the moment, he has little time to ponder it.
“You want me to talk?! Fine! You’ve been pulling away since you saw Sugawara a month ago, and I can’t help but feel like you still miss him! Do you know how much that hurts, Daichi?!”
Suga.
At the sound of his name, Daichi pauses, realizing why this sounds familiar. This is just like an argument he’s had countless times with Suga before, except Suga’s always been the one yelling at him to open up, to talk to him. Oh god, was this how Suga always felt? It was awful… Daichi can vaguely hear Iwaizumi asking if he’s listening, and barely notices when he storms out to the balcony of his apartment to cool down. His mind is wrapped around the fact that he had constantly made Suga feel like this during all of their arguments, and he hates himself for it. He knew he was hurting Suga, but he never really understood just how much it hurt until now. He stares at his hands, mind stumbling over itself until it reaches one clear thought, glaringly bright and demanding his full attention: he still loves Suga, and he needs to make things right.
After allowing time for the two of them to calm down, Daichi makes his way out to the balcony, where Iwaizumi is smoking a cigarette, a habit he’s picked up more frequently in the past month. He spares Daichi a glance as he moves to lean on the wall next to him, staring up at the bright city lights around them. They stay silent for a while, only the sound of Iwaizumi’s inhales and exhales as he smokes filling the space between them. Finally, Daichi speaks.
“I’m sorry… You’re right, and I’m so sorry. I’ve been trying to force myself to move on, to be the man you deserve who can love you with all his heart, but I can’t. I… I’m still in love with Suga. I think I always will be.” His voice is quiet, barely above a whisper, but a sigh from Iwaizumi’s mouth lets him know that he’s been heard. They’re silent for a little longer until Iwaizumi replies, just as quietly.
“I know. I think I’ve known for a while now, since you first told me about him, really, but I’d always hoped that maybe I could help you move on, you know? But after that disastrous date with him and Oikawa, it really hit me that you probably couldn’t move on. If it makes you feel better, I don’t think he’s over you yet, either.” Daichi glances over at Iwaizumi, caught off guard by his final comment.
“What? What gave you that idea? He was practically chewing my head off on that date.” Daichi shudders upon remembering the venom lacing Suga’s voice that day. Iwaizumi’s soft chuckle brings Daichi out of his memory, and he watches his boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) laugh to himself.
“Daichi, he was obviously jealous that day. Didn’t you notice how hard he glared at my hand when I touched your shoulder? Besides, Oikawa’s been telling me about how he’s been pulling away from him, too… I think it was bound to happen sooner or later. It’s what always happens, isn’t it? You two are like very stubborn magnets.” Daichi has to look away, guilt bubbling up inside his chest. Suga was jealous? Suga’s pulling away from his boyfriend too? He doesn’t want to assume he might have a chance, but…
“I’m still sorry… I think- I think if circumstances were different, I could’ve fallen in love with you, Iwaizumi. I really believe that.” He really means it; Iwaizumi is wonderful, caring, warm, everything Daichi would’ve wanted, but even he can’t deny that at times, he found himself imagining Suga’s voice calling his name, Suga’s eyes lighting up when they met up for a date, Suga’s hand in his. Iwaizumi smiles sadly and looks up at Daichi, holding his cigarette loosely between his fingers.
“I think I could’ve fallen in love with you too, Daichi.”
They part with few other words, only small goodbye kisses on the cheek, and Daichi’s suddenly very alone in his apartment, with only the lingering scent of smoke on his shirt and the remnants of dinner on the coffee table to remind him of what he had.
He sits on his couch, staring down at his phone as he debates on texting Suga or not. Finally, he gives in, and shoots off a short, simple text.
>>Me (20:43): We should talk.
He sighs and rubs his tired eyes, lying down to wait for a reply. It comes quicker than he’s expecting, and he reads it three times before it clicks in his brain.
>>Suga (20:45): coffee tmrw @ the nest? 13:00?
>>Me (20:45): See you then.
Daichi goes to bed that night, simultaneously happy that Suga was willing to see him and scared out of his mind.
He arrives twenty minutes early to the coffee shop, hands sweating as he buys his coffee and then sits down to wait. Every chime of the bell above the door makes him jump, and he tries to distract himself with a game on his phone. He gets invested in it enough that he completely misses the chime of the bell and doesn’t look up until he hears the seat across from him be pulled out, causing him to nearly jump out of his seat. He looks up and meets soft honey eyes, accompanied by light purple bruising and bags, making Suga look more worn out than Daichi’s ever seen him.
