Chapter Text
Shigaraki has always felt pain.
From the moment he was born, he has been a vessel for it. Every memory he has is built around it. Maybe it should’ve been telling, that the figure that raised him also fed off of that pain, and the hatred that came with it. Maybe Shigaraki should have known, in the back of his mind, that he was being controlled. That every ounce of pain was premeditated and curated for this very moment.
Somehow, being blind to it all only made it hurt worse.
He hears the words echo in his head. That grating, annoying, familiar voice claiming his entire life is a lie, tinged with nothing but pride and factuality. It could make him sick. He would be sick if he weren’t still fighting, body on autopilot or maybe just being controlled again. He can’t tell anymore, there’s too much pain.
It’s agonizing.
He gets slammed into the ground, and all he can think is that it’s too early. He knows he should fight longer. He felt Him die, but he still feels controlled, contorted into positions he isn’t telling his body to make. Maybe it’s a lingering power, or maybe he doesn’t feel like himself anymore. Everything he’s ever known has been a lie, so who is he to tell himself what’s right or wrong?
He lays there, out of body, out of mind. He feels the presence of someone else inside of his mind, and he hates that it’s familiar, comforting. He hates that while thinking of everything All For One has done to him, he feels comfort and belonging beneath it all. He has never felt weaker.
The boy in his mind, the teenager that will defeat him, is kind. He’s warm and determined, convinced that there’s something inside of Shigaraki’s pathetically numb body that he can save. He sees green, is overwhelmed by it, and is reminded of Spinner. The heteromorph is probably the closest thing Shigaraki ever had to a friend— is he able to call them that? Friends? Shigaraki thinks that maybe even his idea of friendship could have been a lie —and, of course, Shigaraki feels guilt as he thinks of how his friend will react to his pathetically quick death. He knows he’s still fighting, trying to destroy something, but Shigaraki doesn’t know if it’s the hero-to-be before him or himself.
Still, Shigaraki wants to leave the world with something. A message. If it has to be aimed towards anyone, he wants it to be for Spinner.
“If Spinner survived this,” He feels something twist imagining him not surviving, “Tell him…”
Shigaraki wonders if he could’ve fixed this. Maybe, if he lived through life knowing how things would play out, he would’ve done everything better. He could’ve given his friends what they wanted without it ending in death.
“That even to the bitter end, Tomura Shigaraki kept fighting to destroy.”
He feels himself disintegrating. He watches white fade to black, and—
Tenko wakes up with tears clinging to his eyelashes. He grabs fistfuls of his blanket, pulling the fabric up to his face to muffle his sobs. Being loud would make it worse.
He tells himself it wasn’t real. That was all a nightmare. Something as scary and outlandish as that can’t be the future. Tenko doesn’t want to hurt people!
It must just be from guilt. His sister showed him that picture of their grandma yesterday, and even though his dad says heroes are bad, he still wants to be one. His mind must be showing him how bad it really is, proving why his dad is right. He’s always right.
Tenko slips out of bed, shushing Mon as a precaution as the dog follows him automatically from the room. The little dog loves Tenko, and of course Mon is his pride and joy. He doesn’t want his dad to get mad at Mon for playing in the middle of the night.
His little feet pad near-silently to the kitchen, Mon’s toenails clicking quickly behind him. He stands on his tip-toes, reaching for a tall cup, green and plastic. He isn’t allowed to touch the glass ones. Tenko fills it too-full, accidentally spilling some water on the ground as he pulls it from the sink to his chest. His vision is still blurry from tears, but he feels Mon’s soft fur drag around his leg to stand in front of him, licking the tiled floor clean. Tenko giggles at the dog, wiping his cheeks with the sleeve of his scratchy night shirt. He takes big gulps of water, trying to distract himself from his dream.
He can’t shake a nagging feeling in the back of his head, telling him something’s wrong. The more he thinks of the nightmare, remembering how he became a villain and killed so many innocent people, the more he feels like it might be real. Like… memories from the future. It feels like something he would see in one of those old comics he and Hana read when no one’s around. The ones with old heroes, made before quirks came to be.
If it’s real, then Tenko needs to run away. He can’t hurt his family, and he can’t meet that scary man. At the same time, Tenko doesn’t want to believe that he would become… that. He wants to save people. He doesn’t want to turn into Tomura Shigaraki!
