Chapter Text
It wasn’t clear where his vision ended and the demogorgon’s began. Will saw the military base through a red, hungry, and hazy vision that he knew he was part of but at the same time, out of his control. It was a dizzying feeling, feeling as if he was everywhere but nowhere at the same time.
He had no feeling of his own body at this point. He knew it existed, and he could still somewhat sense it, but it was only one of many sensations. It was a complete out of body experience. He was also feeling a hunger for flesh that he’s never felt before and he knew it wasn’t his.
It was when he saw Robin, cowering in the dark field. Lucas, on his back, stricken down. Mike, struggling to his feet but failing to flee. It was when he saw his friends who have been with him through the worst experiences of his life and a friend who showed him that good experiences were still possible despite the world falling apart that he felt himself gain control. It was when he felt a great sense of fear, not for his own life, but for those most important to him, that he felt the tide within him shift. For the first time in his short life, he finally felt some semblance of control.
Just as quickly as he gained it, he lost it. Will knew what he was doing was good, or at least it couldn’t be bad. He knew this because he didn’t see his friends get ripped to shreds at his own hands. He just didn’t know what he was doing or how.
The moment he gained feeling of his body and only his body was when he felt the rough concrete hit his knees, sending a shock throughout his body and a lingering ache in his knees.
He saw Mike, though he couldn’t make out his facial expression from this distance, he could tell it was him and that he was alive. He could also tell that’s where the demogorgon’s corpse lies, bones broken in half and collapsed in a fleshy heap on the ground.
This was when Will felt himself lose his consciousness. Mike was safe and alive and he can assume the same for Lucas and Robin. With this knowledge, he accepts the darkness that creeps into his vision.
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
April 5th, 1986
A week after Hawkins split apart, the military had already started swarming the previously quiet, small town. Hawkins is no stranger to disaster and tragedy, the population of the small town becoming even smaller over the years. The series of disappearances and strange deaths, the Hawkins lab massacre, the mall fire. People have really started to believe Hawkins was cursed and they’re not exactly wrong.
You would think it would be easy to find an affordable place to live in a town that’s losing people by the minute, yet for some reason, the Byers have no option but to camp out in Hopper’s old cabin out in the woods. A cabin that was attacked almost a year ago, has multiple, large holes in it, and is constantly freezing. It also has a fun variety of rats, spiders, and mice, toxic greenery creeping in through the cracks, and a lack of power. The cold is probably the worst part for Will, it reminds him too much of the Upside Down and the feeling of possession. In short, it’s not an ideal situation, but at least they have a place while they get their bearings in order. A place that, in due time, can be fixed right up.
It’s a particularly cold morning as Will wakes up in El’s old bedroom, wrapped in her old quilts. Will feels guilty about taking her room, even though she did insist on it. Ever since she found him in the living room shaking, wide awake in the middle of the night, tears burning his face, he figured there was no point in trying to convince her he was alright. Her room’s not much warmer, but there’s not the giant hole in the roof where the Mind Flayer had broken through, so he can’t complain.
Will hears the clattering of forks against plates and peaceful discussion echoing from the kitchen, and he decides to walk out with his blanket still wrapped tightly around him and his head.
“Morning, Will—Are you alright?” Joyce asks him from behind the kitchen counter. She turns and puts a large plate of Eggos in front of El and Jonathan.
“Yeah, no, it’s just… You know, cold.” He mutters as he sits down next to El and reaches for a plate and some of the remaining Eggos, which isn’t much. “Can you pass the syrup, Jonathan?”
“It’s not… him, right? Because if it is, you have to tell us.” Joyce rounds the corner and squeezes his shoulders, as if to make sure he’s still there.
“No, no… I wouldn’t want to be warm if it was.”
“And there’s no nightmares or visions or anything–”
“Mom–”
“I’m just making sure! I’m just worried that… maybe being here… back in Hawkins, it’s probably hard for you.” Joyce starts rubbing his back the same way she did when he was younger, gentle circles with small beats of pressure. These motions should comfort Will, it always used to, but now it only makes his blood pressure rise.
“It’s hard for everyone, Mom..” Will grumbles.
“Well, yeah, but you especially—”
“It’s fine, Mom!” Will snaps “I’m fine…” El and Jonathan look over, mouths full of Eggos and forks midair. Joyce retracts her hand as if she’s been burned and she looks hurt, but she backs off.
