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Tamtey has been restless recently.
After being freed from her imprisonment, Ri’nela has forced Tamtey to stay with So’lek at his home camp and, consequently, is house-bound. The injuries Tamtey suffered were greater than she had realised at the time. Tamtey was struggling with drawing their bow and holding SID; their shoulder was dislocated when So’lek saved them. She is extremely grateful for being free, but being house-bound is frustrating her to no end.
It has been roughly two weeks now; So’lek has officially been taken as a Sarentu, and with each minute that goes by, Tamtey becomes more and more frustrated. She wants out. The RDA is still out there, the smell of ash still lingering in the air, making her sick. They’ve destroyed her home, they cast the Aranahe to the wind, and now they try to build what has been lost. She should be there with them, she should be out there with Nor, and finally be with her friend again. She should be with Etuwa and Ka’nat, helping the Tsahik and the Olo’yektan to bring the clan back from the ashes. Help those who helped her build their home once again.
But Ri’nela has been adamant that Tamtey needs to heal, and with Rasi backing her up, Tamtey has been left in So’lek’s home.
The flapping of wings can be heard. Tamtey snaps up, jumping from the spot she was sitting by the water inside So’lek’s home and runs to the entrance. So’lek is back alongside Teylam, Ri’nela, Nor and Rasi. She grins, running to Nor immediately and hugging him as tightly as she can. After months of searching, months of worry and singing to the Great Mother to bring him back home, Ewya has answered her and brought him back to them.
Tamtey lets him go, holding his face in between her hands, “Ma Nor, how are you?”
“I’m okay, Tamtey. I’m okay.” Nor’s laugh is welcomed; she had missed him dearly.
“He was reckless once again,” Ri’nela chimes in, coming to Tamtey’s right side and placing both hands gently on her shoulder, checking the bandages she had done earlier in the day.
Tamtey frowns, squeezing Nor’s shoulders, “Why do you insist on diving into danger, ma tsmukan?”
Nor groans, rolling his eyes in annoyance, but there is a smile on his face.
So’lek has moved to inside his home, motioning to Tamtey a simple “I See You.” Ri’nela squeeze Tamtey’s shoulder, and she hisses, cleaning her throat as she shakes themselves off the pain. Ri’nela tuts, shaking their head, “Your shoulder is still sore. Have you been resting it?”
Tamtey has not, while So’lek is out, she has been going to the top of the rock to practice their aim.
“I’ll take your silence as a no.” Ri’nela laughs, letting go of Tamtey and moving inside the home after So’lek to gather more herbs for the Sarentu.
She lets go of Nor, who goes after Ri’nela, and Teylan comes to Tamtey, practically skipping his steps; Tamtey laughs, stretching their arms to hold his hands.
“I found an old RDA facility, the old tech still intact. I was able to hack it and got so much more intel on what the RDA is doing!”
Teylan’s excitement is contagious. Tamtey laughs and squeezes his hand in understanding as they make their way inside, followed by Rasi, who observes them with fondness.
“You speak about RDA with such excitement, it’s shameful.” Nor’s voice breaks through the place; he’s with Ri’nela, who’s crouching near the cooking station as she grinds a few herbs.
Ri’nela hisses, shoving his shoulder. “Stop it, Nor.”
Teylan lowers his head immediately. His shoulders tense up, and he takes a step back, letting go of Tamtey’s hand as if his touch would poison Tamtey.
She snaps her head to Nor, her nose flaring up, and she shakes her head. “Why are you so mean to him, Nor? This is good! Teylan is helping us track down RDA so we can take them out.”
Tamtey can feel Teylan’s eyes on her, and she can feel the gratitude coming off of him. She reaches a hand out, squeezing his arm.
“He’s doing so by going against Ewya.” Nor rises from where he was crouching, the tension in the home rising to an unbearable level.
“Nor, please.” Ri’nela, always the mediator, pleads with their friend, forgetting the herbs momentarily.
So’lek, who was by the very back of the home scavenging for something, stands up and turns to them all, sighing heavily, but he does not speak.