He finishes his water, feeling just a little bit better. He has the beginnings of a plan, and he feels like that’s enough for now. He’s too sleepy to try to think of something more solid at the moment.
Tenko crawls back into bed, letting Mon curl up over the covers. He rests his chin on Tenko’s stomach, whining softly at the boy. Tenko pets Mon between his ears as he drifts off, hoping he isn’t brought back to that scary might-be nightmare.
Tenko doesn’t mind when Hana makes him take the blame. It hurts, of course, but he loves his sister. If Tenko really wants to be a hero, he has to be okay with getting beat up— even if wanting to be a hero is why he’s getting beaten in the first place.
The grass scratches his skin, making his itching worse. There's blood in the dirt, streaking down his face, dripping onto his hands when he turns and tries to get up. His dad is still shouting at him, and Mon is growling at the man. Mon could get kicked if he tries to stick up for Tenko, but he still defends the boy with his life.
When Tenko’s father finally leaves him alone, his mother comes rushing outside to take care of him. Tenko flinches, but not from the pain. He’s still thinking of that nightmare, and he’s terrified to think that at any moment, he’ll manifest that quirk and hurt his family. Tenko’s been trying to avoid contact all day, but of course he can’t stop his parent’s advances.
“Oh, honey, it’s okay,” His mother is holding his hand, pulling him inside to the dining table. He didn’t realize he was crying until her words hit him.
She pulls a chair out, and Tenko sits while she goes to the bathroom. He can hear his father in the driveway, turning the car on and driving off. Hana looks at Tenko with guilt in her eyes. She looks ready to apologize, but Tenko shakes his head at her. He swallows the lump in his throat to speak.
“It’s okay, really. I’m not that hurt, see? It’s just my nose!” He offers a toothy grin, and Hana laughs wetly at her younger brother. Warmth blooms in his chest.
“I shouldn’t have blamed it on you, though! I’m sorry, Ten.”
Hana hugs him, arms gentle around his shoulders. Tenko flinches but hugs back. He sniffles and rests his forehead on her chest.
Hana pulls away when their mother returns, letting her clean Tenko off and make sure he isn’t bleeding anywhere except for his nose. She makes Tenko hold a pad of gauze to his nostril, and he feels his nose throb as the adrenaline dies down. He sits still as his mother applies an ointment to the scratches on his arms, neck and face. She has the same look in her eyes that she always does when she dresses his self-afflicted scratches. Guilt, maybe, mixed with pity.
“Are you sure you want to be a hero, Tenko?” He closes his eyes so she can rub the cold balm on a little scratch at the top of his eye socket, “You don’t have a quirk yet. Plus, your allergies might make it hard.” He wants to scoff, just a little bit, but he doesn’t.
He doesn’t argue, either. He knows his mother doesn’t completely understand, and it’s hard for him to explain. He always just nods and agrees, even though nothing changes.
When he’s done getting cleaned up, he goes back into his room, getting followed by Mon. He hasn’t pet Mon all day, trying his hardest to keep his hands to himself. If it were winter, he could just wear gloves all the time, but since it’s summer, he would look strange. For now, he just has to keep himself isolated as much as possible. He doesn’t want that dream to come true.
It starts similarly to the nightmare. That by itself is enough to scare Tenko into realizing that it wasn’t just a dream, it was real. It will happen if he doesn’t act. At least, that’s how he sees it. There is no real middle ground.
It’s nighttime, and he’s playing in the backyard. Crickets and cicadas pollute the peaceful quiet, but Tenko has filtered them out. He’s never had much of a problem with bugs, but Hana always whines about being outside too much in the summer because the cicadas get on her nerves.
Mon has been even more pushy to play, ever since Tenko started to keep his hands to himself. The dog is always sticking a toy in Tenko’s face, or pawing at him whenever Tenko starts to turn away. It hurts, ignoring his best friend so openly. Tenko hopes Mon will forgive him. Maybe if Mon could understand him, he could explain his dreams— the visions that he might now believe are from the future.
Tenko let himself indulge tonight. Mon has been so sad, and Tenko is tired, not using the limited critical thinking skills a five year old is blessed with. Mon sticks a red rope in Tenko’s face where he’s sitting by the fence. The dog has it clenched in his jaw, growling softly as his tail wags at his owner. Tenko smiles softly, gently taking the rope and letting Mon tug.