“I’m sorry, honey, but I’m not gonna just stop…stop worrying…” She says, her voice slightly more stern and in a motherly tone, a tone that Will has heard way too much over the years. It scares him a bit, when she gets like that, but it’s also comforting to know he has a mother who will never back down, no matter what.
“I know, I know… I’m sorry. I’m fine.” Will looks up at Joyce and gives her a weak grin. Her face is sharp with concern, but eyes are beaming love.
“It’s okay, just promise me if anything, and I mean anything, is wrong, you’ll tell me.”
“Yeah… Yeah, I promise.” He looks down as he makes this empty promise to his mother.
Will may not have been entirely honest with his mom when he said he’s fine. Is he having nightmares? Maybe a few. Are they bad? They’ve been worse. Are the dreams about all of his friends and family getting brutally massacred at his own hands, despite him knowing he needs to stop it, yet he remains powerless? Well you could say that. Is he going to worry his mom over this? Absolutely not.
Will knows he should probably do something about this, but like his mom said, it’s probably just from being back in Hawkins. He knows what it feels like to have Vecna, or the Mind Flayer or whoever it is that is actually doing all this shit, inside him. And this is definitely not it. These are just bad nightmares,
He’s just going to have to get over it. He’s used to pushing things aside.
“We are going to Mike and Nancy’s today to make a plan.” Will hears El declare to the room.
With Eggos almost falling out of his mouth, Jonathan mumbled “I thought we already had a plan.”
“Pretending everything is fine and acting normal is not a plan. Vecna is still out there and Hawkins is breaking apart. We need to do something.”
Jonathan swallows harshly and then mumbles, “Haven’t we done enough for Hawkins? Haven’t we lost enough? Haven’t you fought enough, El? Can’t we just… I don’t know… Take a break and let the military handle it.” He pushes his fork around his plate.
“The military, Jonathan, doesn’t know what they’re up against. They can’t do shit.” Hopper’s voice echoes from the section of the kitchen that has the coffee pot.
“But what do we even owe to this town? Why can’t we just leave like we did in the fall and never come back—”
“Our friends are here, Jonathan!” Will speaks up, “We can’t just leave them. Nancy is here, and yeah, this place hasn’t always been… kind to us—”
“That’s an understatement…” mutters Jonathan.
Joyce leans over the counter and grips Jonathan’s arm, “Jonathan, you know better than anyone how much this… this monster has taken from us. From me, Will, you, Nancy. And Hop’s right, the military doesn’t know this thing like we do. We need to do this. We need to fight, just one more time. Not for this town, but for us.” She’s pleading with her son the same way she did all those years ago, when she was begging for him to believe her that the body dragged out of the quarry wasn’t her son.
Jonathan gives his mom a stiff nod and squeezes her hands. Joyce isn’t backing down from this and he’s not leaving her, not again.
“We’re heading over at noon.” El gives the order.
Jonathan does have a point. This group of kids have fought way too hard for a town that didn’t deserve it. Joyce’s statement about fighting for themselves isn’t false, but maybe the best revenge they could get on Vecna is leaving. Maybe it’s abandoning every evil thing he’s put all of them through and moving on to greater things, and showing him that they’re strong enough to be happy despite all the pain he’s put them through.
But at the same time, Will knows better. He knew that they couldn’t escape even when they were in California. Only they know what they’re truly up against. Only Will knows what they’re up against. This has been a battle inside of him for the greater part of his youth and while part of him is tired and wants nothing more than to leave all of this bullshit behind, it’s not possible to leave it behind and be truly happy unless he finishes it off himself.
How is he going to do that when he can barely get enough sleep at night? Who knows. For now, he just needs to find a way to get more blankets.
~
When they get to the Wheelers house, whatever part of the sun that can be seen through the smoke is starting to set. It’s not late at all, but despite the smoke that looms over Hawkins slowly dissipating, it still makes the town stuck in a shortened sun cycle. The porch lights are on, and they walk up to the door that Will is all too familiar with, and they ring the doorbell.
The door creaks open and on the other side, a voice beams “The Byers family! It’s so good to see you all again!” Karen pulls Joyce into a warm hug, “Come in, come in!”