“Hi,” Daichi says softly, unsure of what else to say. Before Suga can reply, his order is called (“medium roast, black”), and he gets up to retrieve it. Daichi waits patiently, putting his phone away as Suga walks back with his steaming cup of coffee. He sits and removes his thin jacket before taking a small sip, testing out how hot the liquid is. Daichi takes the chance to speak again.
“Black coffee, huh? How long have you had it like that?” he asks, trying to make small talk to ease them into things. Suga looks up at him as he sets his cup down, his expression unreadable.
“A few years, actually.” Daichi can’t help the confused look that appears on his face at his answer.
“Years? But you always get it with three sugars, one cream, and a shot of hazelnut…” Suga smiles up at him sadly, just a small twitch of his lips.
“You always assumed my tastes don’t change, and I never had the heart to tell you otherwise when you would order…” Daichi stares at Suga, still confused. Why hadn’t Suga ever corrected him?
“Oh,” is all Daichi can come up with in reply, and he takes a sip of his coffee to mask his awkwardness. They remain silent for a while, sipping their coffees as they adjust to being in each other’s company again. Suga speaks first after a few minutes, breaking the awkward, stiff air between them.
“So, you wanted to talk?” His voice is quiet, but luckily, not a hint of venom is present in his words. Daichi swallows his sip of coffee before nodding and setting his cup down, mentally preparing himself to lay everything out on the table for Suga.
“Yeah, I did. I do. I love you, Suga. I’m still totally in love with you, and I don’t think I ever won’t be in love with you. I realized yesterday, while I was fighting with Iwaizumi, just how awful I was to you, and I want to do anything in my power to fix that. I know I never talk to you, and that’s my biggest flaw. I never talk, and now I know how much that fucking hurts, and I’m so, so sorry Suga. I never, ever want to put you through that ever again. I realize that there’s a really high chance that you don’t want anything to do with me anymore, and I understand that completely, but I wanted to finally be honest and open with you for once in my life. I also want you to know that I promise to wait for you, however long it takes, because I’ve figured out that my heart belongs to you and only you. I know we always do this, break up and get back together, but this time, I plan on keeping you, if you’ll have me. I don’t ever want to let you go again, Suga.” He keeps eye contact the entire time, watching several emotions flicker through Suga’s eyes as he takes it all in. When Daichi finally finishes, Suga keeps eye contact for a short while longer before looking away, frowning.
“Daichi, I… I love you too, I always will, but… I think I need to take some time for myself, to be alone, you know? Oikawa and I broke up a couple days ago because I really need to find who I am outside of relationships. You understand, don’t you?”
Daichi can’t help the small pang of disappointment that makes his stomach hurt, but he really does understand.
“Yes, of course. I’m serious about waiting; take as much time as you need, okay? I’ll be here.” He offers a small, encouraging smile, and feels his heart leap when Suga reaches out to lightly squeeze his upper arm.
“Thank you, Daichi. And if you eventually figure out that I’m not worth waiting for, I won’t hold it against you, okay? I don’t want you to throw away a chance at happiness for me. I want you to promise me that.” Daichi bites his lower lip before nodding once.
“I doubt that will happen, but I promise.”
The two smile softly at each other before Suga stands with his coffee and goes back to work, leaving Daichi alone in the coffee shop to think over their conversation.
Over the course of the next year, Daichi patches things up with Iwaizumi and manages to finds a good friend in him, someone he can hang out with without the stress of forcing himself to be happy. He and Suga keep in touch during this time, texting at least one a day, mostly to check up on each other or talk about something that happened. It’s casual, and Daichi finds that he’s not wallowing in self-pity like he thought he would be. It doesn’t hurt to text Suga like friends; it’s like they’re second years again, best friends with innocent crushes on each other. Daichi’s sure to actually talk to Suga about his feelings and thoughts now, keeping true to his promise to do so, and he doesn’t know why he refused to do so while they were together, because it sure as hell makes things a lot easier.
Almost exactly a year from when they met up at The Nest to talk, Daichi wakes up to a text from Suga.
>>Suga (07:48): are u free this sat? (●´ω｀●)
Daichi smiles at the adorable emoticon in Suga’s message and sits up to reply.
>>Me (07:49): I sure am. What’s up?
>>Suga (07:49): it’s a surprise!! no telling!!
Daichi chuckles and shakes his head before getting out of bed to get ready for work, wondering what Suga had up his sleeve for them that day. They’d hung out a few times, usually with other people to avoid feeling like they’re on a date, but Suga usually at least told him what they’d be doing ahead of time.