He feels a shiver crawl up his back, involuntarily tensing his shoulders as he wiggles with discomfort. The cold, uncomfortable feeling inches down his arms, tingling at his fingertips and remaining there. He adjusts his grip on the toy, pulling it closer with one hand while the other scratches his arm. All five fingers are secure and solid on the rope, pulling it from Mon in a small game of Tug of War. Mon growls playfully again, snapping his jaws around the toy to adjust his hold as well. In that split moment where Tenko held on alone, he pulled it too far away.
Mon jumps on top of Tenko right as the boy feels the rope begin to crumble. It feels like ash in his hand. His eyes widen, the memory of his nightmare once again fresh in his mind. On instinct, he uses his knee to keep Mon away. The dog snaps at the red toy, but stops and yelps in confusion when it crumbles into Tenko’s lap.
It was real.
Tenko stares at the ash-like chunks in his lap. His vision blurs, but the images in his mind are crystal clear. Those chunks could have been Mon. It could be Hana, it could be his entire family.
Tenko chokes on a sob and doesn’t hear footsteps approaching.
“Ten? It’s time to come in, silly— hey, what’s wrong?”
Hana frowns as Tenko flinches. His wide, wild eyes glance up, and his tiny body trembles. She studies him, checking for some sort of injury. Instead, she finds her little brother… fine. Unscathed.
But then she looks closer. In his lap, there’s a pile of ash.
“...Tenko, what’s that?”
“M— ….My quirk.”
Hana’s eyes widen. It’s clear she doesn’t understand, but she’s scared nonetheless.
“I don’t understand, Ten. Why are you scared? You wanted a quirk, right? That way you can be the best hero!”
Tenko bites his lip. He takes a shuddering breath, eyes flickering between Hana’s face, his lap, and his hands. His vision blurs, and he flushes with embarrassment when his voice cracks.
“It… I just touched Mon’s toy and it… decayed.”
Hana gasps. Tenko bows his head, clenching his hands into fists.
“Oh, Tenko, it’s okay. We can get Mon a new toy! I’ll go tell mom and we can help you get better at controlling it!”
Tenko shakes his head. He knows it wont work. He can’t control it because it isn’t even his. How is he supposed to explain that, though? He can’t just tell his sister that his quirk was swapped at birth, she wouldn’t understand. No one would.
“I don’t… I’m not sure if it can be controlled.”
Hana doesn’t understand, as expected. She just shakes her head with an excited grin, running back inside with Mon on her tail. Tenko sniffles and stands, trying not to touch anything to get up.
Dinner is quiet. Tenko can hardly stomach his food, not that he’d be able to eat much anyway. He still has to use all of his fingers sometimes to maneuver his chopsticks correctly. He glances at his mother and withers under her knowing gaze. There’s a hint of excitement there, but Tenko can’t find any joy from the realizations hitting him over and over. The realization that his dreams were real, that his entire life is orchestrated for one corrupted man and his plan to dominate the world.
Tenko has a black backpack in his bedroom, stuffed with clothes and a toothbrush and toothpaste. He packed it one night after another night terror, the memories reappearing every so often in his sleep. He had been paranoid, and decided that he’d rather be safe than sorry. There are two pairs of gloves in the mesh side pocket usually used for a water bottle. He pulls one pair out, pinched between two fingers. It takes a while to slip both on, but once he does he feels safer. His arms itch, as they have for most of his life, but scratching them with gloves on feels more secure. He can’t hurt anyone now.
Hana knocks on his door, soft and to a rhythm they made up when Tenko was first moved into his own room. He turned to the door frame— he never had his own door —and swallows as Hana walks close.
“What are you doing, Ten?” Hana ruffles his short black hair. Tenko wonders if it’ll still turn blue.
He stays quiet for a while. Mon is resting at his feet, eyes pleading at his boy. It’s like Mon already knew.
“Running away,” He mumbles, and Hana shakes her head.
“No, you can’t! Are you crazy? Why would you do that!?”
Tenko’s hands shake. He pets Mon for what could be the last time, watching his fur stand up from the static created by his wool gloves.
“I have to. I’ll hurt you all if I stay. I know I will!”
He knows he sounds silly. He can’t explain it all in a more convincing way.
“I kill things just by touching them! I can’t control it, I can’t stay here if I’m such a hazard!”