The group enters into the very, very warm house and Will instantly feels relieved of a weight he didn’t know he’s been carrying. He may have had bad memories here last summer, but for the better part of his life, whenever he’s been at the Wheeler house, all he’s felt was safe and happy. As he, El, and Jonathan walk over to the basement door, all he can sense is nostalgia. He sees little him, Mike, Lucas, and Dustin racing through the hallways to the basement to get first pick for movie night. He hears the laughter of a successful D&D campaign. He feels the milk bubbling up his nose at the breakfast table after another summer sleepover with Mike. How can Will even fathom the awfulness that exists outside and under the ground when he has so many warm memories around him?
Hopper follows them down into the basement a couple minutes later, after exchanging pleasantries with the actual adults, but Joyce decides to stay with Karen. So long as they don’t plan to send Will into the eye of the storm, Joyce would rather have a glass of wine with an old friend and catch up over typical motherhood issues rather than apocalyptic issues.
When they reach the bottom of the stairs, Will takes in his surroundings. Mike’s basement is exactly the same as it had been last summer, the D&D board out and old candy wrappers littering the floor. He sees Robin, Steve, and Dustin bickering on the couch, Robin sitting on the arm of the sofa facing the two boys sitting next to her. Lucas and Mike are standing off to the side, listening intently to whatever Nancy is talking about, with her back facing the stairs.
“Will! El! Hey!” Dustin bounds upwards from his seat and pulls the two into a suffocating hug.
“Dustin, you literally saw us yesterday.” Will chuckled lightly as he returned Dustin’s hug.
“I don’t care, I’m just glad to see you guys still standing…” Dustin has been off ever since this guy died… Eddie, was it? (Sheesh, if someone really important to your friends died after he sacrificed himself to save said friends, you would think you would be more confident in his name.) Will knows Mike and Dustin were close with him, but it’s evident that it had hit Dustin the hardest. Every time Will sees him, he’s wearing that Hellfire shirt from the D&D club he, Mike, and Lucas were in at school (Will’s not going to mention the fact that the moment he left Hawkins, they finally played D&D again. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t.)
Dustin, overall, has been much more emotional and is always looking at everyone with an intense, melancholic gaze as if it’s the last he’ll see of them. It’s kind of unnerving, actually. He’s still himself, for the most part. Just slightly more fragile.
Lucas has been acting somewhat similar, with Max in the hospital and all. Except instead of being full of mourning and eventual anger, he just has hope. Lucas has been spending most of his time at the hospital, next to Max, playing that one Kate Bush song over and over again. Will doesn’t know how he does it, listening to the same song that much. Would it even work at this point? What if Max has grown sick of it? Will gives a hug to Lucas and he can tell that he needed it just as much as he did.
Mike has been… acting like Mike? If Will even really knows what Mike is like anymore, and if those couple of days over spring break proved anything, it’s that he doesn’t. Will hasn’t seen Mike much since the rifts opened, although he hasn’t really seen much of anyone. El hasn’t even really had the time to talk to Mike, except for the one time Mike was over to talk to her. Everyone’s mostly just focused on putting their lives back together or getting the hell out of Hawkins. He can’t say he’s not disappointed with how little he’s seen Mike specifically, but he’s definitely not surprised. He smiles at Mike, who gives him a worried smile back.
The rest of the group greet each other and once Hopper comes down the stairs, everyone sits down and lets Hopper take the lead.
“Alright, so obviously… this fight is not over. We have good reason to believe that this…Vecna” Hopper gestures exasperatedly, “...is not dead, considering the massive cracks in the earth the military is working to cover up. The military is also working very hard to keep whatever is at the town’s center hidden. I think before we make any moves, we need to figure out what’s there and why they want it to be hidden.”
“I’m sorry, are you saying we have to sneak onto a military base that is most definitely heavily guarded by big scary men with scary guns?” Robin questioned from her spot next to Will.
“It’s not something we haven’t done before, Robin.” Steve states as he glares at her from across the room, sitting in a chair next to Jonathan.
“Yeah, well, that was an accident and I’m not exactly yearning to have a repeat of that.”
“You won’t. I’ll enter the base, and only I will,” Hopper declares. “It’ll be safer that way, and probably easier. Harder for a single person to be spotted.”
“What?” El, who’s in a beanbag next to Hopper, whips her head towards him.
“Uh… no offense, big guy, but is it even possible for you to be stealthy?” nags Dustin from the floor, trying to be earnest but failing.
“Okay, you know what kid—” Hopper growls and points at Dustin.
“I thought we had agreed we both would go, Hopper…”
“Dustin kind of has a point, wouldn’t we want someone… I don’t know, smaller? Someone who isn’t still recovering from being… What is it?… oh, yeah… locked in a Russian prison!” Mike snides.