“No! He stands against Ewya’s will. Look at him!” Nor’s voice rings out, taking over the space.
Teylan flinches, taking a step back in shame. Teylan, different from Tamtey, still wears sky people clothing made for Avatars. It was always hard for him to move away from those habits carved violently into all of their minds, but Teylan was not wrong for what he was doing; he had been trying to change.
“How dare you?!” Tamtey takes a step forward, the protective instinct lodged in her heart coming forward as she somewhat shields Teylan from Nor.
“How dare I?! How dare he!” Nor takes a step forward, nose flaring up defensively.
Tamtey's jaw tightens painfully, “How dare you lecture us?! You weren’t here!”
“Tamtey. Nor.” Rasi’s voice is soft, kind, and understanding, but the tension has risen, and one thing about both Tamtey and Nor is that once they start arguing, there is no going back.
In TAP, Tamtey and Nor would argue every so often, normally due to Nor’s recklessness and his nature of always rebelling. Tamtey never blamed him; TAP was their hell, and even Tamtey would rebel, but Nor was reckless while doing so. He would always end up hurt, and the argument always boiled down to Tamtey’s worry and the carnal protectiveness she always had within her. The arguments were ugly, but they always made up, understanding each other like no one else.
“Both of you, enough! Nor, you got no right to say what makes us Na’vi after what you’ve done!” Ri’nela’s face changes immediately after she speaks up, and Nor looks at her as if he has seen a ghost. Tamtey watches So’lek immediately tense up from the other side of the room.
She frowns and snaps their eyes between all of her family in confusion. Tamtey looks over at Rasi, and the older Sarentu looks just as confused as Tamtey and Teylan.
“What?” Tamtey’s voice has changed; the anger from before leaving her body momentarily.
“Ri’nela? What are you talking about?” Teylan sounds so small, so fragile. Tamtey reaches for Teylan, who takes her hand immediately.
Ri’nela opens her mouth, closing it shortly after. The Tsahik in training looks at Nor, who is so tensed up as if he’s about to explode on the spot; she shakes her head, shaking her head.
“Ri’nela, please.” Tamtey pleads, taking a step forward to her family.
She shakes her head once again, eyes closed, “It’s not my place to say.”
“No, you don’t get to refuse to answer me.” Tamtey’s voice is so desperate that it sounds like when she would plead with Nor to stop getting in trouble back at TAP. It’s small, childlike even.
She looks over at So’lek, who’s watching over the situation from the very back, body tensed up and eyes cast down, his jaw so tight as if he’s holding something back.
“So’lek, you know what this is about?”
Teylan comes closer to Tamtey, hugging her left arm tightly just like he did when Mercer would shout at them, reaching for some type of comfort. Tamtey puts a hand over his, reassuring him.
So’lek look over to Tamtey, and his eyes soften immediately; the man’s facial muscles twist into a series of different expressions like he’s thinking hard about something till it settles into determination.
“Nor, tell them.” So’lek’s voice is steady, and Nor snaps his head to him, groaning in annoyance.
But Nor does not speak, he looks down to the floor, shaking his head, but there is pride in his demeanour. Tamtey doesn’t like this.
“The Resistance attack, while you were trapped,” Ri’nela’s voice breaks through, small and so full of regret, “Nor was the one who led the RDA to its location.”
Teylan squeeze Tamtey's arm so painfully it will leave a bruise, but she doesn’t care; she just stands there, looking at Nor with wide eyes.
“What have you done?” Rasi steps forward, stepping in between Tamtey and Teylan with Nor and Ri’nela; like she’s forming a physical barrier between them all.
“I killed the weeds at its core.” Nor is full of pride when he speaks; he’s so proud of his words.
“Alma…” Teylan whispers, his voice is so small, like a child about to burst into tears.
“You killed them,” Tamtey whispers, but there is something else deep within.
“She took us from our home! She brought us nothing but pain!” Nor shouts, and Teylan violently flinches away from Tamtey, moving to crouch behind her like a shield.
Tamtey huffs, walking around Rasi filled with rage, “The Resistance was going against the RDA. You killed our only advantage!”