Hana whimpers, hands locking onto Tenko’s shoulders. Her eyes swim with tears, and Tenko melts under his sister’s gaze. He can see her starting to understand.
“...Take care of yourself, Ten. Me and Mon will wait for you, okay? I won’t tattle this time.”
Tenko gasps with a sob, and he lets Hana wrap her arms around him. He curls into her, warmer than him, wrapping his arms around her back with his hands clenched into fists. Even with the gloves on, he’s careful.
“If I come home, I’ll—”
“When,” Hana pulls away with a wet grin, “When you come home.”
“...When I come home, I’ll be a hero.”
Hana nods, ruffling his hair once more. She picks Mon up, sticking his face close to Tenko’s.
“Give Tenko a kiss, Mon-chan,” Hana giggles as the dog wriggles in her grasp, licking Tenko’s tear-stained cheeks with mirth.
Tenko sniffles, stroking Mon’s head with two fingers again. The dog whines as Tenko shrugs on his backpack, and Hana puts him down on Tenko’s bed.
Hana watches Tenko with teary eyes. She gives him one more hug, crushing his ribs with her arms, then lets him leave.
The sidewalk is blurry as he walks down it. Tears streak down his face, but he knows he should be grateful. This is already progress, right? His family is alive. He swallows down the uglier sobs, trying to keep himself quiet. It’s probably near midnight, he shouldn’t wake anyone up.
In one of his gloved hands, his father’s switchblade is open. His fist shakes around it, foreign and dangerous in his possession. It’s just for safety. He probably won’t even need it.
Every sound around him sets him on edge. Tenko sneaks through the shadows, especially careful once he reaches the outskirts of a city. He tries not to look down alleys, scared of what he might find.
He runs on adrenaline, getting deeper and deeper into the city limits. His legs only start to ache once he spots the sun peeking up from the horizon, and even then he keeps going.
He doesn’t know where exactly he is, but he knows he went the opposite way of where that man found him. Maybe he can at least give himself more time this way.
When people start to walk down the streets, Tenko realizes he can’t walk much further. His stomach rolls with hunger, legs wobbling from exertion. He trips and falls on the concrete, halfway into an alley. He can’t bring himself to get up.
It’s cool under his cheek, and his eyes don’t sting if he keeps them closed. His legs don’t ache if he’s laying down. Tenko just needs time to rest his eyes. Then he’ll keep going.
The sound of footsteps passing by only stings a little. After a while it all fades away anyway. He can’t let his anger control him this time, no matter how unfair it all feels. He doesn’t want to kill. He’ll do everything he can to keep his hands to himself.
Tenko curls into himself, gloved hands resting on either bicep. He sighs softly, ears blocking out the sound of a woman gasping.
He can’t block out feeling her brush his shoulder, though.
Tenko tenses. He sits up, eyes wide. His eyes burn from the sun, but then a face shields him from the light.
A woman with green hair and wide, worried eyes.
“—Hear me? Are you—” He only catches small pieces of her words. Her voice is so soothing. Tenko rests his head on her shoulder.
She tenses for only a moment before wrapping her arms around him. Another pair joins in, but Tenko can’t even feel scared. Hands are in his hair, gently twirling a small tuft around a finger. He feels safe.
“What’s your name, kiddo?” A new voice says.
Tenko turns and finds another woman beside him. She has blonde spiky hair, and red eyes that are somehow gentle. Her and the other woman must be friends.
“...Tenko…” He lets himself be honest, though he knows he shouldn’t be.
“Tenko,” Green eyes capture his attention, “Where are your parents? What are you doing out all alone?”
Tenko swallows. If he tells the truth, they’ll bring him home. He can’t put his family in danger.
If he twists the truth, changes his reason why… maybe he’ll be safe.
“...Daddy said he wouldn’t hurt mommy if I weren’t around.”
He hears both women gasp. They glance at each other, then back at him. He doesn’t feel guilty for his lie.
It isn’t like he made it up. His father has told him that before.
“...Inko.” The blonde woman mumbles, like a threat.
“Don’t you do it.”
He watches the green-eyed woman swallow. She stares into his eyes and he sees something crumble.
“Do you want to come with us, Tenko?”
He watches the blonde try not to face palm.