He accidentally finds out what Suga has planned when he has lunch with Iwaizumi the next day, while they’re talking about his date with Oikawa the previous weekend, when they went stargazing at lake a few hours away.
“It was gorgeous, man. The stars were so bright and clear, and it was crazy romantic. Oikawa was so pleased with it; you’re gonna love it when you go with Suga this weekend, especially since there’s supposed to be a meteor shower.”
Daichi pauses midbite and looks up at Iwaizumi, who hasn’t realized he’s spoiled Suga’s surprise.
“That’s where we’re going? Suga wouldn’t tell me.” Daichi chuckles and Iwaizumi’s eyes widen in shock.
“Oh shit, I just ruined the surprise, didn’t I? I thought Suga told you, shit man, I’m sorry.” Daichi laughs and waves off his apologies.
“Just don’t let Suga find out that I know, okay?” He smiles and Iwaizumi nods quickly, rubbing his neck in embarrassment. Daichi can’t help but feel even more excited for Saturday, now that he knows what he has to look forward to.
The day finally rolls around and Suga picks him up at his apartment, giddy and adorable as always. Daichi listens to him chatter on the drive to their “unknown” destination and can’t help but smile at him, his heart beating hard in his chest. He really loves this man afterall…
They take a turn onto an old, unpaved road, and Suga grins devilishly at Daichi, eyes twinkling.
“Hold on tight, Daichi, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.” Daichi can’t help but chuckle at Suga’s enthusiasm, and braces himself with a hand on the door and a hand on the middle console. The bumpy is short, thankfully, and they’re suddenly in front of a gorgeous lake, the calm water reflecting the sun that’s high up in the sky now, casting down warmth onto the two of them as they step out of the car.
“This is why I wanted you to wear a swimsuit!” Suga giggles, throwing his arms open like he’s putting the lake on display. Daichi’s smile is wide enough that his cheeks hurt as he takes in the gorgeous scenery, including the beautiful man before him.
“It’s gorgeous, Suga. Let me grab the sunscreen first though, okay? You know you burn easily.” He laughs at the pout suga throws his way at the comment, but the man doesn’t argue with him. They get sunscreen on and run out into the refreshingly cool water, and Daichi’s quick to dive under, letting the water wash over his warm skin. When he resurfaces, he’s greeted with a splash of water to the face. He gapes at Suga, who’s trying and failing to conceal a giggle, and Daichi swims over to wrap his arms around him before pulling him under, laughing at Suga’s squeals.
They swim around most of the day, taking a break only for lunch, and finally get out for good when the sun starts to dip below the horizon. They sit on the hood of the car, wrapped up in fluffy towels and leaning against each other, watching the sunset in silence. They stay quiet as the stars start to appear one by one, small pinpricks of light in the otherwise dark sky. Daichi lets his eyes drift down to Suga, who appears to be fighting back the sleepiness that’s threatening to overtake his body. Daichi smiles and allows himself to stare, taking in this beautiful man that has his heart in the palm of his hand, and is completely distracted until Suga suddenly gasps, grabbing his arm with one hand as he points to the sky with the other.
“Daichi, look!”
Daichi allows his eyes to move from Suga to the sky, where the first few meteors are starting to dart across the sky. His breath hitches in his throat at the beautiful sight, only the feeling of Suga’s hand on his arm anchoring him to the present. It’s amazing, really, especially with the lights of city not in the way, and now he understands Oikawa’s obsession with space; the meteor shower is almost the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, second only to the man beside him.
He continues to watch until he feels a small tug on his arm, bringing his eyes back down to Suga, who’s looking at him like he did when he first told Daichi he loves him. Daichi’s heart speeds up in his chest as the two stare at each other, completely ensnared by each other’s gaze. Finally, Suga leans up and lightly presses his lips to Daichi’s in a gentle kiss, and Daichi’s body is quick to react. His arms wrap gently around Suga, fitting him to his body like a puzzle piece that had been missing for far too long. The kiss stays gentle, sweet, as they embrace each other, towels falling to allow their skin to meet, sending sparks through Daichi’s body at every point of contact. It’s perfect, Suga’s perfect, the entire day is perfect. Suga pulls away a little, looking up at Daichi from beneath his thick, light eyelashes.
“I hope I didn’t make you wait too long…” He whispers, his voice lower than usual, sending shivers down Daichi’s spine. He replies with the only thing that comes to mind.
“I love you, Suga.” At his words, Suga smiles wide, beautiful, eyes twinkling bright enough to rival the stars above them as he says the five words Daichi will never get tired of hearing for as long as he lives.
“I love you too, Daichi.”