“Mawey Tamtey! Mawey!” Rasi takes a step forward, trying to hold Tamtey, but to no avail.
“You mourn the dream walker?!” Nor screams and takes a step forward, Ri’nela holds his arm, her face twisting into anguish.
Tamtey does not know. Her feelings towards Alma have always been complex. She adored Alma. During their time at TAP, Alma was the only kind human in that place, the only one who listened to them when they were distracted. Nor always resented her, but Tamtey always empathised with her. After the truth came out, the anger in Tamtey’s heart was poison, but with So’lek’s help, that anger did not take over her heart; Tamtey never forgave Alma, but did tolerate the woman.
But Nor takes her silence as confirmation.
“You mourn the one who took everything from us!” He’s becoming louder by the second, and with that, so is Tamtey.
Tamtey hisses at Nor, who hisses back.
“Enough!” So’lek shouts, but none of the Sarentu listen; they’re both too lost in their own argument.
Tamtey takes another step forward, Rasi places a hand over her chest, trying to keep her away from Nor; Ri’nela does the same with Nor as So’lek starts marching towards them. Teylan is panicking, Tamtey can hear his accelerated breathing, and the small sobs that leave him. Tamtey's anger intensifies.
“Aha’ri would be ashamed to call you her sister if she were here!”
The silence in the room that follows is deafening; a pin could be heard dropping. So’lek stops in his spot, Rasi snaps her head to Nor, like he has spoken something forbidden, Teylan’s sobs stop and Ri’nela gasps, letting go of Nor, as if he has burned her. And Nor’s face immediately falls, regret taking over him like poison.
Something breaks within Tamtey; the pain that fills her heart, her very soul, is like she has been shot. Aha’ri has always been a sensitive topic for her; the guilt that follows her, to this day, is something Tamtey will never be able to get rid of.
She knows Aha’ri will never grow old like she is. Aha’ri will never taste the food from the Aranahe. Aha’ri will never hear Nefika’s endless unsolicited advice that Tamtey adores so much. Ahar’ri will never meet Okul and their brilliant mind. Aha’ri will never meet the Zakru and the Zeswa. Tamtey knows that, and Nor knows that; and yet, he opens up that wound that never heals.
Tamtey hiss is violent; the knife she always keeps with her is taken out of its place. She moves in a haze, but So’lek is faster. So’lek knows Tamtey's weak points; he pushes Rasi out of the way, his hand immediately going to Tamtey’s right shoulder, where it's still sore. She screams in pain, the knife being snatched out of her left hand and thrown somewhere in the home. Tamtey feels her sense of gravity change, and she meets the floor surprisingly gently. So’lek is holding her down with just enough force not hurt her.
“Let me go!” Tamtey screams at So’lek, hissing violently like a Palulukan, and she watches the anguish in her friend’s face take over.
“He dares speak of Aha’ri! He dares!” Tamtey is inconsolable, even with her injured shoulder, she tussles around trying to break free, the pain keeping her conscious and determined.
Tamtey screams and sobs, but nothing is reaching her ears. So’lek is speaking, his mouth moves to form words in Na’vi Tamtey, who don’t want to understand. By the corner of her eye, she can see Rasi move to where Nor is behind So’lek, now out of her vision. She sees Teylan coming to her, his face taking her field of view alongside So’lek.
But Tamtey is a warrior; TAP made her into one.
With her left arm, Tamtey jerks her shoulder with immense force. So’lek, not expecting such a thing, is momentarily thrown off balance, and Tamtey takes the opportunity to break free. It’s painful because of her shoulder, but she rolls back, crouching on the floor and hissing at the people that are her family.
She watches them, the tears on her face making everything blurry. But she does see Ri’nela crying, pointing a finger at Nor’s chest like he’s a stranger, with Rasi trying to calm them both down. Teylan is also crying, but he’s in too much shock to acknowledge the tears streaming down his face. So’lek is crouching on the floor, staring at Tamley with so much pain, but there is also understanding in his eyes.