Tenko and the women— Inko and Mitsuki, he learned, —eventually meet up with a man. He has brown hair and glasses, and Mitsuki kisses his cheek as she takes a baby carrier from his hands. Tenko’s first instinct is to try to peek inside, but he knows that’s disrespectful. He’s never seen a baby before, is all.
Now that he glances back at Inko, he realizes that she seems pregnant, too. Tenko wonders where the father is.
Tenko stands awkwardly to the side as Inko and Mitsuki explain the situation to the man. He seems gentle, much less threatening than his own father. Still, he flinches when the man holds out a hand for him to shake.
Tenko doesn’t take it. He tenses as he shakes his head, wondering if he’ll be corrected for his bad manners by these strangers.
Inko just rubs his back, and Tenko’s eyes open to see the man rubbing his neck anxiously. He can see his mouth working, most likely apologizing, but Tenko doesn’t hear it.
“What’s going to happen to me?” He asks Inko, who chews on her bottom lip.
“Well… I won’t take you home if you’re sure it’s dangerous,” Tenko nods immediately, and he sees her heart break through her eyes, “Right. Of course.”
Tenko doesn’t know why, but Inko takes him home with her. Her house is small, but comfortable. He feels safer here than he did with his father in the house.
He doesn’t ask about the lack of a man, or the child in her stomach. He gets a warm meal, a gentle bath, and a room that’s doubled as a nursery. For when she gives birth, he infers. He wonders if she planned to sleep in the nursery with the child for safety reasons. He doesn’t really know how babies work, but he knows they’re fragile.
“What’s your full name, Tenko? I need to know who your parents are if I want to help you.”
Tenko tenses. His hands, still wet under his gloves, shake in his lap. He wants to believe that she isn’t taking him back. She wouldn’t. Inko already seems kind, and he feels like he could trust her. She even let him call her by her first name!
“Um… Shimura. Tenko Shimura.”
Something like recognition flashes on her face. Then, dread.
She glances at her phone like it’s hiding secrets. She taps something into it, and then she gasps. Her eyes widen as she glances between Tenko and her phone.
“...Like… Nana Shimura? The hero?”
Tenko nods. He feels like the horror on her face doesn’t quite match her question.
“Oh, honey—” She pulls him across the couch into a hug, and he tenses. She cries into his hair, and he sits there wondering why.
“What’s wrong? What happened?”
Inko Sniffles, wide green eyes swimming with pity and empathy. She strokes his cheek, seemingly trying to collect herself.
“Your father… he—”
She swallows a strangled sound, choking on a sob. Tenko’s eyes widen with fear, but he doesn’t want to come to any conclusions. Much less that one.
He tried so hard. He ran away just to keep them safe.
Please, he thinks, please don’t tell me they—
“...They’re gone, Tenko. Your family is…—”
No.
He looks at her phone, open on a news article. A man, Kotaro Shimura, murdered his family and then himself.
This is His fault. Not Tenko’s. Not his fathers.
His.
All For One.
Even at five, Tenko knows that man is more childish than himself. He’s probably so angry that Tenko didn’t do it himself. It isn’t Tenko’s fault. Clearly, it would have happened regardless.
Still, Tenko feels at fault.
He sobs, scream-crying into Inko’s shoulder. His hands shake with how hard he clenches his fists. His eyes burn with tears, but they won’t stop. They’ll never stop. How is he supposed to fix everything if that man will just follow him everywhere? He’ll kill anyone that gets in the way. Tenko runs to the bathroom to vomit.
Inko will die, too.
She rubs his back, letting him cry into the toilet after flushing it, just in case.
He weeps, his tiny body shivering under the crushing weight of his own guilt. He thought he’d saved them. What can he do now? He can’t save his own family, how will he save his friends?
Inko lets him stay up and watch movies with her. He watches an animated movie about All Might, and he smiles with an odd sense of nostalgia. He’s always loved heroes, and of course All Might is the best. Still, the alternate-future-universe-memories mix with his, creating a weird twist in his stomach. In another life, he hated All Might because he was trying to stop his “master”. He feels queasy thinking about it. How could he ever go against such a noble man? All Might was trying to save the world, and Shigaraki was in the way.
Tenko mentally vows that even if All For One finds him again, he won’t join him. He’d rather die.
He falls asleep thinking about it. Inko lets him rest his head on her shoulder, and he feels her warmth soak into him as he drifts to sleep.