“Well, he did survive in a Russian prison, so if anyone could do that shit, it’s him.” Steve remarks.
“He barely survived! I mean, look at him!” Mike exclaims as he gestures to Hopper.
“Look at me? Yeah, you better look at me while I beat the shit—”
“Guys!” Nancy stands up and shouts, “Hopper’s plan… isn’t awful. He has a lot of experience with law enforcement and he can probably evade them the best. And if he’s caught, he can probably handle it better than any of us could.”
“Thank you..”
Nancy turns to face Hopper, “But that doesn’t mean your plan of just sneaking onto the base to get a peak is perfect. You need people on watchout, a surefire way to get in, backup in case you need it…” the voices droned on, as Nancy began to brainstorm different plans and everyone else started pitching in.
Will had blocked out most of this conversation. He knew it didn’t involve him, his mother would never let him near any danger or do anything that could help the group. He was sitting on the couch, between Robin and Mike, and he started to doze off, despite the overlapping voices in the room.
“Hey, Will, you alright?” Mike whispers, turning his head slightly to face him.
Will forces his eyes open, “Mm.. Yeah, no, I’m fine. I just didn’t sleep much last night.” Will sits up a bit more. He turns his head slightly to face Mike, who has his arms crossed but is looking at him intently.
“You’re staying at Hopper’s cabin, right?” Mike’s eyes narrowed in on him.
“Yeah. It’s nice, actually. El was… way too nice and she let me take her room, so I’m fine.”
“Are there still holes in the roof and walls?” Mike asks as if he already knows the answer.
“Well, we covered up… like, most of them.”
“With what? Blankets?” Mike jokes, and then when Will is silent, his brows furrowed. “You’re not getting nightmares, are you?” His eyes softened as he spoke quickly.
Will wishes he was a better liar when it came to Mike. “Not… many.” He slumps back down and bows his head, ashamed from how confident he had been to return to Hawkins a week ago, only to revert back to his weak childhood self.
“God, I told her we should just…” Mike mutters to himself as he glances away for half a second. Then, with a slight shift of nervous energy in him, but still sure of his statement, “You guys should stay here. I mean, you and Jonathan, and your mom. It’s warmer, safer, and closer to everything and everyone. I mean, granted, there’s not much of anything or anyone, but—”
“What? Mike, no, we’re…we’re fine. I promise.” Will can’t imagine living off of the Wheelers for an undetermined amount of time. He feels bad enough staying in Hopper’s cabin, even though he’s practically his step-dad at this point, considering how disgustingly cuddly he and his mom have been.
“No, you’re not. You guys can’t keep staying out in a cabin that’s overrun with weeds and rodents and is so cold, you guys were practically blue when you walked in.”
“It’s not that bad…” And then it dawned on him, “Wait, what about El?”
Mike looks away from Will at the mention, and Will realizes how deeply they were looking at each other until now they aren’t. “I already brought it up to her and she reminded me that she and Hopper are both kind of… hiding from the military, so they shouldn’t even really be here right now. But my point still stands, Will. Don’t lie and say that you’re fine.”
“We already have a place, Mike, and yeah, it may not be perfect, but I’m not about to just crash in your house and burden—”
“You wouldn’t be a burden—”
“Hey, guys! What could you possibly be whispering about that is more important than defeating Vecna?” Will hadn’t realized how quiet he and Mike were until Nancy’s voice boomed in the room and Will realized how their faces were only inches away from each other.
“I was just telling Will that him, Jonathan, and Mrs. Byers need to stay with us, which you agree with.” He gestures pointedly to Nancy.
“Wait, what?” Jonathan squints at Nancy.
“Oh my God, Mike, not now…” Nancy squeezes the bridge of her nose with her fingers.
“Look at him! Look at all of them!” Mike starts gesturing towards the brothers, Hopper, and El, “When they walked in, they were shivering! How can we expect them to fight when they can’t even sleep at night—”
“You haven’t been sleeping?” Jonathan glares at Will.
“I never said that!” Will snaps at him, and then snaps quietly at Mike, “I never said that.”
“You said you’ve been having nightmares and I know what that means, Will!” Mike is fully facing Will now.
“You’re having nightmares?” Jonathan’s eyes are now wide, voice harsh, and he’s staring daggers at Will, who just looks down embarrassed. It was just a couple hours ago that he lied straight to their mother’s face.
