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(Transcription and descriptions provided by 💖💖🔪🔪ME! Himiko~~!!🩸🩸💖💖)
(Camera ON! Lights ON!! Shigaraki and Dabi ON!!!)
Shigaraki: “Jesus what the fu—!”
Dabi: “Yo. It’s Dabi. Psycho said that she wanted to play a game with us. Something about ranking the hottest, most bangable heroes… Which I think is stupid, so instead, we’re going to play ‘Incinerate or Decay’.”
(Himiko here! I still HATE it when Dabi calls me ‘Psycho’! How do you think he would feel if I called him ‘Daddy Issues’??? What a dickhead!)
Shigaraki (He’s squinting btw because he DESPISES the light and/or might need glasses): “Right… You're lucky I like games. Otherwise, you’d both be dust on the ground.”
Dabi: “Huh, not two seconds in and he’s already losing. Thought you were better than that, boss.”
Shigaraki (Leaning forward in his seat. He’s doing his ‘yakuza boss’ pose again): “Listen, you piece of shit. I didn’t lose anything yet. I don’t even know the stupid rules to your stupid game.” (Ooooh, he sounds angyyyyy!)
Dabi (He’s shrugging. Did I mention they’re both sitting down in those two arm chairs everyone fights over??): “Rules are simple. Psycho (still hate, hate, HATE that nickname!) shows us a picture of a hero, and we decide whether they deserve to be Incinerated or Decayed.”
Shigaraki (Ugh, he’s doing that long dramatic pause thing he loves to do!): “...Sounds interesting. I’m in.”
Dabi: “Good because Toga’s showing us the first picture now. And… ew, it’s Mount Lady.”
Shigaraki: “Decay.” (Wow, he didn’t hesitate or anything!)
Dabi: “I actually agree with you, boss. Burning her would take too long. Plus, she’d probably complain about her hair getting frizzy or some shit.
Shigaraki: “So, that’s one point for me.”
Dabi: “We’re not scoring this.” (Btw, sorry about me talking here! Dabi was being stupid, so I just HAD to jump in.)
Himiko (ME!): “I think we should score this! It’ll be more fun!!”
Shiggy: “You hear that? She thinks it’ll be fun. And I always—“
Shiggy and Dabi in unison: “Let my people do whatever the hell they want.”
Dabi: “Yes, I know. (Loud sigh) Fine, we’ll do points. One to zero. Next!”
Shiggy: “... Who the hell is that?”
Dabi: “I… also don’t know who that is. You sure he’s a hero?”
Himiko (Hi again!): “That’s Manual!”
Dabi: “No, that’s a person.”
Shiggy: “Decay.”
Dabi: “Hey, you can’t choose to Decay him if you don’t know who the hell he is!”
Shiggy: “Why does it matter? He's a hero. He needs to be Decayed.”
Himiko: “I mean, he has a water quirk, so being Decayed is technically—”
Dabi: “Incinerate. Having a type advantage doesn’t mean shit when you’re up against my flames.” (Dabi’s narrowing his eyes and doing that freaky stare thing again. Honestly, he kinda looks like a feral cat. Or a feral possum.) “I’d cook that hero like a fish.”
Shiggy: “You don’t like fish.”
Dabi: “Doesn’t mean I won’t cook him like one.”
Shiggy: “That’s stupid and you know it. (Pause.) Then again, I like it when heroes get beaten by their type-weaknesses. Makes them look extra pathetic. Like a battle master boss losing to a team of level one grunts. So… sure. Why not? Incinerate.
Dabi: “Score’s one to one then.”
Shiggy: “It is, and I’ll still win. Toga! Next!”
Shiggy: “Oh, I know this one. Miruko. Bunny Hero. Her stats are insane.”
Dabi: “Sounds like someone has a crush.”
Shiggy: “If you mean that I’d like to crush her with my Decay, then yes, I do have one.”
(Sorry for the sudden squeal here. I was just sooo excited!! Shiggy has a crush on someone!!)
