Chapter Text

The loud notes of the music flowing from the radio beamed through the car as the family drove home. Lo'ak's usual spot was filled by his girlfriend, Tsireya, who was given Kiri's phone so she could control the music. Kiri was in the seat beside her, humming along to the songs and struggling to keep the burning hot take-out food on her lap.

Between the two girls was Tuk, who thankfully still was small enough to fit in the small space between the seats, kicking her feet back and forth and giggling everytime they went over a bump— mostly because of the scared look on Kiri's face from how close the soup was to falling out the boxes.

Thankfully, before anyone got any second degree burns from spilled food, their father, Jake was pulling into the overly large driveway to the house. "Think Lo'ak's set the table?" Jake asked as he turned the keys in the car, the rumbling of the engine shutting off.

"Did you ask him to?" Neytiri asked, raising a eyebrow at her husband. He shook his head, turning around the give the girls a look to ask if they did, to which they answered the same. "Well then he probably didn't." She shrugged.

Everyone stepped out, Kiri going out last as she held the thin plastic bag of food far away from her body, shuffling over to the others. "Dad? Can you take this?" She begged. "I already have marks from just having it on my lap."

Jake smiled. "Yeah babygirl, hand me it." He reached out, taking the bag from her and clutching his hand around the thin, now stretched handles. Kiri stood up straight, wiping her sweaty hands on her top. "Thanks."

He turned around with a nod, smiling softly as he walked up to the door, everyone else following him. Kiri chuckled Tuk bounded up to the front, grasping onto her mother’s flowy shirt.

The sharp click of a key turning echoed as Jake pushed the door open, stepping into the warm, cozy house.

As the door was pushed open, a large, almost purely black dog barreled out, yipping with delight as it jumped up at Jake. "Hey Shadow..." He cooed, his thick hands tangling in it's coat as he scratched it.

"Ma'Jake, hand me the food, i'll take it." Neytiri chuckled, reaching over the dog and taking the plastic bag from her husbands hands. She turned to Tuk, who was tugging on her shirt, earger to get inside— mostly because of the fact that she knew that they had candy in the house for after dinner. "Inside we go."

The two other girls, Tsireya and Kiri stepped through the door, trying to avoid stepping on the large malinois. Jake grasped the thick leather collar that was tucked around Shadow's neck, guiding the jumpy dog into the house.

Neytiri was handing plates to Tuk, who was then placing them down onto the table with very concentrated hands, attempting to perfectly center them on the coasters— though failing miserably on most of them. "Me and Tsireya are gonna go get Lo'ak, be right back!" Kiri yelled as she led the younger girl over to the stairs, their socked feet pattering on the floors.

The two girls hurried up the stairs, avoiding strewn about plushies and toys as they made their way to the end of the hall towards the doodle covered white door. Lo'aks name was painted in light blue at the middle of the door— just about eye height.

"He's still mad that mom and dad won't let him paint over that." Kiri chuckled as she noticed Tsireya looking at the letters. The younger girl smiled, a small giggle escaping her as she imagined the situation.

She tugged at the doorknob, turning it and pushing the door open with ease. The room was quiet.

But not in the usual way it was when he was sleeping or maybe out with a friend. No, this felt like all the air had been sucked out and the only thing that was left was stillness and deafening quiet.

Kiri looked over her shoulder to Tsireya, her brow furrowed as she glanced about the room. No one was there. "He's not usually this quiet..." The short haired girl muttered, walking into the room, amber eyes flickering about, trying to find something out of place.

As Kiri walked over to his closet, opening the mirrored doors and looking inside, rummaging through her brother's selection of way too many hoodies of the exact same color. A small grunt escaped her as she tried to see if he was in there.

"The bathroom door's open." Tsireya shrugged as she softly stepped into the room, rocking a bit on her feet. Kiri stuck her head out of the closet, readjusting her hair that was sticking up atleast a million different directions. Her eyes trailed over to the bathroom door, that was indeed open, a small line of warm light streaming out.

The younger girl walked over to the door, hesitating slightly, her hand freezing in the air right in front of the handle. "Maybe we should just wait for him to come down..." She said softly, looking back at Kiri, who then shook her head. "He's way too slow. If he's doing anything in there, it's his hair."

With a sigh, her hand connected with the wood, gently pushing it open, revealing the somewhat clean bathroom. It looked empty, if not for all the creams spread about on the large white stone counter. "I dont think he's in here–" She started, though instantly quieted down as the door stopped halfway, being blocked by something heavy.

Tsireya stepped in, the older girl entering right after her. Her turquoise eyes flickered about as she moved to peek around the door that was blocking their sights to whatever was behind the door, blocking it.

And as she pushed the door away to see what was behind it, expecting a mountain of perhaps clothes or maybe a basket, a scream instead ripped from her throat at the sight.

***

The house was quiet.

His family was out getting dinner, they had left atleast half an hour ago— or was it ten minutes ago? He didn't know. Time had started blurring not that long ago. Lo'ak was sitting on the cold, harsh floor of his bathroom, head tipped back as his hands trembled with the remaining five pills in his hand.

He had already taken twenty, or was it fifteen? He'd also lost count of that. The only thing he really remembered was tipping the pills into his hand and popping them into his mouth and swallowing dry. It was almost as if he could still feel them in his throat, the plastic, round feel of them sliding down his throat with his saliva.

A small, involuntary gag escaped him, but he quickly held a trembling hand over his mouth as he slowly glanced down at the hand with the pills. It felt heavy—despite it only being five miniscule pills that probably didn't weigh more than two feathers, it felt like he had the weight of the whole world in his palm.

Lo'aks chest shook as he let out a sob, tears slowly filling his eyes, vision blurring in the edges and becoming one blurry mess as he reached over and plopped a pill into his mouth, instantly swallowing before he hesitated.

He slumped forward, slowly putting another pill into his mouth. Swallow. Another pill. Swallow. Another pill. Swallow— it was the last pill, finally, the last one. His glossy eyes stared down at the small, pea sized thing. It was such a small thing, but it was so goddamn important.

Slowly but surely, he placed it into his mouth, grimacing a bit at how dry his mouth felt after all that. With a deep, shaky sigh, he swallowed, gagging a bit as it slid down his throat.

Lo'ak let his head fall back, a couple tears escaping his eyes as he hiccuped, his fingers starting to tangle together— it was a habit he has had since he was a little kid, ever since kindergarten, he vividly remembers the way Neteyam would grasp one of his hands in his own whenever he saw him doing it, he remembers the way his mom or dad would hand him his old stuffed animal from when he was born whenever they saw him do it— a dragon of some sort.

He could feel blood running down his arms in steady, warm streams. Earlier, before he had taken the first pill and had actually committed to it, had he decided that if the pills for some reason didn't work, he would die from blood loss. The razor blade was thrown across the floor, hiding at the drain underneath the countertop, out of sight.

It still stung, the blood hadn't stopped, hadn't clogged or anything. Maybe he did it too deep— though there wasn't really ever a limit for how deep you could go. Though if there was? He had probably gone over it.

Another sob escaped him, and another and another until he was full on gasping for air, air that for some reason felt like it was trying to stay away from him, trying to run away.

That was always how it was with him. Everyone always tried to stay away— his old friends would quickly run inside and hide in the bathroom stalls whenever he was counting in hide and seek, Neteyam and Kiri used to push him away whenever he was a lot younger and desperately tried to hang out with them.

His vision started to blur, body growing heavier and heavier, limbs feeling like they belonged to him less and less and more like they were floating away. And before he could hear the sound of the front door clicking open, his eyelids blinked shut and the noise around him grew foggier and foggier.