“I agree with Mike.” El speaks up, “I remember when I found you the second night we were back, Will. You looked… You were so scared.” She whispers the last word, “You were never like that in Lenora.”
“I don’t think any of us were like this in Lenora.” Will adds.
“Well, yeah, but Will, you need to tell us this stuff!” Jonathan exclaims.
“He’ll be better here, and you will, too, Jonathan.” Mike says.
“Hold on, has Karen even agreed to this?” Hopper questions, with crossed arms.
Mike stands up, “Well… not exactly, not yet, but she saw you guys when you walked in. I’m sure after seeing the condition you guys are in, she’ll let you guys stay. I’m sure of it.” Mike confidently says, looking directly at Nancy.
“Christ, Mike…” Nancy buries her face in her hands.
“Listen, as long as Karen and Ted are okay with it, I’m sure your mom will be. Especially if she finds out you’ve been having nightmares and not telling her.” Hopper stares Will down. “All she wants is for you to be safe… You’ll definitely be safer here. And closer to the school.”
“Wait, are the schools still even going to be in session?” Steve chimes in.
“Doesn’t matter. Can we please get back to discussing the plan now?” Nancy asks, clearly tense and needing to move on to more important matters.
~
After the meeting, everyone leaves except for the Byers, excluding Hopper and El. She didn’t have any interest in staying, despite how inviting the warm pasta dish had sounded. Ever since coming back, she’s been hyper-focused on coming up with training plans with Hopper. She’s given herself very little time to relax, let alone spend time with Mike, which she doesn’t seem too concerned with anymore. Mike had told her he loved her, just like she wanted. What was the problem? Surely it’s just, well, the whole Vecna business.
At the dinner table, Mike leaves no time to wait to bring up the question.
“Mom, do you think the Byers can stay with us?” He asks, immediately after he sits down between Will and his father, who’s at the head of the table. No hesitation.
Joyce nearly chokes on her water from the opposing end of the table, sitting next to Karen who’s at the opposing head. “I’m sorry!”
“Oh! I mean…” She thinks for a moment, “Well, I thought they had a place.” Karen says, confused and looking towards Joyce.
“We do, Karen. We do. We’re fine.” She reaches out to Karen to express her earnestness.
“Oh, please! Their place is barely standing. There’s rats, mold, and… And it’s cold, and—”
“Michael, where is this coming from?” Karen asks slowly.
“Are you serious, Michael? Where would they even stay? We don’t exactly have empty bedrooms, and it’s not like our cabinets are overflowing with food.” Ted mumbles at the dinner table, paying attention to the conversation for the first time Will has ever witnessed.
“I just want to let you both know,” Joyce finally manages to speak clearly, “We’re alright at our… place. We make it work.” She forks a bite of pasta into her mouth and glances at her boys.
“Will isn’t.” Mike snaps. Everyone glances their heads in Mike’s directions, except for Joyce, whose head snaps in Will’s direction.
“Will… I thought you said you were fine.” Joyce said, eyebrows rising in concern.
“No, no, I am—”
“Bullshit!” Mike’s nose scrunches up in annoyance in Will’s direction.
“Language!” Ted and Karen exclaim.
“No! No it is. Will, you’ve been having nightmares—”
“I said not many, Mike!” Will said in hushed anger, “It’s not a big deal.”
“You’ve been having nightmares, Will? I thought… You said you weren’t.” Joyce looks solemnly at her son.
Mike gives Will one soft look, and then directs his gaze back to his mother.
“Mom, please. Nancy agrees with me.” He looks over at Nancy, his parents following his gaze.
Without looking up from her plate, she says, “I mean… Mike’s right.” Nancy finally looks at her mom. “They were shivering when they walked inside, Mom. You saw them.” Now looking towards Joyce and Jonathan, “I’m sorry, but you all know he’s right. I hate to admit it, too, but the cabin it’s… it’s not good for Will. Being so far from town, out in the dark woods. And as if it’s not already cold enough with this… weird weather, it’s worse out there. It’s not good for any of you when the roof is caving in and there are constant little noises from rodents squirming around that you think are—” She suddenly stops talking before she says something she can’t explain away.
