Chapter Text
(Two-shot.)
Sage Ainsworth and Vani Ressell.
They were both arranging library books on their respective shelves.
Vani had decided to take the night shift, and when he arrived at the library, he realized that Sage had also had the same idea as him. They were surprised to find each other, exchanging surprised glances at seeing themselves in the same uniform and at the same time.
Although, neither of them found it awkward; it just wasn't what they had expected when all they wanted was to earn a little extra money to indulge their whims.
But that wasn't a great reason to start a conversation either. It was just a twist of fate, and only fate knew why it played with them this way when they were trying to get away from each other.
Sage chuckled as he wiped the cover of a book with a handkerchief, dusting it off and looking up at Vani, who was confused by the sound.
"Isn't it funny?" He finally broke the silence.
"What?"
"That we meet when we want to be furthest from each other."
Vani felt the bitterness in Sage's voice, as if the irony lingered, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.
He just shifted uncomfortably, feeling the tension gradually building between them.
"I don't know. I only came for work." He replied with feigned indifference, turning his back on him under the pretext of organizing some books.
Sage remained silent at that response, probably examining every detail of the situation.
"You always pretend you don't care."
The blond gripped one of the edges of the shelf, fiddling with the arrangement of the files.
"I simply don't care." He tried to stop the conversation, unable to bear listening to the other man trying to dig into his past every chance he got.
A deathly silence filled the air for a few moments, allowing his thoughts to slowly gnaw at him as he questioned his rudeness. He didn't want to act this way with Sage; he simply didn't know how else to act after everything they'd been through.
"You care, we both care. You're just ignoring it because you can't—"
"What are you getting at?" He cut, frowning as his fists clenched against his sides until they turned white.
Sage took a step forward.
But Vani took two steps back.
"Do you still remember when lending our chemistry notes was considered a betrayal of love?" He asked without much context, confusing the blond a little in the process.
"I'd rather not." His answer was simple, slowly relaxing in his position as he tried to find some coherent logic in this interrogation.
"And what about when we tried to run away from your house together because your mother was nagging you too much?"
Sage took two steps forward this time.
"I hate thinking about it."
And Vani took only one step back.
"In the end, we didn't make it because the police found you hiding in my room a few days after we 'escaped.'" He let out a nostalgic chuckle, fixing his gaze completely on the shorter boy.
"And then you apologized to my mother for worrying her," Ressell added bitterly. There was a certain longing in his tired eyes that made him avoid the other's gaze.
But even with the unexpected events that occurred, Sage had apologized hundreds of times between kisses for not being able to run away together.
Vani sighed.
They had too many anecdotes in which they were dramatic protagonists: the kind where they exaggerated every little thing as if it were the end of the world. Where jealousy was a daily occurrence and love entered like a suffocating explosion that overwhelmed anyone who looked at them.
And let's not even talk about their hormones.
The story they shared together would stay with them for the rest of their lives.
And Sage missed those moments as much as Vani did, even if the pain had been palpable in their pre-adolescent toxicity.
But they loved each other.
Vani still...
He shook his head a little and turned his back on him, focusing on the bookshelf instead of the truth.
"We were fifteen. It was normal to do stupid things." He said, diverting the topic from any dangerous ground that might drag them back to the same place.
"You're right, we were kids, weren't we?" He tilted his head, glancing up at a corner. "Too stupidly in love to do anything right."
The bitter tone returned to Sage's voice. He paused before continuing.
"Although I suppose if we had stayed together… you would have been stuck with me forever. And who wants that?"
Who wants that?
"I did."
He didn't realize when he said it; the words came out with an unexpected ease.
"Vani…" His name came out in a whisper that tightened his chest.
But that couldn't stop him. Nothing could have.
"I wanted to be stuck with you forever." He said, his expression sorrowful. "With you and your stupid, hypocritical sermons."
"I still love you."
The air thickened. Vani couldn't help but feel the heavy thump of his heart pounding in his chest, as if it wanted to escape through his throat.
"Don't say that." He pleaded, more as a beg than a command. He couldn't bear to hear him say he loved him if it meant reliving the memories.
"You keep avoiding the truth, Vani. Please, just listen to me."
Sage's voice was tinged with desperation as he repeated it.
Vani looked up into his eyes, his brow furrowed, but he couldn't hold them for long when all he found was that stupid gaze filled with love and longing.
"We're supposed to get over this, and this isn't making it easy."
"Get over it? How could I when I feel this way?" Anguish was etched on his face. "I can't get over you. I don't want to."
How could he keep doing this?
It only kept the wound from ever healing.
"I loved you, I love you now, and I feel like I'll love you for the rest of my life."
Oh.
He felt like he couldn't breathe.
Each declaration choked him, like an attempt to suffocate him.
He would never understand why someone like Sage had taken the time to look at him and love him despite all his mistakes. Sometimes, it all felt like a bad joke, trying to ridicule him every time he remembered it.
He clenched his jaw tightly, lowered his gaze, and let his hair fall like curtains to the sides, blocking any opening that would allow the other to see how sickened he was by all of this.
"You shouldn't love me."