Tamtey groans, hissing at him, and she bolts. Someone calls her name, she thinks it's Nor, but it's so distant in her mind that she does not look back. Tamtey feels the air hit her face as she runs outside and immediately jumps off the edge, calling for Nimun, who catches her like second nature.
She doesn’t know where she is going; she just wants out. The air burns her eyes, the tears drying as fast as they come, and Nimun must feel her pain because the shriek the Ikran lets out is so full of pain it bounces around the air, taking place and definitely being heard all around the forest down below.
The flight is painful, she sobs against Nimun, whom she trusts dearly to keep her safe. Tamtey doesn’t know how long it has been, she doesn’t know where she is going, but Nimun does, because they land near a Tree of Souls. It’s not the same one where Etwua had taken her; it’s different, but there is a sigh of life; cloth and baskets from the Anahare are around the place, so Tamtey knows she’s safe.
She dismounts Nimun, leaning against her for support, “Tam tam Nimun.”
Tamtey walks to the tree, watching as atokirina seeds float around her like they know she needs them. She kneels by the tree, the tears never stopping.
“Is that you, Mother? Please, ma Ewya, it hurts so much.” Tamtey takes their kuru, connecting to the Tree of Souls and gazing up, watching the atokirina approach her.
“Ma Ewya, it hurts.” Tamtey taps their chest, right above her heart, and more tears come down her face.
“I do not wish to hate. I do not want this hate. How do I make it stop?” Tamtey pleads with Ewya; it’s pitiful, but she knows Ewya would never shun her away.
A sense of peace takes over, a small chill going over her whole body. The atokirima seeds have taken safe haven on her arms, bringing a sense of comfort.
“Tamtey.” The small whisper coming from behind her is deafening, but she does not turn around.
She removes her kuru from the tree, the seeds taking flight once again, and she stares into nothingness; the tears burn her face, carving their rightful place on her.
“It hurts so much.” Tamtey places both hands over her heart, looking down pitifully and shaking their head.
“I know it does.” So’lek sits next to her, hand reaching for her right shoulder tenderly. Tamtey hisses in pain.
“Forgive me,” So’lek whispers, taking a knife to remove the bandages.
Tamtey shakes her head, “I do not blame you.”
“I had to stop you from doing something reckless.”
“I know.”
“He regrets it. Deeply.” So’lek removes the rest of the bandages, stashing them away and taking a pouch, rubbing something on her shoulder that makes Tamtey relax immediately.
“Aha’ri…” A sob breaks out, stopping Tamtey’s words.
So’lek does not speak; he continues to rub Tamtey’s shoulder tenderly, like she’s about to break.
“Do not let this hate consume you. It’s poison,” So’lek’s voice is so much gentler than Tamtey has ever heard.
She turns to him, lips trembling pitifully. His face is bare, something Tamtey has never seen; So’lek always makes sure to keep a mask on, shield himself from people, but Tamtey has slowly been breaking those walls he has built over the span of 15 years. But this is the first time they’re fully down.
“So’lek, I do not want this.” She points to her whole self, shaking their head in pain.
“I know, ma Taytey. I know.”
Tamtey stares at him, the tears never stopping, “How do you make it stop?”
So’lek is silent for a long time, like he’s searching for the right words, “You don’t. The pain, grief, never stops.”
Tamtey open her mouth to argue, but So’lek just shakes his head, silencing her before speaking, “You learn how to carry on without those you care deeply about.”
Tamtey breaks, reaching for So’lek; she hugs him the best she can, her injured shoulder bringing her great pain, but in this moment, Tamtey wishes for nothing but comfort. So’lek is awkward, but he does hug Tamtey back, stroking her hair, softly calming her down.
“Thank you,” Tamtey whispers. The tears don’t stop, but they are less painful.
“Thank you,” So’lek whispers back, and Tamtey feels his face nuzzle the top of her head.
Tamtey is happy to stay like this, and they do stay like this till she calms down. Tamtey doesn’t know what this feeling is, but it's something deep within; she doesn’t call it hate, but it’s carnal and growing within her. She hates it, and she’s scared that it will consume her whole, but having the others with her will help. Of this she is certain: she’s not grieving alone, and she'll never be alone again.