Shiggy: “It’s not like that, Toga, and you know it.”
Toga: “But making people bleed is the loveliest form of love!”
Shiggy: “I’m Decaying her. Not bleeding her out.”
Dabi: “Wow. How romantic. (He’s being sarcastic. Ughhhhhh🙄) I think she should be Incinerated. Because love sucks.”
Toga: “No, it doesn’t, you asshole!”
Shiggy: “Dabi, listen to me. If I Decay Miruko, do you know what she’ll be called postmortem? A dustbunny.”
(I was trying SO HARD to keep all my giggles in. Clearly, Shigaraki has NEVER been on Tweeter or he would’ve DEFINITELY never referred to Miruko as a ‘dustbunny’.)
Dabi: “... Shit, that’s actually pretty clever.” (My giggling stopped here. Abruptly, I might add. Because, seriously? Am I the ONLY person who goes on Tweeter???) “You still shouldn’t get to Decay her, but you were actually using that tiny brain of yours, boss.”
Toga: “Oh??? Is that jealousy I detect in your voice, Dabi? Maybe you’re the one who has a little crush!” (I was totally teasing here, btw. I’m 90% sure Dabi Incinerated his ‘crush bone’ when he was a baby arsonist.)
Dabi: “I have a grudge against her, Psycho. How dare she interfere with my fight against Endeavor.”
Toga (HUGE SIGH HERE): “I still can’t believe you only had eyes on Endeavor when both Miruko AND Hawks were there! Talk about priorities being twisted! If I were there, I would’ve totally loved to suck the blood out of both those hotties.”
Dabi: “That’s disgusting.”
Shiggy: “And gross.”
Toga: “Killjoys. Romance haters. Losers.”
Dabi: “Freak. Weirdo. Twitterpated numbskull.”
Toga: “Shiggy! Dabi’s using big, complicated words again! He knows I never finished high school and is rubbing it in!”
Dabi: “And I never finished middle school. So, what’s your excuse for your lack of education? Too busy drooling over roadkill?”
Toga (I’m suuuuuper pissed at this point! I almost stabbed Dabi!): “Shigaraki!!! Make him shut uppppp!”
Shiggy: “... We’re getting off topic. Miruko. Decay or no Decay?”
Dabi (Dramatic ass sigh): “Fine. She’s a Decay. But only if I get an Incinerate point for Hawks. It’s way too obvious that I can light that bird up like fried chicken. I can practically smell him cooking from here.”
Shiggy: “Deal. I didn’t want to touch that dirty pigeon anyway. So, that means the score’s still even, huh?”
Toga (I can’t believe that they didn’t let me show the ‘Hawks’ photo! He was bleeding in it! A lot!!!): “You guys are moving way too fast! Slow down and let me do my job!”
Shiggy AND Dabi (Seriously, why is it that they’re in sync for this?!): “You don’t have a job.”
Toga: “Shut up and look at the next pic!”
Dabi: “... Toga, I hate you.”
Shiggy: “I am so tempted to—(Long pause as Shiggy considers the photo) You know what? Fuck it. Decay.”
Dabi (Extremely angry glare): “Don’t you fucking dare, Shigaraki. Endeavor deserves to burn in the flames of my Hellfire. If you take this away from me, I will kill you.”
Shiggy (Ooooh he’s stirring the pot now!): “I’d like to see you try, loser. Fire-types have no effect against other Fire-types. You’ll just end up creating a giant inferno, and that’s more of a spectacle than a death. With Decay it’ll be easy. Clean. Endeavor will be gone, and no one will notice.”
Dabi (Standing up): “No one will notice? No one will notice?! Shigaraki, you dumb fuck, people should notice! It has to be a spectacle! It has to be big! Everyone has to remember Endeavor’s death because they have to remember what a shitty death it was! He has to be destroyed by my flames. ME! When I’m done with him, no one will remember Endeavor the hero. They’ll remember Endeavor, the pitiful failure who died by fire! (At this point, Dabi has somehow gotten onto the coffee table and looks down at Shiggy like he’s the king of the world… or a crazy person.) Endeavor is mine to kill, mine to burn, you don’t get to take that win away from me.”