Will also hates to admit that Mike is right: It would be better for them to stay here. He also hates how noticeable it is to everyone around him. But the second Will stepped foot inside, he immediately felt warmth overcome his body and his shoulders loosen up. He hadn’t even realized how tense his whole body had been for the past week. He finally started to feel his sleepiness as an ache he needed to tend to rather than fight against. Most importantly, though, is that he felt safe. He felt safe knowing that the lights were bright and could always be on, that the walls were sturdy, and that Mike was nearby. He hated to admit how comforting that last part had been, but it’s true. It’s always been true.
“Joyce… Is all this true?” Karen asks, her face full of sympathy as she looks at Joyce. All she can do is sigh. Everything Nancy and Mike have said, it’s all true. Apparently even the part about her son lying to her about how he’s been fine. Karen has seen her at her worst, she can’t lie to her now.
“Karen, you’re not seriously considering this, are you?” Ted asks, eyebrows furrowed.
“They’re our friends, Ted. If they need help, we give it.” Karen says to Ted, hushed and full of loyalty, and then looks back to Joyce with a warm smile. “You and your boys can stay with us for as long as you need to. With everything going on right now, in this town… Maybe it’s important we all stay close.” Karen looks over to Jonathan and Will, who sit across from each other at the table. “You two can stay in the basement. It might be a little cold, but there’s no… gaps or rodents or… anything.” That last piece she says with slight confusion, understandably. Nobody ever told her where exactly the Byers had been staying, except for this conversation, which makes it sounds like they’ve been staying in an abandoned, dingy shack. And, okay, maybe that description isn’t too far off.
“And Joyce, you can take Nancy’s room while she can share with Holly.” Karen starts digging into her plate again, promptly finishing the conversation. What she said is what will be and anyone who dares to argue with it, she’ll give a stern talking to. Karen’s never-ending determination to love and care for her family—which apparently now includes the Byers—is a quality Will has always admired about her.
Next to Will, Mike nudges him with his shoulder. Will looks over and sees Mike grinning. That stupid grin that Will has pictured way too much since last summer. “Now we can have sleepovers every night, staying up however late we want.” Mike whispers to Will, almost directly into his ear.
“You sound like a little kid, Mike.” Will says, stifling a chuckle. He takes a forkful of cold veggies to his mouth, hoping it conceals the lovesick smile he knows he has at the thought of Mike actually wanting to spend time with him. God, Will needs to let this go.
Mike shrugs, glancing at Will. “Maybe I want to feel like a little kid again. Just for a little bit.” He looks down at his full plate of food. Will looks over at Mike as he says this, trying to piece together the relaxed frown and his slight downturned eyebrows. He tries to feel what Mike feels, which used to be such an easy thing for him to do.
Will hasn’t been able to understand Mike for a long time. He’s been emotionally closed off from him ever since last summer, or maybe before that, but that’s when he could remember everything changing. The bright lights of the now wrecked mall, the humid air that was filled with new relationships and possibilities, but also the threat of everything they’ve risked their lives for crumbling beneath their feet all over again. That threat was every bit real then as it is now. Will has gotten used to not understanding Mike, not understanding any of his friends anymore. He was different, and then he was distant. But being back here, in the Wheeler house, it brought back memories. Some bad, but mostly good. The good ones hurt the most because Will knows he’ll never get them back. At least he thought he wouldn’t.
Mike had already made his amends. He apologized for not calling, for not being a good friend, and he told him that they would take on this disaster together, as a team, he said. All Will expected was Mike maybe making an effort to reach out once or twice a week, checking in and making sure he’s okay. Maybe Lucas, Dustin, and them could hang out again, watch movies or play D&D—Okay, maybe not D&D, they already have a real Vecna to defeat—but Will knew these hopes were pathetic. Lucas was preoccupied with staying by Max’s side, Dustin at Eddie’s grave, and Mike… being the mystery he’s been for the past however-long.
So forgive Will for feeling a little giddy when Mike suggested that they have a sleepover, something they haven’t done in years, at least not for fun. Especially after Mike basically just forced Will and his family to stay in his house after hearing, what? That Will was having nightmares? That he was cold? That he was too far away from town, which is practically non-existent at this point?
Will immediately forced these giddy thoughts and childlike feelings down. He wasn’t allowed to feel happy and he couldn’t question Mike’s behavior, not right now. Not when Hawkins is in danger like never before, when everyone he knows and loves is in constant threat of being ripped away from him, and when the one person who’s ever made his stomach turn in a way that makes him want more, makes him feel like he deserves more than all the shit he’s received his whole life, is so close but so far out of reach it hurts. He can’t feel the way he does, all he should feel is guilt for daring to think he could have even an ounce of what belongs to someone else.
