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Humming out of key to himself, Sirius spreads jam on his toast, revelling in the small luxury. “Mumm...” he mumbles around the first bite.
Remus looks at him from the couch, absentmindedly pushing grey streaked hair away from his eyes. He laughs softly at the expression of pure joy on Sirius face.
Sirius’ eyes dart to Remus and a faint flush creeps up his face. “Wha?” he asks, mouth still full.
“Oh, nothing. You’re just making yummy sounds.”
Sirius swallows and the two share a secret grin, remembering a winter break long ago. “Well, it’s raspberry jam! You know I love raspberry jam!”
Remus raises an eyebrow and pulls his reading glasses down so he can look over the top of them, an action he knows goes straight to Sirius’ groin. “Why else do you think I bought it? And made you bread?”
Sirius grins and walks over, licking the last of the jam off his fingers in a slow and tempting way. “Because you looove me?” he teases. Sirius looks down at the blue-grey book Remus has always written in. Ever since they had first met in Hogwarts all those years ago. He bends down and slowly takes the book out of his lover’s hands.
The mood has changed in the room. Love tinged with want and need hang in the air, so strong Remus can taste it when he breathes in. His hands clench and unclench around the empty air where his diary used to be. It’s his lifeline. The one constant thing in his life, besides your lycanthropy, his inner voice hatefully adds. Remus opens his mouth, about to ask Sirius for the book back, if he would be so kind, but the other man pushes a finger in his mouth, a wicked gleam in his grey eyes. Remus tries to tell Sirius now is not the time with his eyes, but he steadily ignores it.
Sirius smiles and slowly slides his finger in and out of Remus’ mouth. “Moons... Come on, we haven’t played in sooo long!” he whines, punctuating his sentence with a lick of his lips.
Remus rolls his eyes and pushes Sirius away. “Oh, we haven’t? Then what exactly were we doing last week, while you were lying low at my place?” Remus asked with a quirk of his eyebrow.
A grin spreads across his face and Sirius climbs on top of Remus. “That, dear Moony, was catching up.” Hands run through dirty blond hair that has far too much grey in it and Sirius can see Remus trying to hold himself together.
Remus flexes his hands again, moving them closer and then farther away from Sirius. A line appears between his eyebrows and the light reflects off his glasses, hiding his eyes from view. He’s tense, shoulders stiff with trying not to touch Sirius. “We...we have th-things we should b-be doing,” he stammers, trying to control his body.
Sirius slowly takes the other’s glasses off, folding them up neatly and places them on the end table. One hand in Remus’ hair and the other cupping his cheek, he stares into almost-gold eyes.
He stays there, looking into those eyes for a long time. He sees pain, regret, sorrow and also love in them. But most of all he sees...fear. Is it fear of him? Sirius wonders, or fear of the unknown? Fear of their love or of the others? Fear of Voldemort, fear of dying?
“Pads...” an uncertain voice brakes into his reverie. “Is something wrong?”
“Huh? Oh, no... Not at all, I just find them somewhat hypnotic.”
“Find what hypnotic?”
“Your eyes. What are you scared of Remus?”
The question hangs in the air for a few moments and Remus closes his eyes, leaning into Sirius’ hand. “Loosing you again,” he whispers hoarsely.
Sirius smiles and leans forward, kissing his lover softly on the lips. “I can promise you that will never happen.”