(It’s quiet for a realllllly long time after this. Mainly because I was too surprised to say anything. But note how calm Shiggy is throughout all of this!! It’s honestly more disturbing than Dabi going into cuckoo mode.)
Shiggy: “... Fine. You can have your kill but—” (Shiggy slams his hand down on the table Dabi’s standing on. Like, super fast! I almost missed it! Also, HE USES ALL FIVE FINGERS!!!!)
(Dabi yelps-slash-grunts as the table disintegrates. He falls, obviously, but Shiggy catches him, pinkies out, by the lapel of his coat. It’s honestly extra cool and villain-y looking!)
Shiggy: “Don’t you ever look down on me again, lieutenant. Remember, I’m the reason we get to kill heroes. Whether that be by Decaying, Incinerating, or stabbing, you only have the opportunity to do so because you’re working for me. Is that clear?”
(Ooooooh, they are glaring at each other!!! 🤩🤩🤩)
Shiggy (He’s going super scary mode!): “I said, is. That. Clear?”
Dabi: “.... Crystal.”
Shiggy: “Good.” (He lets go of Dabi and sits back down) “...You know what? Having thought about it, defeating Endeavor with fire would be pretty fucking funny. Ironic. So, I’ll let you kill him.” (Creepy smile activated!) “No need to thank me.”
Dabi (Makes a tch-ing noise as he brushes wood dust off his coat): “Whatever. Just don’t touch me again, boss.”
Shiggy (His creepy smile gets even wider and creepier!): “Fine.” (And then, clearly mocking Dabi) “Whatever.”
Dabi (He makes an extremely loud and even more obvious tch noise): “We finished here, Psycho? Or are there any other heroes left on your stupid list?”
Toga: “Wellllllll, I do have one final pic. Buuuuuuuuut! The Endeavor round was so exciting that it feels like a huge waste to end the game on a boring note.
Dabi: “Just show it. I doubt we’re ever playing this again.”
Shiggy (Rolling his eyes): “You wound a man’s pride one time—”
Dabi: “Toga! Show it!”
Toga: “Fine, fine! Without further ado… Tadah! Here it is!”
(There’s a looooooooong silence as I show the grand finale pic. Honestly? I should’ve made Endeavor last, but I thought it’d be funny if I showed a super old hero and made Shiggy and Dabi all confused and stuff!)
Shiggy: “…. pass.”
(I was sooooo surprised here!!! I almost dropped all my knives!!)
Dabi: “What?”
Toga: “Huh?”
Shiggy: “Pass. You can’t Decay someone who's already dead.”
Toga: “Yeah, but… Hypothetically, if she was still alive—”
Shiggy: “I’d still pass. She’s…”
(Shiggy’s voice trails off as he continues to stare at the photo. It’s almost like he recognizes the old hero.)
Shiggy: “Different.”
(With that, Shiggy suddenly stands up and leaves. Fucking leaves! The nerve of the guy!!)
Toga: “H-hey! Shigaraki!! Get back here! The camera’s still rolling! What do you mean by ‘different’?!”
(The camera gets knocked over as I chase Shiggy down. Can you believe that the guy gets Kurogiri to open a portal to his room? AND he doesn’t answer my question? How totally not cool and rude of him!)
Dabi: “Seriously? A temper tantrum? For one boring, dead hero?” (Dabi looks down at the picture. I thought the hero I picked was super cute! Plus, her Float quirk reminded me sooooo much of Ochako-chan!)
Dabi: “And you call me a ‘Drama King’.”
(Screen cuts to black. THANKS FOR WATCHING!!!!❤️❤️❤️🔪🔪🔪🩸🩸🩸)