Sure, the fact that Will is gay and in love with his best friend (if he can even call him that anymore) is painful and dangerous enough. But the fact that his best friend is in love with his adopted sister, who, despite all the tragedy she’s been through in her life, still finds the courage to put a smile on her face and fight tooth and nail for her friends and family. His adopted sister, who had stretched herself thin trying to save him even though she had no idea who he was; just that he was another kid, lost and scared. His adopted sister, who, without a doubt, would support and comfort Will if she ever knew about his feelings. No matter how wrong those feelings are.
This is the fact that scares Will the most. It scares him because he never should have developed these feelings, not when all Mike had been was a good friend and not when all El had been was a good sister. But he also doesn’t know if these feelings could have ever not developed. Maybe these feelings were as essential to who he is as the strands of hair on his head. Maybe it was impossible for Will to be Will without these feelings. Maybe these feelings have always been there, waiting to be sought out and carved out of his soul. But Will had always felt weak. He had never been good at getting things out of his system, not without destroying himself in the process.
But getting these feelings out would not only destroy himself, but the two people he wants to ruin the least. So he’ll let the guilt consume him. After dinner, he’ll watch a movie with Mike in the basement while Jonathan and his mom go back to the cabin to get their stuff. He offered to go back with them, but since Joyce found out Will had been having nightmares, she wanted him to stay put and safe.
So, Will is stuck on the couch in the Wheeler basement as Mike goes through his movie collection in a white T-shirt and red plaid pajama pants, ready for bed as Will is stuck waiting for his mom and brother to return with what few clothes he has. He’s rummaging through the tattered box on the floor, an image too familiar to Will.
“Okay, so I’m not sure… Oh! Isn’t Back to the Future that one movie Steve and Robin watched high off their asses on commie drugs?” Mike chuckles, holding up a relatively untouched Back to the Future VHS.
“Wait, when did they get drugged by Soviets?” Will questions. Sure, he may not interact with Steve or Robin much, but he figured that’s something that even he would know.
“Dude, last summer? When the whole…” He gestures wildly, hoping Will gets it. Which, in a way, he does. “Seriously, do you not remember?” Mike gets up and puts the VHS into the TV. He clicks a button and the beginning of the movie starts to play.
“I don’t remember that summer much, to be honest. I try not to.” Will offers a smile to Mike as he slumps down next to him on the couch, crossing his arms.
“Right, no, of course…” He’s quiet for a moment, contemplating his next words. “I’m sorry, by the way. For how I acted that summer. It wasn’t cool and I… I regret it. I do.” Now Mike’s looking at Will and initially Will tries to ignore his eyes and watch the beginning of the movie, which they never really got to watch that infamous summer they’re unfortunately talking about. But the burn of Mike’s eyes on the side of his face hurts more, he thinks, than staring right at him.
“I think I was just excited to, you know, finally have a girlfriend. Like everyone else. And it was great, right, El’s great, but the way I treated you? The way I treated Dustin? It was shitty, like really shitty. And then you literally move across the country and I don’t call or write or anything… I do everything but let you know that I’m still your friend and I still care and…” He takes a deep breath, “I’m just sorry.” Mike had already made amends. He said sorry, Will forgave him, and now they’re supposed to just carry on with saving the world. Why can’t Mike let it go?
“Mike, you already apologized. And I already forgave you. You’re literally letting me and my family stay here, I can’t exactly be mad at you for anything at this point.” Will, despite his quickening heartbeat, puts his hand on Mike’s shoulder for just a moment. Because that’s what a friend does, and that’s what Will is. What Will has to be.
“I know, I know… I just… Never got the chance to really apologize for acting like a douchebag that summer.” God, Mike looks beautiful when illuminated by the blue light from the TV in the dark, his face full of regret. Will just wants Jonathan to come back so he can change and go to sleep.
“Well, now you did. And the best way you can make it up to me is by letting me watch this movie in peace, for once.” Will leans a little closer to Mike in a teasing way, the way friends do with each other. Because they’re friends.
Mike starts grinning the way Will does not need right now. “Alright, asshole. I do just wanna point out that I may have been a jerk, but one thing you can’t blame me for is missing that movie. I never got in your mind and fucked with it like the Mind Flayer did.”
Oh, if only he knew.